Vacation Doesn't Count

“POV Gerard”

I was devastated, but I got over it; somewhat. It involved being very busy to the point I couldn’t think of anything but the move down the street (I don’t know why this was a thing, my parents just decided they wanted a different house, and we signed up for a different public school in the area due to previous bullying; shocker!) and the stress for school to start. On the first day, I made sure to be early so I could get to know the school, and as I was walking around I had heard someone holler, “Hey! New kid?!” At first I was scared it’d be some bully wanting to pick on me, as I turned around slowly, there was a very large guy, with wicked hair, and a friendly grin on his face. He asked me if I was lost, even though I obviously was. Grinning, I told him I was and handed him my schedule. Soon enough, I knew he was a guitarist called Ray and has all of the same classes as me. It was super chill since he showed me around the school a bit before we made our way to history. Ray was super nice and he helped me a lot. During first period I met his closest friend: Bob. He seemed really nice, but for some reason it looked like he didn’t like me one bit. Ray also introduced me to a bunch of other people in the class, including the annoying, giggly cheerleaders who were chewing gum awfully obnoxiously and it was nasty. One of them kept eyeing me, and whether it was because she thought I was cute or I was a freak; I was disgusted either way. During history I kept thinking of, well, my history. Recent history. As in, summer recent. I loathed my dad for not telling me we’d be leaving earlier, but it wasn’t his fault. It was his boss’. I just hated everything and everyone for a short period afterwards, besides Mikey and Frank. Then I had many breakdowns and panic attacks in a day for about a week, and then I went back to the “don’t touch me, or talk to me, or talk about me” mindset which is how I feel at school all the time. Until I met Ray, he gave me hope maybe this school had less bullies, and more of a diverse school who cared less about if you were popular or an oddball. The whole introduction paragraph of myself was basically me going “umm… so, I like D&D, Audrey Hepburn... umm, I… I’m 16 and yeah…” and then whispering, “Please don’t hurt me” to myself. It was really awkward and everyone was staring at me which penetrating, bored eyes, so I just awkwardly waddled back to my seat as I saw Ray smiling at me. It made me feel more positive, and I was very glad I met him. By the end of history, I had written down nothing, felt really uncomfortable, felt glad I had met Ray, and felt nostalgic for the summer; missing Frank in extreme measures. I saw Elizabeth in the hallway on my way to chemistry, so I waved and she had waved back, smiling. She was much more popular than I already was, but Mikey was her boyfriend so she was obliged to greet me and apparently she likes my hair. As soon as we were in the classroom, Ray and I sat near the back together. I didn’t focus on anything or anyone around us as the rest of the students filed into the class room, we were caught up in a conversation about Muse and Greenday, which happen to be 2 bands we both love. I thought about Frank, he liked the same music too. I could see the little creases by his lips when he smiled, his small lip ring dangling, pushed tightly against his skin as he laughed. His quiet, sweet laughter filled my head as I heard the teacher saying something, which I didn’t hear. I put Frank out of my head (as well as I could) and listened to the teacher. As I listened, I looked around the room, just to see what my classmates looked like. There was one person that caught my attention a bit, he was sitting right in front of me, so I didn’t see much, but his long, jet black hair reminded me of Frank. He was wearing dark clothes, and when he turned his head around a little, it looked like he had a small shimmering thing by his lip, a ring? No, of course not, it’s just the lighting, I just want it to be him so desperately. I asked Ray if he knew the boy, which he didn’t; so it was probably a new kid. Just like Frank… Wondering what he thought of his new school I sat silently while staring out the window, there was a breeze and a drizzle, I watched as the leaves blew up and listened to the very silent noise of the rain hitting the window. I felt as though the teacher had been calling out names forever, but just as I turned my attention to her, she questioned, “Frank I-ero?” I heard the most adorable giggle come from the boy in front of me as he said, “It’s pronounced Iero, but yeah, I’m present.” She apologized and moved on, but my stomach was sudden tied up and before I knew it I had muttered, “Fuck”. Ray looked at me while asking if I was okay, he also asked if I knew him. I had very quietly croaked “yes.” while nodding a little. Ray looked kind of worried, so I smiled at him telling me it was all cool until he turned away again. There is no possible the love of my life has actually somehow come to my school. I was so happy, but he probably hated me, I was never able to explain why I left so suddenly, he probably won’t even want to talk to me… As the list reached the end I heard her say my name, “Gerard Way?” and with that, she quickly leapt into the basics and necessities for the course, but I didn’t hear. After I had said I was here, I knew he knew, I saw his ears stand up more and he sat up a bit straighter. For the rest of the class period I wondered how or if I should approach him after class, but before I had made up my mind, the bell had rung and I was starting to get really nervous. Before I could even tap his shoulder he was out of the class room, he hadn’t even turned around to look at me. On his desk, I saw a piece of paper, which he had probably forgotten. I picked it up before leaving, intending to give it back, but I took a small peak at what it was first. It was a phone number folded on a little note with a few hearts on it. From that, I knew he didn’t want me; he didn’t want to talk to me.

Notes

I felt like this was a good time to stop & it was getting pretty long (I think) and It's pretty late where I am, so I thought I should update now !!

Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, I've been really busy lately I'll try updating more soon !!

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much love,
frerardxx