You make me feel important.
-
The light outside shined and a new day arrived. Sun was peaking and the light was gradualy entering the room. Frank was streching and it felt like his body was about to give up on him completely. He checked on his wounds and he saw the blue spots all over his lower abdomen. It was frustrating to just look at them, but at least his mother won't be able to see them, it was a miracle that his mother even let him do the project at this Whale guy. He was happy that they cut him some slack after all this year of keeping their honey safe. Frank could barely see and the walls looked different in the light sunlight that was allowing it's presence due to the open window.
He touched his face to check if his lip was bleeding from yesterday and all he could remember was Gerard kissing the exact same place over and over and over again and now it seemed pretty impossible that the wound would be bleeding. His face was pretty much intact, he was scared that those guys could get to him any time they wanted and that they could harm someone else too.
They weren't terrifying. It was just the fact that there were too many of them. The problem now was that Frank couldn't even remember their faces. Even if he wanted to go to the police, he couldn't describe them. Yeah, sure if he saw them again he would recognize them in a heart beat. And that was the reason why he would not tell a word to his parents. Because number one: they would tell him to go to the police and he couldn't because reasons and number two: they would ask him why he didn't come back home after he got beat up and he couldn't really answer 'oh yeah. Sorry. Gotta snuggle with my taughtful boyfriend.'
Not that he was his boyfriend.
And the saddest thing that came under number three: his father would probably mock him for getting beat up.
But he didn't feel so frightened when the most beautiful and taughtful boy was laying next to him.
Except he wasn't.
Frank got out of the covers and streched his back, his feet touching the cold floor that made him shiver. He looked around the room, the place looking different than last night. It was probably because of the light and dark, day and night thing. The walls looked whiter than last night and he glanced over the characters on the wall, he touched the characters and he could feel the little bumps on the wall as he did and the feeling he got from touching it was like as if he was there when Gerard was drawing it and colouring it.
It was beautiful and the feeling he got in his stomach was painful yet fullfiling.
Being with someone you like in bed the whole night after hours of touching and kissing was beautiful. It was simply beautiful and yet Frank felt like there should be another word to describe because beautiful was plain and people said that word every single fucking day. His vocabulary didn't streach that much but when he found the word or words to describe it, Gerard will definitely be the first to find out.
He glanced over the room once more and he saw the covers and their pillows, his side looked like an animal slept there from all the tossing and turning, when on the other hand Gerard's side looked untouched, the part where he slept was smoothed and where his head was supposted to be was just a straight piece of fabric.
It got him worried for a second and his mind was jumping to all sorts of conclusion. At first he thought how Gerard was a ghost or something and then he thought how stupid he was because how would he then explain Mikey? And then he thought how maybe they are two ghosts brothers that lure polite boys to their houses so they can kill them. That theory fell into water because they kind of took care of him after he showed up at their doorstep being all beaten up and shit. And then he thought how this all could be an illusion and maybe this all was just fake from the start. But the feeling was real and things around him seemed pretty solid.
Then he thought how this could all be a dream. It was a different dream from what he was used to. This wasn't a nightmare and he didn't want it to stop.
His fingers traced the wall as he got downstairs, his feet cold and without any socks on the floor. The sound that was coming from the kitchen sounded like someone was trying to open up a bottle of something and as Frank entered the kitchen he could see his illusion, his ghost or whatever he suspected Gerard to be, messing around some plastic bags. The sound was echoing throughout the house and Frank could swear that he heard every person in the entire city scowling because of the noise.
Gerard noticed Frank on the other side of the kitchen and he stopped in whatever he was doing like he got caught stealing something or doing something inappropriate. He looked up,his eyes looking tired, his shirt was standing loosely and the white shirt that he wore to bed was no longer on him. He was now wearing his black shirt that had a small logo on it, it looked like it was born to be on him. Or maybe Frank was being too subjective.
"You caught me." Gerard said with a coy smile. They were looking at each other as Frank moved closer to him, still in Gerard's black long shirt and with no shoes on him, he sat on that one big chair they got where his feet couldn't touch the floor.
"Caught you doing what exactly?" Frank asked the question while balancing himself over the counter so he could see what's in the bag. Gerard just smiled at the curiosity that Frank contained.
