We were waiting for Mikey in the car. It was on a Sathurday, we had woke up pretty early, I didn't have the chance to get a coffee and I couldn't wait for Mikey to come out of the house so we could go to McDonalds. I loved coffee, it was comforting in a way. Maybe because Gerard drank it a lot and he would always let me bum a smoke or two. I would just relax and watch the smoke escape from the right side of his mouth. That bastard was dreamy no matter what he was doing.

"I don't think he's coming, Gee." I said after half an hour.

"He will or I will drag him out of the house myself." He told me, determined, ready to jump out of the car.

"Come on, you said he could make his own decisions and you'd be okay with it."

"Yeah I told him that so he would feel guilty. I won't let him make me go there alone. We are brothers we should stick together." He admitted.

"I hear ya but it's been 30 minutes, babe."

"I'm gonna go get him."Gerard got out of the car and started shouting Mikey's name loudly even tho he probably couldn't hear him.

Michael got out on the porch, he was dressed, that was a good sign. I could tell by the way he was standing and his hands shaking that he didn't wanna go. His whole body was screaming it but Gerard wouldn't listen. He took him by the arm, dragged him inside the car while Michael yelled profanities for all the neighborhood to hear. He could have easily kicked Gerard's ass but in those circomstances, he knew better. Gerard was scary when he was in that state.

"Fuck you and your fucking face." Mikey said while Gerard was pushing him inside the car unto the back seat.

"I could use some help you know." Gerard said, looking at me, pissed off.

"Mikey please, sit down, if you don't want to do this for Gerard, do it for me. I'd like to spend the day with you. We're only meeting her for a cup of coffee and then we'll go. We're gonna have a blast after that I promise." I said, trying to help out Gerard the best way I could.

"Like a guy's night out you mean?" Mikey asked, intrigued. He had stop struggling. That was a start.
"Yeah exactly. Like bros." I said, excited.

"Only if you don't end up jumping each other bones and leave me feeling like the third wheel." He said, trying to make a deal.

"Is that what you're really scared about?" Gerard asked, concerned.

"Part of it I mean..you make out a lot in front of me. I don't mind most of the times but..it gets old" he said, looking down.

"Aww sorry bro, we'll try to include you from now on." Gerard said, winking at him.

"Gross." Mikey said, rolling his eyes while Gerard and I were both laughing.

Michael calmed down and we were on our way to memory lane, in the city that Gerard and Mikey had grow up in. There were strange mixed feeling floating around as Gerard decided to put some Bowie on and raised the volume till he could sing (more like screaming, really) along. It made Mikey smile. He had the second cutest smile in the world, the first one obviously belonging to Gerard. I let my mind wander around for a while because there was nothing else to do. I thought about my mom at first but shook my head, I was in the mood for something lighter. I thought about Mark and how I've been missing him but also was uncomfortable to bring him home. Gerard cringed at the mention of Mark's name and I didn't want to compromise what I had with him. Then I moved on to April who was friends with Suzanne now. I wondered if Suzanne had told Gerard about what happened between me and April but soon came to the conclusion that Gerard would probably have been crazy mad about it and I would've known. Then came Vincent, he popped out of nowhere while I was thinking about breakfast. He had dated Gerard, he once sat on my seat, next to him, probably holding hands like Gerard was holding mine at the instant. They had a child together, Alice...when would I meet her? Would I ever meet her? Maybe Gerard was so reticent about me going at his place because he didn't want Alice to see me. I was great with children tho, had a dozen of cousins I used to play with regardless of our age difference. Things were easy with kids, no games, no lying, always straight up honest even tho it could be hurtful at times.

"When will I meet Alice ?" I asked, not realizing I had spoken out loud. The music had stopped a long time ago so both Gerard and Mikey had heard me.

"Euhm..euhm.." Gerard said, searching for an answer.

"Sorry..I was thinking out loud...I didn't mean to." I said, feeling like I wanted to disappear under the passenger seat.

"I never thought you would...like to ..that you would want to, that's all." Gerard said, genuinely suprised.

"Dude, he's excited to meet our mom, of course he wants to meet Alice." Mikey said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'll arrange a meeting then" Gerard said, in an awkward way.

"Come on man, don't overthink this, just bring her home sometimes, I miss her and never got to thank her for her drawing." Mikey answered.

"Great idea." Gerard finally said, smiling.

He squeezed my hand and I felt that, even tho it was awkward, he was truly happy that I cared enough to ask.

A few minutes later, Gerard started pointing me buildings on the road, an old church, a vacant land, an apartment building, his old highschool, then we finally arrived at his mom's house. It was a typical suburbs home, like a white picket fence american dream. There was a big hollow tree hiding half of the right facade of the house.

"Home sweet fucking home." Gerard said, pulling the keys out of the ignition.

"It looks nice, Gee. I would have loved to grow up here." I told him, enthusiastic. I was starting to have butterflies in my stomach.

