In A Hail Of Bullets

Astrid's P.O.V I ran to the homeless support centre. Then I remembered I didn't have my coat. My key's were in it. I sighed as tears ran down my cheeks. Leaning against the door, I slid down to the cold ground. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them, shivering from the cold. I wiped the tears and closed my eyes. "Astro?" I looked up to see Jasper. He smiled as he sat on the ground beside me, pulling me into a warm hug and wrapping his coat around us both. "What's wrong, dear?" He asked as I cried on his shoulder. I couldn't answer though. So I just cried as he hugged me. I don't understand myself. I'd only known Gerard for less than a day and he'd already got to me. I don't know what to think anymore. Every celebrity I'd ever met had beaten me. I'd even....I cringed. I felt different around Gerard and his friends. I felt safe. Oh god. After less than a day, I was falling in love with a celebrity. I was falling in love with Gerard. That can't be real. Not in less than a day. When he kissed me, I panicked. I realized how I felt and I can't handle it. "It's okay, Asteroid." Jasper said, softly. I laughed as I pulled away and wiped my eyes. He frowned at me. "What's so funny, dear?" I smiled. "Asteroid?" I asked. "You rarely get my name right and I never correct you. I finally know why." "Why's that, sweetheart?" He asked, smiling. "Because the mistakes make me smile." I admitted. "You make me smile." He hugged me again. "I aim to please, Afro." He laughed. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Why couldn't everything be as simple and as happy as when it is around Jasper? He hugged the coat tighter around me as I drifted to sleep. Gerard's P.O.V Mikey lectured me all the way to the homeless place. When we arrived, Astrid was asleep on Jaspers shoulder. She looked so peaceful. Jasper smiled up at us. "Poor girl has been through so much." He told us. "But she I make her smile. That makes me happy. She's such a lovely girl." I crouched down infront of them. "Hello again, Jasper." I said, smiling at him. "This is my brother, Mikey." I gestured to Mikey. "We came looking for Astrid because she ran out of her bedsit with no coat or shoes. We were worried." Jasper smiled. "I kept her warm." He said. I took my wallet out and removed a wad of money. "I want you to sleep in a hotel tonight." I told him as I passed him the money. "Tomorrow I'll find you a place to live. You shouldn't be out on the streets when it's this cold." He tried to give me the money back. "I can't accept this." I shook my head. "Yes you can." I told him, refusing the money. "I'll feel better knowing your warm. So will Astrid. Go to a hotel. There's enough there to get a decent meal too. Please." He smiled. "When you put it so nicely, how can I say no?" He slid the money in his pocket. "Thank you, son." He looked down at Astrid. "I'm afraid your going to have to carry Astrid." I smiled. "You got her name right." He smiled back at me. "I know. But don't tell her that. She likes it when I get it wrong." I laughed as I gently picked Astrid up. She nuzzled her face into my neck as I stood up straight. Jasper smiled as we set off back to Astrid's bedsit. Mikey phoned Bob to let them know we'd found her. Astrid stirred when I laid her on her mattress. She sat bolt upright, eye's wide as she bit her bottom lip and looked around. I backed up, slightly. Mikey smiled at her. "Hey you." He said, quietly. " We were worried about you." She didn't respond. Just stared at him. "Gerard's sorry for what he did." She looked at me. "I am." I said, looking down at my hands. "It was stupid. I got caught up in the moment and just acted on impulse." I looked back at her. "I shouldn't have done that. The only excuse I have is that I really like you. It won't happen again. Unless you give me permission. I'm sorry." She tried to show no emotion but I caught a flash of....disappointment? Wait. She's disappointed? Does she like me back? God I hope so. She turned back to Mikey. "I...I'm tired." She practically whispered. Mikey nodded. "Sure...that's okay." He said. "Let's all get some sleep." She looked at Bob. He smiled then cautiously moved towards her, holding out his arms. She scooted over to him, wrapping herself in her quilt as she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Bob pulled his sleeping bag back over him then closed his arms around her. I understand why she's taken to Bob. He's a very protective guy. He probably