Gerard coughed a fake cough as an announcement of his speaking.
"Well you see this." He turned the bags so Frank could see them. "These are ingredients for a breakfast."
Frank looked up to Gerard amazed. No one wanted to make him a breakfast on their own will, his mother was forced to do that when he was little and as soon as he could make it by himself, she was free of that.
"Because i wanted to make you breakfast." Gerard said as Frank was not answering him, his eyes seemed like they were drowning in stars. "Because that's what people do when they spend the night together."
Gerard said as Frank was still not answering him and Gerard was holding his arms now folded. Frank looked like he was hypnotized but not like in a creepy-drooling way, more in a cute non-verbal way.
They were looking at each other and they both wanted to say something but no words came out. Frank's legs were hanging from the chair and for a second he forgot that he was only in his underwear and a black shirt. It didn't matter, it wasn't like someone would walk in on them, like parents or siblings. He remembered siblings and he checked the living room in a search for a certain tall, sassy and a grumpy Mikey.
"What are you looking for?" Gerard raised his eyebrows as their eye contact retrived after Frank examined the living room with his eyes. Frank glanced at the clock and all he could see is a clock that doesn't work.
"Mikey? Where's Mikey?"
Frank gestured towards the rest of the house.
"Why do you wanna know?" Gerard pursed his lips while saying his question, leaning over the counter a little and Frank could see his iris and his eyes perfectly again.
Frank squinted his eyes out of being tired and he wanted to look conspicious as fuck because Gerard distracted him with his words and Frank would easily forget what he was intending to say so he pretended to be serious.
"I mean-he was here yesterday." Frank licked his bottom lip. This conversation thing wasn't really workin out for him. "Right?"
Gerard wasn't sure about what Frank was thinking and where did this sudden interest about his brother came from and he sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to say anything against Frank speaking because his voice sounded so raw in the morning, it was so weird hearing it and with every word that Frank said his voice got a little smoother. It felt like his voice was glading through and Gerard almost forgot that Frank asked him a question.
"Yeah, he was here." Gerard answered as he observed Frank's reaction. Frank touched the hole in the counter that was made by Mikey when he put down the bottle and by putting down, Gerard meant dropping it. That boy was sometimes so clumsy, not that Gerard was any better. After all they came from the same mother. That thought made him sad because he remembered his parents and how shitty they were. He hoped that the situation that Frank had in his home was better than the one he had when he was seventeen.
Gerard still wasn't getting what Frank was thinking about and as he was about to say something about it, Frank reached over the counter to touch his hand. Frank glanced at Gerard and he saw that he cought him off guard. Gerard bit his bottom lip and asked the obvious question. "What's this for?" Gerard intertwined his fingers with Frank, he thought that he was doing this as a 'thanks' in a phsyical way or just gratitude.
Frank said the answer that Gerard wasn't expecting. "Just checkin."
"Checking what?" Gerard said immidietely as he put Frank's hair behind his ears.
"That this is real." Frank answered after he made a pause because he was enjojing being under Gerard's touch. It meant a lot when his hands were even near him and having them on his skin felt remarkable.
Gerard swalloved as he was looking at his hope-to-be-boyfriend-someday, as he was admitting something that Gerard thought he will never hear. Frank practically admitted to having a great time yesterday and in those tiny hours in the early morning when they were both pretty close to sleeping. Their gaze was fixated on each other and Gerard was even afraid to blink.
He looked at him as he fell asleep yesterday, Frank's head fell onto the pillow and his eyelids were fighting to stay open but his whole body was resisting and unfortunately his body gave up. Gerard watched him fall asleep and it wasn't glamorous or anything like in the movies and the other person didn't look perfect as they were falling asleep. They were fucking falling asleep, that's all. But the beautiful thing about doing what Gee did was looking at Frank as his light inhaling became more and more deeper as minutes passed by. His hair fell on his face and it was hard to see anything anymore and Gerard also finally gave up. He could only remember waking up in the middle of the night, feeling cold because appereanty Frank had a habit of wrapping himself completely in the sheets. Gerard didn't mind and he just took the edge of the sheet to cover himself a little and Frank turned around in his sleep, laying on him, Gerard's chest now replacing a pillow for Frank. He felt satisfied with what he got and he wasn't cold and he could mess with Frank's hair while he was asleep.
