I'm so tired of being here


The rain was falling down, hitting the pavement ground. Thunder was going to come soon, at least that's what the lady on the news predicted was going to happen. Maybe not right now, but it was still coming. The wind was making trees blow wildly, loose leaves were creating a mess of their own. Houses were older and looked as if they were going to fall down soon; chips almost on every house, along with the breaking of the stair porch way. The boy kept his face down with his hood up, letting it hide his pale face. He shivered at the cool breeze and snuggled deep into the thin material that covered his small, yet slim, figure.


He hated living in the town he lived in now. Newark. It brought back painful memories, but he can't leave. Where else would he go? He's never been anywhere his whole life besides the small place in New Jersey. Memories of his best friend, his lover, his everything filled his mind. He tried drinking to get rid of them. He tried smoking, drugs, one night stands, almost everything to rid of the reminiscence of his past.


Suppressed by all my childish fears


The boy's name was Gerard. Gerard Arthur Way. Oldest son of Donald and Donna Way. Older brother of Michael James "Mikey" Way.


Gerard was a boy who had a low view on life. Being depressed and an alcoholic for some time didn't quite help. Gerard was never one to be open with someone. He never let anyone know of his secrets, his beautiful drawings that were hidden in a sketchbook, or know what an amazing person he actually is. No one knew he wanted to stop feeling sad all the time. No one knew he wanted to end it all just so his inner demons would stop nipping at him every time he made a mistake or just felt low and unworthy. No one knew he cried himself to asleep almost every night, wishing for someone to love him for the way he is and not take him for granted like many other men have done before. No one.


However, everyone has heard of the phrase: a secret doesn't last forever, it's bound to be known sooner or later. Gerarddidn't believe the phrase was true, he didn't believe anybody would know what he did.


That was until Frank Anthony Iero came into the picture.


And if you have to leave


I wish that you would just leave


Frank was the boy who grew up in Belleville, New Jersey. He moved to Newark for a new start. He had yet to know what his future held. His hazel, almost green, eyes held a slight twinkle of gleam of hope to new he was able to start a new beginning. Frank's body held tattoos that told stories and had meaning. For example, there was a tattoo of his grandfather, who is also named Frank, on his arm, his hero, Frank would call his grandfather.


When Gerard saw Frank for the first time he knew he was special. Gerard remembers how they met. Frank had barely moved to the available house next to the Ways'. The first time Gerard had seen Frank is when he was playing with his old band Pencey Prep in the garage. They sounded great. To be completely honest, Frank didn't seem the type to know how to scream because he was so little and looked like a cuddly teddy bear.


"Wow, you guys are incredible," were the first words Gerard spilled from his mouth when he was watching the band perform.


"Thanks," Frank responded, smiling as a blush crept up on his, ever so slightly chubby cheeks. And that's how their friendship began.


'Cause your presence still lingers here


And it won't leave me alone


Gerard smiled a little at the memory, but the inside of him felt like dying. Every time he remembered him he would always go through a mixture of emotions. Frank would never leave his mind. Gerard was infatuated and in love with this boy. Anything would remind me of the younger male. The memories would taunt him, practically mocking Gerard that he could no longer have Frank back. Frank was taken from him the moment Gerard let him go. And fuck, it didn't feel right when he was gone.


Because of him, Gerard was happier. So much happier. He didn't feel as if the world was on his shoulders. Gerard didn't feel like dying all the time. He didn't feel anything but happiness. Sure, he still got sad and upset every once in a while, but it was normal because everybody has those day and Gerard didn't get them as much as he used to. Not when Frank was around to make his life so many times better. To keep him from falling again and alive.
He liked to replay everything they did together. The moment when they first became friends which led to something more. Their first kiss is what Gerard always had in his mind. It was the day he actually had the guts to willingly become intimate with someone.


Gerard held a cigarette between his thin lips. Frank was sat next to him, strumming on his guitar and humming a little melody for a new song. Gerard loved to hear Frank sing. He had this voice - it was so different from others which made it so much more unique. Gerard was staring at Frank, intensively.


