The Only Way

"Frank..for fuck's sake I'm talking to you..." Said my dad, sitting in the car next to me.

"Yes..I'm sorry." I answered. Gerard was on my mind 24/7 now and there was nothing I could do to stop thinking about him. He had cancelled our last session and wouldn't return any of my texts. I was dying to know why.

"Remember what I said, right? You have to tell your mom you fell down the stairs at school." He said making me rehearse that stupid lie like if it was plausible.

That time he had punch me in the face for everyone to see. I had a black eye that no amount of makeup in the world could conceal. I had been minding my own business as usual, getting ready for school when he had came in my room asking about some stupid sandwich he had saved for lunch but had forgotten to tell me about. When I had told him I had eaten it the day before, he had decieded a punch in the face was a good way to make me regret it. It was more and more common these days.

My parents were now fighting often on everything and anything. The dishes, grocery shopping, money but mostly about me. They argued about my education, my therapy with Mr. way, how much it costed them. My mom thought it was worth it but my dad thought it was a waste of time. He would have preferred to spend his money on something that was important to him. The argument always ended on how my dad wished they never would have had a child and how my birth had ruined their relationship. I couldn't understand how my mom could let him say such things. I bet, in the deepest corner of her mind, she agreed.

"So..now like..let's say I'm your mom."

"Hey Frankie, what happened to your eye?" He asked in a high pitched voice that sounded ridiculous.

"Oh that thing, it's nothing mom. I fell down the stairs at school. You know how clumsy I can be. My head is spinning and ..the next thing you know, I'm laying on the ground with a black eye." I said, like it was the most natural thing ever.

"Wow. You're a pretty good liar. Finally something you're good at right? Try to be as convincing with your therapist and it'll be all good." He said, like if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"I wonder how often you lie to me...tho." He said, pissed off but kinda impressed.

"You always find out so..it's not worth it." I said, shrugging.

"Of course it ain't. Now get your ass off my fucking car and go to school." He had justify my absence for the first two periods and had driven me to school so we could rehearse this mascarade.

I was walking to my science class when I thought I recognized someone I knew in the hallway. Was I that obsessed that I was now hallucinating him everywhere I went?

"Oh, hi Frank." Gerard said, smiling.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, suprised that he was really standing in front of me.

"I was asked to organise a conference about sexual harassment at work. It's like a small formation for the employees. I realised this morning that it was at your school." He looked a bit uncomfortable, staring at my face. My black eye, of course, dammit.

"Oh, okay. Well it was nice to see you." I told him. As much as I would have standed there all afternoon, I was running late.

"I know I'm not supposed to see you till next Tuesday but we really need to talk..could we meet here after school?" He asked, a bit embarrassed.

"I have detention after school.." I answered. I was starting to feel that punching Miller wasn't worth it after all.

"Well how about you text me when you're done and I come pick you up?"

"I'm supposed to go straight home after detention..." My mom had made that pretty clear.

"Is there a problem with your cell cause I've been trying to reach you." I asked.

"Yeah..I'm really sorry about that..I hate to insist but could you tell your parents I need to talk to you?" I suppose I could do that for him.

"Yeah of course, I'll text my mom then." Now that she had insist for me to continue my therapy, she couldn't say no to such a request.

"Alright, see you soon." He smiled.

"See ya." I said, smiling back.

Great, now I was late.

"Mr. Iero, thank you for delighting us with your presence." Mr. Bennett said while I was trying to sneak in.

"Sorry.."

I hated that teacher, he was always acting like a smart ass but in reality he was just a fucking douche.

"As I was saying, you'll end up with a purple liquid. If it's green it's simply cause you screwed up." He explained.

The rest of the period was as boring as you'd imagine it could be. Mr. Bennett had us working in pairs. I didn't mind working with Maya, she was kinda nice even tho she had an obvious crush on our professor. She was giggling everytime he made a joke and believe me, that man was all but funny.

