Secondhand Smoke

Today it has been one month since the accident. I constantly feel like someone is stabbing me in the throat, and I hate the fact that I’m alive, but I have to deal with it. Frank would be incredibly disappointed in me if I tried to kill myself again. I was laying in my bed, like I always do. I have no money, and Mikey and my mom have started to pay my bills. I didn’t know they were doing it at first, but now they guilt trip me about it, and they want me to find a job. It’s been one month since my heart was torn out, and they want me to fucking keep going.
I didn’t dream about him last night and I dont know how to feel about it. I usually dream about him every night. I’ve dreamt about him since the first day we met, ten years ago. I knew from that day, that my world would be nothing without him in it.

The cold winter wind felt like razors against my skin, and the thick smell of beer was burning my nose. “Mikey, I’m really not sure why you dragged me here!” I yelled to him over the loud sound of people around us. He called me at 7 saying he was taking me to a show. This place was definitely not my scene. I usually stay inside, and draw comic book characters and watch shitty movies, and now I was in a dimly lit bar with a broken air conditioner drunk people falling into me.
“Trust me Gee, you’ll thank me after this.” I rolled my eyes, and looked up to the stage. There was a roar throughout the small crowd as the band walked up. I didn’t know what this band was called and I honestly didn’t care. I didn’t care until the last guy walked on. He made my heart flutter. His short dark brown hair curling around his ears, and his oversized cardigan and his jeans with holes in the knees had me in a trance. I noticed a few tattoos on his fingers, and one sticking out by his neck.
“Hi guys, I’m Frank! Me and the boys here are gonna play you all some songs.” He said into the mic, and a smile found its way onto my otherwise, emotionless face. Mikey nudged me in the ribs and raised his eyebrows, and i just pushed him away.
The band started playing, and Frank got really into it. He would jump all over the stage and throw himself into the other people on stage with him, while he was playing his guitar. He was a really entertaining performer and I never wanted him to stop playing. After a few songs, he thanked the crowd and walked off stage. The crowd was going wild. They were amazing.
I felt someone pull on my arm and I look at Mikey as he dragged me out into the even colder air.
“Mikey, where are we going?” I said, reluctant to leave the place that Frank was at. He didn’t answer me and I frowned. He led me behind the building, and toward a bus.
“Mikey!” I heard someone yell. I looked over to see Frank walking toward us.
Be cool, Gerard. Be cool, I told myself. I chuckled at the thought. I dont want to be cool.
“Hey Frank! You guys rocked!”Mikey told him and he smiled.
“Thank ya!” his eyes caught mine and he smiled, “Who’s this, Mikey?”
“This is my brother, Gerard. Gerard, this is Frank.”
He stuck his hand out for me to shake, and I took it, while smiling at him.
“Well, Mikey and Gerard, there’s a party over at my place if you guys would like to come.”
“Sure, we’ll be there.”

I lifted up my cellphone and typed in a number and waited for him to pick up.
“Hello?” Mikey’s small voice came through the phone.
“Thank you, Mikey.”
“Thank you for what?” He said, obviously confused.
“Just.. thanks.” I said then hung up.

Mikey is the reason I spent my last ten years in complete bliss, and he needed to be thanked.

I decided to go ahead and do some laundry so I wouldn’t smell bad when I go job hunting. I got up to get all of my dirty clothes off of the floor. I picked up one of Frank’s hoodies and a small book fell out. I picked it up and examined it. It was locked, so I couldn’t open it.
Wait.. Is this Frank’s journal?

Notes

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