"What?" Asked Frank.


Gerard smashed his lips against Frank's. His mouth molding together and fitting perfectly. Frank's lips were slightly chapped due to the weather, but they were still soft, nonetheless. Frank kissed back with as much enthusiasm, surprising Gerard in the process. The could feel the butterflies escaping their tummies. Being friends for almost 3 years, they've grown feelings for one another. Taking control, Gerard ran his tongue over Frank's bottom lip, begging the younger male to grant him access. Frank complied.


They let their tongues dance with each other. Frank shivered at the contact Gerard was providing for him. He had wanted this for so long and now he's finally getting it. Gerard may like him back like Frank did after they met. Why else would Gerard would kiss him? Gerard pulled Frank to his lap, letting his hands rest against his small hips. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck, holding him close. It was as if he was Frank's lifesaver, and without Frank clutching onto Gerard, Frank would float away. Because of the lack of air, Gerard pulled back and rested his forehead against Frank's, breathing heavily.


"I'm sorry," Gerard whispered, looking directly into Frank's beautiful eyes, taking in every detail. "I just couldn't help myself."


Frank was stunned, silence. Neither of the boys wanted to move just yet. They wanted to let the moment last a little longer. Gerard was a little tense, though. He waited for Frank to explode. He waited for Frank to tell him he wasn't gay or that he didn't like him like that. What's worse is that Gerard thought Frank didn't want to continue their friendship for his little stunt he pulled. However, all thoughts were thrown away when Frank kissed him back, almost desperately.


"You have no idea how much I've wanted that to happen."
Both boys grinned to each other, not seeming to want to let go of one another.
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real


There's just too much that time cannot erase


Gerard seemed to pick up his pace when the rain started to fall harder. His now soaking wet hoodie was becoming no use for warmth, but he didn't care. He noticed that lately; he didn't seem to care for anything anymore. There was no use. What is there to care about when nothing seems too important to do so?


When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears


Crying was a sign of weakness. Or so Gerard thought. He didn't like to cry. He hated it. Crying makes you seem vulnerable and weak. Gerard did not like to feel that way. Not in the slightest. When Mikey would cry Gerard would just look at him and say:


"Stop crying, it's for girls. And you, my brother, are not a female in any way whatsoever, so there's no reason to cry."


I'm such a hypocritical asshole, Gerard thought to himself, bitterly. It was true though. Gerard was crying himself at this very moment. When Mikey cried it reminded him of when Frank would cry, which is why he hated the reason of crying. Almost everything reminded him of his precious Frankie. It was getting annoying, really, but there was nothing much to do about it. You see, he could either pretend Frank never existed or shut off his feelings completely. The latter seemed best. Why would Gerard want to rid and forget the best thing that ever happened in his life? He didn't care how much Frank caused him pain. In all honesty, Gerard deserved it. He deserved the pains he's getting. If it weren't for him, Frank wouldn't be gone.


When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears


"Frank, come on, open the door," Gerard begged, banging on his boyfriend's.
They've been dating for about four months, and damn, Gerard felt as if he were on top of the world. He and Frank did almost everything together. From listening to music together to watching movies and falling asleep after it ended to just casually talking about any topic that came into mind - everything.


"Gerard I'm fine. Please, just...just go away," Frank whimpered, sliding down to block his door and bringing his knees to his chest, hoping Gerard would just go away. At the moment, he really didn't want him there. Not because he was tired of him - no, it would never be for that reason, but because he was scared to face him.


Hours. It's been hours and Frank still hadn't come out of his room. Linda, his mom, even told Gerard to go home if he didn't want to come out of his room. Gerard did not give up though. After a while, Frank gave up and caved in. As soon as he opened the door Gerard rushed in and engulfed his distraught boyfriend closely and tightly, hushing him softly.


"Shh, it's okay baby, it's okay."


Frank shook his head, "It really isn't."


