You Are A Beautiful Human ((Frerard))
Chapter 2
Frank POV
My mum drags me through shop after shop all afternoon. I hate it, I wanna just sit in the damn record store and listen to those tester tracks and maybe find some new bands. I have my earphones in for most of the time but I hardly get to actually listen to anything because my mum keeps making conversation. I don’t mind much though, she’s nice to talk to, just not when I’m sweating my balls off in a boiling hot clothes store despite the sub-zero temperatures outside. While queueing, waiting for mum to pay for her things, I take out that bit of paper Gee gave me to distract myself. Running my fingers over the braille, I notice the bumps are harder to read, it got a bit crushed up in my pocket. I’d better put it in my phone now before they flatten out completely. Feeling in my pocket I press the familiar unlock button.
“Screen unlocked. 2:35pm.” the monotone voice announces. I run my finger across the touchscreen, it vibrating whenever I touch an icon and stating which app it is through my earphones. Soon I reach the tumblr icon and double click. “Tumblr” it reads as I run my finger across the smooth screen, vibrating at the touch “dashboard, explore-”. I doubleclick on explore. “Explore. Search, trendi-” I doubleclick search. “Keyboard open” With one hand I feel across the bit of paper and with the other I begin typing. It’s surprisingly easy on mobile, I run my finger across the keyboard and it vibrates and states what letter I’m on then I double click the right one, just like the rest of the phone. I mean it takes a bit of time but I’m used to it, I know where most of the letters are. “k, l, o, p” I double click “p”. “s, d, a” I double click again “a”. Once I’m done, it reads it back to me in it’s monotone voice making me giggle slightly “pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co”. I click enter and navigate to Gee’s blog before being interrupted by my mum pulling me out the shop, I quickly manage to find and hit the follow button. I’ll come back to it later on the laptop. Still, I hope I don’t lose his phone number, the notes bound to get crushed on the way home.
I’m sat on the bus, right at the back feeling the engine vibrating roughly, when my phone beeps. “Tumblr: pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co followed you” the familiar voice announces. I don’t bother opening it, I should be back home in a few minutes but I do begin thinking about Gee. There was something about him, an awkwardness almost. But not the normal kind of awkwardness I get from people all the time, not the “holy shit I spoke to a blind person I have committed a crime to humanity, jesus forgive me” awkwardness, something slightly odd that’s an inherent part of his personality, what makes him unique. He didn’t seem at all judgemental, I like that. He’s intriguing, he’s been through shit, you can tell but I don’t think he’s like a lot of people. His voice is soft and calm, not gruff and dismissive like most. Or flustered and apologetic. I’m probably overthinking it, I rarely talk to anyone except my mum, no one wants to be friends with a blind kid so I’m a bit of a loner. But I’d be incredibly happy for that to change, and maybe Gee could be the one to change it?
Wow, imagine having a friend. I haven’t had one in 3 years. To be fair that was partly my own doing, I rarely spoke to anyone for a while and isolated myself but I had to be taken out of school and stuff for obvious reasons, so lost touch with most of the people I called friends. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a normal teen, heck I wish that 24/7, I was pretty appreciated, I had my circle of friends who were fun to hang with, everyone knew me and the band and didn’t really judge us despite the amount of eye makeup we wore. I mean there were the stereotypical popular kids who were arseholes to everyone but apart from that I would do anything to go back to middle school. But I push these thoughts away, they’re toxic.
***
Once home, I open up my laptop. Feeling down the side for the right slot, I plug my earphones in and begin typing my password. I have this special braille keyboard fitted but computers are still fucking annoying, it’s really hard to use the mouse when you can’t see the damn cursor. I have this program on the laptop too but it’s not as good as the one my phone, I think it’s the lack of vibration when you hover over something that does it really. I manage to navigate onto google chrome, aided by the robotic voice and begin typing Gee’s url in the address bar. “Blurryface” the voice announces, I assume that’s the title of his blog, I grin he likes twenty one pilots! I messily move the cursor around the screen, looking for his description, the voice reading out whatever I hover over.
