I Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday

As the sun rose, Gerard smiled. Frank squeezed his hand as he ran his other through his straggly excuse for hair.

“Morning Frank,” Gerard squeezed back, before placing a quick kiss on his lover’s lips. Frank groaned as he sat up, reaching out for a half-empty mug of cold coffee.

“Hey, hey there babe, you had a rough time last night, just relax,” Gerard fussed, stopping Frank from moving again. Frank did as he was told, letting Gerard stroke his face, flinching as Gerard ran his fingers over a faded bruise.

“Sorry,” Gerard whispered, his fingers falling back onto Frank’s lap.

“Don’t be, it’s my fault,” muttered Frank, “As usual,” He sighed twiddling Gerard’s fingers, interlocking them with his own.

“That’s not true Frankie, it was her fault, she had no right,” Gerard said sadly, sighing at his fellow vegetarian’s lack of self-confidence.

Frank just shook his head, climbing out of bed, wincing as his head pounded. He grabbed some clothes and struggled into them as he walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar.

“Do you not listen to anything I say? Get some rest Frank, you need it,” Gerard fussed; instantly running to Frank’s side. Frank ignored him, wandering into the kitchen to find his keys. He took them and slammed the front door as he left, starting the car and driving away.

Gerard sat on his own staring into space. He needed Frank to see how much he worried about him. Maybe he could cook him a special veggie dinner and they could talk over that.

Tears fell rapidly down Frank’s cheeks; he glanced in his rear-view mirror as he turned onto a new street. Gerard wouldn’t follow someone as worthless as himself and he couldn’t go back to the house. Not now, at least.

Gerard paced around the kitchen, getting more and more frustrated. He couldn’t find the fucking Quorn. Frank loved it, and everything had to be perfect for Frank. Frank was perfect.

Frank had been driving for what felt like a long time and he found himself at a familiar house. He slowly made his way up the path and knocked on the door.

Gerard smiled, his romantic dinner was nearly finished. Frank had been out for eight hours now without a word, but Gerard knew not to call him, Frank hated it when he got too overprotective.

The door opened and Frank fell in the arms of an older man, 41 to be precise.

“Hey Frank, come in, it’s gonna be ok, just come here,” the man said.

“Thanks Jare, I just...” he trailed off, his tears soaked Jared’s jumper, still falling fast from his bloodshot eyes.

Flopping down on the sofa, Gerard began to think Frank would never come back. The food was burnt and the candles were drooping wax, and Gerard began to cry.

Jared stroked Frank’s hair. He was sat on the sofa, Frank’s head in his lap. Frank sniffed, his eyes watching the TV screen intently. Jared smiled with Frank as a ridiculous part of the movie started.

After calling Frank and leaving many messages, Gerard finally gave up. He’d thought Frank was okay, but yesterday had obviously shaken him up. So Gerard did the only thing he could think of – he drank.

Frank hadn’t thought about Gerard, he knew it would just make him feel worse. He would phone later. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about Gerard as he passionately kissed Jared, running his hands through his hair, grabbing it as Jared bit lightly on Frank’s bottom lip.

Gerard hated himself for messing up Frank, and he needed to punish himself. He knew Frank would be better off without him, and his drunken state multiplied this feeling. So he through some wine and an old happy photograph into a bag and left.

Frank looking at Jared’s naked torso. He didn’t know how far they would go, they certainly never got this far together. Frank blocked Gerard out of his mind and Jared didn’t dare mention him.

“Oh, Jare,” Frank moaned as Jared began placing butterfly kisses on Frank’s jaw.

Gerard wandered out of the door, not knowing nor caring where he was going to go. He got his phone and dialled his ever-caring brother Mikey, but was shocked to hear a British accent on the other end.

Jared mumbled into Frank’s hair as he pushed them both over to the bed, stumbling over their own feet.

“You don’t have to do this Frank,” Jared’s face was now serious as one of his hands rubbed gently between Frank’s thighs. He smirked as Frank’s breath hitched in his throat.

