It started with nothing

My life used to be easy. School. Sleeping. Eating. Sleeping again. Listening to music. School and all over again. That was until I met Gerard. Now, I have to deal with things like, well, Gerard, Gerard and me, Gerard and his family, Gerard and my work, Gerard and my father, oh and I must not forget questions like ‘So, am I gay?’ ‘What if I am?’ ‘How does that work exactly?’ ‘What do I do?’ ‘How do I act?’. And the last one might be a real problem. I have absolutely no idea how to be political in relationships. I can talk, yes. But I can’t talk about my feelings. I am not good at it. The outburst of emotions I loaded on Gerard that night came out totally naturally, I didn’t mean to say it I just did.

And now, I have a feeling I might have hurt Gerard with something I said. Or with something I haven’t said. In that case I’d love to know what to say, because I have no idea. And I’m pretty sure that Gerard won’t just let it go. Why? Well if you’d just see him. He doesn’t look at me and if he does, he has a lost puppy expression on his face. And it truly breaks my heart, but I have no idea what I’ve done wrong. And I’m too ashamed to ask him.

After our night in Chicago everything seemed to crash down. My grades were dropping, I couldn’t care less about anything. And Amelia? Well we were still dating, but hell, I had to remind myself to stay calm just to not explode and dump her when she was too annoying. The whole situation was too annoying. I hated the way I was behaving but I was constantly bugged by the things she said and did.

‘Dude, why don’t you just dump her then?’ Sammy asked one day over a lunch break.

‘And how exactly should I do that?’ I asked with sarcasm. Actually it’s true, how the hell was I supposed to do that? ‘Oh Amelia, I don’t wanna date you anymore, in fact I screwed your father few weeks ago and I think I might be gay!’ Yeah, I can see that going well.

‘Jesus Christ I don’t know!’ Sammy groaned, ‘It’s your relationship not mine.’

‘More like relationshit.’ I murmured, earning some laughs around our table.

‘Honeeeeeey!’

‘Oh, shit!’ I cursed under my breath. I turned around and saw Amelia running through the cafeteria like a maniac.

‘Happy Birthday babyyyy!’ Amelia almost screamed as she got to our table.

‘Oh, hi. Uhm thanks.’ Right, my birthday. I totally forgot about that.

‘Don’t worry I didn’t buy you anything,’ She leaned closer, ‘, but I’ve got a special surprise for you tonight.’ She whispered. But it was loud enough for guys to hear.

‘Err uhmmm, okay?’ I strutted.

‘My mom is having some girls weekend out of town, and dad will be staying late at work.. So don’t let me down, honey.’ And then she left. Leaving me completely red faced and embarrassed.

‘Hey Frank, I’ll tell you what will stay down tonight.’ Dean smirked.

‘Asshole.’ I replied, got up and left.

*

It was 8pm and I was panicking the fuck out of my mind.

In about half an hour I should be at Amelia’s, but honestly, I held my phone in my hand trying to call her and cancel tonight for more than four hours.

I finally dialed her number, when I heard the doorbell. Ugh fuck that, my parents will get it. After a while the doorbell rang again. Oh shit, I forgot I was alone. I canceled that call and ran downstairs.

I didn’t really know who I was expecting to see. I certainly wasn’t expecting to see Gerard.

‘Gerard?’ I asked kind of in shock.

‘Yeah.’ He replied. Just standing there. Still standing there…. And still standing there.

‘Uhm, wanna go inside?’ I strutted. He nodded although he looked a bit confused.

‘Aren’t your parents home?’

‘Nope. Just me tonight.’ Gerard furrowed his eyebrows at that and nodded again.

‘Oh, okay then.’

I was beyond nervous. My hands were shaking as hell and I felt like I was about to faint.

‘Uhm, do you want a tea? Or coffee? Or something else?’

‘Coffee, please.’ He nodded and awkwardly stood there.

‘Eh, please sit down, I’ll be here in a minute.’

I went to the kitchen and the first thing I did was that I sat down onto floor and curling into a ball. I took a deep breaths to calm myself. Damn. What the hell? I felt like I was getting a panic attack. After a while when I managed to finally peel myself of the floor I proceeded to make him a coffee and tea for myself. My hands were still shaking as hell.

They were shaking so much that I spilled half of my tea just on the way there. But man I was looking out for his drink like it was my life.

‘So here it is. I don’t know if you like to put milk or anything in it, though.’ Gerard just smiled.

‘Just some sugar please.’ I handed him sugar… well I meant to do that, but my shaking hands did the magic and it fell down.

‘Shit!’ I cursed and bent down, although I was stopped by Gerard.

He took my hands and held them firmly so I couldn’t break free from his grip.

‘Your hands are shaking.’ He stated.

‘I noticed.’ I said and he just smiled and looked down at our hands.

‘What are we doing, Frank?’
‘Honestly? I don’t know.’ Gerard chuckled and leaned a bit closer, but not too much.

‘What if I don’t care?’

‘Maybe you could say that I don’t care either.’

‘What if it’s wrong?’

‘It is wrong, Gerard.’

‘Right.’

‘Oh and Frank?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Happy Birthday.’

Notes

Damn I'm sorry it took so long I shouldn't have promise anything. Sorry again, and here it is. Also its not corrected I'm too sleepy for it. So if you find some absolute nonsense, just go with it and eat a fist full pf gummy bears I'm too sleepy for this shit.

Byee And enjoy your Halloween!!