Being overwhelmed is a feeling that is too common to me, I wish I could just feel one feeling at a time. Even more so I wish everything wouldn't happen at the same time. Being so over flowed with all of these piercing feelings and thoughts just threw my conscious state into this daze where I just stared into space, thinking about nothing. Every sound around me faded out and it felt as if I weren't in reality any more.
“C'mon kid” said a comforting voice, the silence that made me feel deaf had broken. Gerard stood at the edge of my pathetic hiding place with my coat hanging over his arm, I took his hand as he helped me out. Putting my jacket over my shoulders I thought to my self how nice it is for once to have someone help me up. Its nice to not have to pick myself up any more, that I can trust someone else to make me feel better, he guided me to the car with his arm around me. As he gave me a reassuring squeeze he said 'It'll be all right kid, don't you worry” even thought words are just simply words, my worry was slowly melting away.
We drove in silence, as the situation isn't particularly an ideal social event. My worry grew quickly the closer we came to the hospital, I found Audrey was already there. Frank has bought me a hot chocolate “a hot chocolate is always good news” keeping it light hearted Frank tapped his cup to mine. As I returned to my dazed state of mind, for in that daze everything appears more bearable. Voices being spoken were murmurs and whom ever was walking past were blurs, I discovered that Ash will not be conscious for a long while now. The doctor said it was no use waiting for there will not be any further news until the morning. As we all made our ways home, I watched the same blur I watched on the way to the hospital but only backwards. Audrey was in dead silence, her mascara made two streams of grey down her rosy cheeks with her pink hair scrunched up in her hands. This showed me that she was deep in thought, half way home she reached out and held my hand. I felt as if my bad luck would spread into her, the perky, peculiar and prominent beauty that turned up the door the opposite end of the day is the last person I would want to be plagued by my jinx.
Audrey stayed at our house, Gerard almost insisted that she should not spend the night in an empty house. I took half of the now cold hot chocolate Frank had given me and left it on the breakfast counter on my way to my room. Immediately I looked for comfy pyjamas and engulfed myself in the thick duvet hoping sleep will bless me quickly.

However my sleep was awful, the image of Ash in a hospital bed for something that someone who should love him shouldn't have done, it tore me apart how he could do that. I feel almost lucky to have not ever encountered my blood parents, I feel lucky for once that they didn't keep contacts and continued to abuse me like Ash's did. Sooner rather than later my worry for Ash turned into an anger against his so called father, in my experience, blood relatives mean shit.

Notes