"Hey, Gee," Frank says, sitting down next to me. The hood of his silver jacket is up over his tussled hair and he has on two pairs of gloves, his skeleton pair and a pair of navy blue ones that match the color of his shirt. "Happy to be back at school?" He asks. I groan in response and Frank lets out a laugh, his breath turning to steam in the January air. "Me, neither."
LynZ sits down next to me and sets her head in my lap without a single word. She looks pretty today, with a maroon cable-knit sweater, a short black skirt, black thigh-high socks, black high-top Converse, and her black canvas coat. She looks about ready to cry, and I feel the exact same way. I'm not ready to face what inevitably will happen when we get into school.
"What's wrong, Lyn?" Frank asks and I run my fingers through her hair. As I learned, it helps calm her down.
"I am so effing scared for today," she says, her voice a quiet whimper. "I don't want to face this again. I can't handle it."
"Oh, I forgot about that," Frank says and bites his bottom lip in thought. "Do you have the picture?" LynZ shakes her head in my lap and sits up, instead burying her face in my shoulder.
The school bell rings and Frank stands up, wiping the frosted dew off of his butt. I start to get up but LynZ claws at my arm, keeping me next to her. "We need to go inside," I protest and she whimpers.
"I can't go inside, Gee," she cries as I sit back down. "I can't. I tried to kill myself because of this the first time around. I literally cannot do it again."
"LynZ, there's nothing to be afraid of," I say. "It was one kiss at midnight on New Year's. So what?"
"Yeah, but the guy I kissed happens to be A) two years younger than me, B) Mikey Way's brother, and C) not my boyfriend," she argues stubbornly. "Can we just skip homeroom, at least? I won't have to face Hayley, then. She was the worst one last year."
"LynZ I-Have-No-Idea-What-Your-Middle-Name-Is Iero, you can do this," I tell her and earn a small laugh from my cluelessness of her name. "You're strong and I will stand by you the entire time. And, honestly, you shouldn't give a damn if they do call you names and here's why: it's high school. You'll go to college and no one will remember this. Okay?"
"Grace," she says quietly. "My middle name is Grace."
"Well, there you go," I say and stand up, offering her my hand. Frank is still standing next to us and gives me a strange look as LynZ takes my hand and stands up.
She exhales heavily and says "Alright, let's crush this bitch." Frank and I smile and she lets out a breathy laugh.
As soon as we walk into homeroom, LynZ is practically cornered by Hayley. "So, you're still a whore," Hayley spits at her and LynZ takes a deep breath, standing up straighter.
"Yes, I am," LynZ says, looking straight at Hayley. "We already knew this information."
"Who's the guy?" Hayley asks. Frank grabs my hip and pulls me back a bit, preventing me from advancing on Hayley. "It's definitely not the same guy it was last year."
LynZ looks up and at Frank and me before saying "Why does it matter? It was one kiss at midnight on New Year's."
Hayley rolls her eyes and says "We'll find out eventually." She sits down in her seat and LynZ, Frank, and I sit down in our own seats.
The whole day, the only one who's teased is LynZ. No one can tell that it's me, mainly because my face is hidden by a shadow that seems suspiciously convenient. It makes me wonder if someone edited it that way, or if that shadow is really there.
Later that day, LynZ, Frank, and I are hanging out at my house, for a change. We're camped out in the bedroom, our homework long forgotten. "Mikey shouldn't be home for a while," I say. "So we'll be fine."
"Okay," Frank says. "That's cool."
"How the hell is your face not in the picture?" LynZ asks. She takes out her phone and pulls up the picture, passing it to Frank and me. Sure enough, you can't tell that it's me. LynZ is in the light, clear as day, but you can only see my body.
"That's weird," I say. "I wonder if someone edited it."
"The only person who had this before today was Ray," LynZ laments. "He wouldn't edit you out."
