The Only Way

‘’Wake the fuck up’’ Gerard yelled from the kitchen as I was laying on the couch, minding my own business.

‘’I’m awake...’’ I told him, not knowing why he was making such a fuss.

‘’Well now get up and come eat at the table, dinner’s ready’’ He yelled again, this time a bit lower.

I got up and sat down at the table. I had been feeling quite lazy lately, no energy for anything. I was breathless and stressed out because of Mike and his stupid texts at 3 in the morning. Even tho I would ignore him, even tho he had promised to leave me alone, he was still annoying the hell out of me almost every night. The worse was hiding it from Gerard. At first I had decided to let it go. I thought it was a one-time thing and that Mike would eventually leave me alone. But after a week and a half, that hope had faded away. I had waited too long and now Gerard would be pissed off. As things were not getting any better with him, all I wanted was to keep hiding it from him.

‘’You look pensive.’’ He told me as I was looking at my plate, playing with the noodles.

‘’Yeah..I am.’’ I answered.

‘’Frank, we need to talk.’’ He said, all serious.

‘’That’s..not a thing to tell me right now.’’ I answered, out of breath, fearing for the worse. That guilt was gonna kill me at some point.

‘’You need to find a job and get off your lazy ass. I’m tired of going to work in the morning only to find you laying down on the same spot I left you. It’s depressing.’’ He told me.

‘’I..okay. I’ll look for something.’’ I answered, annoyed.

‘’You said that last time and you’ve done nothing.’’ He told me, sighing.

‘’I will this time, I promise.’’ I answered just so he would change the subject.

‘’You start on Monday at the comic shop with Dereck.’’ He told me as I almost choked on the noodles I had been staring at earlier.

‘’Wow, thanks for trusting me, Gee.’’ I answered. I wasn’t really mad because I would’ve probably asked Dereck for a job anyway.

‘’You’re welcome.’’ He answered, rolling his eyes.

‘’You..damn..Gee. You’re acting like my dad again.’’ I told him.

‘’If I was acting like your dad I would’ve beat the shit out of you already.’’ He told me, looking at me straight in the eyes.

I didn’t answer. I knew he wanted me to get mad. Arguing and fighting was Gerard’s favorite way to deal with stress.

‘’What’s going on, Gee? You’re trying to piss me off.’’ I asked, trying to defuse the situation.

‘’I don’t trust you, Frank. You lie to me all the time.’’ He told me, setting his plate aside.

Oh. Oh. I really should’ve shut my mouth this time, I thought.

‘’Who’s texting you every night?’’ He asked. I could see the anger in his eyes.

‘’Mike.’’ I answered. What was the point in lying?

‘’Nice.’’ He said, getting up and throwing his plate in the sink. I knew it was taking him all he had not to spit at my face.

‘’I didn't answer anything else than leave me alone, tho.’’ I answered.

‘’Show me your phone’’ He said, not believing me.

‘’You really don’t trust me, do you?’’ I said, surprised.

‘’Give me your phone and then I’ll believe you.’’ He said, holding out his hand.

‘’Do you want to answer to my phone from now on? Do you want to put a gps tracker on it?’’ I asked.

‘’Just give me the damn phone, Frank.’’ He said, his face a darker shade of red.

‘’There.’’ I told him, throwing the phone on the table and leaving the kitchen.

‘’I’m not done talking to you. Come back here.’’ He yelled.

‘’I don’t give a fuck.’’ I told him, going outside.

I lit up a smoke and sat down to stop my head from spinning.

The only thing I had been hiding from him was Mikey’s confession and now he would find out reading his texts. I never asked for this, I never did anything to make him believe I cared one bit about him after what he had done. Still, I was gonna be stuck in the middle of this mess, again. I would be his fucking tool, he would use me to get what he wanted; breaking me and Gerard up. It was going to be easier than I had thought.

‘’There.’’ He told me, throwing my phone on my lap, sitting next to me. He lit up a smoke at his turn and looked at the sky.

‘’He’s in love with you.’’ He finally said after a couple minutes.

