The Only Way

My mom's funeral was the saddest thing I ever assisted to. All my mom's family was there, aunt Rosie with cousin James, who I had not seen in years, even my dad's mom, Glotis who lived in Florida, came to pay her last respect. We had chosen a closed casket cause they said we wouldn't recognize her even tho they did their best to fix her face. It was a black one, with silver handles like in the vampire movies. Mark was standing beside me, even tho if he wasn't part of the family, to support me, to help me get throught this neverending death parade. I had to shake a hundred hands I barely recognized. My dad had never been close to his familiy and since he and my mom moved away, they had lost contact. Still, they were all there, a kleenex in one hand and tears down they cheeks, saying things like "she was so young", "it ain't fair" and a few "it was god's plan" that pissed me off. There was no fucking god nor there was a plan. It was just sadness and pain through life and the goal was to die so it would finally be over. At least my mom had that, sooner than later, she was at peace. I was glad our last conversation was a positive one but it broke my heart at the same time. After two days, standing in line to mourn her death, no amount of condolescences could numb the pain. Gerard had came with Mike, Suzanne and April but I did my best to avoid them. I didn't want to deal with their pity, I just wanted to be left alone with my mother's death, my only comfort were in the tears and the knots in my stomach that reminded that I hadn't die too.

They had put her casket in the ground and the priest was reciting some bullshit quotes from the bible that he had learned by heart just so he could fake he even cared and go back to his miserable life. Nobody really cared, deep down, they all wanted it to be over, so they could stop seeing what real pain looked like from the look on my face. My dad had barely talked to me since the day a police man came knocking at our door. I preferred his silence to a mouthful of hateful words I knew he was dying to scream at my face.
I had been quiet the whole ride home, knowing it was the end of an era that had never even started. I would never see my mom again, I would never feel her touch, smell her perfume, hear her jokes that weren't that funny, I would never be pissed at her again, never would want to run away, never wish she was dead. It's always the little things that you miss when someone you love has passed away. A paper flower I gave her in first grade that she kept in her desk drawer, her goodnight kiss she would give me even when she came back home in the middle of the night, even her annoying questions about my personal life. Then there was the guilt, that consumed me, picturing every conversations we had, wishing I could come back in time and take back the mean things I had said or even thought.

"Go to your room, I don't wanna see your fucking face." My dad told me when we arrived home.

His only response to sadness was anger and violence so I decieded to listen to what he had said.
I went upstairs, all my things still in boxes, like a reminder of what could have been. My head was filled with her ghost as I sit on the bed. I could hear my dad cry through the walls, like a muffled sound of agony. He had lost the love of his life, I couldn't blame him for the harsh things he had said. I even pitied him, he was broken and couldn't never be fixed again. Nor could I.

I had the whole week off, a pale consolation for her death. I didn't really wanna stay home, I would go crazy in this place now filled with memories. Plus, I had been beaten up enough times in my life to know that it was only a matter of time till my dad would explode. Still, the only thing I could do was to stare at the wall in a foetus position till someone or something would snap me out of my misery.

After a few hours, my phone vibrated indicating that my wish had been granted. It was Mark.

From Mark
Hey, You prolly don't wanna see anyone but I'm at your door.

I went downstairs to find Mark, his clothes all soaked because of the rain.

"Yeah, I've been standing there for a bit, wondering if I should ring the bell or not." He said, answering to the question that was on my lips.

"Come in, silly, you'll catch a cold" after all it was almost December.

Mark took off his coat and let it dry on a chair in the kitchen. We went upstairs but bumped into my dad in the hallway. He gave us both a mean look and looked at Mark from head to toe. It was his way to make me understand that he didn't agree that I was bringing a guy to my room.

I brought a towel from the bathroom and gave it to him so he could dry his hair.

"Man..the weather's depressing." He told me, looking out the window. It was already dark outside and the fact that it was raining cats and dogs made the sky look even darker.

"Yeah..but even if the sun was shining I would feel this way." I told him, tears filling my eyes.

"I wish there was something I could do" he said, holding my hand.

"Well, you're there. It's the best you can do." I told him, smiling as a tear fell down my cheek.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, trying to make me feel better.

"No. Just talk about anything else. Tell me what's going on with you."

"Okay well, I failed my math exam because of Samuel. He made me cry the night before. He's just so mean sometimes."

"What did he do this time?" I asked.

"He kissed Amanda in front of me. I get that he had no choice but I wonder if putting that much effort into it was really necesserary."

"Maybe he wants to make you jealous."

"Yeah..but it doesn't work. It only breaks my heart."