Gerard furrowed his eyebrows. Frank had been a little distanced lately. He was less active, always seemed down, and didn't seem to respond to Gerard - verbally or over the phone. Suddenly, a fear rushed inside of him. Did Frank cheat? Oh god, no he wouldn't, Frank would never do that. He's not that type of person. Then again, he can't be so sure. People can hide their real selves pretty well


Frank coughed a little, trying to control his sobs. He opened his mouth, "I love you."


Gerard blinked and was frozen. Never has he ever left the house so god damned fast.


And I held your hand through all of these years


But you still have all of me


Gerard never liked to regret things in his life. It just wasn't in his nature. He'd say, "Oh well, it happened it happened. I'm not gonna dwell over it."


But he really can't just say that. He had walked out on his boyfriend when he confessed his love for him. Gerard always thought back to this memory. It showed him how stupid he was and fuck did he regret it. Frank needed him, he needed Gerard, but Gerard left. He doesn't remember why. Maybe it was because he was scared?


Fears. Gerard had dozens of them. One of them being losing someone he loves, which sadly, did happen. Was it his fault? Maybe not exactly, but his mind thought otherwise. Was he the cause that dragged them away? Yes, he pretty much was.


You used to captivate me by your resonating light


Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind


Frank was walking to Gerard's house. He really needed to talk to Gerard; it was very, very important. It had been a few weeks since the 'I love you' situation. They've been okay. Sometimes, Frank would let the phrase slip out to which Gerard would answer "I know" or "Thank you". It hurt Frank. Fuck, to have someone not love you back, it really hurt.


"Gerard," Frank gasped, as he stepped into Gerard's bedroom. The tears were already rushing out. Geared noticed the younger male who was made out be his boyfriend. His eyes sprang wide open. Frank shook his head as Gerard slipped out of the female in his bed and tried to reach out to Frank. Though, it was too late. He already ran out the room.


Gerard sobbed loudly. Seeing that no one was around, he thought it was okay to let out his emotions. He never meant to cheat on Frank. He really didn't. He was just so confused by the lust and adoration he held for this girl. Gerard knew it was wrong. Hell, he thought he'd never stoop so low to treat someone that way.


Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams


Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me


"Frank!" Gerard called out running out of his room as well. For a small guy who rarely exercised and eats slot of junk food, Frank was pretty fast. They were both soon outside when Frank decided to give up trying to run away. Gerard took a sigh of relief.
"Frank, it's not what-"


"Cut the bullshit!" He yelled, shocking Gerard and himself. Never has Frank raised his voice at Gerard. Never. "Don't you dare tell me 'it's not what it looked like'. I know damn well what it looked like! It looked like you had your dick up her vagina, practically enjoying to fuck her! So you have no right to tell me it wasn't what it looked like when it was exactly what it looked like."


Gerard couldn't find any words. Frank was right and he knew it. As much as he wanted to argue back that he didn't do it, he couldn't, because really, he did.


"I-" Frank lifted up his hand to silence him. Frank knew Gerard was going to apologize to him, but he didn't want to hear it. The next few words Gerard heard made him freeze again that night.


"Gerard, we're done."


These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real


There's just too much that time cannot erase


Stupid stupid stupid, is what Gerard thought to himself. Hurting someone he loved was the last thing he wanted to do. And because of it, he must pay the price; living his life without Frankie.


When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears


Lindsey was her name. They had a fling back in high school. Gerard thought he was straight so he decided to go for it. It didn't work out - obviously. All they ever did was have sex and interact in any sorts of PDA. Did Gerard like it? At first, he thought he did, though, feelings do change after a while. It's just how life works. Not everything will stay the same. Life moves on and so does the person. But somewhere in Gerard's heart, he did care for her. It may have not been the kind of love that was internal and you imagined to spend the rest of your life with them, but it was the friendship type of love.


"I can't Lindsey, I have a boyfriend," Gerard sighed as she removed her top, exposing her bare chest. Gerard glanced at her and groaned softly, licking his lips at the process.


"But...I miss you, baby," she batted her eyes, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth. Her skirt was finally off of her and kicked somewhere in his room. She was only in panties. Gerard eyes grew wide.