‘’Don’t act like you didn’t know already.’’ I answered, throwing my cigarette on the ground.
‘’I never thought he would have the guts to tell you.’’ He said, avoiding my eyes.

‘’You’ve been lying to me too, Gee. And the reason I lie to you is that I never know what to expect. You burst out of anger for everything and anything lately.’’ I told him, staring at the side of his face.

‘’I know.’’ He told me, sucking on his cigarette.

We remained silent till he was done smoking. As I was about to get up because I was freezing but he took my hand.

‘’I love you, Frank. I’m truly sorry.’’ He said, still not looking at me.

‘’Why won’t you look at me, babe?’’ I asked, wanting him to let us forget about our argument.

‘’Part of me wanted to believe that you were answering back, that you would leave me for him.’’ He said, his voice breaking.

‘’Why the hell would you want that?!’’ I asked him, softly, wanting to take him in my arms but he wouldn’t.

‘’Because I deserve it. I don’t treat you right and Mikey knows it, and I know it and hell, even Alice knows it.’’ He told me.

‘’Woah, babe, come on. You’re not so bad. Where is that coming from?’’

‘’Look at you…you’re not doing well and I’m not helping.’’

‘’You don’t have to save me you know?’’ He didn’t answer.

‘’You can hold my hand as I save myself. That’s what love’s about.’’ I told him.

He turned around and took me in his arms, squishing me real hard then started crying.

‘’I love you so much Frank...’’

‘’Can we make a deal?’’ He nodded.

‘’I’ll try my best to get better and you don’t take it all on your shoulders when I fail. That’s not helping at all.’’

‘’Deal’’ He said, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

‘’I love you too Gerard and sometimes it’s difficult but most of the time, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.’’

He kissed me passionately and gazed into my eyes like there was a whole galaxy in it. I was his star, his moon, his sun, the reason he needed to get up in the morning and deal with the shitty things life was throwing at our face.

''Can we go inside? I'm freezing.'' He said, his teeth chattering.

I nodded and we came back in the kitchen, staring at my plate still half full.

''Well..this is cold.'' I told him.

''I'm not even hungry anymore.'' I said, putting the rest of my plate in a plastic container.

''Can I ask you something and you answer the most honest way you can?'' I asked.

''Yeah, sure.''

''Why did you make out with Suzan?'' I asked, remembering what Mike had told me.

''Because I was drunk and because I wanted to hurt Vincent.''

''I'm no better than Mikey, I know.'' He said, head down.

''Yeah, well, it's all in the past, right? If something were to happen between us, you would talk to me about it before kissing anyone wouldn't you?''

''You're the only one I want to kiss, Frank. Since I've meet you..I...I never felt anything that strong for anyone else.''

''Same here.'' I said, kissing his lips.

''I need to work late tonight, babe. Got a conference at your school tomorrow.'' He said, breaking the kiss.

''What is it about?''

''Abusive relationships.'' He answered.

''It's really hard breaking those schemes, Frank. I see myself when I talk to you. You compare me to your dad not because I care about you, but because I'm abusive...and it breaks my heart every time I look at you.'' He said, tears in his eyes.

''You're not so bad, Gee. And you've got good intentions. I'm giving you the chance to figure it all out. I'm patient and I believe in you.'' I said, smiling to him.

''Can we have a safe word?'' He asked.

''What d'you mean?''

''If I go too far, you could say something that would snap me out of it.'' He answered.

''Fuck you?'' I suggested.

''Nah, silly, that would only get me madder. A total random word...'' He said, biting his lips and looking at the ceiling.

''Canoodle?'' he finally said.

''What does that even mean?'' I asked, raising both eyebrows.

''Laying in bed and cuddling.'' He said, smiling like a 10 year old, innocence in his eyes.
''That's cute and it sounds funny, I like it.'' I answered.

''Alright so canoodle it is.'' He said, kissing the top of my head.

''Maybe working on that theme will do me good after all.'' He said, leaving the room.
Another night alone, I thought, sighing.

