{From all of this pessimisy you said. Miscommunication. Miss, you got me waitn', and I'm shaking. Emotions, dislocated.}


*Gerard's POV* (12:31)

I've been up, for about ten or so minutes just thinking about last night when I hear movement from one of the guys.

"Ger-" My friend started to say, before he yawned, it sounded like Frankie. Looking at Frank, he asked me while noticing Mikey and Ray are still sleeping, so he whispered enough for me to still hear, "Gerard, how long you've been up?"

"Uh, I would say about ten minutes.. My cellphone is dead, and I'm too lazy right now to actually know the time." I stated.

"Hey, I was wondering about last night.. Ray he um, told me that you use to burn yourself?" Frank sounded unsure, like he didn't want to upset me. I hesitated to tell him, he tells Mikey almost everything tell him.

"C-Come on, let's go to the k-kitchen t-to talk t-then.." I was still in my skinny jeans and black sweater, I never changed yesterday. Nor did the guys.. I quickly stood up off of the floor, I slept near Frankie while Ray slept on the other couch near Mikey. Frankie stretched his arms before following me into his kitchen. As soon as we both sat down across from each other, he asked me, curiosity hidden inside his eyes.

"So is it true? I know Ray doesn't lie, and I never thought you would do something like that to yourself.." I coughed nervously, before confessing to one of my best friends. I hate telling people about this topic. Only Ray and Frank knows... Well, I think Mikey was listening to Ray and I last night, so he might..

"Y-Yeah, i-it is... I wasn't r-really thinking I guess.. I d-don't, I just-" I heard people softly talking in the living room, then started to hear footsteps coming to the kitchen to Frank and I. I finished my sentence, mumbling so if it was Mikey, he couldn't figure out what I said.. "Ijustwantedtofeelpain..." Frank nodded a little bit, letting me know he understood. I heard Ray's voice, then noticed Mikey standing behind him with a smile on his face.

"Something good happen to you Mikey?" My brother glanced down on the kitchen floor, before answering me.

"No, I just.. woke up happy today that's all." I never knew my brother could just wake up happy, ever. 'Maybe just a nice dream..' I managed to finally think. I kept thinking about the conversation with Frank, well short conversation.. I tried to think why, why would I burn myself? I just, now.. I think it's stupid what I did, I still have scars from it. That's why I wear longer-sleeved shirts or sweaters, and darker as well. I always expect the worst, people finding out about what I did to myself. Especially my parents.. I feel like I let them down, and they would disown me or some shit like that, because I don't think they want to know that they have a son who used to burn himself. I'm the older one, I'm supposed to be a leader for my lil' bro..

"Gerard! Are you coming or what?" I looked towards where my name was called, at Ray.

"Going where?" I hate getting deep in thought, and missing the conversations of my friends.

"We're going to walk to the local music store, you wanna come with? Unless you want to stay here alone, hm?"

"C'mon, let's go. You got money? Why we going, to buy Frank more picks for his guitar?" Frankie exclaimed at me,

"It's not just a guitar, Gerard! 'The guitar's' name is Pansy!" He air-quoted, the guitar while trying to tell me it's not just a guitar.

(40 Minutes Later)

All of us were walking on the sidewalk, it was actually a wide sidewalk. So we all could walk side by side each other. Ray was on the edge though, closest to the rushing cars. Next was me, then Mikey, and finally Frank.

Ray and Frank went into a thrift shop, while Mikey and I waited outside. He didn't want to go in, and he knows I stay try to with him if he's alone.. We're currently leaning against the thrift shop's glass window, Mikey keeps on pushing me about what I said to Ray last night. So, he did hear us..

"Gerard, please tell me about the burning thing.. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Mikey, don't. You don't need to hear about it." I sternly told him, but no. He continued to bug me about it.

"Why? What's so bad about it that I don't need to know about? Who will I tell? Ray knows.. I won't tell Frank." At least he doesn't know that I told Frank, at least not yet.

"Shut up." I hissed at my brother. I didn't want him to know, why does he keep pushing? It's fucking so simple to realize that I don't want to talk about.

"Fine, at least I can talk about my problems." He told me, with rage slithering in his voice. I walked away, my eyes glancing to make sure Ray nor Frank saw me.. Fortunately, they were both still in the thrift shop. I was still in voice range, when I stated,

"I'll see ya later Mikey, ..maybe."

"Wait, Gee hold on-" I kept getting more annoyed at Mikey... I didn't want to, but, I just.. was.

"Mikey, wait for Ray and Frank... Don't tell them about this miscommunication though. I don't want to talk about it, why can't you understand that?" I ran off before I could hear anything else from my younger brother, although I did hear him call my name but not following me. I think he finally gets it, to leave me alone, and not talk about a certain topic.

---

It has to be at least 6:00 PM, I don't know.. My cell isn't charged, don't have money except a couple of dimes. I don't need food, I can wait right? Yep.. I zoned out of the moment, thinking about earlier with Mikey.. I might've snapped at him, but he deserved it. He wanted me to talk, and I didn't want to. He kept pushing, I snapped. Fuck man, it's going to get dark soon, and colder.. I only have a sweater and skinny jeans on, no bonfire tonight.. Although, Mikey probability called mother already and told her what happened.. Could they be looking for me, right at this moment? I'm just sitting here, in this alley, thinking.. While they could and might be looking for me...

Suddenly, a woman came towards me. I stood so quickly, I didn't know what to do, so I just.. stood..

"Who you?" Poor social skills? That's not even a sentence.

"Gerard.. why?" Or maybe she didn't have a good education? I think that could be it.

"My alley. Not yous." Curiosity filled me.. Why would somebody think it's only theirs, it's fucking public not private.

"This is a public alley, anybody can come here. Not only you." The crazy-looking lady rose her voice at me.

"No! My alley, not yous!" She added in, "Go.. shoo!" She took off one of her dusty, torn-up shoe and threw it at me. It hit my arm while I blocked it from hitting my face, I have fast reflexes sometimes..

"Okay lady, buh-bye!" I scooted past the crazy woman, man.. If she was trying to scare me, it didn't work at all.. That miss got me waitn' to be scared of her.

I must've been walking around down town for multiple hours, my feet are so fucking sore.

My teeth started to chatter, I felt like the night air kept getting colder and icier. My teeth rarely chatter, only when it's supper cold out..

My hands started to shake, so I squeezed them in my small skinny jean pockets.

I started to overthink, about my emotions towards my brother today. I didn't mean to snap at him, or tell him to shut up. I just don't know why he didn't get that I don't want to talk about me burning myself.. Don't know.....

I just want to read my mind, I feel like I can't most of the time. Maybe my emotions are dislocated?

Notes

So, if you haven't searched pessimisy yet, here; (Def. of pessimisy that I used for this chapter: One who always expects the worst.)
I'm kind of surprised on how long I'm writing these. I thought they were going to be kind of short, because I'm only using a couple of verses at a time.
Thanks if you have subscribed! Don't forget to rate/comment! (Tell me if you listen to Get Scared! I would love to find more fans and talk about them, if you don't want to talk about them on messages.. I'm on instagram & twitter. Instagram as @tonilynn_gold and Twitter as @Toni_Imagine so yeah. Heh..)
Stay happy, not crappy. Life's a bitch, don't quit! (Yesh, Johnnie Guilbert's quote! <3)-Just wanted to write his quote. Hope ya'll having a good day and night. :3

~Fire (Thanks if you support my writing and/or even just read this! Love you my furry friends. ;) Keep Running, Killjoys.)