Secondhand Smoke

After sitting for hours and staring at the small black book, I decided to look through it.
I opened it up to a page I hadn't read yet.

I thought I was doing better. I thought it went away.
I'm terrified.
I just want it to stop.
I want to go home to silence them.
They seem to have control over me and I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I can't tell Gerard. What if he thinks I'm crazy and he wants to leave me? I can't. No, I couldn't never love without him. I would die if he left me.
But he wouldn't leave me, right?
He said he wants us to die together. If he left me that wouldn't happen.
I guess I just can't risk it. He's my entire life and I'm looking at him right now and I don't think anything exists outside of this life with him.
He's so amazing, and I love him in everything he is.
I need to tell him. I just have to hope he won't leave me.
I'll tell him tomorrow, and hope for the best because I guess that's really all I can do.

I flipped over to next page and it was empty. I turned to the pages after that and they were all empty.
This was the last thing he ever wrote.

I laid the journal down on the desk next to me, and got up.
"Mikey, would you mind if I borrowed your car?" I asked him. He looked up at me from the couch and nodded.
"The keys are by the front door."
I picked them up and made my way to his car.
I hadn't driven in a while and I was nervous.
I started the car up and pulled out of the driveway.

I was surprised at how well I was doing. I hadn't crashed so I was rather proud of myself. I was scared I was going to see Frank again, and things would go to hell, but it didn't happen.
I flicked the radio on, and there was a static sound, then it slowly turned into a song. A song I recognized all too well.

"Sing me to sleep.. Sing me to sleep.. "
it was asleep by The Smiths. The song that was playing when Frank and I crashed. I turned the radio off but the song kept playing.
Thankfully, I was at my destination, so I pulled the car over and turned it off. The song no longer played and I sighed in relief.
I got out of the car and began the small walk.
I finally found myself in front of Frank's grave.
I sat down and rested my head against the headstone and smiled.
"I miss you, my love. It's been so long since I've come to visit you and I apologize for that. It's just getting so hard, forcing myself to believe that you're no longer here."
I closed my eyes and felt tears run down my cheeks. I felt something on my cheek and opened my eyes to be met with Frank's. His thumb wiped away my tears and he smiled down at me.
My body started to rake with sobs.
"Oh god, why is this happening? You're still here, aren't you?"
He shut his eyes and rested his head on my chest.
"I can still feel you. It's like you're real." I whispered to him.
"Gerard, there are so many things we need to talk about."

Notes

Hey guys. Sorry it's taken so long for the update, I just get so busy and forget to write, but please don't unsubscribe because I will always update. I'm not going to abandon the story.
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-GC