“Who-who’s Dougie?” Gerard slurred, wondering where Mikey was.

“Oh, I’m just a friend of Mikes,” Only Gerard called him Mikes, “I play bass, we’re starting a kick-ass bond. Can I leave a message?”

Gerard hung up, and wandered across the road, not seeing the two glaring lights coming towards him.

Jared’s body collapsed on top of Frank’s, their panting in time with eachother. Jared lifted himself off Frank and lay beside him, stroking loose strands of hair out of Frank’s face,

“That was amazing sugar,” Jared whispered, “Why don’t you crash here for a bit, whatever you want to do,” he added.

The last thing Gerard remembered was seeing Frank’s face flash before him, before he gave into the darkness and blacked out.

Frank watched Jared the next morning. Jared looked so adorable when he slept. Frank didn’t want to wake him, but at the same time he wanted to look into those intense, blue eyes and tell Jared everything and let it all out. And then he remembered Gerard.

Gerard woke up with pain everywhere. And he really did hurt everywhere. His thoughts fell to what had happened, and not remembering anything, they instantly fell back on Frank.

Frank was stood outside the bedroom, in tears once again. He dropped his phone on the floor before Jared ran out of the room, pulling Frank into his arms.

“Hey Frank, don’t cry. Was it last night? I’m sorry. Please just talk to me,” He hated seeing Frank cry. He always did.

Frank should be with him. Frank’s always by his side, through everything. And now he wasn’t there, when all Gerard really needed was a hug and a kiss from his lover. And he wasn’t going to get one. As the heart machine sped up, Gerard felt himself enter blackness once more.

Jared came into the bedroom, coffee and sandwich in hand. He locked eyes with Frank and smiled softly. He set down the plate and mug next to Frank and softly kissed his forehead.

“We’ll find his Frank angel, I promise,” he spoke softly.

Gerard woke an hour later, a nurse shaking his body gently.

“Sorry to wake you Mr. Way, but you need to eat, and you have some visitors. I’ve told them to go away, but he was adamant to see you,”

Gerard smiled. Frank.

Frank let go of Jared’s hand as they walked into the ward. Jared gave Frank a knowing nod and pinched his bum, smiling as Frank’s eyes widened. Frank smiled back and went and sat on the seat nest to Gerard’s bed.

“F-Frank,” Gerard whispered, “And-and Jared. H-hi. What are you doing here?” Gerard felt himself wincing at the pain that was needed to talk.

Jared cleared his throat before speaking.

“I gave Frank a lift,” Well it was the truth. Just not the full truth. Frank nodded, giving Gerard a weary smile.

Gerard ignored both the smile and Jared.

“What happened? I don’t remember anything. Wait – where did you go last night Frankie?” Gerard asked, the events of the previous night slowly returning to the injured man.

Frank grimaced, “I drove around for a while and slept in the car. Jared was the closest person to me when I couldn’t get hold of you. You were in an accident b-baby,” Frank stammered at that word, remembering the previous night.

“W-why did you leave me Frank? We, er, we need to talk,” Gerard said, looking at Jared meaningfully. When Jared looking confused, Gerard spoke again.

“Me and Frank need to talk. Alone,”

Frank watched Jared leave the room before turning his attention back to Gerard.

“I’m so sorry baby, I should never have left,” Frank’s hands were beginning to get clammy and his heart was racing even though there was no way Gerard would know about him and Jared.

“Then why did you Frank dammit? I was just trying to help, because I fucking care about you! I have to see you like this! You know, I cooked a special veggie meal for us last night,” Gerard let everything out and then turned away from Frank as his face was getting red and tears were beginning to freely fall down his face.

Frank just stood there, numb. He had no idea what to do.

“I’m sorry,” it was a feeble excuse, but it was the best he could come up with. Frank twiddled his thumbs and felt himself flush as he saw Jared in the hall, his mind casting back to the previous night.

