The Only Way

It had been two weeks since Gerard had cut all contact with me. I went back to school eventually and he started behing busy on weekends and wouldn't come by the house pretexting he was overwhelmed with work. I had let him take his distance because I knew that's what he needed but it was starting to hurt me more than I cared to admit. He was always calling me to say goodnight and texting me through the day but we only talked about superficial things and stuff like what we were doing. He was insiting on acting like a motherfuckin' confusing bastard once again.

To keep me distracted, I had started to see Mark and we chilled after school pretty often. That weekend, I had been invited to April's parents chalet up in the North. We were supposed to go swimming in that great big lake and we could lit up fires in her backyard and we could watch the stars at night. She had convinced me to go because we would be alone and it would help me escape what was going on with Gerard. Oh and alcohol of course, she had bribed me with it. We had started drinking at noon and it was almost three.

"Want another beer?" asked April, giving me the bottle before I could answer.

"You want to get me drunk, don't you?" I asked. After all it was the third beer she had offered me in thirty minutes.

"Yeah, kinda, I don't know" she said, giggling and looking all flirty. If I had not known her I would've thought that she had something behind her mind but I knew she liked being a tease and it didn't really mattered to me. I had always find her attractive and being hit on by such a cool girl made me feel loved and that was what I was craving for since Gerard wouldn't do that for me anymore. I knew she wasn't serious about it and that she would never act on it so I was comfortable with it, it even made me feel good about myself.

"I miss him." I said, looking sadly at the fire. The flames were dancing around, leaving a smell of burnt wood.

"You can't talk about him tonight, we said all there is to say about it. You're not allowed from now on to even pronounce his name. We are in a beautiful place and we're having fun and I won't let you ruin it." She told me squishing my fingers. I had forget how strong she was.

"Alright, alright. I promise." I told her, as she let go of my hand.

"I think Mikey's way more attractive anyway." She told me, smiling.

"It's your friend's boyfriend now, you can't have a crush on him. That's totally innapropriate." I told her, suprised by what she had just revealed.

"Yeah I know, I know. I just wanted to shock you a bit. I'm just so fed up of hearing about Gerard and I noticed the way you were looking at Mikey...so I thought, there might be something going on there." She told me, casually like if the words she was saying wouldn't affect me at all.

"What?.. The way I look at him? What d'you even mean?" I told her, wanting to find out more.

"Yeah well, you look at him like you used to look at Gerard. I mean, the way you said goodbye to him when he dropped you off here..ishh." She said, laughing again like if she had said something hilarious.

"I didn't look at him any freaking abnormal way alright? I don't have a crush on him at all. For all I know you're projecting your own feelings onto me." I said, a bit louder than I intended.

"Ohh getting all smart ass on me now, are we? You sound like Gerard. I don't project shit. I just wish you would forget that douche who's always breaking your gooddamn heart. I mean, I'm fed up of hearing whine about all the things you think he thinks, and all the things he says to you and how you interpret everything wrong. Maybe you could get a fucking break by getting interrested in someone else." She told me in the harshest way she could.

"Oh you know, sorry to annoy you, April. And sorry if I don't think having a crush on my brother's boyfriend is the solution to all my problems." I said, pissed off. How could she say such things if she was my friend?

"Yeah whatever, you like to live with your little problems. It's like you're addicted to sadness. You need to suffer and date a guy who's still not divorced and who's more than twice your age." She said, sipping on her beer.

"You're such an hypocrite!! You dated mister Benett for a year!" I said, trying to make her realise how unfair she was.

"Don't you dare pronouncing his name!!!" She said, jumping on me, starting to throw punches. She was acting crazy and we both had let this escalate really quickly.

"Stop, April, fuck." I said, after receiving a punch on the nose that had started bleeding.

"You're such a fucking pussy, Frank Iero, you don't know how to fight." She told me, punching me on the shoulder this time.

"I don't wanna hit you, it's not right."I said, trying to escape from her grip. I couldn't believe that my friend was beating me up.

"What because I'm a girl? I'll show you who's the girl!" She said. Her face was red of anger and she kept on hitting me even tho I was bleeding.