“Description” it states finally, this blog isn’t the most accessible. “If god hates gays, why did he make us so cute?” I giggle at the quote, looks like he’s a sassy fucker. He’s also one of my kind. “Gee” yes right blog. “forward slash, forward slash, 17” this is good he’s only a year older. “forward slash, forward slash, neutrois, forward slash, forward slash, they, forward slash, them” shit, wait he- I mean they, they’re non binary? I’ve been misgendering hi- them this whole time. “forward slash, forward slash” Christ, I get these slashes must be aesthetic or whatever but they’re fucking annoying. “neurodivergent” Neurodivergent? I’ve heard that term before, I don’t know the exact definition but that means they have some kinda mental disorder doesn’t it? Shit, luckily I’ve only ever been neurotypical. I mean I got pretty low for a while and I still get anxious, but that’s just the effects of being blind. I sigh, they must face a lot of shit. I wonder how they’re neurodivergent, it’s none of my business but I can’t help my mind wandering. What if they had a breakdown after their brother died? What if they get delusional? The idea of delusions scare the shit out of me, reality is exactly where I want to stay, I’d be terrified if my life was a lie. What if it’s an emotional thing, do they get depressed, anxious? What if it makes them hurt themself? What if it’s a learning difficulty thing? It’d explain the slightly odd vibe I got earlier.
Anyway it’s none of my business. I move the mouse to the right and the robot voice pipes up again. It reads out some random usernames then a post and comments. This one’s someone’s story of meeting Patrick stump. It then goes onto an image and some comments, I scroll down considering I have no idea what they’re on about. I listen to some of their reblogs for a while, they seem cool, they’re similar to mine, a lot of politics, memes and bands. There are a lot more images to my frustration though. Once I reach the end of the page, luckily he doesn’t have infinite scrolling or else I’d spend the next 3 hours listening, I look for the ask button.
“Twitter, Instagram, my art, archive, ask” the computer reads as I hover over the sidebar. I think for a moment, intrigued. I can follow their twitter later, their instagram is useless to me but the “my art” link catches my attention. I didn’t know they were an artist. I click on it knowing full well it’s completely pointless. Just as I think, as the page opens all I get is “pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co, image” repeated over and over again. I feel like ripping my hair out, I don’t know why I care so much but this is one of the moment’s I’d do absolutely fucking anything to see again.
“Mum!” I call, within seconds I hear her open my door and come in “What is this art like?”.
“Ooh I don’t know lemme have a look” she replies as I turn the laptop in her direction “Wow they’re really talented. It’s like cartooney kinda but not like the simpsons like with all the fancy blending and shit”
“Wow mum, very descriptive” I joke.
“Sorry, it’s of like a guy with a dagger, it’s quite dark actually, there's this dude all in black with like a mask on holding a heart and then there's someone in like a ballgown like his wife i guess, in his arms asleep well probably dead considering the amount of blood everywhere Christ this person needs therapy” she describes. I visualise it in my head and giggle for a moment at her therapy remark before stopping sharply when I realise they most likely already are in therapy with the neurodivergent thing. The thing about my mum is that she’s only 30, she had me when she was just 14, so she’s quite chill and not at all judgemental. I told her I was pan when I was just 12 and she was completely fine with it. I remember she doesn’t dress like your stereotypical white suburban mum either, she had completely blue hair last time I remember but apparently she has it white and pink right now. She is quite ignorant to a lot of things though, so while she doesn’t judge a subject she’s educated on she can make some problematic comments.
“Oh this is Gee’s blog? He did those pictures? Oh my God he’s gay!” She squeals, clearly reading his description.
“Yeah but he isn’t a he they are non binary” I explain.
“Non binary?” she questions “Ohh is that what the they/them is his- their description is about?”
“Yeah it means they don’t feel like they are either male or female” I tell her.
“Well okay bit odd but whatever, you have fun, I gotta cook dinner, call me if you need anything” she reminds me and walks out my room. I frown at the “bit odd” comment, that’s fucking transphobia right there, but I let it slide as she knows no different, I’ll explain it to her later.
“Inbox: one” the computer announces. I smile hoping it’s gee and navigate into my inbox. “Anonymous: You are a beautiful human”. Touched, my smile becomes a grin, I never get nice messages. But anonymous? I doubt it was Gee, wouldn’t they just message me normally? But who else could it be? I don’t have many followers and the only asks I ever get are from idiots asking fucking invasive questions about my lack of sight or sexuality. But if it was Gee, I think I’m not the only ‘beautiful human’.
***
Gee POV
TW// R slur, Invasive negative thoughts, self injury.
