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Karma Follows You

Weird but Wonderful

Nobody wants me. Nobody ever will, these thoughts come up on a regular basis when you’re stuck in an orphanage. Nobody cares.
When people come to adopt, they want a shiny, new-faced toddler. So they can brainwash and deceive that child into thinking that they’re real parents. But nobody wants a grown up, teenager who is already filled with angst and hate.
It’s not our fault we have so much hate, it’s everyone else’s.
Nobody ever adjusts to the thought of being completely alone, I still cry and I still hurt. The love that's meant to be unconditional, that's meant to be permanent is not there. Its the love that every body else gets, besides us. And yes, I hurt, we all hurt. Nobody can adjust to the idea or fact that the people you love most in the world are gone, and it’s not gone-to-the-shops or gone-out-for-the-weekend, it’s gone forever.
As the rain pelted down onto the shared bedroom of the cramped dirty little orphanage, I could hear the soft, overly calm voice of our carer – Emily. No matter how bad the situation, everything is always fine and happy and lovely with Emily.
The talking stopped and I waited for the booming voice to erupt to inform the entire house what is about to happen.
“Tomorrow … A Man …Adopt…best behavior those were the only words I could take in, when your head is against the window, the vibrations are very loud, but also very soothing, nobody had said anything back to Emily. But the new kids were all chatting loudly with excitement.
I went to sleep with out a single thought about it, just another stranger to talk to me, and to judge me and then finally, to reject me. It was always daunting when people come to see us, its so brutal and picky. Its like some people don't want to go through the hard work of an actual child, so they just pick one up that has already been toilet trained and can walk. Its quite sickening sometimes.
As I woke up in the morning, I crawled to the spot I had sat the previous night, it wasn't raining any more, but the whole street was wet, as I opened the window you could smell wet concrete outside, and the smell of a lifted atmosphere. Most people would describe this smell as a new beginning or as a new start. Not me, I don’t lie. You can never get a new beginning, the past always haunts you, weather its a guilty mind or a bitter grudge. The past never goes away. Through my groggy eyes and awoken state I begun to wake up little by little, its the worst thing about sharing a room, there are people that you may like or not, around you at you're most vulnerable. Sleeping is the time we let our subconscious tell us what its been working on all day, its a time where the body is recovering from the days events of doing everything or nothing. Its the time where everyone is at our most vulnerable, we cuddle up and we go into a state of unconscious comfort, dreaming the most beautiful and bizarre things. My eyes began to focus as I looked onto the street as it begun to lightly shower.
It was about 11pm as I looked out the window for this new stranger, that was to whisk away one of us. Finally I saw a black car stop on the other side of the road. Then I saw a man walk out, he had black long- ish hair and black jeans, but he had a dark green hoodie and dark green trainers. He had a very... childlike face about him.
“Children go to your rooms please. I will get you when needed,” said Emily I heard bunch of loud thumps from out side of my door and Mina, Sophia and Jen my room-mates came in. “Hey you worthless piece of shit” said Mina, I ignored her or tried to at least. I never really cared when people call me names. But she was bitter, she’d only been here for about 2 years and wasn't adjusting at all. I pitied her in a way, I reckon she feels she can’t be close to anyone again, so decides to hate. Her parents actually brought her to the door and left her here, they used to visit at one point, but then she became to hostile towards her that they just decided to leave her here for ever. She's never coped well with it, she just spills her sadness and turns it into violent words.
Half an hour went by of silence and constant hate from Mina while the other two chatted quietly between them about this stranger, these two had come together because they're parents wanted to accomplish a dream, they 'promised' to pick them up in 2 years time, I was about to drift off into a sleep when Emily walked in. “Mina your turn honey come on”
She got up from her position and glared to me as I poked my tongue out at her.
She looked into the massive mirror the size of half the wall.
I looked up at her judging her appearance, I saw a miserable young girl waiting. I saw a lonely girl who was looking for someone, anyone to talk to. Or connect with.
It was silly for me to pity her, for pity was the way I avoid my own sadness, I guess until I become of age, I shall be a very patronizing pitying person. Not the most charismatic future I can see in all truth.
I decided to let the self-pity in, let my self-esteem simmer to a very low heat and let my hope be cooked over done.
I am not the kind of girl who deserves a life story. I am not the kind of girl who deserves to be remembered. I am not a girl with a name. I am just the kind of kid who gets by.
The door opened and in came Emily and Mina. Emily made a motion showing it was my turn to talk to this person.
I walked down the stairs and into the bright office where I would talk to him.
It was him with the child-like face that was full of hope and happiness, he smiled as I sat down, I'm not expecting anything positive, I'll just get through this. “This is Gerard Way“
Said Emily calmly “ I will leave you two to talk you have 15 minutes”
She left and I looked at Gerard, “So what’s your name?” I was dreading that question it stung every time someone said it. They called me Karma, when they had found me on their door step. They had called me Karma for I must have been someone’s piece of Karma, Unprotected sex = Baby-they-don’t-want. I was the Karma of somebody’s life, I was the vain of someone’s mind at that time, I was a burden. My name makes me think of all those horrible things, they torture me everyday like a constant pins&needles
I must have been silent for more than I intended too because I had drawn his patience “Do you just want me to call you stranger?” I shook my head coming out of this daze and I looked at his friendly but confused face “Carma, With a C” I spell my name with a C so it would be more like a name rather than a summary of my reason being here. He grinned like this broke the ice, “How different” I put my hands in my lap and looked down “its not all its cracked up to be” his face softened as he realized I wasn't fond of it. “Oh um, okay. Why don’t you…tell me what type of person you are?”
I’m not sure but I think I smiled. I haven’t smiled in a long time but. Someone was actually asking me this question? Nobody had ever asked me what type of person I am, normally they ask me things like school grades and aspirations. I suddenly didn't know what to say “I guess I’m shy…and sort of … in the background. I’m … I’m sad” Gerard looked at me like I was a puppy in care, Something in his eyes just kind of clicked and solidified, “Well…How about you come home with me, and we can make you happy, lets create havoc and have some fun, and … lets … might as well change the world while we're at it.” he said smiling gently at me, tears welled up in my eyes. This is probably the most amazing feeling in the world. It’s like relief? I don’t even know. But what ever it was, it made me feel fantastic. It wasn't just that, it was what he said as if it were the most casual thing in the world 'lets change the world while we're at it'
He felt like a saviour. But then It puzzled me how he had decided to adopt me after this one short interview. I guess he didn't understand how an adoption process goes. There's paperwork and also outings, to make sure he chose right, etc.