"The problem is what's inside." Mikey said, looking uncomfortable.

"Let's go Mikey, time to face the ghosts behind your eyes." Gerard said, patting Mikey's knee.

"I wish I would've stayed home, Gee. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to face her." Mikey said, biting on his chapped lips.

***Flashback***

"Gee...gee..wake up..gee..please..wake up..!!!!" Mikey said trying to wake Gerard up for the third time.

"Humm..go away...I'm sleeping." Gerard said, turning around, annoyed by the frequent nightmares of his brother.

"Gerard, please...mom..there's something wrong with her." The younger boy said, shaking his brother's arm.

"...alright, I'm up! I'm up!" Gerard answered, annoyed.

He had a good idea of what might have made Mikey that anxious. His mom a workaholic, a heavy drinker, a part-time junkie and a compulsive liar. On top of that she was dating Paul, a no-life semi-violent man, not that he had ever hit any of the boys but he wasn't as merciful with their mother. Gerard found her, unconscious, laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen. There were broken bottles around and a small pool of blood was starting to form around her head. He standed there, comtemplating the redness of the liquid, its contrast on the white linoleum. The three years that separated both the boys were heavy on Gerard's heart. He felt like he had to protect Mikey and be strong for his sake.

"Is she..? D..ead?" Mikey asked, tears filling his eyes.

Gerard took a step foward and bended over to hear if she was still breathing. She was still alive. She would probably need a couple stitches but she would be okay. He got up and went looking for a towel, something, anything to stop the blood.

"Could you help me slip that under her head?"

They let the towel soak up the blood as Gerard searched for the wound on her scalp. It wasn't deep, half of the blood on her wasn't even hers.

"Could you get some covers and a pillow?" Gerard asked to the young boy that was shaking besides him. It would keep him occupied, he thought.

Gerard put pressure on the wound, making sure it would stop the blood. He was used to her crazy nights out, so fed up of picking up the pieces after her. She had made him grow faster then he should've.

"I hope it hurts when you wake up, bitch." Gerard said, looking at his mother. He hated her, there was no room in his heart for anything than anger anymore. He hated how she threated both of them, like if they didn't exist. Except from Mikey from times to times, she would remember he was her son. He was her favorite child, always cheerful, obedient and naive, he never would've done anything to disappoint her like she ironically disappointed him. And he loved her, more than anything. He would worry about her, waiting forever for a minute of her attention. Gerard was harsher, almost numb from all the times she had broken his heart. In the deepest, darkest corner of his mind he wished she would've died, or abandonned them but he knew it would break Mikey apart.

The young boy returned with the items that his brother had asked him to gather.

"Can I...I wanna sleep here, next to her, in case she wakes up and needs me.." Mikey said, sobing.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in your own bed? Or in mine, you could sleep next to me." Gerard said, hugging his brother.

"Please...Gee..I want to stay here." He said, pleading.

"Alright, go get what you need, I'll clean up so you don't end up cutting yourself." Gerard said, as Mikey quickly disappeared from the kitchen.

The 13 years old boy reached for the broom in the closet and began swipping the broken glass. He swore to himself that he would never let himself become like his mother, a promise he wouldn't be able to keep. Mikey came back just as he was done with covers and an extra pillow.

"Would you stay with me? I'm scared of sleeping here alone." Mikey said, shaking like if he had just seen a ghost.

"Yeah, I will, come on, help me spread the covers on the floor." Gerard said, knowing he would never have the courage to leave his little brother alone.

They both layed on the floor underneath the covers next to their knocked out mother. Mikey layed his head on Gerard's chest and held his hand tightly as he let out soft sobs till they both fell asleep.

***End of flashback***

Mikey was still hesitating of getting out of the car. As much as he hated to admit it, he still loved his mother in a fucked up way that made him want to smash his head against the car window. She never had apologized for the way she had fucked them up both, saying she shouldn't feel sorry for being herself. Gerard didn't care anymore, she had no effect on him, while he still cared for a reason he couldn't bear. He didn't want to face the woman who had left them both broken and scarred for life when all they had wanted was for her to love them.

"Come on Mike, you can't hide in here forever, you have to confront her at some point." Gerard said, patting his brother's knee.

"And I'm there, remember? We'll leave whenever you want. We'll walk out in a hug if you need it." I said, trying to cheer him up.

"Alright, let's do this shit." Mikey said, regaining composure.

Then we all got out of the car as the three musketeers, as super heros and brother's in arms.

Notes

:) I had an idea guys! I don't know how artistic you all are but if you'd like to make a drawing about this story, how you see it, could be anything, I could add it at the end of the pdf. No pressure tho, it could be stick figures for all I care, I just would like people to express themselves.

anyway if you have any ideas, or suggestions i'm all ears.

hope you liked the new updapte :) i wanted to write more about it but then decided to split it in two chapters because of the flasback.

Xoxox

love you all <3