You Are A Beautiful Human ((Frerard))
Chapter 3
Gee POV
Everyone knows about me but no one accepts me. They all know but they don’t care. I’m not ashamed to be non binary and I’m not ashamed to be neurodivergent but everyone else seems to be. At school it’s ‘Gerard’ that gets called out in the register. At home it’s a son my father has. And that’s pretty much my life. I don’t socialise, it’s pointless, I just sit there awkwardly then say something wrong and fuck it up. No one want’s to socialise with me anyway. But that’s okay I suppose, because I am blessed to live in an age with an internet connection. On Tumblr, no one judges. On Tumblr, I am Gee, I am non binary, it’s okay for me to be odd, it’s even okay for me to be a bit broken sometimes. I guess this is why frank has been playing on my mind so much. It’s more than the fact he’s cute. He’s like tumblr in real life. He didn’t judge when he heard I was non binary. He didn’t judge when he heard I’m neurodivergent. And to my surprise, I woke up to an ask from him seeing how I am. He still wants to talk to me. For the first time in my life I have found someone, who knows who I really am and still wants to talk to me, without pretending like I’m someone else, without pretending like I’m ‘Gerard’. He wants to talk to Gee, he wants to talk to me. And that makes me incredibly happy.
‘Gerard’ is a gross name. ‘Gerard’. It’s so rough. The ‘g’ is so heavy, the ‘er’ sounds horrible, the ‘d’ is so harsh at the end. There’s no femininity to it. It’s like a brick of a name. ‘Gee’ is pretty. Okay it has the heavy sounding ‘g’ sound but it gives it strength. And the ‘ee’ sound is glorious. It just softly falls off your tongue. It’s like a sea shell of a name. ‘Frank’ is an interesting name. It’s very satisfying. Frank. Short and sharp and memorable. It’s like ‘Gee’ in reverse. It sounds all soft at the start but there’s the strong, pleasing, punky ‘nk’ sound at the end. ‘Frank’ fits frank. A soft, caring punk. His url I don’t like so much. Frnk. It’s far too harsh. It’s like he’s trying to hide the soft side of him. He doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to be frnk. It’s Frank I have an ever so slightly massive crush on.
***
I’m sitting on my bed reading the latest kerrang when my phone rings. I grin as I see the name. It’s only been 18 hours since Frank and I last spoke on the phone. I replied to his ask and we had a short text conversation but understandably it took a long time for him to reply each time so I guess it must be easier for him to call.
“Hello” I answer.
“Hey Gee! Sorry I thought it’d be easier to call, this damn keyboard keeps freezing” He explains apologetically.
“Its fine, don’t worry” I assure him.
“So what are you doing?”
“Right now? I’m just reading kerrang but I should really do my homework, I have school tomorrow”
“Oh okay, I’m homeschooled so everything’s homework for me I guess” he chuckles.
“Wow lucky, I hate school”
“I’d do anything to go back there”
“I suppose, but seriously there I’m a retarded boy with absolutely no friends who apparently is scum because no one wants to even touch something I’ve touched”
“Aw that sucks, people can be dickheads, still they’re missing out”
I pause for a moment. “You know, I mean we’ve only known eachother for 27 hours but you are the first person in my life to actually want to talk to me and make me less of a loner” I murmur nervously.
“I find that hard to believe” he replies.
“It’s true”
“Well if it helps you are the first person my own age I’ve spoken to in 3 years”
“Wow, I mean I know you are blind but you are cool af why the hell wouldn’t people talk to you?”
“I could say the same to you man, I mean I know you are non binary and- and- um you- neurodivergent” He starts, stammering. I know what he’s aching to ask and to my surprise, I’m aching to tell.
“Asperger’s and bipolar” I whisper.
“What?”
“Th-that’s how I’m neurodivergent” I hiss. I’ve fucked up, now he thinks I’m some kinda psycho.
“I would of never been able to tell” He murmurs eventually, slightly irritating me, theres this thing called acting.
“I- I hide it quite well, please don’t think bad of me but if you wanna stop talking to me that’s fine, I get if you don’t wanna know a crazy person well I’m not crazy well no- I- I don’t know, I have meds for the bipolar so I don’t really get the big long moods like I did before a-and the aspergers that’s just who I am I mean it makes me kinda awkward and weird but like I can hide it a bit and I mean I do get pretty overemotional but that can’t be helped but like if you want to block me and stuff that’s fine you don’t deserve this negativity in your life I’ll be fi-”
“Gee” Frank interrupts my gabbling “I would never do that, I think you’re one of the coolest people I’ve ever met”
I gulp taken aback. “Are you lying?” I accuse.
