Secondhand Smoke

I turned 23 today. Gerard got me a purple and green cake and it was amazing. It had Frankenstein on it, and I know it was probably for a little kid, but I didn’t care. It was from him, and it would’ve been perfect even with a damn princess on it.
When it was time to blow my candles out, I knew what I wanted to wish for. I loved Gerard, and he was my world. We had only been dating for about 5 months, but I knew that he was going to be the one I grow old with.
I wished for him to never have to die alone. He always got so nervous whenever people talked about growing up or dying around him, and he didn’t think he would make it past 25, so I just wanted him to be happy when he goes.
I’ll do whatever I can to make sure he doesn’t have to die by himself.

I closed the small black book, and rolled over on my bed. Frank’s thoughts always got so confusing. After reading a few pages, I gathered that he hears things. He hears voices and sometimes they tell him to do things and they change his perception of things, and that he was obsessed with the idea of self destruction. He would go on and on about it, speaking of how beautiful he thought it was.

After days and days of moping around my house, I decided I should actually get up and go try and get a job. Not having any money sucks. I’m still getting bills for Frank’s funeral, since I offered to pay them, and I have no money for anything else. I went to the flower shop to get some roses for Frank’s grave, and my card got declined, so I think it’s really time to go out and do this.

I stepped out of the shower and put on a plain black shirt, Frank’s misfits hoodie, and a pair of black skinny jeans, then slipped on my shoes and walked out the door, making sure to turn around and lock it.
Luckily, I lived near a few shops, so I didn’t have to go very far to find a place to apply.
I applied at the bookstore, and the comic shop. They were honestly the only jobs I could even think about doing.

After a long day of applying, I slowly walked home.

I took off my shoes and jeans, and laid down to go to sleep.

I felt the cold snow all around me as I stared up at the star-filled night time sky.
“It’s beautiful.” I looked down at Frank who was lying on my chest. His nose was pink and his gloved fingers were shaking.
“It is, isn’t it?” I said, while staring at him. I didn’t care about the stars. It was him, who was beautiful. His eyes were practically glowing because the white snow falling next to them made them stand out against his pale skin.
“I don’t think I ever want to forget this moment.” He said in a voice barely above a whisper.
“I love you, Gerard.” My breath caught in my throat. He had finally said it. I was terrified to say it first, but he said it.
“I love you too, Frankie.” I smiled and pulled him closer to me. Frank was the only person in this world who could make me feel the way I do, and I would die if I ever lost him.

The sound of my phone ringing woke me up. The song Ong Ong by Blur filled the room. I felt my heart pace pick up.

That was Frank’s ringtone.

Notes