One-Shot Collection

Title- If My Life Were Like a Day, You'd be my peaceful sunshine.

‼️WARNING- This One-shot contains some triggering content. Read at your own risk ‼️

(Inspired by Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park,)

(Gerard's POV)

I lock the door, my hand still clutching the handle as if saying 'open it, come on, run after him,'

But my mind knows that would never work. It knows it will never be the same, I'll never be with him again, all because he found someone new.... Someone who could never love him as much as I did... But who he felt treated him better. And I understand.





I let go of the door handle, and with hesitance, turn away and walk down the lonely hallway and into my empty bedroom. I crawl onto the cold bed, and lay on my back, staring at ceiling.

My heart is numb. I can't feel anything. There is no sadness, anger, denial. There also are no feelings like those I had before, when he was around, happiness, joy, love. There was just a cold, black rock where my heart used to beat.

Just. Silence.


I continue to stare at the ceiling, feeling nothing, until an ache slowly grows in my chest, little at first, until it's becomes so strong, and hurtful,I break into sobs. I curl into a ball, hardly able to catch a breath, salty tears running down my cheeks like rushing rivers. My gasps and wails filling the room, and they won't stop, the ache I feel so deep down keeps growing, and it feels like my heart is exploding, over and over. It feels like I was just stabbed, so many times.

I need something to make it stop.

My tears never dry, just continue to rush down my face, as I crawl off the bed, stumble into the kitchen, and open the liquor cabinet. I promised Frank I wouldn't drink anymore, and I kept that promise for almost 3 years. But I don't care, I just need something to make it stop, make the pain go away, make the heart break I feel numb again. I'd rather be numb then feel this.

I grab the first bottle I see, which happens to be a full bottle of really strong tequila, along with some other bottles, and stumble back down the hallway, passing my bedroom door and into the bathroom. I kick the door shut and slide down onto the tile flooring. I open the bottle and take a sip, the burn at the back of my throat relieving.


30 minutes later almost all of the bottles are gone, and it's starting to kick in, the numbness I was searching for finally crawling back. But not enough. I could still feel the pain. I chug the last of what's left, and as I lie on the floor, I let the glass bottle slip from my hands and roll away. Tears still escape my eyes, and my drunken, heart broken mind begins its journey on self hatred.

Your pathetic, no wonder he found someone better, you're stupid for believing he ever loved you.

I shake my head, trying to ignore the thoughts but failing.

There is something wrong with you. He would love you if there wasn't. You're ugly, worthless, fat, annoying. No wonder he left.

The voices in my head start to become believable. And soon it becomes clear... I'm the one who made him leave, I made him unhappy... I couldn't give him what he wanted...

That's when the ache returned full on. Even with the alcohol. My sobs harden. I can barely breath. My mind went to what happened this morning, barely an hour and a half ago.

I sit on the couch in our apartment, waiting for Frank to return from his early morning shift at work, when he walks in.

"Hey babe, how'd it go?" I ask, getting up and walk to him.

"I... Uh, Gerard, I need to tell you something," he stutters, fumbling with his keys.

I feel scared, but I try to ignore it, "okay, what is it?" Even to myself I sound unsure.

"I... I love you, you know that right?" He asks, seeming unconfident. I nod, questioning what this is about.

He then says, "well... I uhh... I met someone..."

I raise an eyebrow, "and?...."

"I... Don't know how to say this... " he says, looking down at the floor. "We... Him and I... Really like eachother... As in... Love... And I-"

"You love him and would rather be with him then me..." I cut him off... That's when the numbness slowly started to seep in.

"No it's not that, he just.... Makes me feel happy, not that you don't...I love you with all of me..." He trails off, never meeting my gaze. I can only nod hesitantly, before letting out an "oh..."

"How long have you two been together?" I ask. He continues to stare at his shoes, never making eye contact, and mumbles out, "Two months..."

That's when the impact of this whole thing kicked in, and the numbness exploded through my entire body.

He explained that he moving out, he'd come get his stuff later, and that he hopes I can move on with someone better then him, someone I deserve.

I couldn't speak, I wanted to scream out that he was perfect, that he was more then what someone like me deserves. I wanted to tell him to stay, that I love him, but my mouth never opened, and my voice never worked.

He kissed me one last time, hugged me, and slowly walked out the door.


I am now sitting up against the sink, on the floor, in a puddle of tears, sweat, alcohol, and in a minute, probably some vomit. My eyes are now dry, having no more tears to cry, but it still feels like I need to. I still feel that agonizing pain in my chest, and I just want it to stop. By now I have already drank all 3 bottles, half of one having spilled on me when I almost dropped it.