"Fuck it," he muttered and attacked the woman.


"What about Frank?"


"Frank who?"


The rest is history.


When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears


The next few weeks were hell. Gerard tried texting Frank, calling him, even going to his house, demanding to speak to him. Each time he did so, Frank's mom would tell him to go away or that Frank was busy. It was obvious she didn't want him near her baby boy.


Gerard was walking over to Frank's house, yet again, only to notice boxes outside his house. He was confused. Was someone moving in with them? Just then, Frank opened the door with a heavy looking box and settled it with the others. Frank noticed Gerard but chose not to say anything. He was pissed. Then again, who wouldn't be?


"There's boxes out here," Gerard pointed out, trying to make conversation.


"Thanks for stating the obvious."


"Why?" Frank ignored him and continued to take the other boxes out. "Why?" Gerard tried again. He got the same answer; nothing. Gerard sighed in frustration, "Can you not be an asshole for just a minute and answer my freaking question?" Frank stopped in his tracks and glared at Gerard. If looks can kill, then damn, Gerard would be ten feet under ground.


"I'm the asshole?" Frank scoffed, incredulously. "At least I wasn't the one who never said 'I love you' back or slept with my ex girlfriend."


Gerard stayed quiet. As much as he wanted to be pissed at Frank, he knew he couldn't. This was his fault. He caused this. He just didn't have the guts to man up to his mistakes. Gerard wanted to play victim. He wanted to blame someone else for his mistakes so he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt. Frank noticed the tears that were in Gerard's eyes. His mind debated on whether he should tell him or not. Sighing, he decided to go for it. Gerard deserved to know, even after all the pain he's put him through.


"The band got offered to release a record," Gerard motioned him to go on, not seeing why this has to do with the many boxes. "We accepted it of course, so we're moving to California."


"What?" Gerard asked in belief. Everything felt like it was spinning. The air left Gerard's lungs. Frank cont leave, he just can't. What about him? Gerard cannot live his life without Frank.


"Y-you can't. Frank, no. Don't leave me. You just can't?" Gerard begged.


"Why can't I Gerard?" Frank asked. "I've waited for this for so long. The band has waited for this. I'm not gonna let anyone stop me." Gerard was crying by this time. He was gonna lose the boy he feel for because of his own stupidity.


"Why didn't you tell me?" Gerard asked, feeling slightly angry. How long has this been a secret? If they were still together, was Frank just going to walk out without a goodbye?


".....that night. I was gonna tell you," Frank sighed, looking at his feet. The clouds were blocking the sunlight, refusing to let anything shine. Rain was expected soon, so he hoped one of the guys from the band would come and pick up his stuff soon. He noticed how the weather truly matched his mood; dark and gloomy. "I wasn't going to go because I loved you too much to leave you, but now, I have nothing left. This band is my life, it always has been. When you came along, it was just like my second fate. I would've done anything for you and I thought you'd do the same, but...I was too dumb, too naive and blinded by love to realize you w-wouldn't do the same and I see that now," Frank sighed. "I gotta do this. I can't let something like a past relationship holding me back. I'm sorry, Gerard. I leave tomorrow. The plane boards at nine in the morning and I'm going. I am so sorry."


And I held your hand through all of these years


All the years they have been best friends together, they've always had each other's backs. It was always Frank and Gerard. Before they actually stayed dating, people would actually think they were together, but the really weren't. They were just that close. Gerard remembers when they egged that one house where Frank's old bully used to live. It was one of the best things that happened.


"Oh my fucking god, Frankie. Did - did you see his face?" Gerard laughed as he clutched the ground. His black, fading back to brown, hair was disheveled and sticking up in many places. His cheeks were red due to running and panting.


"Priceless!" Frank agreed. His legs were tired from running, but it didn't matter. Frank finally got to get back at the stupid prick who stuffed him in a locker because he was short.


He smiled at the memory. It was one of the best ones he shared with Frank.