I reached for my cellphone and blocked Mikey's number. He had made enough trouble in my relationship as it was. He and Suzan had broken up and it wasn't my fault if he was feeling down. He had to deal with the consequences of his choices on his own.

I watched t.v. for a while, thinking about going out to see Mark but I was too lazy to do anything. Now that I knew I had to work on Monday, I decided to browse through Gerard's comic books to try to remember a few names so it wouldn't show that I was 100% clueless about everything.

''I need to go back to work, babe. I left my suitcase there and everything's in it. Maybe I'll work there a bit.'' Gerard told me, annoyed.

''Ahhh educating ourselves, are we? '' He said, as he passed by and kiss me on the cheek as to say goodbye.

''See ya.'' I said, absorbed by what I was reading.

After about half an hour, I was completely lost and bored of looking at his collection and I needed air. I decided to go outside for a walk and a smoke of course, I wasn't ready to let go of that filthy habit just yet.

I passed by my dad's home. All the lights were out, he must have been at work or at a bar, drinking his sorrow. A shiver went down my spine as I saw my mom's car, parked in the driveway. My dad didn't leave me anything since my mom hadn't have time to change her will. I didn't care about the money tho, I just wished I could've brought akeepsakeof her, maybe her favorite sweater, to hug when I wanted to feel her presence.

I sighed and walked away, scared that my dad would come back and find me there, staring at the house completely lost in my thoughts.

On the way home was a local bar, creepy as fuck, even Gerard didn't want to go there and Gerard turning down a chance to get drunk was extraordinary.

''Hey little shit.'' A man yelled at me as I was trying to pass by a dark alley on the side of the building as quickly as possible.

I didn't turned back and walked faster but he twisted my arm and pulled me in his direction.

''I said, hey, little shit.'' He repeated two inches from the back of my head. I could feel his breath. He had a firm grip for the smell of alcohol that was pouring out of his pores.

''Let go of me.'' I asked, firmly. I didn't know what this man wanted and I didn't want to stay there to find out.

''You don't recognize me Frank?'' the man said.

''Vincent?'' I asked as he turned me around so I could see his face.

''Why the fuck are you being so creepy?'' I asked, trying to calm down. My heart was racing.

''Cause I need something from you.'' He said, pushing me.

''I didn't take anything from you.'' I said, trying to keep my balance.

''I need Gerard back.''

''That's not something I can give you, unfortunately. Gerard decided to leave you way before he met me.'' I answered, wanting to

''Humm... I wonder in who's arms he would come crawling back if something were to happen to you.'' He said, pointing his finger towards him.

''What..?..He would never forgive you if you hurt me.'' I said, surprised by his threats.

''Yeah..but maybe your dadcould find out where you live and do all the work for me.'' He said, smiling.

''How the fuck do you know all of this?'' I asked, pissed off.

''I've got a best friend who's very fond of you.'' DAMN MIKEY WAY I thought, wanting to punch him even tho he wasn't there.

''Mikey's with you on this? I don't believe it. I mean, he would never agree.'' I said, unimpressed.

''He only talked, I did the maths and came back with a solution on my own.''

''You wouldn't dare telling my dad.'' I said, staring straight into his eyes.

''I would only have to leave a note or a speck of dust of a hint to catch his attention.'' He implied.

''That's ridiculous and you know it. Who's reputation do you think it's gonna ruin if you tell my dad about it? Mine? Or Gerard's who's working with teenagers?'' I asked, sure of myself.

''You are a piece of shit and you need to get the fuck out of Gerard's life.'' He answered. Ohh.. his plan didn't sound so great now did it?

''Same to you'' I answered with a look of disgust on my face.

''Listen, Frank, if you don't leave Gerard, I will make your life a living hell.'' He said, all threatning.

''My life's always been a living hell. You don't scare me at all.'' I answered.

''Acting though huh? You weren't so proud last time I saw you.'' he said, referring to the last time he beat me up at Mike's.

''I let you beat the shit out of me, just so Gerard could see what a fucking monster you are.'' I lied.

He lifted my shirt and pushed my back against the wall.