"Unless he would," Frank says and LynZ scoffs, dismissing his theory. "No, hear me out here. He wanted revenge on you because you quote-unquote 'cheated' on him. He had nothing against Gee. In fact, he kinda liked him when they met that day when Mikey attacked you."
"Really?" LynZ asks, looking at me. "Interesting."
"Yeah, they got along; more than I thought they would," Frank says. He shrugs and, trying to change topics, says "So, you and Ray are a done deal?"
LynZ nods, picking at a scab on her knee. "I broke up with him on the 1st."
Frank winces. "Ouch. That's a way to kick off the new year."
"Yeah. Was it heartless? Maybe. Did I feel bad after I did it? Kinda. Was it for the best? Absolutely," LynZ says. She looks around the bedroom and adds "Why do you and Mikey still share a room?"
"We're really close. Well, we were really close," I explain. "And we just haven't ever moved either of our stuff into the spare bedroom."
"Is it weird, being in the same room as your brother all the time?" Frank asks.
I shake my head. "Not really. Sometimes, I'll walk in on him talking to himself or something but that's about it."
"Ever walk in on him masturbating?" Frank asks and I groan.
"Jesus, of course not!" I cry. "My eyes would've melted out of my skull if I have."
"Gee, where's your bathroom?" LynZ asks suddenly, standing up from her place on my carpet.
"Down the hall, on the right," I tell her and she stands up from her place on my carpet and leaves the room.
As soon as my bedroom door closes, Frank lunges forward, grabbing my wrist. "Alright, confession time," he says and eyes the door. "LynZ told me the reason why she and Ray broke up."
"I was there for the phone call," I tell him.
"Yeah, but you only heard LynZ's side of the conversation," Frank argues. "She told me about the whole thing. And it involves you. Oh-ho, does it involve you!"
"It does?" I ask.
Frank nods and leans closer to me, lowering his voice to a whisper. "She broke up with Ray so that she could be with you," he tells me. "Even though there's, like, a negative 2% chance of that happening..." He trails off when he sees my face. "The percentage isn't that small, is it?"
"Not... Really," I say and wince, anticipating a backlash.
Frank nods and climbs across my bed to get to the wall. He presses his ear to the wall and, when I start to ask what he's doing, he presses his index finger to my lips and shushes me. He looks at me and gestures for me to put my ear to the wall as well. I put my ear up against the wall and Frank pulls away, a slight shuddering going down his spine. I plug my other ear to better hear whatever he wants me to hear.
A moan comes through the wall and I jump back, staring at the wall. "Is she...?" I whisper and Frank purses his lips.
"I think so," he says and I continue to stare at the wall. Holy. Freaking. Shit. "Shut up and listen," he instructs me and, after a minute, adds "Don't get too aroused, if you get what I'm saying."
I press my ear to my wall again, my hands balling up into fists with nervousness. "You know, Frank, maybe we shouldn't do this," I counter, pulling away. "It's an invasion of her privacy."
"You're right," Frank says and hangs his head.
Then, LynZ's phone starts to emit Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son. "Oh, shit, her phone's ringing," Frank says and a shit-eating grin crawls onto his face. He tosses the buzzing device to me, saying "Think fast!"
"You want me to answer it?" I ask and immediately toss it back to him.
"Go give it to her, dipshit!" Frank says, once again tossing me her phone.
"She's in there, feeling herself!" I argue. "I can't do that!" I clutch her phone to my chest, knowing we don't have much longer to argue.
Frank pulls me up from my place on the edge of my bed and pushes me towards my door. "Go give her the goddamn phone, Gerard! C'mon, grow a pair!" He stage-whispers.
"Fine!" I quietly spit at him and go to the closed bathroom door. I knock on it as the phone falls silent in my hand. "Hey, umm..." I swallow and say "Your phone is— was— ringing."
After a few seconds of silence, the door opens and LynZ takes the phone out of my hand. "Thanks," she says and goes back into my bedroom, placing herself on the floor. "Oh God, it's Ray." She groans as I close my door back and exchange a look with Frank behind her back.