But you still have all of me


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone


"Frank - wait!" The older male ran up to the other male who was about to get in line so he can leave. His band mates glared at Gerard. They knew what he do and practically hated him for it. Because of Gerard, Frank had been different. He was always crying, thinking he was never good for anyone, and thought nobody would ever love him. Frank turned around surprised to see him there.


"Gerard? What are you-"


As much as Gerard loved hearing Frank talk, he couldn't let him talk right now. Not when he needed to say something. Something he should've done a long, long time ago.


"Frank, I should've said this when I had the chance to, so please just don't talk and listen to what I have to say," Frank looked intrigued to what his ex had to say. "First off, I want to say I'm really fucking sorry that I cheated on you. I didn't mean for it to happen but it did and I can't take that back. I -"


"Frank, come on! The plane is about to board!" Yelled John.


"Just hold on, just a second," Frank put his finger up, signaling he'd go over there in a bit. "Continue."


"I, uh, I," Gerard could feel the sweat forming from his forehead. His breathing became labored and it was getting too hot. "I-I l-like you...a lot. Please....don't leave me."

Frank blinked once and stared at Gerard. No emotion laced in his face whatsoever.


"Goodbye, Gerard."


But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along


Then, the tragedy happened.


"-reported that the plane was crashed. Police have found some bodies identified as John McGuire, Shaun Simon, Frank Iero - a few of the members of the band Pencey Prep. The remaining left were Neil Sabatino and Tim Hagevik. They're alive, very much injured, but alive nonetheless. The bodies are going to be flown back to New Jersey -"


Mikey shut off the tv and turned to Gerard. His mind was racing and heart stopped for a moment or two. No no no, Frank cannot be dead. It is not true. His mind was messing with him and he was just going mad. Frank cannot be dead. He just can't.


"Gerard, shh, calm down-"


"Frank!" Gerard sobbed loudly. Mikey rushed over to his hysterical brother and hugged him. Gerard couldn't calm down. He refused to believe Frank was gone.


"I never t-told him," Gerard sobbed. "He's never g-gonna know." He cried, howling into Mikey's shoulder. Gerard held on to Mikey, desperate for affection. He needed it. Frank was gone, dead, and never coming home. He doesn't know how he will survive the world with out him. After all, he loved Frank with all his heart, he was just too late to admit it. It's pathetic that letting him go is when he realized he loved him.


When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears


When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears


Gerard finally made it home. He shook his wet hair, letting the droplets fall off from him and stepped inside, only to be met by Mikey. Mikey looked up from the TV, which was playing the news of the plane crash of Frank's death. It's been about three years since it's happened, but nobody would get over how horrific it was. Once Mikey noticed Gerard's appearance he sighed. He knew exactly what he was doing.


"You went to go see him again, huh?" Mikey asked. Gerard nodded, trying to make it seem like he wasn't crying at all. Did Mikey buy it? Not one bit. Gerard took a seat next to his younger brother. He sighed, if only he told Frank how much he meant to him. If only he didn't cheat that night. Them Frank would still be there, but he's not there and he never will be.


"I should've told him..."


Again, Gerard is never one to fret over regrets, but things changed. After Frank...thats when the regret started to kick in. He regrets having to let go the most important man in his life because he was too scared and afraid of being hurt, when really, he was the one who caused it at the end. What hurts the most was having so much to say and watching Frank walk away on that plane was like his heart being ripped out of his chest and stomped repeatedly on the floor. Loving Gerard was all Frank wanted to do, but Gerard would never know since he's dead. Dead and gone.


Frank was Gerard's home. Without him, all Gerard could do is try to find a place like home, but it will never be found. Not again. Nobody would ever compare to his Frankie. His Frankie. Sadly, he had no right to call him his Frankie anymore. He lost that claim a while ago. Though, he didn't feel right not being able to call him his own. Frank will always be in Gerard's heart. No matter what. That will never change.