''You are nothing. You're a dropout without a job. You're only there to take advantage of Gerard. You think he's your sugar daddy. You're pathetic.'' He said, two inches from my face.

''Who's more pathetic? I wonder..a teenage boy that hasn't figure out what he wants to do with his life yet or a creepy wasted old fuck trying to scare him and failing?'' I asked, smiling. He punched me in the face once. I felt my left eye swallowing instantly.

''Punch me again if you dare, old fuck.'' I yelled.

Then he punched me twice, this time I tasted blood in my mouth.

''You hit like a pussy.'' I said, smiling with blood all over my teeth.
Then he punched me in the ribs and I lost my breath, chocking on one of my tooth that I'd almost swallow. He kicked me in the ribs and I lost my balance and fell down. I stayed there, laying down on the ground.

''You're done laughing now?'' He said, proud of the state I was in.

''Yup. It fucking hurts.'' I said. That had hurt more than I expected.

''Was it worth it?'' He asked, rubbing his knuckles.

''Yeah itwas.'' I answered, still smiling.

He held my hand to help me getting up. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do till I was held against the wall again.

‘’You think I broke something?’’ He asked concerned, lifting up my shirt.

‘’Let go of me, seriously, Vincent.’’ I said, pushing him away but not succeeding.

‘’Oh…you don’t like to be touched, right?’’ He said, smiling.

‘’And if I do this, how will you react?’’ He said, squeezing my dick under my pants.

''Get the fuck away from me.'' I answered, hoping someone would hear my plea.

''I found your weak spot it seems.'' He said, rubbing my crotch and holding my hands against the wall.

I cried, a lot, tears streaming down my face. I closed my eyes till he decided he had enough.

''Frankie is a crybaby now. What are you gonna do? Run home and tell your daddy?'' He said, pouting and laughing at my face.

I couldn't answer, I was gone, in my thoughts, in hurtful memories. My brain zoomed out to protect me from what was happening.

He kept me prisoner for another minute, rubbing his dirty hands all over my body, shredding every pieces of my dignity.

''You're a monster.'' I said, choking back tears but failing. I was weak, I was the shadow of myself, I was a little bitch who people used and abused.

''You're dating one too, you just don't know it yet. Me and Gerard belong together. Get the fuck out of his house or I'll rape the fuck out of you and tell Gerard you begged for it.'' He said, letting go of me and walking away.

''He would never believe you!!'' I yelled back.

''Do you really wanna find out, Frank?'' He said, entering in the bar and leaving me alone in this dark alley.

I walked back home and by that I mean crawling. My face was burning and every muscles of my body were tensed. I couldn't feel pain just yet because of the adrenaline in my veins but I knew that as soon as it would leave my body I would collapse.

I entered the house but no one seemed to be home. I went upstairs to take a shower and wash the blood all over my clothes. One of my lower teeth was broken in half and little pieces of it were stuck in my gums. I could only see from one eye. I looked like hell but it was the least of my concerns.

Gerard arrived at 2 in the morning. By that time I had cut my wrists, swallowed half a vodka bottle, smoked all the weed I could find and fell asleep in the bathroom, half dressed, leaving a trail of blood on everything I had touched.

He went straight to bed and I heard my phone ring when he found out I wasn't in bed. He followed the sound of my ringtone only to find me half dead lying on the floor.

''Frank..??'' I heard, as he was trying to get me up.

I was so wasted I couldn't move or make a sound to show him I was still alive.

''Babe...please wake up.'' He said, panicking.

He lift me up and brought me inside the shower, turning on the cold water and crying that I couldn't have done this to him. That's when I realized that he thought I was dead.

''G..'' I mumbled.

He turned off the water and kissed my lips.

''Frank...omg I thought...I..'' He cried. He hold me in the bath for a while, sobbing and shaking.

''I'm sorry.'' I said, half conscious.

He cleaned my cuts and examined every inches of my bruised body then brought me to bed, holding me tightly, asking if he was hurting me every time my face would cringe. And then he fell asleep after watching me losing conscience once again.

Notes

I missed you lovelies :)