Gerard snaped back to reality. "Yeah, of course it's real." He said to Frank that was looking at him with his gaze fixated on his neck.
"For a second, i thought this was a dream or something." Gerard raised his eyebrows yet again. "It didn't feel real for some time, but then-but then..."
"Then what?" Gerard helped Frank with words because he really wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Then you kissed me."
They were both in silence, Gerard now sitting on one of the high chairs, so they were both sitting in silence.
Words weren't appearing and it didn't matter because they were looking at each other and the sleepiness wore off after time after Gerard made himself a coffee and as Frank refused the coffee because he didn't drink it.
Gerard found it odd that he didn't drink coffee but he wasn't one of those people that convinced other people to do something they don't like.
The coffee turned into a light brown colour, Gerard was adding milk all the time more because it turned into a habit because when he was younger coffee tasted bitter and milk made it a little better. Who would know that in the future Gerard would be a coffee person or that coffee will be practically the first thing in the morning that appears in his sleepy mind. But this morning coffee wasn't the first thing that came to his mind. It was Frank and his slightly wavey hair that looked amazing while he was sleeping, Gerard could bet that Frank thought the exact opposite of himself but Gerard was the one that saw him sleeping and he juat knew.
The little spoon that he had in his cup would clack everytime he excidentely brushed the inside of the cup and with every clack Frank would pull his gaze up to him. It seemed that Frank was either ashamed of what happened or confused and Gerard found it hard to get what he was thinking, he wanted to know what was on his mind and he would kill someone for the power of reading minds, but then again reading minds isn't so fun and hearing every single thing that people say inside themselves was awful.
Reading minds or what Gerard liked to call it 'Not a good idea'.
If someone could read his mind they would hear sassy comebacks that he never said and probably some screaming and if it was the past him, it would be the desire to do something awful which he didn't wanted to even speak about.
What was on Frank's mind? What went inside that pretty head? Gerard assumed that most of the time it was something bad because Frank wasn't in group therapy for no reason.
But what was the main thing that went on?
It was music. Frank could hear music in his head day and night, it would drive him crazy sometimes, the music that played in his head was even sometimes that he hated but sometimes would be also songs that he thought he forgot and they would magically appear on the surface of his mind every once in a while.
He was doing an important test in school and all of a sudden as he was reading the question he could hear Bad Reputation by Joan Jett in his mind, he was so close to fricking out, it wasn't stopping and he sometimes wanted it to stop so he would scream in his own mind so the tune would stop and it never worked, the tune would remain and it would carry on all day long if it wanted to, the saddest part was that he had no control of it and he thought that maybe if he stops listening to music then it would stop. It didn't and it only made it worse, he almost bursted off feeling like he was going to implode.
The tune carried on and he learned how to live with it. Songs that played in his head sometimes distracted him when he was studying. His concetration was bad enough as it is but this only made it worse.
The songs carried on and he needed to do the same.
Frank wanted to snap back but appereantly new tune started to play and at least it was a pleasant one. The Clash sounded amazing in his hand and if he could he would dance but Gerard was staring at him and it would probably be weird if he started dancing while humming Straight to hell while still being in Gerard's black comfty shirt with short sleeves.
"No, but seriously. Where's Mikey?" Frank asked after moments and moments of silence.
Gerard siped his coffee and he put down the cup so he could answer Frank, this time no games. "He went to work, you know."
Frank wondered how old is Mikey since he's working.
"Where does he work?" Frank continued to be nosy even though he himself didn't know why he took sudden interest in Mikey. It was probably in human nature to be that nosy, gathering more information so you could do what? Defend yourself from the enemy? Or was it just something that people did so they would show that they have interest in the other person? Frank didn't know why he suddently showed interestin Mikey's workplace and it seemed like he isn't getting an answer anytime soon.
"He works at Barnes&Nobles. Why?"
Frank shook his head like he could really believe himself for the nosyness that he suddently felt. "I have no idea why i am asking this stuff."
