Drums Of The City Rain

I sat staring out down the street, not really caring for the tears streaming down my cheeks, a cocktail of emotions building inside me. Before I knew it the door slid open again and Frank staggered out onto the balcony, his hands completely full with coloured card, glue, glitter, paint, felt tip pens and anything he could find.
“Right” Frank grinned dumping everything and sitting down cross legged on the balcony floor “I have an idea, I mean let me know if you if you need some time alone”
“Okay?” I forced a smile back at him, curious.
“Oh shit, you’re crying, what’s up?”
“Whatever you’re idea is, is never gonna work, he’s never actually gonna eat you do realise. He’s gonna be stuck like this forever its gonna fucking kill him” I ranted, snapping, immediately regretting it.
“Nonono it won’t, don’t talk like that” he sighed.
“It’s true” I cried.
“You know it’s not” he told me.
“I wish it was everything would be a lot easier” I groaned, hiding my face behind my hand.
“You don’t mean that”
He was right.
“You’re right I don’t. I’m fucking gross, how could I have even thought that?”
“You’re not gross, it’s okay”
By this time any forced composure was lost and Frank pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be offloading my shit on you like this I don’t even know you” I muttered pulling away.
“It’s okay, you need someone looking out for you, all you’ve been doing is looking out for Mikey all this time, you’ve had no one making sure you’re okay” He said, pulling me back. “It’s okay, it’s okay to cry you know”.
I nodded but couldn’t find anything to say. His embrace was comforting, my head was resting on his chest and I was crying. Just crying and crying and crying. I don’t know why in particular, I’m not even sure I was sad. I just sat quietly, shaking, with floods and floods of tears escaping my eyes. Occasionally Frank spoke to me but mostly he just held me tight. It was reassuring. After a while I noticed the tears had stopped and everything was feeling a bit clearer. I mean I still felt like shit, just much less confused and overwhelmed shit. I kinda wanted this moment to last forever but I felt him fidget slightly and reluctantly I slipped out his grip.
“You okay?” He asked.
“I’ve been better” I giggled weakly.
“Okay well I’m just gonna have a smoke then we can crack on with my idea, if you like it” He replied.
“Can I have one?” I asked. I don’t know why, I always wanted to try and then was a perfect opportunity.
“Yeah, you deserve it” He laughed softly, handing me a cigarette. I watched carefully as he lit his up and passed me the lighter. I copied awkwardly and inhaled, feeling my throat sting and lungs burn for a few moments, gulping to stop myself from coughing.
“You’ve never smoked before have you?” he stated.
“Yes I have, once or twice” I lied. Frank didn’t reply and I inhaled for the second time and it felt much better, it was comforting to feel my lungs fill up this time, I liked it. We sat smoking for a while, it was a perfect moment and seemed to last forever.
Eventually, as with all good things, it came to an end and we stubbed out our cigarettes.
“Move the chairs if you want and we can do it on the floor, there’s more space” He suggested, suddenly.
“Do what?” I inquired.
“I was thinking you should make him something, it’s cringey as shit but I don’t know like a card, like you could say it’s a welcome card or something, just because what Ray was saying about how we need to be there for him when the eating disorder isn’t like maybe he could look at it when he feels like shit and it could motivate him to get better?”
“That’s a really good idea” I murmured “His last birthday was fucking months ago like last September and I couldn’t get anything for him and then my birthday was just a couple of months back in April and I felt so bad because he snuck out and gave me so much and I’d given him nothing”
“Yeah well you could say this is to make up for that then, but don’t feel bad, you couldn’t help that”
I agreed and we decided to get started. Frank had brought through a ton of craft stuff and it looked like this would pan out to be a pretty entertaining morning. He pulled out a slightly creased sheet of pastel green A3 paper.
“I was thinking we could use this as the base, you know make it an extra big A4 card but it’s up to you” he told me.
“Okay awesome” I replied.
“Let’s get this thing done then” he grinned
“Maybe we should decorate it and like cover it in loads of positivity” I suggested.
“Okay, what does Mikey like?” He asked.
“I don’t know, bands comics much the same stuff as me. And unicorns. Yeah not all the same as me”
“Okay we should draw a massive fucking unicorn on the back” Frank laughed.
“I think he was stab me if we did that” I giggled “Can we just get started like not overthink it, just make it all doodley and messy and colourful?”
