Chasing the Sun

When Lilly woke up the next morning she was happy to realise she wasn’t hung-over. The bed she was lying in was warm and comfortable, due in part to the arms that were wrapped around her. She twisted in his hold to face him, his face partially covered by his hair. She smiled as she stared at him, enjoying the sensation of butterflies in her stomach, drinking the sight him in. He was utterly adorable, with his pixie nose, thin mouth and pale complexion that was free from blemishes. His breathing was steady and he continued to sleep, oblivious to Lilly’s creepy staring. She snuggled up to his chest, causing Gerard to tighten his hold on her.

She thought about the night they had, and how she begrudgingly had a good time in the end despite her reluctance to go out in the first place. Some parts of the night were fuzzy and distorted, particularly anything after they left the bar. She knew they had come back and christened almost every surface in the apartment, alcohol clearly fuelling the two of them and giving them extra stamina that had taken the both of them by surprise. She wasn’t use to the kind of passion she had with Gerard, but she was going to take full advantage of it while it lasted. She knew passion like the one they had would be short lived and fickle, and rare to come by. Last night had made her decide to stop holding back and fearing the future. What was going to happen would happen, so she may as well enjoy the ride. She remembered vaguely waking up and hearing Gerard talking on the phone but she couldn’t distinguish if it was a dream or a reality.

‘G’ Morning sunshine.’

His voice was dry but happy as he greeted her.

‘Morning’ she responded, before pressing her lips to his chin.

‘No hangover?’ He questioned, opening his eyes a fraction to look at her.

‘Nope.’

‘Bitch’ he muttered. She giggled as he groaned in pain, rubbing his temples in a bid to ease his headache a little.

‘Will I make you some coffee?’

‘Please!’

She got up and quickly dressed before pecking him on the lips and walking into his kitchen to make his coffee. She grew up with a coffee addicted mother so she had no problem working the coffee maker, giving it an evil stare as it brewed the vile liquid. The smell became too strong at one point, her nose forcing her to create some space between herself and the demonic machine. She sat on the couch in the living room, stretching out her limbs in order to wake up a little bit more. Her eyes caught sight of Gerard’s phone, her eyes doing a double take. Memories of Gerard talking on the phone came back, her stomach churning when she realised it wasn’t a dream.

He’s got too many issues. You should just leave now. Inner Voice gave her motherly advice.
She sighed, trying to piece the clues together. Between Mikey’s email and the overheard conversation she gathered there had been a falling out between the siblings. Had Mikey slept with Gerard’s girlfriend? Lilly bit her lip, sympathy getting the best of her. She could only imagine how she would feel if her own sister slept with Gerard. Devastated would be the closest word to describe how she felt at the thought of it, let alone how she would feel if it actually happened. She understood Gerard’s anger, his hurt and his desperate flee from his home. It was extreme to be sure but Gerard was not a person who did anything by half. When he hurt he seemed to hurt deeply.

She heard the coffee machine finish its job, the sound barely registering. She wanted to find out the truth, get to the bottom of the mystery but she knew too well how Gerard would react to her prying judging by his past reactions. He didn’t want to talk about what happened, whether this was out of shame or because he was in denial she couldn’t guess. Most likely it was a bit of both. She added milk to his coffee automatically before, taking few seconds to get her head out of the clouds before returning to the bedroom.
Gerard was still lying down, his closed eyes and lack of movement suggesting he had fallen back asleep. Lilly walked over to the bedside locker next to his side of the bed, gently placing the steaming cup of coffee on top.

‘You’re an angel, you know that?’

His scratchy voice made her jump. She glared at him, his golden hazel eyes beaming at her with glee.

‘You did that on purpose!’

‘Maybe. Your evil look is a big turn on.’

She blushed, slapping his exposed arm.

‘Domestic violence solves nothing!’ he giggled, before catching a hold of her wrist and pulling her onto the bed.

She squealed, landing on top of Gerard. She struggled out of his hold unsuccessfully, his strength clearly outmatching her before he forced her on her back. He crawled on top of her with surprising speed for someone who claimed to be hungover.

She huffed, feigning annoyance. He just grinned back at her, unperturbed by her expression.

‘Remember what Lennon said, make love not war.’

‘I was always more of a McCartney fan’ she muttered before closing the space between their faces.

********************************************************************

‘You’re such a perfectionist, aren’t you?’

Her voice broke the comfortable silence in the apartment. Gerard’s roommate was nowhere to be found so they spent the day in his place. He was sitting on the couch beside her, cigarette hanging from his mouth as he cursed yet again at the sketchbook in front of his, his pencil loose in his hand.

‘No, not at all. Chasing perfection is kinda like….like chasing the sun. Go after it all you want but you’ll never actually reach it. I just aim to do the best I can with what I’ve been given.’

She nodded at his words.

‘How philosophical of you’ she mocked.

‘Whatever’ he muttered, before slamming his sketchbook on the coffee table.

‘Fuck it, I’m not getting anywhere with this today. Wanna go out or something?’

‘Sure.’

He grabbed her hand, helping her off the couch and leading her out of the apartment. The walked leisurely for ten minutes, Gerard smoking another cigarette on the way.

‘’Who were you talking to last night?’

The words came out of her mouth, unplanned and unwanted. She mentally kicked herself, afraid to look at Gerard when his eyes were on her.

‘My brother’ he muttered angerly.

She met his eyes in surprise. Maybe he was finally willing to talk about it.

‘You never talk about him. What’s he like?’

She was being cautious, afraid of pushing him too far.

‘He was my best friend. We were very close growing up, we couldn’t really go outside to play so we only really had each other. We was the best little brother anyone could have.’

‘You talk about him in the past tense.’

‘That’s because he’s dead to me.’

Her eyes widened at the venom in his voice, his hand shaking in anger. His hand tightened around her hand almost painfully.

‘That’s a very harsh thing to say, he’s you’re only brother.’

‘Don’t talk about something you know nothing about!’

His anger turned on her, she shrank back.

‘Sorry.’

He stopped, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair.

‘I;m sorry, I’m just…I’m still angry’ He fell silent before suddenly speaking again. ‘I had a girlfriend, Jessica. We dated for four years, pretty much all of college. I loved her very much, she was my whole fucking world. About six months ago she came to New Jersey to visit me, something she did a lot. I went out with my friends while she stayed in, said she didn’t feel well. I came home to find her fucking my brother on my bed. I haven’t spoken to either of them since.’

Lilly could see how hurt he still was, his hands still shaking when he spoke.

‘That sucks’ she finally said, not wanting to say the cliché ‘I’m sorry’ which he wouldn’t appreciate.

‘Yeah, it does’ he smiled briefly. ‘That’s why I came here. I needed to get away’

‘I guess I understand. If my sister did that to me I’d be pretty angry too.’

He pulled his hand away from hers, cupping her face.

‘Thank you’ he spoke softly.

‘For what?’

‘For listening, For being here.’

‘You’re welcome.’

Notes