I smiled hugely at him.

You know when you get that feeling around someone? Well … I don't know personally but I've read it in books, how someone can instantly connect with someone, instantly feel that they’re important to someone. Its a fantastic feeling, I understand why they go on about it in books. He leaned back in his chair, he had now broken the ice, “I'm getting this vibe that you hate it here? What's it like in this hell hole?” I licked my lips to tell him the horrors in this place “Its not even worth mentioning its that bad” he laughed loudly “That bad huh? You'd probably think my house is a horror. But the good type of horror” I raised my eyebrow. He put his hands behind his head looking up at the ceiling, “There's a good type of horror?” I said curiously. Surely horror... means horror? “Y'know, the horror that makes you sit up in awe, that horror that is just weirdly pretty... please say that's everyone, not just me being weird” I blinked my eyes at him a few times, I'd like to know this type of horror, “Weird but wonderful” I said with a smile, He snapped his fingers “just like that! Weird but wonderful” he laughed quietly so it sounds like a little boy.
We drifted off into other conversation and I can tell you it is wonderful, to talk to someone like this. In a way where they might have been your best friend in a past life. Its mad, its weird but wonderful.
“is she really like that? Like all the time? That's scary” Gerard said in disbelief as we begun talking about Emily. It was like two school children talking about a teacher. Just as Gerard begun to make fun of her, Emily knocked the door “Up-up now Carma, could you go get Jake while I have a talk with Mr. Way please” I nodded, I looked at Gerard a said a quick good-bye, he winked at me “Farewell, not good-bye” my stomach twisted, My hope cooked up to a wedding cake. I felt top of the world. I almost pitied children with parents for they'd never feel this feeling in this way. I knocked Jake's door and told him go to the office, then I walked back into my room with the happiest smile on my face,

“What you smiling about shit-head”

Comments

Update please?

Blood_Feud Blood_Feud
8/30/14
@My Chemical Rose

Sorry, i've had severe writing block. Im going to try and update tonight but expect one soon! Thank you for the comment <3 x
Barbie Diamond Barbie Diamond
7/16/13
can you please update? i cant believe this hasnt had any comments. that sucks but this is an awesomr story