The Only Way

The whole weekend was a mix of me avoiding my dad and my mom making excuses about having to go to meetings. I couldn't get out of the bed more than an hour without feeling like I was gonna collapse so I cancelled my plans with my friends and slept till the panic faded away.

It had been 2 days since Gerard texted me. Not that I was counting (totally was). I was in English class, writing down sad lyrics that were stuck in my head on the side of my notebook when I felt my phone vibrate against my leg. It was Mark, a friend I had met a month ago. My parents had decieded to move out just when I was about to finish highschool. I was new to this hell hole filled with rednecks and nosy, intolerant people. My dad fitted right in.

From Mark:
We need to talk. Meet me at my locker at lunch.

That didn't sound good. I texted him back to find out more about that mysterious text but he wouldn't answer. Thanks, Mark. It wasn't the best idea to send that kind of text to the anxious mess I was. I tried to remain calm till the end of the class but it took all I got. When the bell finally rang, I rushed through the hallway, shoving a group of students that sent me dirty looks.

Mark was lying on his locker, looking defeated. He greeted me with a unconvincing smile.

"What's up dude? You don't look so good"

Before he could answer a couple of kids passed us by shouting "fag stag", laughing hystecally, heading to the front doors of the cafeteria.

I figured out it had something to do with the look on Mark's face.

"Come outside, I don't wanna talk about it here."

I followed him outside and we sat under an hollow tree, at the far end of the schoolyard. We had just started eating our lunches when Mark broke the silence.

"You know the party you didn't wanna come to on Sathurday..?"

"Yeah..." I didn't know what to expect. I felt guilty for letting him down, once again.

"Well, Amanda's step brother brought us beer and we started drinking in her backyard."

"Huh huh..." I nooded, wondering where this was heading.

"Then we all got pretty drunk and, you know Samuel in my history class?"

Yeah, I knew him alright. Amanda's boyfriend. The greatest douchebag in history. He should've earned some sort of trophy by then.

" He dragged me upstairs in Amanda's bedroom to show me the guitar he had just bought but..there was no guitar. And we kinda made out on Amanda's bed." He said looking ashamed.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

" I didn't know you were gay." Is the only thing that came out of my mouth.

"Yeah well, neither did I. But that isn't the issue." He explained.

"A friend of Amanda saw us and Sam threw me off the bed, acting like that I had forced myself on him."

"Fuck.." I didn't know what to say to make him feel better. And "fuck" wasn't gonna cut it.

"Yeah..My life is ruined. Everyone knows, even my grandma heard about it. Nobody believes me."

"I'm so sorry." I said, honestly. I was a sucker for those things. I couldn't comfort him.

"Don't be, I just can't wait to get out of this hell hole." He said, biting on his sandwich.

"Glad to know we share the same opinion on this town"

"Yeah, glad too." He said, a smile on his face. I didn't know how I had done it but he was starting to look a lot better.

"You gotta have better taste in men from now on, tho." I joked.

"Yeah..I should've picked someone like you." He said, blushing. Poor Mark, did he had just try to escape from the friendzone he was in?

"Well, my heart's already taken, sorry bro." I answered, not really thinking about the impact of my words.

"Ohhhh...?!? Tell me all about it!" He said, all excited like all his problems had disappeared.

After what he had told me, the least I could do was to share this with him.

"Well..his name is Gerard, and he's kinda older but..he's gorgeous. He has a nice car, you would love it." Everything I had just said sounded extremely shallow. I had to make up for it.

"I mean he's... I can't stop staring at him. He's so kind and.." I realised half through my sentence that I barely knew the guy.

" I..I don't know, he has a strange effect on me." I concluded. Yeah..that was about it.

"Where did you meet him ?" And...that was the awkward part I didn't wanna get to.

"You'll think I'm weird." I said, biting on my lips, hoping he would drop the subject.

"No I won't. Who am I to judge? Plus, you're my only friend left.." He said, only half joking.

"I met him in his office..he's my..he's my therapist." There it was.

He choked on his sandwich and after a few seconds of coughing he finally asked about his age. The other awkward part.

"He's 37." I said, avoiding his eyes.

"Man, he could be your dad. And isn't it like..illegal or something, to date a patient?"