“No no no, of course not” he assures. He sounds genuine.
“Okay, thanks I guess, the same to you, you’re awesome”
“Thanks, do you wanna meet sometime. Or come round mine sometime?” he offers “Pizza and fall out boy?”
“Yeah okay, wait you said a slice of pizza makes you sick?”
“Did I?”
“On tumblr”
“Ohh right I made that post months ago, how’d you remember that?”
“I don’t know, but are you definitely gonna be okay?”
“Yeah of course, mum normally buys a special lactose free one anyway”
“Okay then”
“When are you free?”
“Everyday”
“Same, is tomorrow good for you?”
“Yes”
“Awesome”
We say our goodbyes and I hang up. What the hell was that. Is this a date? No it’s not, you don’t even know him.
***
Frank POV
I think about Gee all afternoon and evening. I don’t even know them. I’m so touched by how they told me about their Asperger’s and bipolar though. I still have a lot of questions want to ask, I mean I know literally nothing about those two disorders, I mean I’ve heard the names but I have no knowledge on them. I take out my phone.
“Screen unlocked. 8:38pm.” It announces. I navigate onto google and begin typing. “Asperger’s” it reads back. I find and press enter and select the first result. Once its done reading the info about the site it begins reading a chunk of text. It tells me how asperger’s cause poor social skills. Well they seemed perfectly fine when I met them. Although they did stress they can hide it well on the phone. “People with Asperger’s may develop eccentric or odd behaviour or movements such as finger twisting or hand wringing” Well to be fair, I wouldn’t be able to see if they were doing that and it wouldn’t matter if they were anyway. “Unusual rituals” I don’t know them so I wouldn’t know but this doesn’t seem like a big deal. “Communication difficulties” Isn’t that the same as poor social skills? “Limited range of interests” Okay cool, that doesn’t really affect anyone. “Coordination problems, may seem clumsy or awkward” Well they did tread on my foot but I can’t really judge, I’m fucking blind. “Skilled or talented” Apparently they’re an amazing artist so? Most of these things don’t seem like an illness or anything. It seems like they’re just different, which obviously brings difficulties but it’s not something that should be ‘cured’. After all, didn’t they say ‘its just who they are’.
Next, I go back to google and type.
“Bipolar” It reads back to me. I open an article on it. “Bipolar disorder is characterized by periods of elevated mood and periods of depression” Oh I know this, this is what Pete Wentz has. Shit this must be so tough to deal with. They did mention they were on meds for it so hopefully they take the edge off. From looking at Gee’s blog and talking to them, even if for just a little which, I can tell they are one of the most amazing people and do not deserve this shit. Heck if we could swap places I would so they didn’t have to go through that. Having said that, they’d be left blind with a fucked up stomach so maybe it’s not the best idea. I guess for every physical abnormality I have, they have a mental one.
***
The next day, I sleep right in til 1pm. My tutor’s ill so couldn’t make it so my mum decided to leave me in bed. I know the layout of this house off by heart so fumble my way to the living room unaided.
“Frank!” my mum exclaims “How much sleep do you need!?”
“You could of woken me up” I whine, heading towards her voice.
“Yeah but you would of stabbed me” She retorts.
“I suppose” I give in as she pulls me down to sit next to her “You know Gee? They’re coming round tonight”
“Awesome!” she replies happily.
Suddenly my phone rings, my mum passes it over to me.
“Ooh talk of the devil” she comments.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Frank!” Gee cries, sounding distressed. “I’m sorry to call but you’re the only person I know”
“What’s happening? Are you okay?” I question desperately.
“Come and pick me up, please” They plead.
“I- I can’t, neither of us drive” I mumble.
“What’s happening?” My mum interjects.
“I don’t know, Gee wants us to pick them up” I explain to her.
“We can’t, tell hi- them to make their own way here”
“They sound in trouble”
“Crap okay, whats happening Gee?” She asks, grabbing the phone and putting it on loudspeaker.
“I- I can’t say” They stammer.
“Mum, can you give us a minute quickly” I request. She gets up and walks into the kitchen. “Gee!? What is it you can tell me?” I beg.
“I can’t” they state.
“Listen to me, I’m calling you a cab, I have some money, I’ll pay when you get here.” I tell them. I get which school Gee goes to and call up the taxi service, stressing for them to be as quick as possible. And now we wait.