And I held your hand through all of these years


"Frank Iero. Damn, he was one hell of a guy. He was always there when anyone needed a friend, never judged anyone until he got to know them properly, wild and crazy, compassionate towards his music. I can go on and on about Frank, but there was one thing I was quite jealous of. I wish I had his views on life. The world is an ugly place - we all know that. The murders you here about on the news, that one teen who committed suicide for being bullied, airplane crashes," Gerard winced. "But Frank - he still found a way to look past them. To see the light in the evil. Frank was a good man. He didn't deserve this - no one does, but things happen for a reason, right? All I can say is that Frank is in a better place, probably rocking out and eating as much Skittles he could get his hands on. I love you, man. No one will ever find someone as special as Frank Iero. He is truly one of a kind."


Neil walked off the stand to go sit next to Tim. Neil hadn't cried at all that day. That was until after he gave his speech. He finally let the tears fall. Tim had to pull his friend in a hug. Three funerals in the same month was freaking hard. They had lost, not only former band members, but childhood best friends. Losing a best friend is the worst thing that could ever happen. It's like your other half is being ripped apart from you and you don't feel whole without them.


The funeral was a closed casket funeral. The church was semi decent. They set up candles around Frank's casket and the choir was quietly singing Amazing Grace. They even did the honor and sung one of Frank's original songs, She's The Prettiest Girl At The Party. Frank meant to sing that song to Gerard, but he never got the chance to.


Gerard stayed seated in the back row. All he could think of was Frank's beautiful smile and his bright, hazel eyes. Behind the casket, Gerard knew that Frank had his eyes sealed shut, make up covering the scrapes and bruises he endured during the accident, and the beautiful black suit he said he'd wear if he ever died young. Gerard was asked to speak at Frank's funeral, but he denied. He just couldn't. He still didn't want to believe Frank was gone.


Gerard wanted to believe that this was just all a heart wrenching dream. A very sick, twisted dream.


You still have all of me, me, me


That night, Gerard slipped out of his bed. He stepped outside only because he needed a smoke. He dreamt of him again. His smile haunts him in his dream and his mind never seems to stop thinking of him. Taking the cigarette out, he lit up and sucked at the end, inhaling the smoke. It was calming. Gerard blew out and looked up towards the sky. He saw the stars twinkling above him. Instantly, he thought Frank's eyes and the way they used to light up and twinkle every time he was happy.


"I miss you, baby..."


"Gerard," Frank groaned. "Noooo." He snuggled himself into the blankets even further.


Gerard huffed in annoyance. He had a surprise for Frank and he really wanted to show him.


"Please?" Gerard asked again, letting his hand run through Frank's tangled bed hair. Frank let out a loud whine before sitting up and glaring at Gerard. He crossed his arms and stuck his bottom lip out. Frank looked like a child. It was really adorable.


"There better be a reasonable explanation to why you woke me up early," Frank complained. Her never liked being awoke at such an ungodly hour. Even though it was twelve in the afternoon, Frank thought it was too early.


"Give me your hand," Frank looked at him weird and questioned, "Why?" But Gerard instructed him to listen. Frank did, slightly worried to what Gerard might do to his hand. Gerard grabbed something from his pocket. Frank realized it was a wristband. Gerard slipped the black band over Frank's small hand and it rested against his wrist perfectly.


"'Property of Gerard Arthur Way'," Gerard smiled as Frank read the bright, red words. "What in the world is this?" Frank laughed. He actually loved the wristband. It was perfect.


"Remember when that guy was flirting with you? Well, yeah, that's to let everyone know you're mine."


Frank laughed and pecked his boyfriend's soft cheek, "I love you."


"I know."


Gerard chuckled sadly. He missed the good days. He really missed them. He hated that he never got a chance to say 'I love you' back. Everyone says you move on no matter what the circumstances are, but they're wrong. Frank knew Gerard better than he knew himself. Whenever Gerard got dark, let it go too far, or was obnoxious, Frank was the only thing in the world who would accept him and keep his mind off the edge. Frank could've left all those times before, but he didn't. Frank loved Gerard.


It was then Gerard realized that no matter what happens, Frank would still have all of him. Death didn't matter, he still managed to keep a piece of Gerard with him.


"I love you too, Frankie."


-
A/n: Well this sucked lol. I tried. Oh well

Notes