"Well it's extremely frowned upon but I don't think it's illegal...but we're far from dating alright? I just have a crush on him. he doesn't feel the same way." Not yet, I thought. I was being pretty confident for the lack of self esteem I had.

"Whew, you got me worried there, buddy. There's no harm in an innocent crush."

"Oh it's far from innocent" I said, raising an eyebrow, the gesture of my hand implying masturbating.

"Eww.." He answered, punching me on the shoulder.

What I liked the most about Mark was his innocence. He was such an hopeless romantic. Too bad he had fell for the most unsensible prick he could possibly find.

The bell announcing the beginning of the third period rang. French. That ought to be boring. At least I was in the same class than Mark. We walked together still talking about Gerard and what I had said during my first session with him.

I sat down next to Mark, ready for an hour of extreme boredom when a bunch of kids walked towards us and surrounded our desks.

"Why do you hang out with this fag, Iero?" The taller one asked. They were friends with Samuel. Loyal subjects of the douchey king.

"Cause he's my friend." I answered casually. I could see the fear in Mark's eyes but I wasn't afraid. There was nothing they could do to me that my dad hadn't already did.

"You mean your boyfriend right? I bet you're a fag too." They all started to laugh together. Fucking retards. I didn't answer, I wouldn't waste another drop of saliva on them.

"I bet you like to force yourself on guys too." He was really getting started to get on my nerves.

"Your friend Samuel's a fag too. Get your facts straight." I answered.

Before I knew it he was jumping at my throath, trying to punch me in the face. I was faster tho, and punched him on the nose. The trail of blood and the scream that followed indicated that I had hit my target. There was blood all over my desk.

"Iero, Miller, out of the class, now!!" Mrs. Fréchette, my french teacher, had just entered the room.
All of the other kids returned to their desks and Mark looked at me mouthing something like "I owe you" as I walked to the hallway followed by Miller and my professor.

"He started it! He jumped on me!" That Miller guy said as soon as she closed the door behind us. It all sounded too familiar. Maybe he and Samuel had taken drama class together.

" I hope it was worth it cause you're both gonna get suspended for a week." She said, sending us to the principal.

A few minutes later we were both sitting on a chair, waiting for our punishment. Miller was looking at his feet wispering "fag" everytime our eyes would meet. This wasn't good. My parents were going to be pissed off. Especially my dad. I picked up my phone wanting to tell my mom before the principal would call her but I found myself texting Gerard instead.

To Gerard:
Got into a fight. Prolly in big trouble. Oops.

Maybe he would think it was funny. But then again, I didn't see how.

From Gerard:
You don't sound sorry. Did the guy deserved it?

To Gerard:
Was defending a friend. That bastard begged for it.

From Gerard:
Totally worth it then. You'll have to tell me all about it tomorrow. Stay out of trouble until then.

To Gerard:
Can't promise anything.

From Gerard:
Will you do it for me then? Please ?

He was too sweet to be true.

To Gerard:
Alright, but only because you asked so nicely.

From Gerard:
:D thank you. :D

The principal invited us to enter the room. We both got suspended for three days plus one month of detention. Great. I already had trouble going to school and now I had to spend more time in there. He called our parents to ask them to pick us up but both my parents didn't answer their phone. He left a message on our answering machine. I made a mental note to erase it once I got home.

"You'll have to wait there till someone picks you up, Frank. I can't let you wander around the city not knowing where you're going to go." The principal said, pointing a plastic chair outside of his office. He was treating me like a child, it was frustrating.

I had an idea. A good one. I picked up my phone and started texting.

To Gerard:
Won't you help a brother out?

From Gerard:
Sure, what's up?

To Gerard:
Would you come get me at school ? They won't let me go unless an adult comes pick me up.

From Gerard:
Alright. Be there soon.

Ten minutes later I saw a man with a black leather coat on, skinny pants and shades, entering the school like he owned the motherfucking place.

"Mr. Iero, your chauffeur has arrived" Gerard said, winking at me.

He was drop dead gorgeous. He told the secretary, who had forgotten basic sentence structure just looking at him, that he was there to pick me up and we walked to his car.

"You look so badass in that leather coat" I told him, still hypnotised by the beauty of the man walking next to me.

"Oh that old thing..? Yeah I guess." He said, sliding a hand through his hair, clearly flattered. His smile reached his ears.