Fuck. I fucked up so bad. Why did I even think that anon was a good idea. Frank’s gonna guess it’s me and then he’s gonna block me for being the creep I am. I feel tension building inside me and growl as I slam my head against the wall behind me. Fuck. I am a twat. A retard. I should just go and fucking die. I punch the wall with my side of my clenched fist before curling up and letting the tears fall. Suddenly, my phone rang after a few minutes. I leap across my bed and answer it.
TW over yo (Gee has a lil meltdown but their phone rings as they're starting to calm)
“H-Hello?” I murmur, my voice shaky from crying, all the frustration melting away.
“Hey, Gee?” Frank says cheerily but I can detect slight nervousness in his voice.
“Hey” I reply unsure of what to say.
“Didn’t know you were an artist” He smiles, well I know he’s smiling from how he sounds.
“Yeah, they’re kinda shit wait you can’t see them, they’re amazing and realistic and they’d blow your mind” I giggle and hear him giggle in response too.
“Hey- I believe you, my mum said you’re talented” He compliments me. I blush.
“Oh god you showed them to you mum!?” I laugh.
“Well how was I meant to know what they look like?”
“I don’t know maybe don’t”
“Sorry, if they wer-“
“No, it’s totally fine, don’t be sorry” I cut him off, feeling guilty. “I fucking love your music by the way”
“Thanks! It’s a bit dark tho”
“No it’s amazing, I mean my art’s a bit dark”
“Sorry, for misgendering you earlier by the way, I didn’t know”
“Oh my god no its fine, you weren’t to know”
“Are you out?”
“Yeah, everyone knows”
“Okay my mum knows too she saw your description and I told her what it means”
“Thanks” I pause to think for a moment. “Did she see what I put about um n-neurodivergence?”
“I don’t think she knows what it means” Frank reassures. We sit for a moment in silence.
“That doesn’t scare you does it?” I whisper.
“No no no, not at all” He affirms. “May I ask um what is- how are you um-” Suddenly, I hear my dad calling.
“I gotta go frank, my dad wants me, thanks so much for calling, send me an ask sometime, bye” I gabble.
“Gerard!!” I hear my dad yell for the second time as I hang up.
My mum drags me through shop after shop all afternoon. I hate it, I wanna just sit in the damn record store and listen to those tester tracks and maybe find some new bands. I have my earphones in for most of the time but I hardly get to actually listen to anything because my mum keeps making conversation. I don’t mind much though, she’s nice to talk to, just not when I’m sweating my balls off in a boiling hot clothes store despite the sub-zero temperatures outside. While queueing, waiting for mum to pay for her things, I take out that bit of paper Gee gave me to distract myself. Running my fingers over the braille, I notice the bumps are harder to read, it got a bit crushed up in my pocket. I’d better put it in my phone now before they flatten out completely. Feeling in my pocket I press the familiar unlock button.
“Screen unlocked. 2:35pm.” the monotone voice announces. I run my finger across the touchscreen, it vibrating whenever I touch an icon and stating which app it is through my earphones. Soon I reach the tumblr icon and double click. “Tumblr” it reads as I run my finger across the smooth screen, vibrating at the touch “dashboard, explore-”. I doubleclick on explore. “Explore. Search, trendi-” I doubleclick search. “Keyboard open” With one hand I feel across the bit of paper and with the other I begin typing. It’s surprisingly easy on mobile, I run my finger across the keyboard and it vibrates and states what letter I’m on then I double click the right one, just like the rest of the phone. I mean it takes a bit of time but I’m used to it, I know where most of the letters are. “k, l, o, p” I double click “p”. “s, d, a” I double click again “a”. Once I’m done, it reads it back to me in it’s monotone voice making me giggle slightly “pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co”. I click enter and navigate to Gee’s blog before being interrupted by my mum pulling me out the shop, I quickly manage to find and hit the follow button. I’ll come back to it later on the laptop. Still, I hope I don’t lose his phone number, the notes bound to get crushed on the way home.
I’m sat on the bus, right at the back feeling the engine vibrating roughly, when my phone beeps. “Tumblr: pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co followed you” the familiar voice announces. I don’t bother opening it, I should be back home in a few minutes but I do begin thinking about Gee. There was something about him, an awkwardness almost. But not the normal kind of awkwardness I get from people all the time, not the “holy shit I spoke to a blind person I have committed a crime to humanity, jesus forgive me” awkwardness, something slightly odd that’s an inherent part of his personality, what makes him unique. He didn’t seem at all judgemental, I like that. He’s intriguing, he’s been through shit, you can tell but I don’t think he’s like a lot of people. His voice is soft and calm, not gruff and dismissive like most. Or flustered and apologetic. I’m probably overthinking it, I rarely talk to anyone except my mum, no one wants to be friends with a blind kid so I’m a bit of a loner. But I’d be incredibly happy for that to change, and maybe Gee could be the one to change it?