"Stop April...please, come on." I pleaded.

"Stop talking about your fucking Mr. Way and realise that he's the reason you're so down all the time. He promised to help you and now look at you! He made you even worse!" She said, not paying attention to my plea.

"Fuck. I can't help it April! I love him. You know how that goes! I need him, I lost my mother...I got no one!" I said, my voice breaking down.

"Oh great now you're gonna cry and make me feel horrible.." She said, arms crossed, pouting.

"Fuck you." I answered, taking another beer and walking towards the forest.

"I hope you get lost and fucking die!!!" She yelled at me.

And I disappeared in the woods. I started running at first. I just wanted my whole life to end right now. I was tired of fighting, exhausted from hoping that one day everything would fall into place. I couldn't hear what my friends were telling me to cheer me up anymore. I didn't agree with them telling me that if it wasn't gonna be him, it would be someone else. I wanted him, him only and I would spend the rest of my life alone waiting if I had to.

Tears were running down my face and I had to stop because I couldn't see where I was going. I sat down on the grass surrounded by trees. I could hear the birds singing and I thought that for once I would like to be happy for more than a day. Most animals in this forest were alone and they could manage, why couldn't I? Why did I needed someone to make me feel alive? Why did it had to be Gerard..? Why did it had to be someone that couldn't love me back the way I needed them to?

So many questions, so few answers, I thought to myself, sipping on the beer I had the excellent idea to bring along. I was starting to feel tipsy and I couldn't care less what was gonna happen to me. I would die in this forest, too numb to lift a finger, too sad to try to survive. I would die in this place and no one would ever find me.

Should I leave a note behind? I asked myself.

I picked up a branch on the ground and started to write in a pond of mud. "Sorry. I tried." That would be it. I layed down on the ground beside the mud and fell asleep.

A few hours passed and I woke up to the sound of April yelling my name. She was walking with a flashlight and talking to someone that was next to her. I couldn't see who it was because of the light.

"I'm right here...for fuck's sake. Stop yelling." I told her, just to piss her off.

"He's there!!!! Frank!" She said, happy to see me.

"I called..Mikey when I couldn't find you but...Gerard insisted to come." She told me, pointing at the man beside her.

"What you doing laying on the ground?" He asked, pointing the flashlight directly in my eyes.

"Beer..an..oh my god Frank...is that a suicide note?" He asked, looking at the ground.

"Hahaha Frank, you're so silly, you were joking right?" April asked. Her laugh was fake and I knew she was trying to act like nothing had happened between us.

"Did you..fall on something? Are you hurt?" Gerard asked, inspecting my face. There was dried blood all over it.

"That would be because of me..." April answered, head down, looking guilty.

"Oh..I see. Well, Frank, I think it's time for you to go back home. Unless you want to stay here of course." Gerard said, looking at April with disgust.

"Will you..stay with me if I go home?" I asked, fearing that the answer would tear me apart.

"Yeah of course, my love. I think we both need to spend some time together." He said, brushing the side of my cheek.

"Yuck...you both make me so sick." April said, acting like she was gonna throw up.

"We'll have to talk about this incident at our next session, April. Don't think I'm gonna let you off the hook. You said you would make some effort into being less angry and it's obvious now that you broke your promise." Gerard said, schooling her as she was sticking her tongue out.

We walked back to the house and April was sad to see me go.

"I'm sorry it ended like this. I shouldn't have said those mean things..." She said, looking at the ground while Gerard was waiting in his car.

"It's okay, but you owe me one, now. If I ever I lose my shit on you, you'll have to stay calm and take it like a man." I told her, smiling like nothing had happened.

"Alright. I'm sorry again, Frank. That's the reason I don't have many friends...that's what I do..I push everyone away." She told me, her eyes filling with tears. It was the first time she had expressed a different feeling from anger.

"No worries, I've seen way worse than you." I told her, hugging her as to say goodbye.

"Wait till next time, I'm so gonna beat your ass up, you won't be able to sit for days." She told me, whispering in my ear.

