[Gerard's P.O.V]

It's the second to last year at school and I've still not had the guts to speak to.. him. People slot me as the individual who supposedly stalks him; it's pitying because if he's heard rumors, what would he think of me? The fact that people call me that doesn't necessarily piss me off it actual scares me. I've spent hours thinking if i am a stalker but then again I can't deny my feelings towards this mysterious individual. People point out the fact that he's a male but it'd be the same with a female.

Anyway, Hi. I'm Gerard Way and I'm pan-sexual, depressed (supposedly), fifteen year old. I'm slightly over weight but that, at the moment, is the least of my worries. As well as Frank (the over-sized crush I have) I'm currently and unfortunately failing school. My grandma, who's my best friend, thinks it is because of depression; trying hard enough to understand her conclusion; I couldn't care less. I know what's going to happen to me and I'm not afraid to accept my faith- death.

People are afraid to die, they try their hardest in an attempt to live their lives to the fullest extent and try to be known for something, whether that be from a group of people to thousands but the question is why? Sure, fame and money can be great but it has it's downsides. Society doesn't realise this and they give them beef for it; no matter what happens you're judged so what is the point in trying? Sucess sounds fun but it is effort and time.. preferably being a corpse in a grave sounds effortless and easy.

I snap out of my trance when I feel small pebble thrown in my direction, catching my attention, I throw my head up; greeted by my brothers friendly eyes. He motions towards the hell of the school, cocking an eyebrow - I realize the bell has rang for second and last period. Which I have with him and Frank. I launch myself off and stuff the ratty, old comic into my bag before heading off towards my next lesson. P.E. ugh, why? Why do teachers want to watch students suffer, like, is it entertaining to see an obese kid sweat and practically bounce as he runs? Pathetic: that's the one and only word to describe myself, Yes, I don't exercise but why does humanity care? Jeez. I'm sorry I have more stuffing to keep me warm in winter.
.
Eyes widening and arm suddenly begin to hurt; I fall back into reality the most uneventful and dull creativity lived.
"Watch where you're going, chubby." Hisses the small, most handsome and absolutely breathing taking being. My cheeks flare a dark, blood red, crimson. He's bright yet soulless eyes stare into my own, causing me to stutter.
"I-I.."
Sharply breaths in and my heart races, palms sweaty and head spinning at the amount of people around and witnessing the scenery which causes me to run out of everyone's sight.
I quickly look around the outside area, my chest rising and falling rapidly, starting to make my way around to the hidden/abandoned shed.

Fuck, FUCK! Did that happened? Seriously, he noticed me.. his comment wasn't very upbringing but he still noticed my existence even if it was only for a split second. Collapses against the wall, bringing a smoke out, slotting it between my lips and exploding it life. Sucking in the nicontine and tips my head back while the chemicals fill my lungs and I try to imagine other things, ignoring at what just happened.

---

Thinking is great but at times I should stop. I pull myself up from my hidden den and carry the bag-pack in my hand as the final bell rings, which I was pleased about but I knew the school will mark me as absent; 'speak to my mother about my attendance' thinking she'll punish me when actually she's not got the time, confidence or care to.

Sighs out contently and waits by the outside gates for my younger sibling, pulling the sleeve of my Morrissey, black jumper over my 'chubby' hands. Head bowed down, I ignore the small sniggers. I know I'm pathetic, stop muttering it.. assholes. I grunt to myself and glare at the ground before hearing his cheery voice pierce my ears, suddenly my mood falling. Murmuring small "Hello." to my twelve year old brother.
"Wow, I didn't know he was always an emo." A darker and deeper voice fills my eardrums, shock runs through me as I snap my head up, our eyes connecting for the second time today. Uses both of my hands to tug the hood over my head, ignoring Mikey and pacing off as the anxiety starts to rise up. I curl my fingers around the sleeves, swallowing a thick, deep lump.
"I-I'm going Nana's Mikey, I'll, uh, come home later."
Waves a hand dismissively, back still turned to them as I rush off in a hurry and panic.

That's so confusing, why is Mikey hanging around with him?! He's older- shit, what happens if my own, baby brother is into him. No, no, no, no. I shake my head and try to clear my thoughts but keeps thinking strongly about the subject, creating up my own solutions, without noticing, I reach my Grandma's house and walk in without a hesitation.

~

Notes

~ Hey, I hope you enjoy this first chapter.
Also, sidenote: I re-edited 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th chapters.

-E