The Only Way

"Babe, come here." Gerard yelled from his office.

I had spent all day in bed. I had been feeling quite lazy all week. Gerard worked from home most of time since I had moved in. I was making him breakfast and cleaning around the house to help him out.

I entered the room and saw Gerard with his glasses on, reading an article about violence on his computer. He was taking notes and looked really concentrated. Gosh he was sexy and smart, what else could I ask for?

"Have you thought about going back to school?" he said, still looking down.

Damn. It was a conversation I was dreading to have with him. During those past two weeks, I had thought about it, of course, but I knew the answer wouldn't please him.

"Euhm..not really..maybe after Christmas. I mean, I can't go back to school now anyway. I missed too many classes, I don't remember shit." I said, trying to convince him.

"I talked to the principal, Mister Moore, he said you could come back but you'd have to stay after school everyday of the week, to make up for the classes you missed." he said, like it was the nost normal thing in the world.

"Why? I mean…wtf.." I answered, really surprised.

"Cause everytime I talked to you about it, you wouldn't hear it. I thought I could make it easier for you."

"Ea..sier? Really? You complicated everything!!" I said, pissed off.

Truth was that I didn't want to go back at all. I was done with school. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life either. The last months had been exhausting. I needed a break from my life.

"Alright, what's your plan then? Spending all day in bed and living off my salary forever?" he said sarcastically. This hurt me more than he intended.

"You don't have to pay for me. I can move out right now if you want." I answered.

"That's not what I meant. I'm trying to make you realise something. You need to have a plan. It'll be better for your stress." he said, as if he knew everything about me.

"Did you see me panic lately? Did I complain about stress once? Come on, Gerard, I'm feeling way better than before." I said, not realising that I had given him a fair argument to use against me.

"Maybe it's time to go back if you feel less stressed then.." he said, pointing out the obvious.
"I can't." I said, as a last attempt to make him drop the subject.

"You can, you're stronger than you think. You can't let all that potential go to waste." he said, looking at me right in the eyes, more serious than I ever saw him.

"Gee, no offence but you're not my dad. You can't make me go back." I said, leaving the room.

"Come back here, Frank. It's not polite to leave in the middle of a conversation." he said, right before I closed the door behind me.

"I don't give a fuck." I said, yelling.

I heard him curse and then it was complete silence. I went downstairs, looking for something to drink. I opened the refrigerator and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka that I decided to bring into the shed with me. That was the perfect place to be alone. I didn't want to go back inside the house to argue with Gerard. He decided to act like my dad and it was pissing me off. I knew that he thought I was wasting my potential. It was just a nicer way to tell me I was a fucking loser.

I took a cigarette off his pack and lighted one to calm me down then sipped on the bottle till I couldn't stand straight, which didn't take long. I just wanted to disappear. Once again I was a huge disappointment to the ones I loved. I took a pair of scissors that Gerard took to cut cardboard pieces for his joints and started cutting my skin. It felt like such a relief to feel something else than this overwhelming feeling of disgust.

I looked at the blood spilling on my skin. I just wanted to stop breathing and leave this fucking planet earth but I knew I would never have the courage to. It was the burden I would have to carry all my life. I was too coward to live and too coward to die. I laid down on the couch, putting pressure on the wound to stop the blood. I didn't want Gerard to find out. I was trashed out of my mind at this point but I still cared about what he thought about me.

"Babe..what are you doing here?" Gerard said with a soft voice as he opened the door.

"I don't wanna talk. Leave me alone." I said, fearing that he would ask to see my wrist. I hid the pair of scissors between the cushions and acted like nothing happened.

"Are you drunk?" he asked, pointing the empty bottle of vodka I had left on the floor.

"Congratulations, detective." I answered sarcastically.

"I don't understand why you're so mad at me." he said, sitting next to me, forcing me to sit straight.

"I'm not enough for you am I?" I asked rhetorically.

"Babe, that wasn't my intention at all. I just want you to think about your future." he said, sadly.

"I don't have any future, Gerard, just leave me already." I said, acting like a drama queen.

"Come on, my love, you're drunk. Let's go inside. I'll take you upstairs, I'll "prepare" a bath with bubbles." he said, whispering softly in my ear

"No. I wanna go to bed. Dressed. I just need some rest." I said, as I was getting nauseous.
"Alright, let me help you." he said as he took my wrist.

"Ouch…" I said, not thinking. Before I could make a move, Gerard was staring at the cuts I had made on my skin.

"I thought you were done with that." he said, his head down.
"Looks like I wasn't." I said, sadly.

"Aren't you happy with me, Frank?" Gerard asked, looking straight into my eyes.

"Of course, I am. But I am done with school till Christmas…don't make me go back.." I pleaded.