"Guys are stupid." I said, forgetting that I was one.

"You're not." He said, looking at me with some sort if admiration in his eyes.

"You're saying that cause you never dated me." I told him, thinking about Gerard and how we were never really a couple.

"That's too bad tho." He said, smiling shyly.

"Are you ..hitting on.." I couldn't finish my sentence because Mark had leaned in and was kissing me on the lips.

I wanted to push him away at first but got carried away by the sweet sensation of our tongues tangling together. It felt so good and so right even tho Gerard face kept popping in my mind.

"What the...?" I heard my dad shouting from the hallway. I felt the panic taking over me as I remembered I still had no bedroom door. I let go of Mark's hand and pushed him away as quickly as I could.

"Mark, I think it's time for you to go home." My dad said barely containing his rage. His face was as red as the Hulk was green.

"Sorry" Mark said under his breath as he got up the bed. He went downstairs and my dad was frozen in place till we heard the front door closing.

"What the fuck Frank?" He said, looking at me in the eyes. His tone was frightening.

"I..I..oh my god..I don't know." I told him, not knowing what to say to stay out of trouble.

"Did he forced himself on you? Is that it?" He asked, abnormaly calm.

"No..no of course not..he took me by surprise but.." I tried to explain.

"So..what do you have to say for your defense?"

"Nothing, dad, I'm...I'm gay." I finally said, fearing for the worst.

"Oh no you're not. My son's no faggot, no sir." He said, getting closer.

He held my shirt, lifting me from the ground. I could see the blood pumping in the vein of his right temple.
"You ruined my marriage, you ruined my future, your mom died because she was coming to get you, you ruined everything that was good in my life and now I won't let you smear my family name." He said, yelling at my face then throwing me on the ground.

I hit my head against the frame of the bed. I tried to get up to avoid his kicks in my ribs but I was too stunned from the shock. The top of my head was bleeding and I begged for him to stop but he wouldn't. He just kept on kicking me all over with all the rage he had let fester inside of him since my mom's death. He wanted someone to pay for all the pain he felt and I was the perfect candidate.

He must have stopped when I lost concience because what was the fun in hitting someone who couldn't feel it? When I woke up I was in the bath, a bucket of water being thrown at my face. I felt like a compactor had crush all of my bones.

"I'm throwing you out, little shit." He said, lifting me and pushing me till I was out of the front door. I didn't have time to take any of my things, he didn't let me change from my clothes, soaked in water and blood.

"I don't ever wanna see your face again!" He yelled for all the neighborhood to hear. He shut the door as hard as he could and left me there, laying on the grass, all bruised and beaten up, in the pouring rain.
I was glad that my phone was in my pocket and that the water hadn't damage it enough for me to use it. The first person I thought to call was Gerard.

"Can you come pick me up please...I can't get up..my dad throw me out and it's raining.." I said, panic in my voice.

"Be there in five" he said, not asking any questions.

He arrived three minutes later and got out of his car.

"What the fuck happened?" He said, helping me getting up from the ground.

"He saw..us..kissing and he lost his mind." I said, forgetting who I was talking to.

"Come on, I'm bringing you to Mike's. I was on my way there, he's waiting for me."

I entered the car and he inspected me throughly.

"You're bleeding...can you bend your leg this way? Does it hurt when I touch here?" He was asking a thousand questions, trying to figure out if I had any broken bones.

"You'll need a heck of band-aids and maybe some stitches on your head but nothing seems to be broken." He said, looking relieved.

"Take this. You'll need it soon enough." He gave me a bottle of water and two pain killers.

"Thank you so much... I didn't know who else to call.." I told him.

"Can you tell me who you were kissing or is that too personal?" He asked, calmly.

"It..was Mark. There really is nothing between us, you gotta believe me. He was trying to comfort me and.."

"You don't have to explain. It's not like you owe me something." He said, obviously hurt.

"I know but..I would never have done anything to hurt you...I"

"A bit too late for that, Frank. We hurt each other pretty often these days." He said, interrupting me.

"Yeah..I..guess you're right." I said, defeated. Everything in my life had fell apart.

"Let's go to Mike's. He's waiting."

We talked about all the details related to the state of my body and face on our way to his brother's house. When we arrived, Mike was waiting for us in the backyard. He ran towards us as soon as he saw Gerard, carrying me because I could barely walk.

"Miller or your dad?" He asked.

"His dad lost his shit when he told him he was gay." Gerard simply said, leaving the whole kissing Mark part out.

"A return in the past, heh, Gee?" He said, hugging me and staring at Gerard.

