The Light Behind Your Eyes

Gerard’s P.OV
*Friday morning*

I woke up blinded by the sun hearing Mikey bang on my door telling me to hurry up. I had kept my word to Mum saying that I’d spend Wednesday and Thursday night with her and now I was allowed to spend a whole weekend with Frank! I was very excited...maybe a bit too excited feeling my dick semi-harden. I went to sit up and get out of bed when I felt a shooting pain in my back causing me to yell out.

“Errrr Gerard...you have time for that later but we’re going to be late” For fucks sake, of course he thought I was jacking off.
“Mikey I’m not doing what you think I’m doing, can you please bring me some painkillers?”
A few moments later Mikey came in with a glass of water and a couple of pills.
“What’s up Gee?” I swallowed down the pills with the water and leant my head back on my pillow.
“I don’t know, I just woke up and there was a shooting pain in my back” I could see what was running through Mikey’s head and I just shook my head to tell him no.
“You better stay at home then...” My eyes went wide and I sat up quickly.
“No way, look I’m fine....” I went to stand up and moved with pain to the edge of the bed but when I stood up something was defiantly wrong as I yelped and collapsed to the floor in pain.
“Shit....Gee just stay at home, you won’t miss out on much”
“If you think I stayed at home spending quality time with Mum for nothing then you’ve got to be joking, I’ve earned a whole weekend away on my own and I intend to continue with it” Mikey let out a defeated breath seeing there was no way of convincing me to stay at home and he’d just have to help me.
“Fine, let me help you get ready then” I nodded as he helped me off the floor and took me into the bathroom switching on the shower.
“Mikey...I’m not having a shower with you in here”” He rolled his eyes while still holding me up.
“You can have one on your own if you can stand up on your own...and it’s not looking good at the moment so just undress and I’ll turn away” I huffed and took off my top before pleading once more.
“But Mikey I’m going to be naked and it’s just gross....”
“Gerard we’re not having sex, I’m fucking helping you take a shower, we used to have baths all the time when we were younger, I know what a dick looks like and have no intent on looking at yours, I’ll turn away and close my eyes just hurry the fuck up!” I scrunched my nose in his comment of sex before he turned away and I finished undressing getting in the shower. I washed myself with soup before considering helping myself out from this morning excitement...I touched myself hesitantly before doing it again but a little harder causing myself to moan a little.
“Gerard I swear to god it you’re jacking off I will leave and then you can get dressed yourself!”
“-But Mikey I really need to”
“-No!” I felt quite happy that he was pissed off, he deserved it for disturbing me earlier to be honest. I continued making sexual noises to piss him off before getting out the shower and wrapping myself in a towel and getting dressed with Mikey’s help.

-------------------Time Lapse------------------
*Arrived at school*

“Mikes could you help me to class please?” He looked at me with pity.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” I just laughed as we shuffled to class. Mikey dropped me off in maths next to Ray who looked concerned.
“What’s up Gerard?” Before I could answer Mikey did it for me.
“He was fucked too hard in the ass” I swatted him around the head.
“No I wasn’t, I just woke up with an awful pain in my back” I hissed out as Mikey walked away winking at Ray, it surprises me more everyday how those two aren’t together.
“Does that mean I’ve become your slave for the day?” Ray groaned getting out his maths textbook.
“No......I just need help doing everything” Ray rolled his eyes as the lesson started.

Right around lunchtime my back had got worse. It now hurt to sit up straight, this was not going to ruin my weekend though.At our usual lunch table, oddly Pete was there and I saw the hurt in Mikey’s eyes as we walked up to it. I was the first to speak and break the tension.
“Hi Pete.....long time no-“
“What are you doing here?” Mikey butted in, well I guess it was going to happen sooner or later.
“Hey babe, you’ve forgotten about your boyfriend?” We all sat down keeping and awkward distance between us.
“You broke up with me, over text, remember?” Wow Mikey was really pissed, I saw Ray glaring at Pete and crushing what seemed to be an apple between his hands.
“Yeah, but babe listen, I-I regret it, I don’t know what I was thinking” I saw Mikey’s face soften for a bit until it all scrunched up again, Pete had really fucked him over, everyone knew it.
“Pete you said it wasn’t working out, I get that but don’t come back to me after screwing me over” Pete winked at him and I saw him try to touch Mikey under the table, gross, Mikey moved away next to Ray who looked fuming by now.
“Come on Mikey, baby, don’t you miss all the times we had, all the things we did.”
“No, not anymore, get out of here please” Pete looked taken back and noticed Ray glaring at him.
“What’s up fro? I see the way you look at Mikey, don’t like the way I’m talking about us fucking?” Ray went really red and I thought he was going to explode, Mikey also turned a light shade of pink, still probably oblivious to Ray’s huge ass crush on him.
“Right get out of here...” Ray said pointing away from the table.
“Make me.” Pete bluntly said standing up near Ray, which Ray just returned looking about double the height of him. Pete huffed and walked off.
“Well.....I think that’s enough drama for today.” We all nodded before heading off to our next lesson.

