The Only Way

I woke up in the middle of the night next to Gerard. He must have arrived late. I got up because I couldn't fall back to sleep but I woke him up.

"Hummm babe. Come cuddle."

I did as I was told but couldn't help crying, softly at first till he noticed.

"What's wrong my love?" He asked.

"I…I feel so lost." I answered.

"I don't feel as close to you as I used to be"

"But I'm right here."

"I know." I said, wiping off the tears off my cheeks.

"Is it Mikey again? Did he play with your head?"

"Abit..bu the's right."

"Right about what?"

"You really hurt me with the whole Vincent thing. You should've seen it coming. You should've put it to an end before it went too far. You're selfish Gerard and I'm tired of paying for it"

"Do you really think you're being fair?"

I nodded and he saw me eventhowe were in complete dark.

"I never thought Vincent would abuse you. I feel guilty, sick to my stomach when think about it and even worseeverytimeyou bring it up. What can I do for you to forgive me at last?" He asked, sincere.

"Never let it happen again. Believe me when I say someone is hurting me." I said, sobbing.

"I love you dearly Frank. You are everything to me. I don't wanna lose you."

"Trust me when I share things like that with you. It's already hard as it is. Your trust is all I ask."

"Alright. I won't doubt you. I'm just used to people trying to manipulate me. That's why it was so hard to believe you."

I would never lie to you. Gerard I love you but you're making it so hard on me. I'm so confused I don't know what to feel.."

"Can I ask you something without you getting angry?"

"Yeah."

"Are you in love with Mikey?"

I took a few minutes to think about it. A pause that said it all for Gerard. A pause I would never have to take if he had taken care of me like he should have.

"Alright. What can I do to make you love me again and forget about him?"

"Be gentle, show that you love me for real. Words are just words if you don't act on it."

"Okay. You won't have to do anything. I'm gonna show you how much you mean to me."

"Just be who you are Gee. You don't need to give me the world. Just be fucking normal and not hurt and mean as you usually are."

"I will try my best and succeed. Trust me." He said kissing my lips tenderly.

"I trust you." I said kissing him back.

We both feel asleep after crying in each other arms. My love had its limits and I ought to tell him before it was too late.

The day passed slowly as always. I was distracted by my thoughts conflicting with each other. I had work so hard to put the past to rest but here we were, back to the start where me and Gerard doubted the love we had for one another.

"Hey, Frank. Are you ready for some intensive french lessons?" Cathy asked, as she saw me arrived at my locker.

"Oui ma chérie." I answered with an accent that was inconclusive.

She giggled and we walked to her house that was close to where I used to live.

"I used to see you everyday when you were walking to school. I tried to say hi a couple of times but you never noticed me she said.

"That sounds like me…too much shit in my head." I said,apologectic.

"You'll need plenty of concentration if youwannaget better. I saw your grades and…."

"Mrs. Frechette showed you!"

"Of course, how can I help you if I don't know how bad you are?"

"I.…yeah..you'reright." I said, calming down. It wasn't a good idea to act like an ass with someone who genuinely wanted to help.

"So I'm that bad heh?"

"Let's put it this way ; there is a lot of room for improvement." She said smiling.

"Alright…I'm ready to work hard."

We arrived at her place and she showed me around briefly then we went to her room.

We started right away. We practiced French till I got sick of it and my brain couldn't contain any more information.

"Where are your parents? I asked out of habit. I guess I always felt weird to be in someone's bedroom.

"I live with my older brother. Both my parents died when I was 10." She said like it was no big deal.

"Oh..I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom earlier this year."

"Yeah I heard… how are you dealing with all of this? Do you still live with your dad?" She asked curious.

"No. I live with my boyfriend." I said without giving more details.

"Ahh that's cool! I wish I could do the same but my boyfriend lives 2 hours away so we only see each other on weekends." She said.

"Is your boyfriend the guy that drives you at school sometimes?" She asked.

"Depends. Sometimes his brother picks me up sometimes it's him."

"The blonde hair guy or the dark haired guy? Which one is it?" She asked.

"How come we never talked and you know that much about me?" I asked a bit worried.

"I don't talk much but I observe. It's a small world." She said, raising both her shoulders.

"I always thought you and me would have been great friends if you would have gave a damn for one second." She added.

"Well, I enjoyed studying with you eventhoFrench isn't my cup of tea. We live close by so it's never too late to make friends." I said, trying to make amends

"Yeah, you'rekindabad" She said, teasing me.

"Haha. Right?" I said, laughing. I already liked her.

"So.. Blond or dark brown hair?" She asked again.

"Dark brown hair." I answered.

"Gerard Way isn't it?" She asked.

"I..yeah." I said, surprised that she knew his name.

"He dated my brother for a couple months..well dated…is a way to put it. They slept together is more like it." She explained.

"Ok..ay." I said, wondering if I would have preferred not knowing.

"I don't really like him, to be honest."

"Yeah…he tends to have that effect on people sometimes." I answered.

"So you're not mad at me for saying it?" She asked.

"Of course not. You're entitled to your own opinion based on your experience. Gerard hasn't always been nice to his lovers in the past."

"Yeah that's an understatement. Evan had to go to rehab because of him. I almost lost him." She said, clenching her jaw.

"I'm not excusing his behavior but everyone is entitled to have a second chance. Gee worked really hard to let go of his demons."

"Has he succeded?"

"He's getting there."

"How old was your brother if that is not indiscreet?" I asked, like it suddenly mattered.

"Barely legal. He was still in highschool. I don't even know if Gerard remembers it. He was so high everytime he would come home."

"I'm glad I wasn't around to see this."

"You would've been disgusted."

"I don't doubt it."

"So..how did you two meet?"

"He was my therapist"

"Classic." she said, coughing.

"What do you mean?"

"You thought you were the only one?"

"What…?"

"My brother was his patient and I heard he slept with a girl too. It broke his marriage."

"How old was she?"

"So not legal."

"How old?"

"18 tops. A bit like you but I guess he was a bit younger."

"You didn't know any of this?" She asked after my face had turned white.

"That guy is a creep. I'm sorry but there is a special place in hell for people like him."

"Wait…now that I think about it...you're friends with her how come you don't know?"

"I am what…?"

"Yeah I've seen you two hanging out after school at the beginin gof the year."

"A..april?" I said as I didn't believe I was pronouncing her name.

"Yeah. April Morris. That girl that was suspended from school a few years ago."

"I thought it had happened last year…?"

"Nah how old do you think she is? She's like 22 now I think."

"That's…I…I'm sorry…Igottago." I said, gathering my things as my head was spinning.

"I really thought you knew. That's no secret." She said, feeling bad.

"That's just… I need fresh air." I said, leaving her house as fast as I could.

How..could…how could any of this could happen? How could she hide such a thing from me all this time? How could he act like he barely knew her…? How could he still be her therapist? Were they still doing it behind my back? But most of all, how could he talk about trust when he was lying like he was breathing?

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