"It's okay, Frank. Sometimes we do things we don't understand. I mean-it's a work day. Everybody goes to work." Gerard answered while smiling to him as he saw the panic growing in his eyes.
"Shit, Gerard." Frank practically screamed. "What time is it? I have school tommorow, shit today!" Frank was trying to find a clock somewhere as he looked up at the kitchen wall, seeing the number nine being marked by the clock, he almost had a heqrt attack if Gerard hadn't intervened.
"Frank, calm down. The clock is broken. It's not nine, it's six in the morning. Calm down."
Gerard put his hands around his waist in an attempt to hold him straight as he almost fell to the floor. Frank himself didn't know why he got so upset over being late to school, it wasn't like he liked the goddamn place, but his panic was mostly cause because people would ask where he was and he couldn't possibly lie about Gerard.
His panic was gradualy dissapearing and he was holding onto Gerard safely again, but Gerard wasn't letting him go and his hands around his waist felt so good.
Gerard's lips parted a little and it was visible that they weren't so chapped like they were before. He smelled like coffee and flowers and he had little smudges under his eyes like he was wearing eyeliner or something, he looked tired but to Frank he looked like heaven itself.
Frank touched his left cheek and traced the little smudges under his eye, it was weird but Gerard wasn't letting him go.
This felt like one of those moments where you think it's a memory,everything blurs a bit and you start to think that it's a memory. But it's not and you're experiencing it and everything feels strange and movement gets slower and heavier. Those moment happened when Frank felt happy. It was so rare because the last time he felt like that was when he was five and his aunt took him to the biggest rollercoaster he's seen in his life and when he was on the ride it felt like he was experiencing a dream and this moment felt the same.
Moments would erase themselves in the process and Frank would move on; forgetting about the thing he loved before. Loving someone seemed impossible and as he grew up love seemed to dissapear in every place he would look. His parents were a perfect example of that, he didn't know if they were lying to him about why they got married or why they even considered to have a child, he wouldn't believe a word they said because all he saw was hatred and constant loathing. All the people around him seemed like they haven't experianced what people like to call true love and to him love didn't exist.
But Gerard was holding him so tight and he could see the expression in his eyes and it looked like he actually cared about him and all the things he's done for him were an example of love? Or just affection?
There was this Russian guy that wrote a book about how love only lasts three years because the serotonin lasts that long and the hormon just dissapears after a while and the only thing that remains between the lovers is the care about their children or the fact that they can't live without each other.
He cought his mother talking to the neighbor, a woman that lived across the street and she was saying that when she got married to this dude she felt the love and she thought how everything will work out fine, and the first few years of the marriage looked pretty amazin and after a while he started to get on her nerves. They have two kids and Frank assumed that the only thing keeping them together is the kids because they don't want their kids to grow up with a single mother or a father, So now after so many years of faking it, they are 'happily married' and their grandchildren are surrounding them. Maybe it was worth the risk and time and energy but Frank always thought how he'll end up alone, he actually thought about not even trying to get to meet someone who he might like. It was giving up at already this stage, he was only seventeen and he thought about this years ago.
And the thing that shook him the most was when the lovely lady that lived across the street said that she would kill herself long ago if she didn't have children to look after. It was the moment like this that Frank just stood and reviewed his life from the very start. Somebody would say that he didn't even try but to him it didn't even look like it was good enough to even consider trying.
Gerard was looking at him and they haven't said a word since, Frank was in his own mind and Gerard didn't mind seeing Frank's eyes all lost in his own world. His eyes looked like they were drowning in the stars and galaxies seemed to emerge from his sould and Gerard couldn't stop looking.
Frank could feel Gerard's gaze and he didn't mind at all as long his hands were on his waist, also his mind was searching for the thing he heard that neighbor say and his mind clicked and he finally remembered.
She had a husband that was violent and when he got drunk he would beat her up and she never left because she couldn't, she didn't have a job, she was a housewife because her parents never supported her to continue education, the only important thing to her parents was that she gets married and have children because that's the only thing that matters im this world, right? So she stayed and she beat her up and then she would 'forgive' and that's how they rolled.
