The Only Way

I had spent the night at Mark's and we were eating breakfast in the kitchen. It wasn't usual for me to get permission to sleep at a friend's when there was school the day after but my dad wasn't home most of the time or too wasted to act like he cared.

"I wish we wouldn't have to go to school, man..I really don't feel like it." I said to Mark.

"Yeah, you know what? Let's don't and say we did,"

"Oh and when they'll call your parents what are you gonna tell them?"

"My mom won't care. My grades are okay." He answered, shrugging.

"When did you become such a badass?"

"I don't know. Maybe Samuel is starting to rub off on me."

"So things are pretty great between you too ?"

"Yeah but his friends are still really mean and..they make fun of me most of the time. Samuel isn't doing anything to make them stop, sometimes he even participates. He tells me it's because people would notice..I wanna believe him, but it hurts.."

"Ahh trust issues..the modern version of the plague. It spreads out like an epidemic and you let your relationship die from it..if you could call that a relationship in the first place anyway..."

"Having the Mr. Way blues?"

"Yeahh I hate him."

"I know, I'm sorry I asked. Let's talk about something that doesn't make us want to commit suicide."

"Ohh well, that's a tough one.."

"Come on boys, you're gonna be late for school" Mark's mom said.

"We might as well go.." I told Mark who had gotten up and took his schoolbag.

"Yeah.." He answered. Then we walked to the bus stop. We were talking about some random things when Miller and his king douche arrived.

"I didn't know you were taking the same bus then those jerks." I told Mark under my breath.

"Hey ladies, looking good." Miller said, smiling.

"Yeah whatever" I answered. Mark was trying to make himself as small as he could.

"I see you've slept at your boyfriend's house, Iero."

"Yeah, and we had great sex. All fucking night long. I mean I just can't get enough of that sweet ass." I said, spanking Mark who looked as red as his shirt. The look on Samuel was priceless.

"Ewww..stop being so fucking gross..."said Miller, making a face of disgust.

"What? You seem so interested in our personnal life, I thought you were dying to know."

"You're both so fucking disgusting."

"Yeah, I bet you want to hear more so you can fantasize about it later while your fag friend sucks your dick." I said, pointing at Samuel. I knew how to push Miller's buttons and I knew he was about to explode.

"I'll fucking cut you!!" He said, acting like a bitch on steroids.

"Yeah..you're pissed off cause I'm not ashamed to be gay and you're too coward to get out the fucking closet." I said, laughing at Miller but looking directly in Samuel's eyes.

He jumped on me and I didn't see him coming this time. Maybe I wanted him to punch me. Maybe I was tired of the pain that I felt, the hole in my chest that Gerard had left. I just wanted to feel something else. I let him beat me up, not even fighting back. To my complete surprise, it was Samuel who stopped him. Mark was sitting on the ground, his hands on his ears, freaking out.

"You're gonna fucking kill him, bro! Stop it! Can't you see it's what he wants?" Samuel shouted, trying to calm down his friend.

"You're a fucking psycho" Miller told me, as they both walked away.

"Thanks for the compliment, darling." I told him, smiling with my bleeding teeth.

I took a moment to catch my breath and Mark got up.

"What the fuck Frank? Why did you let him beat you up?"

"Didn't felt like defending myself." I said, blood dripping from my nose.

"Let's go back, you can't go to school like this." We went back inside the house.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Mark's mom asked.

"We just made some new friends." I answered, amused.

"I have to call your dad, Frank." She said, acting all serious.

"He won't care, he's probably drunk at this hour." I told her. I don't know if it was the punch I had received on my face that had made me honest but I was ready to throw some really deep shit at her face.

"Don't say such things, come on. Let's get you cleaned up. Mark, go back and take the bus. I'll take care of your friend. He's in no shape to go to school." She told both of us.

Mark got out of the house and I felt guilty for letting him down, once again. I knew he didn't like the fact that I used violence to settle arguments. I just enjoyed what I had with Miller. I could predict the very moment where he would lose his shit and there was something empowering about it. My dad had screwed me up real bad, I though.