History was boring, nothing more to say really, I spent my time looking out the window at nothing. That was until I saw Frank go out there for a smoke. My eyes fixed on him as I watched him take a long drag of the cigarette. He quickly finished it, just in time for the next lesson, I had music at last. Ray helped me up and move to the next room.
We walked into the classroom slowly, I saw the concern in Frank’s eyes. Ray slowly helped me into my seat, I scrunched up my face in pain.
I would have listened to everything in class but I couldn’t, I kept zoning out. I started paying attention when I saw Frank’s lips moving and he was looking in my direction.
“S-sorry, what?” I felt embarrassed and disappointed not wanting to come off rude because I really did enjoy his lessons.
“I asked if you were alright, the bell has gone and you are still sitting there with a pen in your hand” I looked at the clock and yep, school ended three minutes ago.
“I’m sorry...ermmm yeah” I turned to Ray who had my bag and was offering a hand to help me up. I stood up and something shifted in my back causing me to collapse on the floor in an abnormal position.
“Oh my god, are you alright?” I heard Ray ask me. I felt the knock I had to my head getting worse. I tried to speak but no words came out. I felt another presence by me and it was Frank, I know we weren’t really out to Ray yet, or anyone for the matter, but for some reason we all had a silent agreement to not speak about it but be accepting of it.
“Gerard can you hear me? If you can squeeze my hand” I felt his hand in mine and I tried to squeeze it but nothing was happening. I was really starting to panic now.
“Mr Iero I think we should call someone?” I could feel myself tearing up and Frank brushed the tears away from me, so much for my full weekend with Frank.
“Yeah, call the ambulance Ray” Ray nodded as Mikey entered the room and rushed over to me crying.
“Gee, p-please be alright, I can’t lose you” I wanted to tell him so badly that everything was alright and that I could still hear him, I tried speaking but nothing was happening, this was so frustrating.
“Mikey, everything will be alright, call your Mum and tell her we’ll be at the hospital” Everything was happening so fast, I could hear Ray talking on the phone, I could hear sirens outside, the sounds of Mikey crying, Frank looking at me with sorrow in his eyes but a brave face.

Paramedics surrounded me and shone lights in my eyes, prodded different parts of my body. I could everything happening, different things happening to me body, then the most dreadful thing happened, needles, fucking needles, a huge fucking needle. I couldn’t escape it either, I wanted to scream or move out the way but all I could do was watch them put it in me while I heard Mikey screaming in the background ‘HE WON’T LIKE THAT, DON’T PUT IT IN HIM’ and muffled sobs from, Frank?

I closed my eyes and it was like all of a sudden I had teleported into the hospital. I heard the Doctors talking to everyone.

“I’m sorry to bring you bad news, Gerard is in a semi comatose state, the only way I can explain this is that he is half asleep but half awake. It is possible to wake him up but if we try to wake him up there is only a 35% chance it will work. It is probably best if you all talk to him before hand. It is also possible to not try and wake him up and just take him off life support. It seems he is in the state he is in from a possible back injury. It isn’t too serious just some bruising to one of his upper vertebrae’s.” So this explains everything, I knew they wouldn’t take me off life support because I heard them dismiss that option straight away. Then it hit me. I could die. I only have a 35% chance of pulling through this. I stopped this crisis when I heard the Doctor talking again.
“Please take your time talking to him individually, there is a very high chance that he can hear you and that he will be able to sense your presence and see you, his eyes still hold eye contact with you and follow your gaze from our tests.” I heard a sniffle from what is probably Mikey.
They all chatted for a bit until I heard the door open then shut, feeling only one presence in the room. It was Ray. He pulled a chair over to my bed and held my hand while making sure I could see him, I looked him and waited for him to talk.

