The Only Way

Your face looks weird…did you cry?’’ Gerard asked as he entered the room.

I had been lying in bed all night, pretending I was feeling sick. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mikey had told me. Gerard was hard to love, that I get but I didn’t see how I could stop caring about him. I loved him so much that I couldn’t picture the monster that Mikey had described.

‘’No. I’m just not feeling so good.’’ I said, trying to hide my swollen eyes but I knew I couldn’t fool him.

‘’Alright. Whatever, Frank. If you wanna talk, I’ll be in my office.’’ He said, coldly.

‘’Wait, I wanna ask you something.’’ I said before he closed the door. He sat down on the bed and waited for me to start talking.

‘’What happened between you and Vincent? Why did you break up?’’ I asked, in the most tactful way I could find.

‘’You sure you wanna talk about it right now?’’ He simply said, brushing my cheek.

‘’Yeah, I want to understand so it doesn’t happen to us.’’ I answered.

‘’Okay..well..hum..whereto begin..’’ He asked rhetorically.

‘’What were the things you argued the most on?’’ I asked, trying to help him understand what I wanted to know.

‘’Alice. The way to raise her. He wanted her to be the perfect little girl but I wasn’t okay with that. I prefer giving her free will, at least when she’s with me. She should be able to express herself in any way she wants. We didn’t adopt her to make her a perfect replica of ourselves, she should have her say on what we decide for her.’’ He explained.

‘’That makes sense.’’ I said as I nod.

‘’There were other things, of course, like the fact that I worked too much, that I cared too much about my patients, that I didn’t want him to meet my mom, that I was drunk or high all the time, that I needed sex more than he did, I could go on all night, really…’’ He said, looking annoyed.

‘’So…the drinking part…’’ I said, waiting for him to elaborate on that.

‘’Yeah. I have an addiction, I am aware of it. Sometimes I just can’t help it. It makes me someone I don’t want to be but..it’s kinda strong..like the urges you get to cut. It helps me deal with life.’’ He said, lost in his thoughts, caressing my wrist.

‘’But you’re doing something to get rid of it, right?’’ I asked, hopeful.

‘’Yeah and no…I could do more. It’s beenkinda hard lately with the divorce and you moving in.’’ He answered.

‘’Yeah…I…thought we would get along but…’’ I said, sadness in my voice.

‘’Babe, it’s just a rough moment, filled with adjustments that’s all. We belong together, that’s for sure.’’ He said, smiling at me.

‘’You need to act less like my therapist and my dad and more like my boyfriend.’’ I said in a harsher way than intended. He lost his smile and faked a laugh that meant I had touch a raw nerve.

‘’It’s hard to care for someone who doesn’t care about himself at all.’’ he said, one eyebrow raised.

‘’You still see me as a baby, Gerard, but you’re not my daddy and I can make my own decisions.’’ I said, trying to explain that the fact that he was acting like I was his dolly, something that he wasn’t even willing to do to his own daughter.

‘’I don’t wanna talk about it anyway, babe, that will only lead us to another fight and I’ve still got plenty of work to do.’’ He said, getting up the bed.

‘’Don’t forget, tomorrow you have an appointment. I’ll drive you to Mike’s and you’ll only have to call me when you’re done, I’ll pick you up.’’ He said, before kissing me goodnight.

An appointment with Mike…Yahoo.

I didn’t want to go at all. I had heard what he had told me and it was enough. By talking to Gerard, I thought I could reassure myself but it didn’t work at all. I was left with more questions than before.

The next morning came too fast and the next thing I knew I was sitting in the car, ready to go to the slaughterhouse, where my soul would be shredded to pieces and analyzed under a fucking microscope. I didn’t know how I felt about Mike lately, his words had such a strong impact on me. I feared he would manipulate my feelings to get what he wanted. How could I fall in love with him? He wasn’t gay, well, last time I checked, he was with Suzan even thot hese two had some issues, he couldn’t actually think in his right mind that I deserved more attention than her, could he? Most of all, he was Gerard’s brother and as much as I would end up hating Gerard, in Mike’s mind, I could never do that to him. I wasn’t born cruel, I knew what it did inside, I knew how it shattered one’s soul.

‘’Don’t look so gloomy, Frank, it’s Mikey, he’s notgonnado anything to you.’’ He said, trying to reassure me, as he pulled in the driveway. If only he knew…

‘’I know, it’s just…I already miss you.’’ I lied, kissing him tenderly.

‘’Humm…I miss that.’’ He said, his eyes still closed like he wanted more.

I kissed him again, using tongue and rubbing his dick through his pants.

‘’Frank..stop or I won’t be able to let you go.’’ He said, warning me.

‘’That’s the plan’’ I said, smiling against his mouth.

‘’Come on, go..please, go.’’ He said, breaking the kiss.