"Your dad will be mad at me. He let you leave the house one time and you come back beaten up by some guy and I don't even know why." She said, patting my scratches with a gauze soaked in rubbing alcohol.

"He'll prolly congradulate the guy" I told her. It stung a lot.

"Honey, your dad loves you, even if he isn't good at showing it." Mark's mom and my dad were friends, that's how I ended up talking to Mark.

"No he doesn't. He never did." I told her, after all he had told me himself.

"Ohh how sad it must be in that little head of yours." She said hugging me and kissing my forehead. That was a bit awkward.

"Okay, that's the best I can do. Here, put some ice on it or else you'll end up looking like a pumpkin." She said, looking at my face.

"I can walk home." I told her. I knew she was already running late for work.

"You're an angel. Please take care of yourself." She said, patting me on the shoulder.

I left Mark's place with a bag of frozen peas on my eye and no intention of going home.

I had an appointment with Gerard's brother later in the day so I called him to see if he could see me earlier than planned.

"Hey Frank, what's going on? Don't tell me you've called to cancel." He said, answering his phone.

"No, in fact can I come earlier?"

"Euh, sure, like when?"

"Right now? I'm on my way to the bus station."

"Okay, I'll come pick you up."

"Great, see ya."

I got off the bus at the station near Michael's house. He was there already, waiting for me in his car. It was strange being picked up by someone else than Gerard but I had to get used to it. I looked at him through the windshield of his car. He looked nothing like Gerard, he was taller, skinnier, and had a sexy jaw line I couldn't stop staring at. I didn't remember him being that attractive.

"Hey, what happened to your face?!" He said as soon as I opened the door.

"Is it really that bad?"

"Huh yeah, that shit must hurt I mean..you're bleeding." He said, touching the side of my left eye.

"Still? Ahh shit." I said, trying to stop the blood.

"You got into a fight?" He asked while starting the car.

"Yeah, always the same dude, Miller, we hate each other's guts."

"No kidding. Should I be worried for Miller? Is he as in a bad shape as you are?"

"No, I let him punch me. I don't know why. I just did."

"Yeah, it reminds me of someone..."

"If you say Gerard, I'll get out of the car."

"I was about to say me but okay, I won't mention Gerard."

"Sorry" I said. Maybe I had overreacted a bit.

We arrived at his home and sat down in his office. He offered me a glass of water and a ice pack for my face.

"So..euhm..how are you apart from what's going on in your face." He asked.

"Not so good."

"Yeah..how do you feel panic wise..?"

"Not so good." I answered, still feeling weird of talking about those things with someone else than Gerard.

"Okay..did you have any panic attack lately? How do you feel?"

"Not so good."

"I'm wasting my time here, am I ?" He asked, looking discouraged.

"No, it's just...I.."

"You love my brother right?" He said, interrupting me.

"You are supposed to help me with my panic disorder." I answered, surprised.

"Yeah but there's an elephant in the room we ought to talk about."

"Okay let me ask you questions first and maybe I'll feel more comfortable." It would give me time to think.

"Okay, no prob."

"Should I call you Mr. Way or Michael or..?"

"Call me Mike or Mikey."

"Okay and are you euhm like. .." I didn't know how to ask that without feeling nosy.

"Am I gay? No, I got a girlfriend, her name is Suzanne. I'm sure you would like her."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I told her about you and she likes you already so.." Gerard must have talked about me more than I thought.

"You told her about me? What exactly?"

"Well something you made me promise not to talk about so..." He said, casually.

"That Gerard got rid of me or..?"

"I'll say it once and then I won't say it again. Gerard loves you, he just doesn't know how to act around you."

"Well, no shit." I told him, annoyed.

"I know you're resentful and hurt but it'll pass. Don't act on those feelings for the moment, you just need time."