The last period was my favorite class, Music. We could lock ourselves in a cubicule and play guitar or just talk like Mark and I ended up doing most of the time.

"So I never got to thank you for what you did the other day."

"Anytime, bro." I had not seen him since the incident with Miller.

"What happened to your face?"

"Miller.." I lied.

"Ahh..I thought he didn't punch you. Well..now I feel bad..thank you again."

"Don't, It was worth it." Thank God Mark was so gullible.

"Speaking of which, Samuel texted me yesterday."

"What..? Why?"

"To apologize"

"Did you tell him to fuck off?"

"Well that was my intent..but..I ended up telling him to fuck me instead."

"Oh no..Mark.." I couldn't believe him.

"So, you're no longer a virgin is what you're trying to tell me?" I asked.

"Well yeah." I could read him like an open book.

"So how was it?" I asked to be polite. I didn't really wanna know how my best friend had lost his virginity to that d bag.

"Well it kinda hurt at first but he was gentle. He has such a big dick. He made me come twice. It was the best thing ever."

"Alright I didn't need that much detail.." I told him, horrified.

I was a bit jealous that he was no longer a virgin and that I was, on the contrary, really far from getting laid.

"He told me he's gonna dump Amanda before graduation"

"I wouldn't count on that.." The king douche without a queen to make him look good?" I highly doubted that.

"Don't be like that..there's another side of him you don't know, when he's with me he's a real prince charming." He said, trying to defend him.

Yeah but he was the one who was gonna disappear forever at midnight, I thought.

"Too bad he keeps that side of him only for you." I teased.

"I promise you, we have something special. Don't be jealous cause you can't be with your Mr. Way."

"First, it's Gerard, second, he wants to see me after school." I told him, a bit upset.

"Did he tell you why?"

"No idea but I'm dying to know."

"Does it have anything to do with how you ended things the other day?"

I had called Mark first thing when I had arived home to have a second opinion on what had happened.

"Probably but he was so drunk I bet he doesn't remember half of the things he said to me."

"Like when he told you that he's happy when he's with you?"

"That, particularely." I answered, a bit disappointed.

The bell rang and it was time for detention. I had to copy the entire section of the letter A of the dictionnary. What a waste of time.

Agony : how it feels being stuck here.
Anger : the only thing my dad can feel.
Ass : Mr. Way's best asset.

Finally it was the end of detention and I was in the parking lot where Gerard had already arrived. It was raining outside so I was glad I didn't have to wait for him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Great you?"

"Great, how was your day?"

"Pretty much the same than everyday" I answered, a bit annoyed by the lack of content of our conversation.

The atmosphere was awkward. I didn't know what to expect and he was insisting on beating around the bush.

"I..humm..first, I must apologise for my behavior last Tuesday. It was unprofessional and I'm really sorry that you had to see me like that." He told me, looking embarassed.

"I thought you were pretty funny"

"See Frank, it's not funny at all. I'm a grown man. I should have known better than to put my problems on the shoulders of a teenage boy who already has enough of his own. Plus I'm the one who's supposed to help you not the opposite."

"I thought we could help each other" I answered, a bit disappointed.

"I.." The rain was pouring down on his car. I could hear the noise of the wippers going back and forth in the background.

"How much do you remember from last Tuesday anyway?" I asked, afraid of his answer.

"Not much" he said, looking down.

"I just don't think your parents would be really happy to know that I was drunk on the job and that their son, who they pay me to help, had to carry me home."

"I won't tell anyone"

"That's not the point."

"So you remember a bit, right?"

"If I have said something to upset you, I am really, sincerely, sorry. It won't happen again" he apologized.

"No you didn't. You were nice to me." He was being unfair, all I wanted was for someone to wake me up from that nightmare.

"Glad to hear it then. I hope we can live past this and take back from where we left off."

"Alright." I said, truly dissappointed.