‘’I’ll see you in a couple hours and make you regret turning me on to get to your means.’’ He said, winking at me, his eyes filled with lust.

I got out the car after a thousand of ‘’I love you’’ and light up a smoke before entering inside Mike’s house. I waited till Gerard’s car was out of sight and started walking. Maybe I would go to the park for an hour or two and tell Gerard to pick me up there. I wanted to avoid Mike at all costs, too scared of the effect he had on me.

I sat down on a bench, apart from some kids that were playing in the frozen sand. They looked so careless and happy, I thought, as I threw my cigarette on the ground.

‘’Hello Frank.’’ Someone said, as I was about to light up another one. I lifted my head only to say Mikey Fucking Way. Dammit.

I didn’t want to give him the pleasure to hear me apologize, so I acted surprised, like I didn’t know why he was there.

‘’You thought you could run away from me.’’ He said, stealing the cigarette from my hand and lighting it.

‘’Nah..I just thought I would sit here, cause it’s such a beautiful day.’’ I answered sarcastically. Of course I wanted to avoid him and he was aware of it.

‘’Yeah, we could have our session right here if you want, apart from everybody else.’’ He said, in a creepy way that wasn’t usually his style.

‘’Let’s go at your place, I’m starting to get cold.’’ I answered as I started walking in a hurried pace.

‘’I’m glad you decided not to hide somewhere far the house, I would've had to call Gerard.’’ He said, all threatening.

‘’It would only have made things worse between me and him.’’ I told him, even tho he knew it perfectly.

‘’That kinda would have been the plan.’’ He said, smiling. I didn’t like his attitude at all.

‘’Don’t you have a winter coat?’’ he said, putting his on my shoulders.

‘’Well..yeah but it’s all worn out.’’ I said, shrugging.

‘’I’ll give you one then.’’

‘’ I wouldn’t like to owe you something since you decided to act like a fucking wacko.’’ I told him, pissed off.

‘’I’m just trying to help.’’ He said, smiling again. I wished I could’ve choked him with my bare hands.

We went outside and he made me sit on his couch. I just wanted to disappear between the cushions. If only Gerard had knew what he had said, my feet wouldn’t even had pass the front door. But I wanted to avoid drama so I would have to endure this little vicious game he was playing.

‘’How’s sex with Gerard?’’ He asked as I almost choked on the coffee he had gave me.

‘’None of your business’’ I answered right away.

‘’ Alright, tell me about your stress then.’’ He said, changing the subject.

‘’I lost consciousness before you came to see me, but before that, it had been two weeks without any sign of stress at all.’’ I said, almost proud.

‘’Why did you lose consciousness, do you remember?’’ He asked, taking notes.

‘’No…euhm..well…I had a fight with Gerard about going back to school and..I drank way too much..’’ I answered.

‘’You drank? All by yourself?’’ He asked, concerned.

‘’Yeah..there was a bottle of vodka in the fridge and I…’’

‘’That’s not good at all,Frank..I’m really disappointed in you.’’ He said, interrupting me.

‘’I..didn’t think. It was there and I took it. I didn’t think it would piss off Gerard, I didn’t think about anything more than finding a way to switch my mood.’’ I explained.

‘’And how did that work out for you?’’ He asked, knowing that I had went back into self-harming.

‘’Not so good, but you already know it.’’ I said, not wanting to let him make me feel worse than I already did.

‘’What’s with all of you and that fucking booze?’’ He asked, crossing his arms like a child.

‘’You have a problem with alcohol yourself, Mike, do I really need to remind it to you?’’ I asked, unimpressed by his tantrum.

‘’I HAD a problem with it. Now I’ve found something way more interesting.’’ He said, pointing a finger in the air.

‘’And what is it?’’ I asked, instantly regretting my question when I heard his answer.

‘’Saving you from yourself’’ He simply said, all proud.

‘’That’s a lost cause..Mike..really..you’restressing me more than ever with that attitude.’’ I answered, trying to reach the part of him that wasn’t stubborn, if there was any.

‘’You’ll see, I have a plan.’’ He said, smiling.

"Tell me, cause making me fall in love with you isn'tgonnacut it." I said, straight to the point.

"Nah. That's not it. It's part of it but..not the actual plan, that's just something that will happen naturally."he answered.

"Don't be so cocky Mike..that's unattractive." I said to piss him off.

"Haha. You'll see, Frank." he said, sure of himself.

I rolled my eyes in the air.

"How did you like my birthday present?" he asked, biting his lips.

I didn't answer. I knew he was referring to the kiss he gave me while Gerard was watching.

"Would you have slept with me if I would've stayed?" he asked.

"No." I said. There was no way I would admit anything.