Wow, imagine having a friend. I haven’t had one in 3 years. To be fair that was partly my own doing, I rarely spoke to anyone for a while and isolated myself but I had to be taken out of school and stuff for obvious reasons, so lost touch with most of the people I called friends. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a normal teen, heck I wish that 24/7, I was pretty appreciated, I had my circle of friends who were fun to hang with, everyone knew me and the band and didn’t really judge us despite the amount of eye makeup we wore. I mean there were the stereotypical popular kids who were arseholes to everyone but apart from that I would do anything to go back to middle school. But I push these thoughts away, they’re toxic.
***
Once home, I open up my laptop. Feeling down the side for the right slot, I plug my earphones in and begin typing my password. I have this special braille keyboard fitted but computers are still fucking annoying, it’s really hard to use the mouse when you can’t see the damn cursor. I have this program on the laptop too but it’s not as good as the one my phone, I think it’s the lack of vibration when you hover over something that does it really. I manage to navigate onto google chrome, aided by the robotic voice and begin typing Gee’s url in the address bar. “Blurryface” the voice announces, I assume that’s the title of his blog, I grin he likes twenty one pilots! I messily move the cursor around the screen, looking for his description, the voice reading out whatever I hover over.
“Description” it states finally, this blog isn’t the most accessible. “If god hates gays, why did he make us so cute?” I giggle at the quote, looks like he’s a sassy fucker. He’s also one of my kind. “Gee” yes right blog. “forward slash, forward slash, 17” this is good he’s only a year older. “forward slash, forward slash, neutrois, forward slash, forward slash, they, forward slash, them” shit, wait he- I mean they, they’re non binary? I’ve been misgendering hi- them this whole time. “forward slash, forward slash” Christ, I get these slashes must be aesthetic or whatever but they’re fucking annoying. “neurodivergent” Neurodivergent? I’ve heard that term before, I don’t know the exact definition but that means they have some kinda mental disorder doesn’t it? Shit, luckily I’ve only ever been neurotypical. I mean I got pretty low for a while and I still get anxious, but that’s just the effects of being blind. I sigh, they must face a lot of shit. I wonder how they’re neurodivergent, it’s none of my business but I can’t help my mind wandering. What if they had a breakdown after their brother died? What if they get delusional? The idea of delusions scare the shit out of me, reality is exactly where I want to stay, I’d be terrified if my life was a lie. What if it’s an emotional thing, do they get depressed, anxious? What if it makes them hurt themself? What if it’s a learning difficulty thing? It’d explain the slightly odd vibe I got earlier.
Anyway it’s none of my business. I move the mouse to the right and the robot voice pipes up again. It reads out some random usernames then a post and comments. This one’s someone’s story of meeting Patrick stump. It then goes onto an image and some comments, I scroll down considering I have no idea what they’re on about. I listen to some of their reblogs for a while, they seem cool, they’re similar to mine, a lot of politics, memes and bands. There are a lot more images to my frustration though. Once I reach the end of the page, luckily he doesn’t have infinite scrolling or else I’d spend the next 3 hours listening, I look for the ask button.
“Twitter, Instagram, my art, archive, ask” the computer reads as I hover over the sidebar. I think for a moment, intrigued. I can follow their twitter later, their instagram is useless to me but the “my art” link catches my attention. I didn’t know they were an artist. I click on it knowing full well it’s completely pointless. Just as I think, as the page opens all I get is “pan csk es hyphen at the dsk co, image” repeated over and over again. I feel like ripping my hair out, I don’t know why I care so much but this is one of the moment’s I’d do absolutely fucking anything to see again.
“Mum!” I call, within seconds I hear her open my door and come in “What is this art like?”.
“Ooh I don’t know lemme have a look” she replies as I turn the laptop in her direction “Wow they’re really talented. It’s like cartooney kinda but not like the simpsons like with all the fancy blending and shit”
“Wow mum, very descriptive” I joke.
