Catacomb Kids

Gerard and I reached his house in good time. He liked to speed a lot; he was one of the many boys at our school who topped out his vehicle. Gerard's little crapmobile can go about 86 mph, according to him. I wasn't there to witness it; Gerard driving is scary enough, so the thought of him deliberately going as fast as possible is utterly terrifying.
That was one of the things that you were pressured to do at our school. The popular crowd wasn't into drugs or alcohol, at least not heavily. They were more into setting things on fire, driving too fast, and getting girls to show their tits.
It was at high school parties that those kind of things took place. Burning shit was almost exclusively for drunken Friday nights, and so was convincing underage girls to take their tops off. As for speeding, that was one of those things that you either did alone and bragged about later. Or, you didn't do it but lied and said you did. Sex was the same way. Almost every boy above the age of fifteen in Bellville claimed to have numerous sexual partners. Of the boys that said they'd experienced the sweet bliss of sexual intercourse, less than a quarter actually had. They were still children, children making up stories as they saw fit.
"Gerard?" I asked. I turned the camera to him. It had been focused lazily on the toe of my shoe while I was zoning out.
Gerard grabbed one of those damn cigarettes, sticking it in his mouth. "Yeah?"
I starting toeing his grimy carpet, the tip of my shoe disappearing into the shag. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but..." I worked hard to make eye contact, continuing, "Have you ever had sex?"
Gerard chuckled, and seeing the hurt on my face, assured, "I'm not laughing at you; you caught me off guard, that's all."
He started sucking on his cigarette, and I urged, "So, have you?"
Again, Gerard laughed. "Do you want the truth, or do you want what I tell people is the truth?"
"Both."
Gerard sighed, beginning, "What I tell people is... yes. It was over a week I spent in Missouri last summer with a brunette named Michelle. She had cotton skin and eyes like blue jay feathers. She was camping across from us, and I became acquainted with her while our parents met. We both slipped out into the night that day, sprinting to the lake. We made love outside on the sand and grass, and it was passionate and soft and loving. I left that next morning, but not without getting her phone number. However, due to our busy and separate lives, we've lost touch since."
"And the truth?" I pushed.
"Don't rush me," Gerard snapped. He twirled his cigarette around in his fingers, proceeding, "Ah yes, the truth. You know, I think that Michelle story has come out of my mouth about 500 more times than what really happened."
He started to play with a loose string on his sweatshirt, wrapping the thread around his forefinger.
"There is no Michelle, is there?"
Gerard gazed up at me, nodding. "No, there isn't." He flicked some ashes onto his floor, replacing the cigarette in his mouth. His voice came out muffled with the thing between his lips, "Completely fictitious."
"What's the truth, then?" I demanded.
Gerard frowned. "That is the truth. I made it all up. I mean, I know I shouldn't have, but these guys were ripping into me about how I was this pathetic virgin." Gerard took another puff, gesturing with his hands as he continued, "That shouldn't have bothered me so much, being called a virgin. But something about the venom in their voice it just..." he shook his head, proceeding, "it made it a dirty word."
It took a while for me to find words, and even when they came out, I wasn't positive they were the right thing to say. "They made fun of you for being a virgin?"
Gerard wiggled his brows, mumbling, "Teenage boys are great, aren't they?" He stared into his lap as he continued, "But it wasn't just that."
"What do you mean?"
Gerard responded quietly, "That wasn't what made me so upset. It hurt a little, sure, but what came after was what made me lie about everything." He started to string a hand through his hair, slowly lowering his head. "They defaulted to straight boy norms and started saying stuff about my sexuality. They started talking about how I was a faggot and they weren't going to share a locker room with me anymore and..."
Gerard bit his lip. "I cracked, you know? Here I am, supposedly an advocate for guys not being homophobic assholes but..." he shook his head once more. "I wanted to get them to shut up. I knew that going on my rant about homophobia wouldn't do that."
I was quiet for a long time. The only sound in the room was of Gerard's inhales and exhales of smoke. Finally, I asked, "So... are you gay?"
Gerard grinned. "I'm pansexual but..." he twiddled his cigarette in his fingers, confessing, "I lean towards guys a lot."
I nodded, saying, "Well, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm gay."
"You're not out of the closet," Gerard pointed out.
"Yeah but just the things I say when it comes to relationships and hookups and shit... I can tell people have caught on."
"Maybe that's not a bad thing," Gerard suggested.
I smiled, agreeing, "Maybe not."
Gerard stood swiftly, marching to his screen door. He tossed his cigarette in the yard, lingering by the frame for a minute before returning. "I think Mikey's bisexual or something."
"Obviously he has a thing for Pete," I mutter.
"About that, can you do me a favor?" Gerard asked.
I zoomed the camera in on him. "Sure, anything."
Gerard hesitated, then proceeding, "Ask Mikey how things are going with Pete, okay? Get the scoop on what they're doing and how they're doing it. I don't need graphic detail but I just want to know that he's being smart."
I scrunched my nose. "Can't you ask him that?"
Gerard scoffed, "Please, he's my brother. He'll talk to me about anything but that."
"Sure," I replied. "I mean, it's in my interest, too. I'd like to know that Mikey and Pete are being safe."
"You never know," Gerard sighed. "You raise em the best you can but..."
"Okay, Dad," I laughed.
Gerard narrowed his eyes.
"What?"
Gerard stood once more, pressing close to me and ordering, "Call me Dad again."

Notes

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