The lunch period was going just as every other had. The room was hot, the conversations were endless, and the school served some sort of whole grain alternative. The only difference was that this time, all of us were together. Gerard and I had a lot of lunches with Mikey, and a fair amount with Ray as well. However, we had never sat at the same table as Pete, who always looked afraid he was about to say something stupid.
But it was actually Gerard who'd said the dumbest thing that had ever come out of his mouth.
Things had been going perfectly fine; everyone had gone through the line and we were all talking as we ate. Gerard was polishing off his milk carton, stretching his neck back to completely drain it.
"Holy shit, man!" Ray gasped.
Gerard brought his milk down, wiping his mouth on his forearm as he asked, "What?"
Ray pushed Gerard's jaw back, exclaiming, "Those fucking hickeys! They're so dark!"
Gerard reddened, trying to lower his head. "I... I uh..."
"Who's the lucky girl?" Ray asked. He examined the bruises once more, remarking, "Damn, she just did not let up, huh?"
Gerard paused, not even glancing to me before replying, "No, I guess she didn't."
"What's her name, man?" Ray gushed.
Gerard shrugged, answering, "Eh, I don't remember. It's not like she was important, anyways."
By then, I had had it. Quickly slamming both fists on the table, I got up and left, totally ditching my tray. I could hear Ray ask over my shoulder, “What's Frank up to?”, which I'm sure Gerard answered with some stupid lie.
I reached the boys' bathroom, planting my palms onto a sink and staring myself down in the mirror. My eyes were already foggy and pinkish, how embarrassing.
Gerard came in not a minute later, leaning against the closed door behind him. "No one's in here, right?"
I gestured at the empty stalls behind me, annoyed.
He tried to lace his fingers with mine, asking, "What's wrong?"
I wrestled my hands free, spitting, "Don't try to comfort me now."

"Why not?"
"What you said to Toro!" I retorted. "All that bullshit about how some girl is the one you're with."
Gerard snorted, "Is that really all that you're angry about?"
"Not just that!" I snapped. "When you said that she's not important. You said that the person who supposedly gave you hickeys are not important." I glared at him, growling, "I may be just a fucking airhead in your book, but I've learned to read between the lines."
"That is not what I meant!" Gerard scoffed. "Honestly, you need to stop taking everything so personally. It's like you were born without any skin, Frank; anything hits a nerve."
"Don't pin this on me," I hissed. "You are the one that lied, Gerard. I don't get how that story twists around to make me the asshole."
"I never called you an asshole!" Gerard shouted.

"You might as well have!" I yelled back. I pushed past him, cursing under my breath. I felt his hand reach for me as I moved and shrieked, "Don't touch me!"
I considered going back to the lunch room, but only for a very brief moment. I realized soon that Gerard would likely join me there, and for the first time, he was the last thing I needed. We both needed some time to cool off, and knowing Gerard, I'd have to physically put distance between us for that to happen. Not to mention, the fight had put this dense rock in the pit of my gut. I couldn't stomach the thought of eating.
I couldn't wander off to a classroom; that would land me in the principles' office. Hiding out in a locker room or bathroom would result in a lengthy stay at the nurse, on account of my ass being beat to a pulp. Going outside seemed like a fair option, but I knew that it was cold out that afternoon and I didn't have a sweatshirt handy. Cornered with nowhere else to go, I turned to the graveyard of my high school: the library.
The damned room was empty, as always. I set my bag down near one of the tables, taking a seat in a hard, wooden chair. I eyed the rows of books, contemplating whether or not I should pick one out to read. I decided against it, but roamed the aisles nevertheless just for something to do.
Just as I was becoming more familiar with the Dewey Decimal system that ever, the bell rang, dismissing me to my class after lunch. I gathered my things and shuffled along, the heat from Gerard's words still burning inside me.
Feeling terrible but acting like I'm fine for the convenience of others has always been a habit of mine. I found myself doing this just the same, and when Mikey tracked me down and asked what had happened between Gerard and I, I shrugged him off. At this point it almost seemed like I was avoiding the problem, but that wasn't it. I had merely packed it up to deal with at a later, more appropriate time. School was stressful enough as it is; I didn't need boyfriend drama on top of that.

It always seemed that my feelings ran most intensely at the times least convenient. School was the setting where my emotions always threatened to push me over the edge. There are too many times to count when I had been in class, wanting nothing more than to curl up in my bed and cry. Other times, I would give anything to punch a wall and relieve my anger, but I would settle for grimacing my way through a lesson. I was used to putting my problems on hold, and sometimes, I forgot to get back to them. But the worst part about this whole system I had going on was the general unease it created which spread only to my friends. It was sensed by those who loved me and knew me, enough to know that I was not okay. I had the tendency to make these people nervous, and I wish I knew how to make the cycle end.

Notes

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