Everyone knows about me but no one accepts me. They all know but they don’t care. I’m not ashamed to be non binary and I’m not ashamed to be neurodivergent but everyone else seems to be. At school it’s ‘Gerard’ that gets called out in the register. At home it’s a son my father has. And that’s pretty much my life. I don’t socialise, it’s pointless, I just sit there awkwardly then say something wrong and fuck it up. No one want’s to socialise with me anyway. But that’s okay I suppose, because I am blessed to live in an age with an internet connection. On Tumblr, no one judges. On Tumblr, I am Gee, I am non binary, it’s okay for me to be odd, it’s even okay for me to be a bit broken sometimes. I guess this is why frank has been playing on my mind so much. It’s more than the fact he’s cute. He’s like tumblr in real life. He didn’t judge when he heard I was non binary. He didn’t judge when he heard I’m neurodivergent. And to my surprise, I woke up to an ask from him seeing how I am. He still wants to talk to me. For the first time in my life I have found someone, who knows who I really am and still wants to talk to me, without pretending like I’m someone else, without pretending like I’m ‘Gerard’. He wants to talk to Gee, he wants to talk to me. And that makes me incredibly happy.
‘Gerard’ is a gross name. ‘Gerard’. It’s so rough. The ‘g’ is so heavy, the ‘er’ sounds horrible, the ‘d’ is so harsh at the end. There’s no femininity to it. It’s like a brick of a name. ‘Gee’ is pretty. Okay it has the heavy sounding ‘g’ sound but it gives it strength. And the ‘ee’ sound is glorious. It just softly falls off your tongue. It’s like a sea shell of a name. ‘Frank’ is an interesting name. It’s very satisfying. Frank. Short and sharp and memorable. It’s like ‘Gee’ in reverse. It sounds all soft at the start but there’s the strong, pleasing, punky ‘nk’ sound at the end. ‘Frank’ fits frank. A soft, caring punk. His url I don’t like so much. Frnk. It’s far too harsh. It’s like he’s trying to hide the soft side of him. He doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to be frnk. It’s Frank I have an ever so slightly massive crush on.
***
I’m sitting on my bed reading the latest kerrang when my phone rings. I grin as I see the name. It’s only been 18 hours since Frank and I last spoke on the phone. I replied to his ask and we had a short text conversation but understandably it took a long time for him to reply each time so I guess it must be easier for him to call.
“Hello” I answer.
“Hey Gee! Sorry I thought it’d be easier to call, this damn keyboard keeps freezing” He explains apologetically.
“Its fine, don’t worry” I assure him.
“So what are you doing?”
“Right now? I’m just reading kerrang but I should really do my homework, I have school tomorrow”
“Oh okay, I’m homeschooled so everything’s homework for me I guess” he chuckles.
“Wow lucky, I hate school”
“I’d do anything to go back there”
“I suppose, but seriously there I’m a retarded boy with absolutely no friends who apparently is scum because no one wants to even touch something I’ve touched”
“Aw that sucks, people can be dickheads, still they’re missing out”
I pause for a moment. “You know, I mean we’ve only known eachother for 27 hours but you are the first person in my life to actually want to talk to me and make me less of a loner” I murmur nervously.
“I find that hard to believe” he replies.
“It’s true”
“Well if it helps you are the first person my own age I’ve spoken to in 3 years”
“Wow, I mean I know you are blind but you are cool af why the hell wouldn’t people talk to you?”
“I could say the same to you man, I mean I know you are non binary and- and- um you- neurodivergent” He starts, stammering. I know what he’s aching to ask and to my surprise, I’m aching to tell.
“Asperger’s and bipolar” I whisper.
“What?”
“Th-that’s how I’m neurodivergent” I hiss. I’ve fucked up, now he thinks I’m some kinda psycho.
“I would of never been able to tell” He murmurs eventually, slightly irritating me, theres this thing called acting.
“I- I hide it quite well, please don’t think bad of me but if you wanna stop talking to me that’s fine, I get if you don’t wanna know a crazy person well I’m not crazy well no- I- I don’t know, I have meds for the bipolar so I don’t really get the big long moods like I did before a-and the aspergers that’s just who I am I mean it makes me kinda awkward and weird but like I can hide it a bit and I mean I do get pretty overemotional but that can’t be helped but like if you want to block me and stuff that’s fine you don’t deserve this negativity in your life I’ll be fi-”
“Gee” Frank interrupts my gabbling “I would never do that, I think you’re one of the coolest people I’ve ever met”
I gulp taken aback. “Are you lying?” I accuse.
“No no no, of course not” he assures. He sounds genuine.
“Okay, thanks I guess, the same to you, you’re awesome”
“Thanks, do you wanna meet sometime. Or come round mine sometime?” he offers “Pizza and fall out boy?”