Frank agreed and I reached for a felt tip pen and got started, him copying. We hadn’t decided what to put on the front or on the inside but we were putting messy patterns all over the back, just whatever we felt like. He seemed to be really enjoying this and that made me oddly happy. Watching his face light up as he stuck down a sequin and it stayed made mine light up too. After an hour or so the back was finally covered and it genuinely looked really good, like a colourful collage of glitter and doodles.
“Uh, I was thinking on the front could I do like a drawing?” I piped up.
“Of course, it’s your brothers card, do what you like”
I pulled the card over and picked up a pencil, feeling awkward, I rarely ever drew in front of other people.
“I can go if you want some space or whatever” he told me, sensing my uneasiness.
“No stay”
I began to draft out my drawing, kobra kid. I felt awkward, aware of Frank’s eyes searing into me. After a few moments however, I relaxed into his gaze and got sucked into my drawing.
“That- that’s amazing” he breathed, suddenly.
“Is it?” I smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear awkwardly.
“Fucking hell yes” he exclaimed.
“Thanks I guess”
“You should design me a tattoo”
“You’re sixteen!”
“I already have two”
“Ooh a bad boy are we?” I teased and he grumbled, blushing “Okay what do you have?”
“Uh I got this when I was 15” he muttered before pulling down his lip, revealing the letters ‘NJ’ tattooed on the inside. I unintentionally flinched at the thought of a tattoo there. I hate needles.
“Holy shit, that- fuck, did that not hurt?” I got out.
“A bit but I sort of enjoy it in a weird way”
How the fuck can someone enjoy that?
“O-okay? How did you get it like who would tattoo a 15 year old?” I questioned.
“Myself”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I exclaimed “You literally tattooed the inside of your own lip!?”
“I guess” he laughed.
“Ewww. Okay, what’s your other one?”
“A pumpkin on my back, I got it like 2 months ago” he told me, slipping off his hoodie and pulling down the neck of his t shirt. I inched closer and looked at the elaborate inking across the top of his back.
“That’s really cool” I murmured.
“Yeah I got a fake ID and this cool parlour on the highstreet did it”
“Awesome” I hummed. He moved his hand away, quickly, awkwardly, rushing to put his hoodie back on. But I spotted it, I definitely saw it. A thick crimson scar running vertically down his left wrist. There’s only one thing that could have caused that and I couldn’t bear to think about it. After a few moments, I became aware of the fact I was staring at his wrist even though he had long pulled his sleeves right over his hands as he turned to face me. I looked up at him and made eye contact before following his eyes as he quickly glanced down at his scar then back up at me. I had seen it and he knew it and we couldn’t find anything to do apart from freeze, too awkward to say anything. He looked away quickly, but wide eyed, like a rabbit caught in headlights.
“I-I should leave you to it” he said quickly, standing up. I would have told him it’s okay to stay but I didn’t have the guts.
I turned my attention back to the card, I didn’t have much choice. I struggled to get the image out of my head and back into my creative flow for a while but eventually I got lost in my drawing. A good few hours later, I finished shading in a spot, took a look at it and suddenly realised I was done. I carefully picked up a black felt tip pen and began to write inside in my swirliest writing.
Love you, Mikey.
Think of this as an attempt to make up for that birthday I completely missed and a reminder you are oh so very loved <3
G x
I read it back, feeling content and opened the door and poked my head through the curtain.
“Mikey!” I called nervously. I was still sort of wary of Lindsey but Mikey seemed to have warmed to her. I looked round the room, kerrang was buzzing on the telly, Ray was sat on the sofa reading, Lindsey on the laptop with Mikey perched next to her and Frank on the floor smoking. Mikey hopped up quickly, walking out onto the balcony.
“I made you something” I smirked.
“What?” he muttered, sounding curious. I pulled the card out from behind me and watched him carefully take it from my hand. The corner of his lip turned up slightly and I felt myself grin.
“Thank you!” He exclaimed, flinging himself onto me, wrapping his arms around my neck tightly.
“It’s nothing”
After a few minutes, we went inside and played some random card game.
And that night he ate some dinner.

Notes

ello heres a chapter <3
i feel like this is a bit shit :/
i have carried some bits over but theres also some freshly written stuff yanno, hot out the oven of my mind. it's 8:36am, i've not slept, plz do not touch i am fragile

@snailthesaints
frnktasy.tumblr.com