"Time..time..time..that's the only word on everyone's fucking lips." This conversation was pissing me off.

"Got anymore question?" He said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, got a beer?" I asked. I really needed something that would numb this overwhelming anger.

"I don't think I should give you one. I mean, we are in the middle of a session. If we were hanging out, I don't see why not but now.."

"Just give me a fucking beer or else I'm not saying shit to you." I threatened him.

"Wow, acting all tough, nice attitude." He said, not impressed at all.

"Come on, I'll let you ask me things about Gerard." I begged.

"Alright, a beer, coming right up."

"Wait, don't you have something a bit stronger, like..a rhum and coke?"

"Yeah. I think..I have..yup. got it." He said, looking through his cabinet.

"I really gotta start storing alcohol somewhere else than in my office." He said, talking to himself, pouring the rhum in a glass.

He disappeared in the kitchen for a minute and came back with a full glass.

"Here's your drink, now let's talk. What do you see in my brother?"

"Nothing now. I hate him. He's a fucking jerk." I answered, sipping on my drink, staring at the floor.

"I meant why did you fall in love with him?"

"Cause he's..he's..I don't know." I was too pissed off to explain.

"He gets you?"

"Yeah.. That too." I said.

"What's the other thing then?"

"I mean.. Look at him.." I said, implying that Gerard had a body to die for.

"He's gorgeous?"

"Yeah, there's just something about him. Your parents didn't break the mold, I mean, looking at you.." I said, staring at him from head to toe.

"Are you hitting on me?" He asked, a bit uncomfortable.

"What if I was?" The alcohol was already making my cheeks warm.

"No offence but with the face you've got now.." He said, looking at my scratches and bruises.

"You've seen me before. Use your imagination." I raised my eyebrows. Outch..my face hurt.

"Omg Frank, what the hell?" He said, almost laughing.

"What? I'm an horny teenager drinking rhum, what did you expect?" I told him, chugging half of the glass.

"An horny teenager, really?" He asked, intrigued.

"Yeah..it gets worse when I look at your ass..it's just so perfect." I said, smiling. I wanted to see how far I could take this.

"Gerard told me you had a thing for his ass too."

"Yeah but fuck him, I'm talking about you." I said, bringing back the focus on him.

"Okay, let's see what you've got. What do you see in me then ? We barely know each other." Game on, I thought.

"I see your face and your jaw line and ..huhmmm..I picture you in my bed, maybe in yours, or on this sofa right now. I'd let you do things to me you can't even imagine." I said, with the most sensual voice I could.

"What kind of things?" He said, a crooked smile in his face. He had the same facial expression than Gerard, which turned me on more than I wanted to admit.

"I'd suck you off and then I'd let you fuck me or maybe I'd fuck you, depends on what you're into. I'd be your little slut, I'd let you spank me, do me in every fucking position, whatever makes you happy." I said, licking my lips, caressing my inner thighs then my crotch.

"So you'd let me use you? But you're pissed off at Gerard for doing the same thing to you." He said, acting like an annoying shrink.

"Gerard didn't even use me, he just throw me away. Like a fucking brocoli you buy and let rot in the fridge till you can throw it in the garbage can."

"Nice metaphor but you're being a drama queen. Gerard loves you fucking much even tho you're hitting on his brother right now." He said, frowning his eyebrows like if I had done something bad.

"You're gonna tell him?" I asked, worried.

"Of course, Frank, what the hell are you doing? You're caressing yourself in front of me. I'm not even gay." He said, half amused and disgusted.

"That's just a challenge and a matter of time" I answered. I was so full of shit.

"Cause you'd date me instead of Gerard?"

"If you wanted me yeah, I would. I won't forgive him." I told him. Was I being sincere?

"Well breaking news, I wouldn't do that to my brother." That wasn't really breaking news to me. It didn't take a genius to figure out that these two were really close.

"He can't get over the fact that I'm 17, can he?" I asked, out loud, but more to myself.

"It's difficult for him. He thinks he's not good enough for you." He answered, defending him.