“Hey Gerard” I wanted so bad to be able to reply to him, “I’m guessing you heard all of that right?” I heard my heart rate monitor beep and I guess that answered him question for me, he laughed a little. “I wish I knew for certain that you could hear me, look, you have a 35% chance to get through this alright?” I could feel the tears nearing the edge of my eyes, “I don’t want you to be afraid, you have to try your hardest to get out of this, it would kill Mikey if you didn’t pull through, hell, it would kill all of us. You’re my very best friend, and I tell you everything, I just need to tell you one more thing if this is possible the l-last time we talk” I could hear him choking up on his words, “I think I’m in love with Mikey, I was going to talk to you about it because you’re his big brother but I know you’d be thrilled anyway” He laughed again, ”I just want you to know that whatever happens from here, I’ll take good care of his, like my life depended on it, I promise you this.” A tear slipped down my face, “I love you man, no homo though, you’ve been the bestest friend I could have ever imagined, I think your Mum wants to come in next to, I’ll see you soon Gee, don’t stop fighting” I felt Ray squeeze my hand tightly one last time before leaving.

I don’t know how many more of these goodbyes I could take, I was never good at goodbyes again.

I heard the door swing again and I heard my Mum gasp and run over to me crying.
“Gee baby, Gerard, I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer to see you. This is all my fault.” I heard her cry and felt her hug me, I wanted to tell her it wasn’t but I couldn’t speak, “I can’t lose you, I don’t know what I’d do, don’t worry though darling, you’ve always been a little fighter.” She leant in closer to me kissing me on the forehead and whispered in my ear, “That teacher out there is quite a hunk isn’t he?” I swear that was the best thing I’d heard all day, oh if only she knew my intentions for what this weekend would have been, Mum winked at me,”I wouldn’t mind you bringing him home as your boyfriend actually, he looks like he really cares about you, he could have gone home now but he says he wants to wait here with us and even say goodbye to you.” Frank was still here? I didn’t expect him to leave but I defiantly didn’t expect him to stay, “Anyway Gerard I’ve got to go, I love you, I believe you can do this, I don’t believe that saying goodbye is the right thing because you’re pulling through this, you hear me? I love you.” And with that she gave me a last hug kissing my forehead again before leaving.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Frank, ha, even in practically a coma I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“Gee” I heard Mikey say, he walked over staring at me, he sat on the chair with tears in his eyes, his head in his hands, I felt so bad and I heard my heart rate monitor to speed up which made him focus on me again, “Please don’t leave me, this is my fault, I shouldn’t have let you go to school.” He laughed, what the fuck? “Sorry, just one of my last memories will be you jacking off in the shower to try and annoy me.” I really wanted to laugh with him, “Frank must really love you. I know you probably never even said that you love each other out loud but you can see it, just the way he looks at you” I never really thought about it, but I do love Frank, I guess I just thought that I had all the time in the world to tell him, “Please just try to get through this Gee, I know you can but I need you in my life, I need you to help me with boy problems and shit.” If only he knew....”Anyway, I’ll see you later bro” I felt him ruffle my hair and then kiss my forehead and then walk out the room before letting the tears run down my face, even now I had to be brave for him and not cry.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more emotional I could hear the door open and shut letting me know Frank had come into the room. I felt him sit down next to me. I saw him looking at me and I looked at him before he hugged me. I smelt the cigarettes on him and inhaled it as much as I could until he let go.

“Hey Geebear” That’s a new nickname.....and I might not get to fucking hear him call me that again, “This wasn’t the way I planned our weekend” He started crying and I let tears roll down my face knowing I couldn’t comfort him, “I was going to take you on a romantic date, I knew there was something wrong when you walked in the classroom” Is it possible to be attracted to someone when you’re half awake and half not? “I wrote a song for you....I would sing it....actually yeah I will, I have no hurry to leave you but just listen very carefully, please” I settled down to listen to him.

“Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
Why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love
I'm melting
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
Stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now
I'm melting
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes”

I could feel the tears rolling down my face, Frank’s voice sounded angelic, even acapella. I never knew he could sing. Then I was panicking. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to touch him and hold him. I needed him. Frank was what I needed. I had never been more determined to get up. I saw Frank panic as my heart rate picked up quite a fair bit.
“No,no,no,no, baby, don’t worry, I’ll wait for you forever, I-I-I love you, yeah, I love you, I’m certain of it. I just need you to be okay. Don’t leave me please. Stay with me. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. When you wake up I’ll be here. I’ll sing you the song again, fuck, I’d sing you any song.” I felt Frank kiss my lips and I’ve never wanted to kiss him back so much in my whole life, I wasn’t giving up. I needed all of what Frank just said. I wanted him forever, “Gee, the sooner I go out the room the sooner you can wake up alright? I love you, and I want to give you the biggest kiss when you’re awake. I’ll see you soon. So long...” He pressed a kiss to my lips and then one on the tip of my nose. I was trying so hard to get up and stop him from leaving. I closed my eyes one last time using all of my brain power. I wouldn’t give up on Frank.

Notes