"Hi, Ray, what do—" LynZ starts but she's quickly cut off. She looks up at Frank and me and says "Yes, this is she." She moves up onto my bed with me and holds my hand tightly. She nods a few times, seemingly numb by whatever Ray's telling her. Maybe it's not even Ray; I'm not sure. "Oh...okay. Wednesday, right? Okay. Bye." Her hand drops from her face and she stares wordlessly at me.
She swallows hard and, with her voice shaking, says "That wasn't Ray, that was his mom on his phone. Umm... Ray's dead."
"What?" Frank and I exclaim at the same time. Ray's dead?
"Yeah," she says quietly. "He got in a car wreck last night and he was hanging on until about an hour ago. She said that his funeral is Wednesday and she wants me to bring you guys."
"Oh my God," I whisper. "I... I just..."
"Oh God, this sucks," Frank says and wraps LynZ in a bear hug. He places a small kiss in her hair and her shoulders shake as she cries silently. He gives me a sad look and places his chin on LynZ's head.
We hear the door open downstairs but none of us get up. I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and she moves backwards until she's sitting in my lap. Frank lets go of her and she turns so that she's facing me and buries her face in my neck instead.
The door to the bedroom opens and Mikey says "I am so tired, I just—" He stops himself when he sees LynZ and Frank and he asks "What's with the pity party?"
"Ray Toro got in a car wreck," I say quietly and LynZ lets out a heart-wrenching sob that shakes her whole body. "And he just passed."
"Oh," Mikey says and quickly crosses the room. He sits down on my bed with everyone else and, with a lack of a hug-buddy, pats LynZ shoulder. "It'll be okay."
LynZ cries out and shrinks away from Mikey. "Don't touch me!" She pleads and Mikey pulls his hand away, a confused look on his face.
"Sorry," he says quietly and runs his hand through his blond-dyed hair.
"What was that?" Frank mouths to me, eyeing his sister.
"I don't know," I mouth back, running my hand down LynZ's back. I shush her aloud and say "LynZ, you'll be fine. Ray's in a better place."
"I know," she sobs, hugging me tightly.
Frank furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth, as if to say something, but closes it. He sighs and says "Let's just skip on Wednesday, okay? Won't have to worry about school."
LynZ pulls away and sniffs, nodding. "Okay," she says and wipes her eyes on the back of her hand.
Frank looks at me, then at LynZ, then at Mikey. "We should probably get going," he says quietly and takes LynZ's hand.
"Bye, Gee," LynZ says, placing a small kiss on my cheek. Mikey's eyes widen behind me and immediately narrow and I swallow nervously.
The moment the Ieros leave, Mikey exclaims "It was you!"
"What?" I ask, feigning ignorance.
"Don't play dumb! It's you in that picture with LynZ!" He accuses and I tug on the collar of my Smashing Pumpkins shirt.
I roll my eyes and say "Yes, okay, it's me. I'm not seeing the problem."
"You're the person," he mumbles, crossing over to his side of the room. "Holy shit."
"You can't tell anyone," I plead, trying to keep my voice steady. "LynZ has this panic attack this morning because she didn't want to face Hayley and her slut-shaming."
Mikey nods and says "For the record, I'm still utterly pissed at you for going behind my back and hanging out with them."
"Why don't you want me to? And don't give me that 'LynZ'll trigger me' bullshit. I want a straight answer," I say.
"That is why!" He cries. "God damn it, Gerard, why won't you just listen to me?"
"Mikey, I want a real answer," I say. "Then, I'll drop it."
"I can't give you a real answer!" He exclaims and loses his angry façade for a split second. His face falls into a sort of 'oh shit' look, like he just said the completely wrong thing.
"Why can't you?" I ask quietly.
"I literally cannot tell you," he says after a moment and quickly leaves the room. I hear the bathroom door slam shut and take advantage of my situation by pressing my ear against at the wall.