makes her feel safe. But I was still a little jealous. Why can't I make her feel safe? Probably because I crossed the line and kissed her. But she looked disappointed when I said it wouldn't happen again. In less than a day, I'd fallen for this quiet, broken, beautiful women and I don't know what to do. I'm already in love. Fuck's. How did that happen? In less than a day? How? I know when. It was when she stood up and turned to the photographer's and shouted at them. Her nose covered in blood. I was captivated with her then. I was falling extremely hard for her. In less than a day. How does that even happen? And how do I break down the barriers she'd built? How do I get to her? How can I find out how she feels about me? Damn it. I have to do something. Astrid's P.O.V I kept my eyes closed as I rested my head on Bob's shoulder. I don't know why, but I feel safe here. With Bob. He's a nice guy. Not like any celebrity I've ever met before. Images of my life started to flash in my head. Me cleaning the kitchen when one of them walked in, drunk. Them pushing me out the way. So hard that my head hit the the wall. Then they'd grab another beer from the fridge, turn and punch me in the stomach. Of course I had to thank them. Otherwise I'd be beaten worse by my so called Dad. Memories of tidying the fucked up parents bedroom when a few men came in and taunted me. Pushing me around. A woman walking in and being pushed against the wall as she made out with me because they dared her to. Then things got worse after Mum and Dad walked in. I sat up, quickly and screamed. "Astrid?" Bob said, sitting up. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them, resting my forehead on them. I started to shake as the memories of that night flooded back. "Astrid, honey?" Mikey whispered. I lifted my head to rest my chin on my knees and look at him. "What's wrong, Sweetheart?" He said, softly. "You can tell us. Whatever you say won't ever leave this room unless you want it to. We promise." I couldn't stop shaking. I shook my head. I'm not ready to talk about that yet. "You can just talk to Bob if it helps." Mikey offered. Bob moved to sit by Mikey. He smiled at me. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say and I'll keep it secret, even from my wife, if that's what you want." He said, quietly. "I won't even tell these guys. But it's okay if you don't want to. We understand." I bit my bottom lip and looked around. Frank smiled and gave me two thumbs up. Ray smiled, sadly. Gerard smiled but looked worried. "Bob's a very trustworthy guy." He said. "He won't let you down. It might also help you to talk about whatever it is. You should talk to him. But it's your choice. If you say no, we'll back off. You have my word." I looked back at Bob. Maybe talking to him would help. I nod agreement. He smiles then helps me up. "My minibus has heating." He said as he led me towards the door. " We can talk in there." Gerard's P.O.V I watch out the window as Astrid talks to Bob. I can only see the back of her head. After several minutes, Bob climbs out and walks a few feet away. He looks extremely angry. He runs his fingers through his hair and crouches down, closing his eyes. It looks like he's trying to calm himself down. I look back at Astrid. She's watching Bob. I can just make out the tears on her face. Bob walks back to the minibus and helps Astrid out. He hugs her for a few minutes, then they head back inside. Once they enter the bedsit, Astrid goes to the kitchen area and gets a disposable cup, fills it with coke vanilla, then drinks it down in one go. Then she walks back to her mattress and gets under the quilt. Bob gets in his sleeping bag and opens his arms. Astrid doesn't hesitate to rest her head on his shoulder. "Sleep time I think." Mikey said as he snuggled into his sleeping bag. Everyone agrees and we all snuggled into our own sleeping bags. As everyone sleeps, I keep my eyes on Astrid. Bob isn't sleeping either. He's looking down at her with a fond look. Whatever she said must have really got to him. He looked thoughtful, angry, upset, murderous, all different kinds of emotions. But they weren't directed at her. I wish I knew what she'd said. I want to be the one who's there for her. Who she comes to when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Who she tells her deepest, darkest secrets to. Who she cuddles up to in bed. I want it to be me she's with. But how can I make this happen?

Notes

Love as always. xxx