"Don't push your luck.." I warned her, a smile on my face.

"I was kidding!" She told me, giggling.

We said goodbye and I got in the car. The ride was silent like always. I didn't know what to expect from Gerard. He was calm and he looked serene but the voice in my head kept screaming that something was wrong.

"Babe, we need to talk." Gerard said when we arrived in Mikey's driveway.

"Yeah, I know." I told him, expecting the worse like always.

"I want us to be more official." He said, looking in the distance.

"What?" I said, looking at him puzzled.

"I want you to go live with me." He said, looking at me this time.

I couldn't speak.

"Say something." He said, half smiling, waiting for me to react.

"Huh..yeah, I'd like that." I answered, not sure if this was one of his tricks.

"You don't seem happy about it." He answered, a sad smile on his face.

"No..it's just..I didn't expect that." I answered honestly.

"Haven't we suffered enough? I..feel like we've been saying goodbye ever since we met and I don't want that anymore."

"Oh my god, Gee...I thought..I thought you were gonna dump me for your ex." I said, almost tearing up.

"Why would I do that..?" He asked genuinely concerned.

"You're so hard to read sometimes. You don't see me for a week and then you want me to go live with you. It doesn't make sense." I told him.

"Oh well..yeah I'm hard to follow. I just needed to figure out some things first before I could ask you. That's why I needed time. Vincent only convinced me I should be honest with you and finally show you how much I want and need you, even tho you might end up hurting me. I don't wanna lose you. He said, taking my hand with both his hands.

"Wow...euhm..Gee.." I said, not knowing what to answer to that suddent declaration of love.

"What?" He asked, hesitant.

"I never...okay Gee. But you have to promise me something."

"Okay. Anything."

"I want you to talk to me. Stop disappearing on me." I asked him. I was tired of playing his game.

"I promise." He said, a crooked smile on his face.

"Say it like you mean it." I asked him with a serious face.

"I really do mean it Frank, I'm done running. I'm all in this time." He promised.

"I'm still gonna be afraid, you know that right?" I told him, letting go of his hands. I wasn't sure if I could trust him again.

"Yeah..I know. I'm gonna have to earn your trust back but I can do it. I really do love you and I really wanna spend my life with you." He said, trying to make up for the horrible way he had been acting.

"You bet, you'll need a fucking miracle." I said, laughing.

"Oh come one, I'm pouring my heart out now, babe. Don't be mean." He said, pouting.

"Alright, alright." I answered, sincerely.

"I love you." He said, kissing my lips tenderly.

"Lucky for you, I do too." I told him.

"Well we've already establish that I don't deserve you but maybe I can make you need me." He said, rising an eyebrow, and sliding a hand on my crotch.

"Yeah..? How you gonna do that now?"

"Humm maybe I could suck you off right now" He said, rising an eyebrow.

"In your car?" I asked, suprised.

"Why not?"

"I don't know..."

Then he kissed me again but this time with his tongue while unbuttoning my pants.

"Humm babe you're already hard." He said, carressing my thights.

"Yeah it's not my fault if you're the sexiest motherfucker alive. I just want you to fuck me right now.'' I said, biting mylips, looking at him.

"A bit horny are we?" He asked, smiling at me.

"For you always, babe." I said, as he started to put down his own pants.

He put down my car seat and made me lay down on my back. Then he started fucking me slowly while licking my lips.

"Ive been wanting to do that for a really long time now." He said, his eyes filled with desire.

"Fuck me in your car?" I asked, biting my lips.

"Nah silly, just to kiss you and feel how fucking tight you are." He said, moaning in my ears.

"Ohh fuck Gee...I missed you too." I said, half laughing and moaning back.

"Gorgeous boy." He said, sliding a hand on my the side of my face.

" I want you so bad all the time, Gee." I told him, letting it out like it was a secret.

"Hummm my Frankie...all horny for me."

"Always, babe, you ruined me for anybody else." I told him, as he started thrusting his hips faster and harder.

Notes

Sorry I've been away for a while. My life was a mess.
But I'm glad to be back.
Hope you haven't given up on me.

Much love xox