I just want to die.

I've been suicidal before, bet never like this... Frankie had helped with all of that before, but he's not here anymore. Not with me... With some other guy he fell for.

I look at the bottles, my vision so blurry I can barely see them. I start to cough, nausea building until I throw up all over the floor, tears erupting once again.

I just want it to all end, to go away, why won't it stop...

I grab onto the counter, and pull my self up shakily until I'm standing, looking at my self in the mirror. My black mop of hair it everywhere, sticking out in places, my skin is sickly pale, my eyes are bloodshot, and I look like I was run over by a truck.

God your disgusting, no fucking wonder he left.

In the blurry mess of my vision, I spot a razor blade, sitting innocently on one of the shelves. I grab it slowly, staring at it.

Do it, you worthless piece of shit, you deserve to die, if he doesn't love you no one ever will.

And that's when I put the sharp blade to my wrist and slide it across, making a deep gash. Relief following in those few seconds, until it faded away again.

Just. Want. It. To. End.

I repeat the action, over and over and over, until I'm sitting back down on the floor, deep cuts in my wrists, sitting in a puddle of tears, sweat, alcohol, vomit, and my own blood. Tears and blood running down my body in itchy streams, my vision is slowly blackening, and I can't feel anything anymore....

What about Mikey....

My body jumps at the thought... NO MIKEY... I CANT LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS, I CANT LEAVE MOM AND DAD LIKE THIS... I CANT LEAVE MY FRANK LIKE THIS...

I struggle to find my phone, with my already blurry and fading vision, I slowly tap onto the screen and call Mikey. It rings for what feels like forever before he finally picks up.

"Gee? Hey! What's up!" He cheers. Because of collage I haven't been able to call very often, and since he's still in jersey, me in New York, we never get to see each other except on holidays.

"M-Mikey... I - I need help.." I mumble, lying down onto the floor.

"What happened?!?" He asks, concern soaking his voice.

I cough, "Frank found someone new and better then my piece of shit self and broke up with me.... I drank like, 3 bottles of liquor.... I cut myself..too... M-Mikey there's so much blood...." I explain, sobbing again.

"Ohmygod Gerard I need you to stay awake okay? Don't go to sleep!"

I hum in reply, feeling so tired...

"GERARD! I MEAN IT! IM GONNA CALL THE POLICE AND FRANK OKAY?! Just stay awake!!" He yells and I manage to croak out, "don't bother with Frank, he's probably busy making out with his new boyfriend..."

He warns me again to stay awake, an I'm trying so hard... He hangs up to call the police...

I try to get up, but I can't so I claw my way to the door, trying to open it... But I feel so tired... So weak... I make my self stay awake though... I can't fall asleep. I mustn't.



The sound of keys clicking together and the front door opening startles me.

"GERARD!?!?" Frank calls, I can hear his footsteps coming closer, until they stop just behind the door.

"Gerard? You in here?" He asks, sounding defeated and broken.

I finally mumble out "I think so... Not for long though I don't think..." As soon as I finish the door swings open and Frank rushes in, picking up my head and setting it in his lap before looking at the gashes on my wrist. "Oh baby... It's gonna be okay.." He says, his voice cracking. I shake my head in a subtle 'No'. He starts to cry, running his tiny fingers through my hair.

"I love you, so much, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.." He cries, and I again shake my head,"don't be sorry..." I mumble out. " I'm the worthless piece of crap that got myself into this.. You didn't cut these into me... You didn't make me drink all those..."

"No but I'm the reason you did them... Oh god gee I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid... I love you with everything I have and I was gonna trade it for some guy... "

I can feel myself slipping, my vision blacking out at random, my whole body numb and unable to move.

"Frankie... My grandma once told me that our lives are like a day, we're born innocent, and beautiful like an early sunrise, and as we go through, some parts go fast, some slow.. We have rainy thundering storms and peaceful sunny hours, and we always end in a wonderful sunset, no matter what happens to us. and I think she was right..." I say, hearing the sirens blaring outside, I look him in the eyes, take in all his beauty like I've done for so long... Until I can't keep my eyes open much longer, my heart beat so slow and soft you can hardly tell it's there. and I say.. " you are my peaceful sunshine...I love you... So much it hurts Frank Iero..."

He leans down and kisses my lips, still crying, and when he pulls away I grasp just enough energy to say, "..,,But my sunset has already come, "

Notes

So this is the first one, just to get started... Wow...

For or those of you Subscribed to my other (and first fanfic) 31Days, I'll update soon! I'm sorry for the long wait!!!!

Xoxo- xXBands.And.BloodXx