"What possibly could be so bad about going back? What scared you this bad?" he said, caressing my neck.

"I..It's stressful. I think about my parents and..my old life and all the jerks there and the concentration and the boredom and the…" I started hyperventilating.

"Shh..Calm down Frank, stay with me. We won't talk about it till Christmas, I promise." he said, softly.

"I don't wanna think about all those memories…" I said, slowly losing consciousness.

"Frank…." is the last thing I heard. Gerard's voice started to melt away and all the sounds around me faded.
___________________________ Time laps (The next day)

"Wake up my love." Gerard said, laying down next to me.

"What time is it?!" I asked in panic. I didn't know how much time I had spent passed out.

"It's five in the afternoon, he said.

"Why did you wake me up then?" I asked, still groggy.

"Because you've been asleep since yesterday" he answered.

"Shit.." I said, laughing.

"Yeah, you lazy ass. Get up there's someone here to see you." he said, shaking my head to wake me up.

I saw Mikey enter the room with puppy eyes. That's when I realised that this was an intervention.

Gerard left the room and Mikey sat down beside me.

"I'm really worried about you." he said, sitting next to me on the bed.

"I know…" I answered.

"Why did you do it this time?" he said, looking at my arm that Gerard had wrapped in bandages.

"It would be easier to disappear sometimes. I'm just numbing the pain." I simply said.

"I know how that feels." Mikey said, kissing the top of my head.

"Gerard won't talk about his childhood so..I can imagine how terrible that was." I added.

"Yeah it was pretty bad. Sometimes when Suzanne gets drunk, she acts like my mom, doing stupid things and not keeping the promise that she wouldn’t do it again. It brings back painful memories." he said, looking into the distance.

"Yeah, your mom is something special." I said sarcastically. Mikey nodded.

"You just need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, Frankie. You've been through a lot. And you need to come back to your therapy sessions. We'll work through this together. You don't have to do this all by yourself anymore." he said, kissing my cheek.

"Mike..you kiss me a lot lately." I said, feeling all weird to bring it up.

He answered with a kiss on the lips. I wouldn't move till he was done.

"Mike..I…" I said, extremely uncomfortable.

"I know. I'm sorry..I shouldn't have done that." he said, his eyes filled with shame.

"I love you like a brother, Mike…I.." I said, my face as red as my t-shirt.

" I know..I didn't mean it like that..Ijust..I'm not sure Gerard is the right guy to help you with all of this. He's not careful, he'll bring you down."

"And you are?" I asked.

"No..that's not what I'm trying to say.." he said, scratching his chin.

"I'm…I just..I..humm…You're the nicest person I have ever met and you deserve so much happiness…I'm not sure Gerard can give you that." he said, head down like he was ashamed to have said it.

"I'm willing to try it out. I really love him." I said, convinced.

"Yeah, that is obvious. But..maybe what you want isn't what you need..Frankie..it would break me into pieces to see you suffer because of my brother. I don't want things to become as bad as they are with Vincent. You deserve someone who is emotionally stable..Gerard is a mess.." he said, whispering like he was afraid he would hear us.

"And I'm not?" I said, pointing the bandages on my wrist.

"If you would come back home with me..I could help you get better. You shouldn't have left." he said, hoping he could convince me.

"I left because I love Gerard." I simply said.

"You think you love Gerard but you don't know him yet, not like I do. You only scratched the surface, it will only get worse." he said, taking my hand.

"He makes me happy." I said, trying to make him stop saying such things.

"Does he?" he said, caressing my wrist.

"I…..yeah..most of the time. He can be difficult but so can I." I said, defending him.

"I love you. I don't want you to get hurt. You've been through so much already.." he said, kissing the top of my hand.

"I know but I can defend myself. I'm an adult now." I said, trying to understand why he was acting so strangely.

"If I could make you fall in love with me, I would. Then I would bring you home and make your pain go away. Only then I would set you free, if you still had feelings for Gerard. I would have to make sure you're strong enough tho." he said, caressing my head.

"That's just wrong." I said. Where this fucked up reasoning came from?

He locked me in his arms so I wouldn't move.

"Mike..I.." I said, trying to escape from his grip.

He kissed my lips again till he felt the tears falling down my cheeks then stopped.

" You'll understand what I meant someday…you'll see…when the light will start to fade in Gerard's eyes, you'll wish you would have chosen me." he said, crying at his turn.

"You love Suzan…it's not fair to her, not fair to anyone." I said, not believing what was happening.

"You would be surprised of the things I could sacrifice for you. I'll see you tomorrow for your session, don't be late." he said, getting up from the bed.

Then he left the room, leaving me all confused and lost in my own misleading feelings.

Notes

I decieded to upload this one right after it was done to make up for all the months I disapeared.

Love y'all folks.

xox