"I can see right through you Frank. You were so into it." he said, licking his lips and looking at me like I was something to eat.

" I was drunk." I said, calmly.

"That's no excuse." he answered.

"You remember how Suzan jumped on you when she was drunk? She meant it. She thinks you're sexy as hell. Alcohol is an inhibitor, it just gives you the courage to do the things you already wanted to do." he explained.

"Mike..whatever, alright? I'm not admitting anything. I'm glad you left, that would've been awkward." I answered.

"Was it the best sex you've ever had at least?" he asked.

"I'm not gonna answer." I said, not wanting to play to this stupid game. It wasn't the best sex, like it wasn't the worse. We were so drunk that we could barely stand up. I mean, what did he really wanted to know?

"That means no." he said writing down on his notepad.

"You're not writing this down, are you?" I asked, panicked.

"You're funny Frank. You act like a frigid little bitch but in reality you're kinky as hell." he said, laughing.

"I don't want you to ruin things between me and Gerard, okay? I don't know what's your goal but it's not gonna work!" I said, standing up. I had enough of this bullshit.

"That's not my goal. He'll do it himself." he said.

"You're wrong." I said, walking towards the door to leave the room.

"Sit down." He asked, his voice darker than usual.

"Fuck you" I said, not impressed.

"Sit the fuck down, Frank Iero, you're in my house, you'll be polite." he said, taking my wrist and pushing me on the couch.

It hurt like hell since it had not healed yet. I wondered if he had did it on purpose.

"Fuck…it hurts." I said, pissed off.

"Your little moody game won't work with me. If you need discipline to understand, you'll be served." he said, almost yelling.

"What the fuck can you do about it? You're gonna hit me?" I asked, standing up again.
He pushed me back on the couch, a little softer this time.

"No. I wouldn't hurt you, Frank. Don't you realize I'm there to help?" he said, two inches from my face.

"I don't need your help, fucker." I answered, pushing him back.

"If you need me to be rough to lose that attitude and start to understand I'm not the enemy here, I will." he said, sitting down on me.

"Let go of me, fuck!!" I yelled, trying to hit him.

He took my arms, put them on my back then sit on me. I felt so helpless.

"You will calm down and then I will." he said, calmly.

It took several minutes for me to come back to reality. It also took several attempts for me to stop yelling. Mikey get off me only when I started hyperventilating. He took me in his arms as I cried all the tears that were left in my body.

"I…I'm sorry." I finally said, sobbing.

"You need to let go of all that anger, Frank. That's killing you inside. You're gonna end up hurting the ones you love." he said, caressing my back.

"I know….I just…I love Gerard. I hate the fact that you want to break us up. You're supposed to be my friend." I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

"I'll help you dealing with him and then you'll decide if you still want him or not. Okay?" he said, feeling sorry.

"I will, Mike...I want him to love me as much as I do."

"He loves you, don't doubt it. He has a strange way to show it. Frank… I'm sorry. I wanted to shake you. I see now that's not the way to do it." he said, taking my hand.

"You have other issues than Gerard to work on." he said.

"Okay." I said, wiping my tears.

"First, you need to let go of that anger. It's tainting your relationship with Gee. That means expressing calmly your feelings or thoughts. Second, you need to understand that people care about you and won't let you destroy yourself anymore. Third, you need to figure out what to do with your life. Last, stop comparing Gerard to your dad and it'll be a good start." he said, explaining.

"Okay." I said, again.

"You'll be alright. I got your back." Mikey said, brushing my cheek.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Is everything alright with Suzan?" I said, wondering if his attitude towards me was related to it.

"Nah. Not really." he said, head down.

"That's what I thought." I said, not surprised.

"She saw us." he said, embarrassed.

"You mean…you and me and Gerard?"

"Yeah..but she didn't really see Gerard. She was wasted and only focused on you and me." he said.

"How did she reacted?" I asked.

"I slept on the couch for 2 days then..she refused to even kiss me. I tried to explain...in vain. She wouldn't hear it. After a while we talked about it. She told me the reason she was mad was that I kissed you when I thought she was asleep. She would have liked to be there. I just laughed…she wasn't even mad because of the right reasons. It's when I realized she wanted to get into your pants real bad." he said, sadly laughing.

"Why? ..I mean…I'm gay…I never said or did anything that could have made her think that I was interested." I said, scratching my head.

"I know. It's not your fault. Suzan is a sex addict, there is nothing I can do to please her. She would need two men..and even then. She says she doesn't need therapy but..she even hit on Gee so.." he explained.

"She hit on Gee??" I asked, confused.

"Yeah..you weren't dating yet tho. He was drunk and they made out and Vincent caught them. It's why they break up the first time." he said.

I wondered why Gerard wasn't comfortable going into details about his relationship with Vincent, maybe that was part of it.