"Hey," I hear him say through the thin wall. "Gerard's asking about... The Thing. Can I tell him?" After a second, he goes "Okay! Damn! That's a no!" What thing are you talking about?! I want answers, God damn it! I think as Mikey says "Well, no, he didn't directly ask but he's wondering why I don't want him hanging around LynZ." After a short pause, he says "Madeline. You know who I'm talking about."
That's right— LynZ's name is Madeline. So, he's definitely talking about her. "So, what should I tell him?" Mikey asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. I press up harder against the wall, trying to hear better. "I can't tell him that! He'll hate me!... Shut up, Vic. Quit laughing... This isn't funny!... Okay... I'll do that. Thanks. Later."
What, in the name of God, can't he tell me? What happened in the one and a half years I was at the hospital?

---

*Two Days Later*
"I still can't believe he's gone," LynZ says quietly, sitting down in the grass next to Ray's freshly covered grave.
Frank puts his arm around her shoulders and says "I know; it's crazy."
"I feel like such an ass, breaking up with him a week before he died," she says, reaching up for my hand. I sit down next to her and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her hair is black now, and I figure that she dyed it last night.
"You didn't know that he was going to die when you broke up with him," I tell her, hoping that she won't cry. It doesn't seem possible for her to cry anymore tears, but LynZ's been a wreck today. Then again, I sort of do want her to cry, just so I can comfort her. Is that sad? "You're not an ass."
"Just don't worry about it," Frank says. "You didn't cause the wreck. It's not your fault."
After a moment of silence, she whispers "I wonder what he was thinking about. The moment before he died."
"I always thought that your life would flash before your eyes, but only the important parts. Like, when you meet the love of your life and when you have your first kid, things like that," Frank says.
"I like to think that death comes for you in the form of your favorite memory," I contribute to the depressing conversation. "For me, that would probably be my dad taking me and Mikey to the Macy's Day Parade when I was really little."
"I wonder what-slash-who came for Ray," LynZ says, giving me a look. She hesitates a bit and says "Frankie would probably come for me, 'cause he really helped me last year."
"Oh, Lyn," Frank coos and hugs her. "I'm not sure who would come for me."
"Sweet Pea," I mumble and Frank laughs.
"Freaking Sweet Pea-ter would come for me," he says and LynZ laughs for the first time in the past few days.
"Gee, I want to show you something," LynZ says, shaking her brother off of her. She stands up and wipes a bit off dead grass off of the butt of her black jeans. She takes my hand again and leads me away from Ray's grave, to the children's section of the cemetery.
"You literally cannot tell anyone I'm showing you this," she says and quickly finds a certain small headstone. It's a soft gray color and has a glass ashtray half-buried in the dirt in front of it. Carved in it is Lindsey Ann Ballato~ May 21, 1998-December 15, 2001. LynZ takes a deep breath and sits down as close to the marble headstone as possible. "Hey, Linds. It's Maddy. I brought a friend today. This is Gee," she says and gestures for me to sit down. I sit and LynZ says "Say hi, Gee."
"Hi, Lindsey," I say and lick my lips.
"Okay, so here's what happened," LynZ says and turns towards me and takes both of my hands in her's. "Almost 18 years ago, I was born in Paramus, New Jersey. I had a sister— a twin; Lindsey. Lindsey technically was my little sister, so we were very close and I was very protective of her. Then, she contacted pneumonia, which is fatal to small children. And it was to Lindsey. I took her name so that I could feel closer to her, but spelled it differently to show that I'm still my own person."
"Oh my God," I mumble and look at the small gravestone. "LynZ—"
"I come and talk to her sometimes," LynZ admits, looking at her sister's gravestone with me. "Just... About life, you know? It's nice to just talk and not have anyone really hear you."
I nod a bit and, after a moment, whisper "Would it be horrible if I kissed you right now?"

Notes

Please don't kill me...