“Frank, I don’t think you quite understand how much I love you.” I said, smiling as the dark haired boy finished blowing out his candles.
“I love you too! Now don’t even ask about what my wish was because I can’t tell you.” He said, before dipping his finger into the purple frosting of his cake and licking it off with a smile.
“Ugh, let me guess, otherwise it wont come true?” I asked him.
“No, because you would think it’s weird.” He said, while looking at his hands.
“Why on earth would I think something that comes from your beautiful mind would be weird?”
“Because.. we’ve only been dating for a few months. It would be weird if I told you this.”
“Frankie.. you can tell me anything. I promise I wont judge you. I love you and you know that. Yeah, it has only been a few months, but you’ve genuinely changed my life in that short time I couldn’t ever judge you. I promise, tell me and we can talk about it.” I said, then leaned over from my seat next to him and kissed him. When I pulled away, he was smiling.
“Okay.. I wished that you never have to die alone. I know you’re scared of being on your own and you’re terrified of ending up alone, and death is one of my worst fears, so I figured that maybe you wouldn’t want to die alone.. I don’t know, its stupid, I know.”
“No, Frank it isn’t stupid at all. That’s actually incredibly thoughtful. Thank you so much. Frankie, this may sound morbid, but if i could die with you by my side, I would at least die happy.”
He smiled at me under his shoulder length brown hair.
“Now go put on your costume, it’s getting dark, and the party is starting soon.” I said and he jumped up out of his seat, and ran upstairs to get ready.

I smiled, but kept my eyes closed. I know that this feeling is going to end soon. It always does. I wake up, thinking he’s going to be snoring away right next to me, and I open my eyes and he isn’t. Then it hits me like a brick wall, and it tears my heart apart.
But for now, I convince myself he’s still here.
“Hey Frankie, how about we go to your favorite candy store today?” I say, with tears running down my cheeks. There’s no answer. “We can even go see a movie if you’d like. I think the old theatre is showing frankenstein and I know how you love that movie.” Once again, there’s no sound. I open my eyes, and will myself to get up. I wipe my tears, and walk downstairs to the kitchen. As I’m walking, I pass the kitchen table. I picture Frank sitting there with his purple and green birthday cake, his sleeves rolled up so they don’t get messy, and his feet dangling off the chair. His smile is huge. Then I look at the table again, and its filled with empty vodka bottles, and empty takeout containers. I shake the thought out of my broken mind and walk to the coffee maker. I pull out a red mug and Frank’s favorite misfits mug, and fill them both with the dark liquid. I usually do this out of habit, in hopes that just one fucking day, I will walk back down into this kitchen and see Frank sitting on the counter sipping away at the hot beverage.

I’m losing myself and I can feel it, but maybe its a good thing.
He’s everywhere, and it’s going to be the death of me.

I put down my mug and walk back upstairs, and go into my room. I pull of my shirt and grab one of Frank’s oversized sweaters, inhaling the cigarette and cologne sent. It’s not a bad smell, and it was his smell, so I love it. I slip on some shoes and walk out the door. Ever since the accident, I refuse to drive.
I walk down to the cafe on the corner and get my usual. A bagel and a small coffee. I walk over to the table in the back and sit down.
I used to sit at this table and share a bagel with Frank every morning. It was kind of our thing. The workers would always flip out over how adorable Frank was, and they always cooed whenever we hugged or kissed. Now whenever I come here, they just give me sad-eyed looks and offer to pay for my order. They honestly made me feel like shit and I almost wanted to stop coming here, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I can’t act like he isn’t here, especially when I keep seeing him.

Notes