“Frank! Why did you leave? Talking helps, talking always helps. And you know, it doesn’t have to be me, you can talk to anyone, like a counsellor! J-just stay away from him ok?”

“What the fuck Gerard? You know that me and Jare have been friends since we were kids and he’s helped me through loads of shit, I thought you understood. I thought you liked him,” Frank could feel that he was losing his temper.

Gerard felt himself beginning to shake uncontrollably.

“I saw Frank, I saw the way he looked at you, I saw the way you looked right back at him! Friends? HA!”

Frank’s heart stopped and he felt the color drain for his face.

“YES WE ARE FRIENDS!” he yelled, beginning to cry. He stood up, knocking the chair over. Then he sank to the floor and curled up, crying. Jared came rushing in and crouched down next to Frank, being careful not to get too close and suggest things to Gerard.

Gerard just looked away, disgusted at both Jared, Frank and himself. He placed his head on his hand and began crying more uncontrollably, starting to sob. Everything was just so shit.

Frank, after a while, shakily stood up, mumbling something to Jared, who nodded and left the room. Frank looked at Gerard, and stroked his hair.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing going on between me and Jared, I promise. I will never leave like that ever again. I love you, I’m so, so, so sorry,”

Gerard felt his heart begin to break at the sorry sight of Frank before him.

“Frank, me too, I’m sorry, I know you and Jared and just friends. He’s married as well I guess. I’m just being unreasonable,” Gerard began to feel that his speech was speeding up. “Please Frank, just hold me,”

Frank did as he was told, and climbed onto the bed nest to Gerard. He held him, kissing the top of his head. He looked up to the window and his eyes found Jared’s. Jared smiled and licked his lips. Frank pouted, then ignored the guilt washing through him. Poor Gerard. Frank didn’t want to hurt him, but he wanted to openly be with Jared. He didn’t love Gerard like he did yesterday.

Gerard felt so much better. He was in Frank’s arms once again, and everything between them was going to be ok. Because he was Frank’s, and Frank was his.

Frank helped Gerard into Jared’s care after he was discharged that evening. Jared took them back to their own house and Frank led a half-asleep Gerard onto the couch. He walked back outside and Jared pulled him into a kiss.

“I’ll text you,” Jared said and Frank nodded, placing a soft kiss on Jared’s lips before going back in to be with Gerard.

Gerard saw Frank walk out of the room, and he saw Frank place a kiss on Jared’s lips. And so Gerard silently cried through the night, wondering what he’d done wrong and what he could do to make Frank love him.

Frank made Gerard breakfast the next morning. He could see that Gerard has been crying and so he got some aspirin for the pain – he assumed. Frank wanted to see Jared so badly, but he knew that it was too risky. He would just have to wait. Patience is a virtue.

Gerard could see that Frank tried to make him happy that day, but he knew Frank well, and he knew that his mind was in other places. He knew that Frank no longer cared about him. And he knew it was all his own fault.

Gerard was recovering nicely and so Frank finally phoned Jared, asking to see him. They decided to go out for a meal, to talk and that. Frank spent ages in front of the mirror. Luckily Gerard was downstairs.

“It’s for work,” Frank said to Gerard as he left.

Pressing ‘call’ on his mobile once more, Gerard listened to his mother’s greeting on the other end. However, Gerard didn’t say anything. It was all her fault.

Jared grabbed Frank’s hand as they walked down the silent street. Jared was treating Frank tonight and he would treat him in every way possible. The only problem was that Frank could stay out the whole night. He’d promised to be home by one. They had two hours. And a shitty motel.

“Gerard, I’m sorry ok, I just lost it with him. How is he? How are you honey?”

“Mum,” Gerard started, “I was in hospital yesterday, and Frank’s cheating on me, and it’s your fault ok. So just leave me alone. Forever,” Gerard hung up, his fingers shaking slightly as he realised he’d never see his mother again.

Notes