We arrived home about ten minutes later. Being able to walk to school was usually nice but at this particular moment I regretted living so close.

"Did they leave a message at home?" He asked, stoping the engine of his car.

"Yeah they did. I'll erase it tho." I reassured him.

"What are you gonna do if your father comes home early?"

"I haven't thought this plan through." I admitted.

He would probably ask questions and find out. He always found out about everything.

"What about you go erase that shit off your answering machine and come back and I take you to my favorite comic book store?" He asked, confident like it was the best plan ever. What a nerd.

"Alright." I answered. I was too excited to say no even tho I had trouble breathing.

I went inside and came back quickly not wasting any second to catch my breath. He started the engine and we drove off to the city.

"I'm glad you called. It's such a nice day outside and I was wasting it at the office." He said, looking through his rear view mirror to get into the right lane.

"Well, I was wasting it at school." I said. All the pressure was heavy on my lungs. I knew I was going to be in big trouble, I just didn't know how big yet. Gerard looked at me from the corner of his eyes.

"Hey, let's make a deal. I don't talk about the office and you don't talk about anything related to what happened in school, okay?" He was trying to make me feel better and it was really sweet of him.

"Deal."

We entered the store a few minutes later. Gerard was as excited as a child on Chritsmas eve. There were comic books all over the wall, figurines and board games on tables. The colors were overwhelming, it felt like a bad acid trip.

"I'm gonna buy the whole store!" Said Gerard. Having never read a comic book once in my life, I didn't know what all the fuss was about but it was worth going there only to see the look on Gerard's face.

"Hey Gee, long time no see." said the man with a beard behind the counter. Gee, what a cute nickname.

"Hey, I know! Right? I've been so busy at work." He said apologising to the man that seemed like an old friend.

"Who's your little friend?" He said, asking about me. I might have been short but it was just mean to point it out and make me sound like a five year old.

"It's Frank, he's one of my patient on his way to becoming a friend and a comic book fan." He said, winking at me. I wouldn't count on the last part.

"Please to meet you Frank. I'm Dereck. Don't mind Gerard's enthuisiasm. He only means well." He said, laughing, patting Gerard's shoulder.

"Please to meet you too."

"Elaine!! Glad to see you!" Dereck greeted some other costumers that had just entered the store. He seemed like such a nice guy.

"Come over here with me, I wanna show you something you might like". said Gerard, pointing at a section at the back of the store.

He picked up a book with Batman on the cover.

"You see in this one, Batman is drugged by the Talon and goes completely crazy. He hallucinates all sort of things while trying to fight..." I had trouble listening to him, my head was suddently spinning and my heart was pounding in my chest. Oh no. Incoming panic attack.

"Are you alright Frank?" Gerard asked, looking concerned cause my face turned a whiter shade of pale.

"No..I'm.." I couldn't explain. I needed to get out. I was gonna die, in this comic book store, today. My heart was gonna rip itself out of my chest.

"I need to get out..I'll.."

"Lie down on the floor, Frank, now" he said, looking like he knew what he was doing.

I did as I was told. I was afraid I was gonna puke all over the floor. Gerard sat down next to me. His hand on my belly, massaging me.

"Breathe in deeply and count till 7 then breathe out." He started counting, 1, 2, 3, 4...

" I can't..I can't hold it that long. I'm gonna..I'm gonna die..". I panicked.

"Frank listen to me carefully. You are not gonna die. It is a panic attack. It hurts like hell but it won't kill you. I won't let you die here. I'm with you."

I took his hand in mine as he was trying to help me. Not caring about anything else than him and the sound of his soothing voice.

After several minutes, following the rythm of Gerard's breathing, I was able to sit up. I bursted out in tears, my nerves getting the better of me. He took me in his arms, rubbed my back, whispering in my ears.

" Let it out, it's okay, let it all out."

"I'm sorry." I said, ashamed to be so weak.

"Don't be, you made it, sweetheart. You're stronger than you think you are."

We got out the store and Gerard decieded it was best for us to drive around till it was safe for me to come home. I fell asleep to the sound of the radio, as I hold Gerard's hand. In my dreams there were no panic attacks, no dad beating me up, no school, only him and his gorgeous smile.

Notes

Thanks for all the great comments !

<3