“Yeah okay, wait you said a slice of pizza makes you sick?”
“Did I?”
“On tumblr”
“Ohh right I made that post months ago, how’d you remember that?”
“I don’t know, but are you definitely gonna be okay?”
“Yeah of course, mum normally buys a special lactose free one anyway”
“Okay then”
“When are you free?”
“Everyday”
“Same, is tomorrow good for you?”
“Yes”
“Awesome”
We say our goodbyes and I hang up. What the hell was that. Is this a date? No it’s not, you don’t even know him.
***
Frank POV
I think about Gee all afternoon and evening. I don’t even know them. I’m so touched by how they told me about their Asperger’s and bipolar though. I still have a lot of questions want to ask, I mean I know literally nothing about those two disorders, I mean I’ve heard the names but I have no knowledge on them. I take out my phone.
“Screen unlocked. 8:38pm.” It announces. I navigate onto google and begin typing. “Asperger’s” it reads back. I find and press enter and select the first result. Once its done reading the info about the site it begins reading a chunk of text. It tells me how asperger’s cause poor social skills. Well they seemed perfectly fine when I met them. Although they did stress they can hide it well on the phone. “People with Asperger’s may develop eccentric or odd behaviour or movements such as finger twisting or hand wringing” Well to be fair, I wouldn’t be able to see if they were doing that and it wouldn’t matter if they were anyway. “Unusual rituals” I don’t know them so I wouldn’t know but this doesn’t seem like a big deal. “Communication difficulties” Isn’t that the same as poor social skills? “Limited range of interests” Okay cool, that doesn’t really affect anyone. “Coordination problems, may seem clumsy or awkward” Well they did tread on my foot but I can’t really judge, I’m fucking blind. “Skilled or talented” Apparently they’re an amazing artist so? Most of these things don’t seem like an illness or anything. It seems like they’re just different, which obviously brings difficulties but it’s not something that should be ‘cured’. After all, didn’t they say ‘its just who they are’.
Next, I go back to google and type.
“Bipolar” It reads back to me. I open an article on it. “Bipolar disorder is characterized by periods of elevated mood and periods of depression” Oh I know this, this is what Pete Wentz has. Shit this must be so tough to deal with. They did mention they were on meds for it so hopefully they take the edge off. From looking at Gee’s blog and talking to them, even if for just a little which, I can tell they are one of the most amazing people and do not deserve this shit. Heck if we could swap places I would so they didn’t have to go through that. Having said that, they’d be left blind with a fucked up stomach so maybe it’s not the best idea. I guess for every physical abnormality I have, they have a mental one.
***
The next day, I sleep right in til 1pm. My tutor’s ill so couldn’t make it so my mum decided to leave me in bed. I know the layout of this house off by heart so fumble my way to the living room unaided.
“Frank!” my mum exclaims “How much sleep do you need!?”
“You could of woken me up” I whine, heading towards her voice.
“Yeah but you would of stabbed me” She retorts.
“I suppose” I give in as she pulls me down to sit next to her “You know Gee? They’re coming round tonight”
“Awesome!” she replies happily.
Suddenly my phone rings, my mum passes it over to me.
“Ooh talk of the devil” she comments.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Frank!” Gee cries, sounding distressed. “I’m sorry to call but you’re the only person I know”
“What’s happening? Are you okay?” I question desperately.
“Come and pick me up, please” They plead.
“I- I can’t, neither of us drive” I mumble.
“What’s happening?” My mum interjects.
“I don’t know, Gee wants us to pick them up” I explain to her.
“We can’t, tell hi- them to make their own way here”
“They sound in trouble”
“Crap okay, whats happening Gee?” She asks, grabbing the phone and putting it on loudspeaker.
“I- I can’t say” They stammer.
“Mum, can you give us a minute quickly” I request. She gets up and walks into the kitchen. “Gee!? What is it you can tell me?” I beg.
“I can’t” they state.
“Listen to me, I’m calling you a cab, I have some money, I’ll pay when you get here.” I tell them. I get which school Gee goes to and call up the taxi service, stressing for them to be as quick as possible. And now we wait.
Notes
Oo quick update.
This is cliffhanger for me too, i'm writing the goddamn fic and I have no idea why Gee needs picking up, I suddenly realised i have absolutely no idea where to take it. Lets just see how this pans out.
Hope you're okay, tysm for reading <33
plz comment n stuff
Megan x
@snailthesaints (twitter)
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@Gee'sCLUELESSgirl!
tysm for being so understanding omg <3
10/29/15