"So I've been meaning to ask you about the lists.."

"I..forgot them I'm sorry." I didn't give a shit about the lists, if my dad hadn't throw them out, I would have riped them in front of his stupid face.

"Okay, bring them next time. Now what's the deal with your face?" He asked, concerned.

"I..was at school..I was dizzy and I kinda passed out for a second, fell down the stairs and woke up with a black eye." It was easier to lie with my dad next to me. Now that I was telling the story to Gerard, it didn't sound convincing at all.

"You sure you wanna stick with that story, Frank?"

"I...yes." I hated when he was acting like my therapist. Then again, he was my therapist.

"Alright, when you're ready to tell the truth, I'll be there."

"So we're really okay?" He asked, his eyes full of hope.

"Of course, we are." I lied. Maybe he was..but I was far from being okay with his shitty decision.

"I'm really glad. I seriously wanna help."

"You already are. You're the only person who gives a shit about how I feel." I told him, trying to show him how much he meant to me.

"Well that's not true. You have that friend that you defended right?"

"Yeah, his name is Mark." He didn't get it..did he?

"And your mom clearly loves you even if you can't see it. She pays me to help you, that means something, you know."

Alright, he had made that clear. He was being paid to help me, to fucking talk to me, to make me feel like I was important. But really I wasn't, was I?

"And there's that girl, that sits next to you at the office. April right?" Oh Gerard, stop trying to make me feel better, it isn't working at all.

"How do you..?"

"She used to be one of my patients but we weren't a great fit." He said, looking amused.

"Oh, jeez, I wonder why." I answered, a smile on my face that disappeared as soon as he had start talking again.

"She seems to like you anyway. I bet you could date her." Was he being serious? Wasn't gay written all over my fucking face?

"Not my type." I answered, wishing we weren't having this conversation.

"You..prefer boys don't you?" He asked.

"I prefer men." I corrected him. "I thought it was pretty obvious." I looked him directly in the eyes, praying he would read between the lines.

"I ..yeah I guess I was just ..I just wanted to make sure." He answered, avoiding my glance.

"What's it to you, anyway?" At this point I just wanted to punch him in the face.

"Nothing..it just explains a lot like..your dad's behavior, for example."

"He's just another homophobic asshole." I answered. Great, now I was really pissed.

"You think he really hates you?"

"He wish I wasn't born."

"Was it..was it him, that did this to you?" He brushed the edges of my black eye with his finger, looking sad.

"I..I fell down the stairs." I said, suprised by the tenderness of his gesture.

"Alright, I'll drop it." He said, staring at his steering wheel.

"It's time I take you home." He said, starting the engine.

Why does it felt like we were saying goodbye all the time?

"Could I see you before Thursday?" I didn't want to wait till then.

"I don't know I'm pretty busy this week" He said, trying to convince himself.

"Why do you act like we're close one second and like you don't give a damn the other." I couldn't take any more of this.

"I'm ..not. I'm just trying to find some sort of balance between friendship and work."

"I don't really care for things that are well balanced."

"That's something we'll have to work on." He said, all serious.

"Could you stop being my therapist for one second?" I just wanted to kiss him, now, to shut him up.

"I don't think I'm supposed to, Frank." He said, trying to look me in the eyes but changing his mind at the last second.

"I wish you would remember last Tuesday like I do" I answered, hoping he didn't mean what he had said to me.

"I'm kinda glad I don't. Based on your reaction, it doesn't seem like it was appropriate."

"I just want to be your friend." That was the biggest lie I ever told and it sounded really lame.

"You are." He answered, not realising my eyes were filled with tears.

I remained silent on the ride home. Maybe that massive crush was starting to feel a bit too overwhelming. For a moment there, I wished I had never met him. He didn't help me at all. Hell, he made things worse. I just wanted to be loved. Was that really too much to ask?

Notes

It can't always be puppies and sunshine. ;)