"He got it all wrong. He makes me feel like shit."

"He's really pissed at himself... I had to stay over the other night so he wouldn't do anything stupid." He said, looking sad.

"You know what the real problem is, Frank?" He asked.

"You're both fucking stubborned teenagers. Get over yourself and fucking be together for god's sake." He said, not letting me answer.

"It's..his fault alright? I just..I just wanted him to love me...from fucking day one."

"Give him another chance alright? I'm really there to help and Gerard's plan was never to get rid of you." He asked me, a hint of despair in in voice.

"He failed monumentably then."

"Yeah I told him he sucked at this."

"If he's as good as sucking my dick than he's good at hurting me, I might forgive him." I told him, finishing my glass.

"Come on, Frank it's my bro you're talking about." He told me, looking uncomfortable again.

"Sorry but not sorry." I smiled.

"Next sessions won't be about Gerard, alright? I'm really there to help you getting through that panic disorder."

"Do you think I'm pretty?" I said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, for a guy, you know, Gerard thinks you're fucking gorgeous, does that count?" He answered, trying not to hurt my feelings. Whatever those feelings were.

"Yeah.."

"Frank, you're really adorable okay, kinda creepy when you're hitting on me but I'm a psychiatrist, seen more fucked up shit than this."

"Adorable like a little brother.." I said, staring at my feet. I didn't know what I was expecting from all of this.

"To me, yeah. But not to Gerard. He never mentionned anything about seeing you as his brother. In addition to the other things he said, that would have been pretty disturbing." He said, smiling a crooked smile again.

"So he really likes me then.?"

"No he loves you. Love with a capital L."

"Alright..I..might not tell him to fuck off if he ever texts me back." I told him, an half smile on my lips.

"Should I tell him to do it then?"he asked

"Whatever you want."

"I really need a smoke." I told him. I just wanted to change the atmosphere.

"You're..smoking..?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah Gerard gave me half of his pack."

"That doesn't sound like something he would do."

"Well yeah but he did."

"Okay, let's go outside." He answered minding his own business.

We sat down on the porch.

"Where did you meet your girlfriend?" I asked, curious.

"At the gaz station, she was working there on weekends while she was studying to be a nurse."
"I bet she's awesome." I told him.

"Yeah she really is, she gets me you know? I feel like I can be myself with her. I can be an annoying psychiatrist and she doesn't mind."

"Ohh and she's 21." He said, like if it was something I would be happy about.

I almost killed myself inhaling my cigarette , I couldn't stop coughing.

"Sorry..wow that's cool." I answered, suprised. I guess their love for younger people was something Mikey and Gerard shared.

"Yeah, that's why I think you'd like her. You got things in common."

"Like falling for the Way brothers." I said, smiling even tho it hurt.

"Well technically she only fell for one." He corrected me.

"I wish you were gay and Gerard was straight." I told him, not really thinking.

"You're only saying this cause you're pissed off at him."

"I know. I wanna hurt him like he did to me." I answered honestly.

"That'll be satisfying for like, a second but then you'll end up regretting it."

"You really are something, Mikey." I told him, wanting to take his hand but deciding it wasn't a good idea.

"You are something too, Frank but don't look at me with those eyes, save that for Gerard." He said, shyly.

"Yeah, he doesn't deserve it at the moment."

"Then wait till he does. And remember, my ass will always be off limits." He said, warning me.

"Okay. I'll try to remember it. Thanks. I really needed to find out more about Gerard's feelings. I'm hurt but I'll do what you told me. I'll take my time, let it all fade away." I said, feeling a bit better. There was something in the way Gerard and him talked to me that made me realise that everything would be alright. It was a super power, shared by both the Way brothers.

"My pleasure. It was nice to being hit on for like a second there. Made me feel attractive."he told me, giving me a side hug.

"Anytime." I answered, with a big smile on my swollen lips.

Notes

Hope you'll like it as much as I do :)