“Sorry, it’s of like a guy with a dagger, it’s quite dark actually, there's this dude all in black with like a mask on holding a heart and then there's someone in like a ballgown like his wife i guess, in his arms asleep well probably dead considering the amount of blood everywhere Christ this person needs therapy” she describes. I visualise it in my head and giggle for a moment at her therapy remark before stopping sharply when I realise they most likely already are in therapy with the neurodivergent thing. The thing about my mum is that she’s only 30, she had me when she was just 14, so she’s quite chill and not at all judgemental. I told her I was pan when I was just 12 and she was completely fine with it. I remember she doesn’t dress like your stereotypical white suburban mum either, she had completely blue hair last time I remember but apparently she has it white and pink right now. She is quite ignorant to a lot of things though, so while she doesn’t judge a subject she’s educated on she can make some problematic comments.
“Oh this is Gee’s blog? He did those pictures? Oh my God he’s gay!” She squeals, clearly reading his description.
“Yeah but he isn’t a he they are non binary” I explain.
“Non binary?” she questions “Ohh is that what the they/them is his- their description is about?”
“Yeah it means they don’t feel like they are either male or female” I tell her.
“Well okay bit odd but whatever, you have fun, I gotta cook dinner, call me if you need anything” she reminds me and walks out my room. I frown at the “bit odd” comment, that’s fucking transphobia right there, but I let it slide as she knows no different, I’ll explain it to her later.
“Inbox: one” the computer announces. I smile hoping it’s gee and navigate into my inbox. “Anonymous: You are a beautiful human”. Touched, my smile becomes a grin, I never get nice messages. But anonymous? I doubt it was Gee, wouldn’t they just message me normally? But who else could it be? I don’t have many followers and the only asks I ever get are from idiots asking fucking invasive questions about my lack of sight or sexuality. But if it was Gee, I think I’m not the only ‘beautiful human’.
***
Gee POV
TW// R slur, Invasive negative thoughts, self injury.
Fuck. I fucked up so bad. Why did I even think that anon was a good idea. Frank’s gonna guess it’s me and then he’s gonna block me for being the creep I am. I feel tension building inside me and growl as I slam my head against the wall behind me. Fuck. I am a twat. A retard. I should just go and fucking die. I punch the wall with my side of my clenched fist before curling up and letting the tears fall. Suddenly, my phone rang after a few minutes. I leap across my bed and answer it.
TW over yo (Gee has a lil meltdown but their phone rings as they're starting to calm)
“H-Hello?” I murmur, my voice shaky from crying, all the frustration melting away.
“Hey, Gee?” Frank says cheerily but I can detect slight nervousness in his voice.
“Hey” I reply unsure of what to say.
“Didn’t know you were an artist” He smiles, well I know he’s smiling from how he sounds.
“Yeah, they’re kinda shit wait you can’t see them, they’re amazing and realistic and they’d blow your mind” I giggle and hear him giggle in response too.
“Hey- I believe you, my mum said you’re talented” He compliments me. I blush.
“Oh god you showed them to you mum!?” I laugh.
“Well how was I meant to know what they look like?”
“I don’t know maybe don’t”
“Sorry, if they wer-“
“No, it’s totally fine, don’t be sorry” I cut him off, feeling guilty. “I fucking love your music by the way”
“Thanks! It’s a bit dark tho”
“No it’s amazing, I mean my art’s a bit dark”
“Sorry, for misgendering you earlier by the way, I didn’t know”
“Oh my god no its fine, you weren’t to know”
“Are you out?”
“Yeah, everyone knows”
“Okay my mum knows too she saw your description and I told her what it means”
“Thanks” I pause to think for a moment. “Did she see what I put about um n-neurodivergence?”
“I don’t think she knows what it means” Frank reassures. We sit for a moment in silence.
“That doesn’t scare you does it?” I whisper.
“No no no, not at all” He affirms. “May I ask um what is- how are you um-” Suddenly, I hear my dad calling.
“I gotta go frank, my dad wants me, thanks so much for calling, send me an ask sometime, bye” I gabble.
“Gerard!!” I hear my dad yell for the second time as I hang up.
Notes
Hey an actual update!!
So thats a lil bit more on Gee for you c:
I hope u r doing well.
Plz comment n rate n subscribe, I'm rlly excite for this fic.
((Random posi: Ur amazing okay plz dont let anyone tell u different u've done so well to be here rn so go treat urself))
Megan x
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@Gee'sCLUELESSgirl!
tysm for being so understanding omg <3
10/29/15