This Never Meant Nothin' To Ya'

We only have 2 more shows before a few days of break. I'm still kind of sulky. I'm not trying to be, but it's kind of hard to be happy. Even if it's for my best friend.
We have been traveling since last night but now I can feel the bus take a turn and then lurch to a stop. I pop my head up from where it was resting on the table and look out the window. We have appeared to have stoped in the parking lot of a medium sized arena. Yay. Another night of watching Gerard dance and show off, knowing I can't have him.
He's sitting across the table from me and as I lay my head back down, he takes a drink from his water bottle.
"Hey, we're going into town. You wanna come?" Ray asked gestering to himself, Mikey and Bob.
"No thanks, I'm gunna stay here and watch a movie" Gerard said.
"Yeah, me too." I hadn't watched a movie with Gerard in a while. We used to do it all the time. I just wish we could go back to the times when Gerard wasn't dating LynZ and I didn't have to try so hard not to straddle his hips and start making out with him. The temptation is strong.
After the guys had left, Gerard grabbed his water bottle and went to choose a movie to watch. He put one in the player and "The Conjuring" started playing. He sat down on the couch and I went over and sat down next to him.

About halfway through the movie, Gerard told me he had to pee so he paused the movie. I waited patiently for him to come back. My mind wandered to my own desires. I thought about Gerard. Gerard's perfect hair, Gerard's perfect body, Gerard's perfect hands, Gerard's perfect lips. His lips are perfect. He always tastes really good to. Of course I haven't kissed him since the beginning of the Black Parade tour. We are now toward the end of Black Parade. But, he is a really good kisser. I really miss the taste of his lips.
I turn my head to where he was sitting before and my eyes lock onto his water bottle that he left laying on the couch seat. I remember how he is always squemish about other people germs on his stuff and I start giggling. I grab the water bottle and as I'm screwing the top off, Gerard walks out of the bathroom.
"Frank! Don't! Stop!" He pleads as I take a gulp of the clear liquid. My eyes widen in horror. Well, it is clear liquid, but it sure as hell isn't water!
"G-Gerard, this isn't water."
"I know." He hangs his head.
"This is Vodka Gerard. I thought you were better than this! You know you have a problem!"
"I know! I'm sorry! It... It helps with- you know how it is.
"You can't just drink away your problems Gee! You've proved that to yourself before."
"You- Your right. I'm sorry. I'll stop." He says in resignation.
"Good! I'm not going to have you screw up your life again right after you just got it sorted out." I cross to the kitchen sink and pour out the liquid. Then, after watching to make sure he sits back down instead of searching for more alcohol, I go lay down in my bunk, hoping I can get a nap in before the show tonight.
"You won't tell anybody right?" Gerard calls from the living room.
"You won't do it again right?" I call back. I hear a mumbled "yeah" from his direction. Thank God!
Something that a lot of people don't understand about me is how my emotions work. I go from "oh my god I have to help!" To "oh my god that was horrible!".
Well, I at the horrible part. I hate the idea that my best friend and love is hurting." Tears start leaking out the corners of my eyes. The things he said yesterday made me think that he was going to be okay. Gerard has always been far from okay.
"I'm happy" my ass.

Notes