Sickness

It’s been a couple of hours since the news broadcast reported me missing, me and Frank are sitting silently staring at the flashing pictures on the television, we still haven’t spoken a word since well, since we both sort of came out? And to top it all off, my cold is getting worse, I cannot stop trying to sniff which helps not getting a snotty problem all over my lips. Frank sighed and clapped both his hand on his thighs “you hungry?” he asks; I nod a little bit. He stood up and made his way towards the kitchen, “You don’t mind vegetarian?” he poked his head out the door, “Nah, all good” I said my voice sounding weird due to my nose being clogged up. He smiled lightly and disappeared back into the kitchen.

“I’m glad you don’t mind vegetarian food, because that would be a problem” he said again over the sound of utensils falling and clicking in the kitchen “Shit” he continued, I chuckled a bit and stood up making my way towards the kitchen.

“You need some help?” I asked as I walked through the door, into a really small kitchen, exactly as you walk in on your right side there is a silver refrigerator, a silver cooker and the rest white cupboards which weren’t modern but not old, Frank was on my left side cutting up some veggies next to the sink. “Nah, all good” he said, his hands shaking a little bit. “Are you sure?” I asked again, getting closer to him, he sets the knife down and chuckles a bit.

“I’m a little bit excited, I haven’t had a guest in here for years and cooking for someone else really got me worked up” he said as he shook his head. I smiled lightly and placed my hand on his shoulder giving it a little squeeze, “There is no need to work yourself up Frank, just do what you usually do, but difference is I’m here to help you out, maybe cut up the veggies or clean the dishes whatever”

“I think it’s best you go back into the living room and rest, I don’t want no germs on my plate” he pointed with the knife towards the kitchen doorway, and chuckled at the last part.

I rolled my eyes at him “Germs are awesome, you’d get to skip work, school or whatever you do” I rested my lower back against the counters next to him as he continued chopping away.

“Not when you live on your own and have bills to pay”.

Hmm, maybe I should get to know him a little bit and I have my way of words.

“Well, if you do indeed get sick, don’t you have any family or some sort of boyfriend to help you out for that month?” I crossed my hands together over my chest, Frank chuckled and shook his head slowly.

“Family? I did have once, and me a boyfriend? I don’t even want to go there” he said while filling a pot with water and putting the veggies inside of it.

“I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there, honestly it’s Deja-vu all over again, I came out when I was your age and yea they sent me away to that same school you’re in, I only stayed there a week before running away from there” he continued as he rested his back against the refrigerator in front of me.

“Oh, I was thinking of doing that on my first week, but I didn’t” I said looking down at the white tiles below my feet.

“Honestly, I’m amazed you survived more than a week in that school, how long have you been in there before finally getting the fuck out of there?”

“I never ran away from there”

“Then what the hell where you doing on the side of the road in th-“ “It was a cruel prank some jocks played on me” I whispered lightly, it’s actually embarrassing, I managed to let some jocks man handle me. I looked up to meet with Frank’s eyes a scowl on his face.

“What do you mean a cruel prank?” he asked.

“I really don’t want to talk about it”

“but you have to talk about it, you could have died out there, that’s bloody murder” he continued pushing himself off the refrigerator and walking towards me his arms flailing everywhere. I really didn’t think this conversation was going that way, I sighed and rubbed my forehead while taking a deep breath in, “Listen, please Frank not today, it’s been a long day, I mean everyone across the nation knows about me”.

“Yeah, everyone thinks you’re just a stupid teenager that ran away with his boyfriend-“

“Don’t mention him” I said almost into a shout the mention of Billie is too much right now, I miss him and the fact that he hasn’t even bothered with me since going away hurts much more. Frank’s eyes darken as his lips tightly sealed together, he turned around checking the pots and stormed out the kitchen, Jesus Christ I’m such a fucking idiot, I sighed and followed him.

“Listen Frank, I’m sorry” “Save it kid” he sat down on the sofa, running a hand through his messy hair “No, Frank I’m sorry I didn’t mean to shout, but the mention of Billie it just… it hurts a lot, I mean before hell broke loose it was so perfect, just me and him in our own world, nothing could tear us apart, well he did have a reputation of fucking around but I always trusted him with my body and soul, it’s just now that everything has fucked up, the rumours seems to be true, since I was dropped off the school, we rarely had time to call each other, either his phone is turned off or he’s ignoring my calls but I like to think that he might have lost his phone, ya know it happens, and the only reminder of him where those stupid paintings I had in my satchel which are all ruined now” I finished, I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear drop snuck between my lips leaving a salty taste behind.