Frank didn't want that life and everything seemed to go into that direction as he was growing up. That's why he avoided people and that's why this situation with Gerard confused him. Gerard was too nice and his actions were careful and he looked like he cared and it was hard to believe that such a person existed.
He was like a beacon of light in glominess and dark ocean.

-
Mikey Way wanted to punch something but that was hard work and his had would hurt and it amde no sense in spending energy doing so. Barnes and Noble Bookstore was fucking huge and Mikey worked at the book section. It was weird to work there but the paycheck is a paycheck and it was good getting money for your effort. As he was entering the shop he saw his colleagues smoking before they started working, Mikey was early because he was afraid that he might hear his brothers and his boyfriend or whatever Frank was to Gerard making out and he wasn't keen on listening to it. He got up early and he peeked inside Gerard's room only to see the two on the floor, hugging while sleeping. It made him sick how adorable it was and Mikey was all for it because Frank acted more normal than what Gerard used to bring home and he didn't really wanted the past to happen again.
The store was still not open to other people and his boss was walking around, guys outside didn't really care about him that much and they only greeted him with slight nodding, his boss seemed swaped with whatever he was doing and Mikey couldn't give less fucks about it.
This one guy started to show up every once in a while in his section and he never bought anything, Mikey always had his eyes on him because people like to steal, even though people usually don't steal books that often but it was always possible and Mikey needed to do his job right. The guy always showed up at the end of his shift, he would look at him a few times and then he would leave. Mikey wasn't sure if he should try to strike a conversation so he just remained silent and wachted the dude as the days passed by.
His coworkers entered the shop and work time started and Mikey bored himself with putting books on shelves. The clock ticked and Mikey could feel his headache starti and it bothered him in the first place but he got used to that and now the pain was only a little problem and he would just shake it off as much as he could.
His mind was in clouds and the feeling of being watched suddently appeared and an old lady was standing beside him, watching him like he's her grandson.
"Hello, child. Could you help with these?" She offered him a stack of books with a smile and Mikey wasn't really feeling comfortable because she looked like one of those old ladies in horror movies that would eat your whole face if you didn't obey her and this particular lady looked exactly like the one from that movies The Legion and he just shook off the horrible feeling.
The lady was holding some weird books and Mikey figured out that she's the same lady that visited the shop in the afternoon shift and offer the books that weren't even in the properties of Barnes and Noble. Mikey was irritated that he had to endure this also, he was really hoping that that would just avoid him somehow but it looked like he wasn't that lucky.
He got to his boss and just said to him that he's not gonna fuck around with customers like that, his boss gave him a patronizing look and he just got his old ass off the chair so he could deal with the problem.
Mikey got back to putting books on the shelves and he figured that he actually liked what he was doing, there wasn't much contact with people and that's what Mikey liked the best. Yes, there was time when he got frustrated over customers like that old lady and he would snap sometimes, but all in all it was nice.
He heard footsteps behind him and he choose to ignore it until he felt a hand on his shoulder once again, he knew that the lady came back and he was so gonna act unproffesional but he wasn't feeling like dealing with that stuff early in the morning.
He turned and he shouted maybe a little too loud.
"What the fuck do you want now?" Mikey turned around and regretted his action immidietely because the old lady was on her way out of the store and there was the same boy that constantly hanged around the store while never buying anything.
"Oh my God. I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else." Mikey apologised for his shouting and scowling at the wrong person.
The boy blushed and Mikey was incredibly sorry for that, he was standing there all stiffed from being shouted at.
"It's fine. I am sorry too." The boy said as he tried to make his way out of the section Mikey worked in.
Mikey didn't feel like this was the only thing this boy came for and he felt extremely bad for his shouting and he wanted to fix that.
The boy was almost out of the shop and Mikey ran to get him before he dissapear once again.
"Let me repay you somehow." Mikey blurted out, feeling completely in the moment. "Let's grab a coffee, Starbucks or something. I am gonna pay, okay?"
"Okay."
"What's your name?"
"Pete."
"I am Mikey."
"I know."

-

Notes

Ayyy. Thank god for Petekey woohoooo xx next chapter coming soon i hope . Love yaa all stay punk!!