Desperate in Decline

I walked through the damp street with my head down. I was more than familiar with this part of town, and the last thing I wanted was someone recognizing me. Through the dim light of late evening I made out a figure dusted with shadow.
“Hey Gee! You want some more booze?” The figure yelled, somehow recognizing me in the dim street. Speak of the devil. What was I supposed to say? For once in my life, I didn’t want more booze, but I couldn’t tell the guy I was trying to find the boy from the bridge. For some reason, I didn’t want anyone to know about him. I shouted back a random excuse, but the guy came up to me anyway. It was Bert, my dealer.
“C’mon Gee, you know ya do.” He grinned, walking backward so to face me. He wasn’t very desecrate for a dealer. “Or do you want something stronger?”
I shook my head, but found myself shoving some bills in his hand. Naturally, Bert had a bag already prepared that he tucked in my pocket.
“I knew it, Buddy. You look like you’re drying up.” He was right. I was. I spent most of my time in a dizzy haze, and for once I wasn’t as high, drunk, or stoned as usual.
“Thanks Bert.” I mumbled in response, and shuffled away. I continued down the street and made my way toward the river. I glanced aside from my feet to rest my eyes on a shattered bottle on the side of the road. It was dotted with dried blood, and I clenched my wounded hand. Memories of the night before flashed through my head, and for a brief moment I wished I had just jumped. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair.
I needed to be alive right now. I needed to be alive for that boy. I hustled up to the top, and, upon seeing no boy, sat on the street with my back against the rail. I would wait.
Out of curiosity I pulled the brown bag out of my pocket to discover its contents. It was probably pot, or maybe even coke. I reached into the bag and pulled out a few tightly packaged bundles. It wasn’t coke, and it certainly wasn’t marijuana. Fuck. I thought. He gave my fucking heroin. I was an addict, but I wasn’t sure I could handle heroin.
Fuck. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by a girl staring at me. A few people had passed, but only this one cared to stare. I looked up at her and glared, before forgetting my anger. Before me stood a plaid-skirt-clad girl with a black vest and pigtails. Lindsey. I felt the need to stand up, but didn’t because I knew her well enough that that would offend her.
“Lindsey.” I said simply.
“Gerard.” She replied, eyebrow raised. “You come around here often?”
“No. I mean, yes, but, no.” I said, unsure as to her view on drugs.
“Well nor do I. I only stopped by to get a little something extra for special costumers at the bar, if you get my meaning.” I did, but I didn’t reply. “Also,” She began, “You might want to be a little more carful with that.” She said, gesturing to the package I was fiddling with in my hands. “You never know whose walking around.” I quickly shoved the pack back into my bag.
“Sorry.” I mumbled. “Listen Gerard, don’t do it. I know you, I know you haven’t used it before. Don’t. I’ve been there, and trust me it’s not worth it.”
I looked up at her through my eyelashes, and then stood. I turned around and dropped the bag off the bridge. I turned back to Lindsey, who was looking at me with wide eyes. “You could have at least SOLD it or something!” She stammered. “That’s worth money Gerard.”
“I know.” I said, and then sat back down. Lindsey just shook her head and laughed.
“You’re a weird dude Gerard. You’re weird. Or maybe just high.” And then she was gone, and I saw her silhouette fade into the dark no the other side of the bridge. I rested my head against the back or the rail and let out a sigh. For a reason I don’t quite understand I drifted off to sleep.

***

I woke to the sun, red behind my eyelids. I blinked rapidly in the harsh light and lifted my head. The sun was rising directly in front of me, and my back and butt hurt from sitting on the cement all night.
All of a sudden, a figure stepped into the unwelcome ray of light hitting my eyes, and spoke. “Excuse me? Sir?” I let my eyes adjust to the drastic shift in lighting and found myself looking into a friendly face. I didn’t really know him, but this guys face was just really welcoming. His voice, his concerned facial features, even his hair, which was quite large, was friendly if not intimidating.
“Ya?” I mumbled in reply, before clearing my throat and repeating the reply.
“Are you okay?” He asked, and I found myself looking at his hand, which was lowered to my level. Against my nature I took it, and let the man haul me to my feet.
“Uh, ya, I think so.” I shrugged, still drowsy and stiff from the night before. It suddenly occurred to me that the sun had just risen, and it must be incredible early. “What time is it?” I frowned. “5:57” He replied with a grin. “Perfect time for a sunrise walk.” I stared at him.
“Okaaay,” I replied skeptically, unsure of this man’s mental health.
“Oh, sorry for waking you though. You were shaking in your sleep and I figure you weren’t enjoying you dream.” I said apologetically. At that, I was suddenly reminded of my nightmare. I hadn’t saved him. The boy. The bridge boy.
“Thats okay. Thanks.” I mumbled. The man was suddenly reminded of something, and began to rummage around in his pockets, eventually pulling out a bill of sorts. It was a twenty. I stared at it in surprise. “I- I have a house. Well, apartment, but I don’t-“
“No,” he interrupted. “You may have a place to live, but everyone could use $20 for something. Take it.” He shoved it into my hands. “Here.”
“Th-thanks.” I stammered as he strode away. That man just oozed confidence. “
By the way, I’m Ray. Ray Toro.” He called over his shoulder. I replied with my name, and then turned the opposite direction and retreated back to my thoughts. The boy hadn’t come. I guess he meant Saturday night, not morning. Thats okay. I would be back.

Notes

Hi, and sorry for not posting a ton. I've been traveling a lot and am currently settled with my grandparents. Sorry is I missed any vocab stuff, its 2 in the morning cut me some slack. Also, this site is hated by my chrome so its incredibly fickle and refuses to do anything. Anyway, I may write some more soon but now I'm going to try to fall asleep to some Bowie and Misfits. Night!
-Panickedemo