"Yeah.." He said, sadness in his voice.

"We need to report this" he said, looking serious, adressing himself to both Gerard and me.

"No..please, don't. I..just lost my mom. I don't want anymore drama. I won't go back there anyway, he trew me out." I said, hoping they wouldn't call the police.

"Alright, but where are you gonna stay then?" Mike asked.

"I don't...I don't know. I'll get a job, an apartment..." I said, thoughts in my head spinning out of control. Life would be two times more complicated now that I had nowhere to go.

"You can stay here as long as you stay in school." Mike said. Gerard looked as surprised as me by what his brother had just said.

"No..it's not you..I should take him, after all I'm the reason why you know each other." Gerard said, implying that he would want me to live with him.

"I don't see how that could end up well, you both are acting like irresponsible teenagers." He said, lecturing us.

" I'm a teenager after all." I said, shrugging.

"Yeah, but Gerard needs to get his shit together before he can take care of someone else."

"Hey, I don't need to be taken care of!" I told him, annoyed. I wasn't a baby like everyone else seemed to think.

"Of course not, look at the state you're in. I don't see why you would need help, my bad." He had a point.

My face was burning, my whole body aching and my head was pounding. I felt like I was gonna collapse.
"And Suzanne, will she mind?" Gerard asked.

"We already talked about it..when Frank confessed the hell he was living in, we had a talk about asking him to move in. I just didn't think it would be so soon."

"It's all settled then" Gerard said, a weird expression on his face I couldn't quite figure.

Mike showed me the room where I would live from now on. It was a small room but quite comfy. The walls were white, no decoration of any sort on it and there was no room for nothing else than a night table and a bed. It must have been the guest room.

"You really need to change, there's blood all over you." Mike said throwing me one of his shirt.

"Let's see if I got a pair of pants that would fit you.." He said, dissapearing in the other room.

Gerard was standing next to me, waiting for me to take off my shirt and put the other one on.

"Euhm, I feel a bit oserved.." I told him, shyly.

"I just wanna take a look at what I'm missing" he said, biting his lips.

As I was about to take it off, he leaned in and made me raise my arms so he could take my shirt off himself. He took a step back, looking at my chest. A soft sigh came out of his lips.

"You're gorgeous, you know that?" He said, still looking at me.

"No, I don't" I said, trying to hide my body. I was too skinny and my arms and chest were full of bruises.

"Too bad for you." He said leaning back towards me and kissing my shoulder. His lips were soft against my delicate skin.

"It tickles." I told him, wanting him to stop but not really.

"I love you" he whispered in my ear then kissed my neck.

"I.." I didn't have time to answer.

"I see you two have made up." Mike said, standing in the frame door.

Gerard quickly backed off and smiled shyly.

"Here's something I was wearing in highschool. I hope it'll fit you." He said, throwing me a pair of jeans.

"You can take my hoodie" Gerard said, taking it off and giving it to me. It smelled like him, a mix of cologne and sweetness. It smelled like home.

It felt kinda weird being shirtless in front of the Way brothers.

"It's kinda sad to see how bad he treats you." Mike said, referring to the state of my arms and chest.

"The more I take off, the worse it gets." I told him, not afraid of saying the truth anymore.

"Then show us." He said, looking concerned.

"I can't with him staring at me like that." I said, pointing at Gerard who was still biting his lips.

"Gerard, get out." Mike told him.

"Oh man, come on, I'll behave. I swear." Gerard said, begging.

I slowly unbuttoned my pants because even my fingers were hurting bad then I took my pants off so I was only in a pair of old boxers that had seen better days.

"Oh my god." Mike said, a hand on his mouth. They were both staring at me like they were gonna cry.

"Wait there's more." I told them, lifting carefully the side of my boxers to expose my bare ass.

"It looks like you have paint all over you." Gerard said, looking at my skin that was a mix of violet, blue, black and yellow.

"That must hurt like hell." Mike said, impressed that I could still stand straight.

I quicky put on the pair of pants and the shirt that Mike had given me and sat down on the bed, trying to look not as embarrassed as I felt.

"We'll never let anyone hurt you the way he did." Mike said, acting like a protective big brother.

"You're safe with us." Gerard added, holding my hand.

Then we all layed down on the bed, looking at the ceiling, Gerard and Mike each side of me and talked about happy childhood memories we had. I told them about the first time I went to a themed park, Gerard told us about his first time kissing a guy and Mike told us all about his first date. Then, I fell asleep between the two greatest men on Earth, my super heroes, the loves of my life.

Notes

Love is in the air.
are you all still mad at me? ^.^