The Sick and Disgusting

After lunch , I rushed to grab my things from my locker so I wouldn't be late to art. I noticed a page flutter out with a useless unlicked envelope sitting a few inches away. It was typed and four pages long, but not front and back. I quickly flicked to the last page and saw the same end as the last letter, knowing then it was definitely the same person who wrote to me last week.

-----------------half hearted education blah blah blah intense staring at clock yadda yadda---------

I went straight to Frank's house after school. Mikey decided he would rather be at Ray's than home which was nauseatingly understandable given our father's tendencies. I sped and suprisingly I wasn't pulled over which kind of made me want to run into a fire hydrant just to prove the law didn't do much, the Constitution was just a dusty piece of paper after all.

I held the crumpled paper I tore from the side of my locker the whole way, I could tell I was shaking but I don't think I could stop if I wanted to. I didn't want to, though. There was something about the feel of fear that made it so versatile. I feared the paper balled in my fist in a different way than I feared death or my dad (they were really the same thing in all truth). I didn't want to ever let it go.

I ended up at his house before he did so I sat on the porch and read the note over again. At the end it read "with all my faith" but no signature. I wondered what faith even meant anymore. I'd had faith in some many people and things that never really cared about me. As time passed, I started to wonder if maybe Frank went straight to my house or if something had happened to him and if I was in such a rush to get him that I missed him.

I stood up, trying to escape the feeling of gravity eating me alive, pacing in an awkward hopping way because this was going to be awkward might as well warm up.

Just as I began to calm down, Frank pulled into his driveway and my heart beat so hard I think it bruised my ribcage, but I tried for a smile anyways. He hopped out and took off his shades when he saw me. Luckily, there was no black eye hiding behind them.

"Sup, Gee" He walked past me to unlock the door not bothering to look if I was following him as he walked into the kitchen.

"Well, I feel like you expect me to say nothing much, but I may have to surprise you." He put his Dr.Pepper down and furrowed his brows before I scooped it up, took a sip and put it back on the counter as gently as I could to control the tremor of my hands. "I got a letter. I want to find out who it's from."

"Well, what's it about?" He took a long pull before burping like he was releasing the kraken.

"I don't feel comfortable sharing that, but I don't think you know him anyways"

"So it's a him, then?" He hopped onto the counter. "There's your lead right there."

"Frank, I don't think he's okay." I felt the worry creep into my voice"

"No one's okay, Gerard." He said looking at me more seriously than I could him ever looking at me. "This mystery guy shouldn't be loading his issues on you like that."

"Frank, you don't get it. Of course, you don't fucking get why this this would matter!" I drew back holding the balled paper tighter like the mystery boy's words would disappear if I didn't hold on.

"What does that mean?" He looked a little hurt but of course he'd never show it completely, keeping his tone sharp.

"It means you're so apathetic towards everything that I'm embarrassed to have thought there was an actual person in there." I took a step a way from him as my words grew colder. Why doesn't care about anyone? Why did he act oblivious to my obvious 4 year crush on him? I kept stepping away, but I never turned my back to him. "This guy needs someone and he thought maybe that could be me."

"And he was wrong. Gerard, you've got enough on your plate. Searching for this guy is just gonna be another burden on you." And maybe this would be the only time his face would show me anything but it showed concern.

I took his hand between mine like a creepy old person might, but I meant it to be comforting. "I can't ignore this, Frankie." I let his hand go with one final pat and headed out.

Only when I was laying on my bed, looking up to the ceiling, did I realize I'd left the crumpled letter in his hand.

Notes

As you can see , friends, the story has indeed taken a turn. I was inspired by Perks of Being a Wallflower, but there's a lot I mixed and changed so please acknowledge that. I really appreciate the support through both messages and comments and I hope to do you proud.^-^

with the sweetest of x's and tightest of o's,
XOXO