"You didn't break up with her?" I asked.

"No. She only does it when she's drunk and she promised she would get help so...I forgave her. But it's been more than six months and nothing has changed. Now I wonder if it will." he said, shrugging. He looked like he had given up on their relationship.

"Do you still love her?" I asked.

"Yeah…but it's…fading away"

"I'm sorry…" I said, not knowing what to add.

"Not your fault and…back to you, honey, we're almost done." he said, looking at the clock.

"I wish everything would be alright in all the relationships I have no control on, even my own, I feel so helpless." I said.

''You have enough already on your shoulders, don't make it worse.'' He said, patting my shoulder.

''Yeah..'' I said, discouraged. I didn't know where to start to make that anger go away. I would have to find a way to fix it if I wanted my relationship with Gerard to be a success.

''I told you it wasn't a good idea to live with him but you wouldn't listen..Gerard won't stop acting the way he is. It's his way to show you how he cares.''

''What I don't understand is that he won't control Alice but he does it with me.''

''I would've done the same, Frank, you're 18, you can't be done with school just yet. You need to find a way to support yourself, at least. You should look for a job if you don't wanna go back.'' He suggested.

''Alright, I'll look for something.'' I said, defeated. Maybe a job would be nicer than school. At least I could make enough money to shut Gerard up, I thought.

''What would you be interested in?'' he asked, trying to help out.

''Maybe I could go work at that comic book shop that friend of Gee owns...or somewhere they sell music.'' I said, thinking out loud.

''That's a good start. You're interested in music?'' He asked, surprised.

''Yeah, I playguitar..I'mnot so bad at signing too.'' I said, shrugging.

''Play me something, sometimes, I'd be glad to hear you.'' he said, impressed.

''Yeah..maybe.'' I answered.

''I'll be honest, I'll tell you if you're any good.'' he said, trying to reassure me. I wasn't sure I was ready to have someone destroy my hopes of starting a band. Mikey looked at me, smiling.

''I won't be harsh, no worries, I'm tactful compared to Gerard.'' he said, half joking.

''Yeah I noticed..''I said, frowning. Gerard wasn't kidding when it came to honestly. He told it straight like it was and it wasn't always pleasant. I didn't need him to destroy the shreds of self-esteem I had left.

''I'm sure you're good,tho. You would look hot with a guitar.'' He said, a smile spread across his face.

''Mike...come on.'' I said, my face flushed.

''Haha, I'm kidding, well, half kidding. I just wanted to see your face. You look so cute when you're embarassed.'' he said, looking at the door.

''Are you gay now or what?'' I finally asked.

''I could be if you were single.'' he said, winking at me.

''Seriously?'' I asked, still embarrassed as hell.

''Yeah, you're something special, Frankie, I understand why Gerard wanted to be your boyfriend so bad. He kept talking about you all the time even tho he knew it was bad to fall in love with a patient. He kinda made me appreciate you more than you would believe.'' He answered.

''But...I mean...you and me? I don't see that happen, honestly. I mean, you're not into guys. It would be so awkward. Appreciating someone or thinking they're special is one thing but..when it comes to sex...it's on a whole other level.'' I said, wanting to figure out if he was serious about it or not.

''It comes naturally with you, Frank, remember my hands on your ass and dick? That was hot as hell.'' He said, biting his lips.

''I think you have this idea in your head...but it's not real. I mean...have you ever actually sleep with a guy?'' I asked, trying to make a point so he would abandon this idea of dating me.

''You could teach me, honey, I'm a great learner. There's nothing you could do to disgust me, really, I mean...look at you.'' he said, brushing my chin, my cheeks and then caressing my belly.

''Mike..please. You can't be serious. I am dating your brother. This is so wrong'' I said, still skeptic.

''But yet so right.'' he said, smiling.

''Alright, I get it. You act like this so I will dump Gerard, but, honey, you're nothing compared to him.'' I said, harshly. I didn't like all the attention he was giving me. I knew he had this plan in his head, this fucked up plan he wouldn't tell me about.

''AH-ah. Poor Frankie. You know nothing about me.'' He said, taking my hand.

''You're not cool, not cool at all, Mike. Stop acting like that, it's not funny.'' I told him, as he caressed my fingers with his thumb.

''Notice how you did nothing to push me back?'' he said, whispering in my ear.

I pushed him away but he wrapped me in his arms.

''You'll be mine someday, it's only a matter of time.'' He said, kissing my cheek.

Then it all came clear in my head. I saw Suzan coming inside the room. I tried to push Mike away a second time but he hold onto my wrist.

''Sorry for interrupting'' Suzan simply said, sitting across the room.

Mikey was still holding me in his arms, his hand in mine. I didn't know what it looked from the outside but it couldn't be good.

Notes

*Insert suspense music here*