Frank’s eyes have softened and he was staring at me he sighed, stood up and walked towards me, he wrapped his small arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug, “I’m sorry to hear that Gerard, but sometimes it’s good to let go of somethings, everything happens for a reason, maybe he did indeed lose his phone like you said it happens and maybe he didn’t maybe they were right, but you can’t keep getting miserable over it, it’s good to let go” My own arms found themselves wrapped around Frank’s waist pulling him closer to me while I rested my cheek on his shoulder,

“I wish it was that easy, It’s hard to let go of almost two years”.

“You’ll eventually let go, I managed to let go of 10 years” he said pulling a little bit away to look at me. “and ten years is a hell of a time kid” he said, sadness filling his voice while looking down between us.

Ten years… wait, how old is Frank? Was he married? Did it last Ten years? Oh fuck and here I thought I was having it hard on myself, he shook his head and forced a smile back on his face, letting go of me completely “I better go check the food” he pointed towards the kitchen I nodded and let go off him as he slowly made his way towards the kitchen, this is unbelievable, I followed Frank into the kitchen before I could say anything he quickly looks up at me quickly wiping away some tears, oh shit I must have brought him some bad memories.

“Oh shit, Frankie I’m sorry, I’m sorry for making you think about some horrible times, I’m such a horrible person” I said walking towards him, he held his hands up stopping.

“It’s okay it’s not your fault Gerard, It’s a long time ago anyway, I shouldn’t be moping about it” he sniffed, patting his hand over his jeans as he checked the pots on the stove.

I walked behind him and wrapped my own arms around his waist pulling him closer to me, my mind is screaming to let him go that I’m over doing it yet my body refuses to listen, he sighed and leans more into me and turns around facing me, my eyes lock with his taking my breath away, I feel my lips tremble as I leaned more into him, only one thing on my mind I needed to taste his lips, I felt like my world depended on it , and I know this shouldn’t be happening not now, is it an inappropriate moment? Or is it a good moment? All I know is my lips are suddenly pressed against his, I can feel him stiffen a bit, but he relaxes again and gives into the kiss, just a simple lip to lip kiss.

After a few seconds the kiss started to deepen and I could feel his tongue brush against my lower lip as I parted my lips he pushed me away from him, his hand reaching to his lips as he looked at me in shock. “What the fuck?” I said as my lower back hit against the counter opposite of him.

“Gerard, we cannot do this!” he says his hand still covering his lips “Why not?” I whine while walking towards him closing the gap between us.

“Because you’re a minor! And I’m too old for you” he says again backing away a little bit.

“So what? It’s not like you’re in your forties” I complained, closing the gap much more.

“Well, no but in exactly 8 years I am” he crosses his arms together and arches his brow. What the fuck? He’s 31 years old, but he’s so small, so tiny, so…. Adorable yet he’s twice my age, I back myself away from him staring at nothing behind him.

“Listen, Gerard, don’t take it the wrong way, you’re a very handsome guy but, I cannot risk it for just onetime thing, I’ll be classed as a paedophile” he ran his hand through his hair again.

“Not if I don’t tell anyone, and maybe it won’t be a onetime thing maybe it will be more than a onetime thing Frankie”

“It will be a onetime thing Gerard, nobody copes to stay around me for more than 4 months, and those were all men my age not a…a..”

“A kid, go on say it, I’m just a kid with a fucked up life who just wants to have one thing good come out of all this” Maybe I am just a kid who wants a onetime thing, than again I have nobody to tell I was fucked by a 32 year old. And to be honest if it happens I’ll be coming back for more, this man he’s too gorgeous to let go “What about that Ten year one, that seemed promising” I said, fuck.. I regret bringing that up, his eyes turn a dark color as he looked at me.

“That Ten year one is nothing as you think, it was all fucking fake, yea he stayed for Ten years but only if it goes his way, you don’t know shit and why the fuck should I tell you about my Ten years fucked up relationship?” he yelled at me only inches away from, I could feel myself shake the more his voice grew the more scared I got, it seems that with every word the higher his voice got, until he punched the wall next to me, his knuckles cracking as they met the white wall next to my head, he retreated his hand back, his knuckles bloody, he hissed and cursed underneath his breath while reaching for a cloth and wrapping it around his hand “This is just fucking great!” he said, while reaching for the stove and turning the nubs all the way off he then stormed out the room leaving me on my own thinking over and over what the fuck just happened.

Notes