Missing You (Frerard)
Missing You
Frank's P.O.V
Everywhere I look, everything I hear, all that I am aware of is people are mourning the loss of My Chemical Romance. Their words of remembrance are scattered like the petals of a rotting rose across every internet medium I can think of and I catch those whispers on the wind too. Fans write the most beautifully emotional honours for the band or channel their hearts into vivid pieces of art. This bleeding hole they are trying to fill is the yearning legacy My Chemical Romance have left behind.
But no-one, not one of those weeping killjoys, not one of those paraders with no parade, not a single one misses it as much I.
That band, that music, that idea - it was my entire lifestyle. Yes, it brought me heartbreak, it brought me tears, it brought me burning agony, but it gave me joy. It gave me hope, it gave me laughter, it gave me a reason to get up every day... it gave me Gerard.
There is no expanse of words which could possibly be broad enough to cover the void left in my life nor a single word so concentrated and passionate it could ever reach the inferno of my emotions. I cannot find a way to express any of the beautiful shards cutting me from the inside. No music I write is powerful enough, no art I create is bright enough and no scream screams loud enough. Every reality is washed away by shades of loss, every aspect of a once wonderful world now seems grey and lacking in that propelling fire I know to exist somewhere. The most colour in my life exists in my memories. My memories of Gerard. When he would open his mouth, every other sound would fade into nothing. They were never prestigious enough to combat with anything which spilled from his lips. Then, when we touched, the world's colours exploded into an intense state of ultra definition.
I can't pinpoint that defining moment when I loved Gerard truly for the first time. It came on so slowly I didn't know that amount of raw feeling existed until it burst like a cosmic supernova, outshining every other emotion I have ever experienced. Our love was prepossessing in all its unique splendour. It lifted me up every moment of every day and gave me the power to soar, no falling involved.
But I must fall.
I need to fall out of this love. As much pain as it causes me to admit it, I have to get over Gee. I cannot, should not, continue to live my life in a daze - flying with those elated memories. I have to stop wishing that he will still call out my name like he used to and that I will turn around to see that sideways smile gracing the face of the man I -
The sharp ring of the doorbell shatters my love stained thoughts and I ease a sigh from my mouth, the first noise I have made today.
I pull away from the dampened gloss of the window pane and make my way downstairs grudgingly; my numb limbs are slow to respond to a reluctant mind's orders.
My living room is like a still shot from a post apocalyptic movie. Nothing moves but litter is scattered everywhere. I haven't felt the need to clean much lately. It is not filthy, only messy. Or so I keep telling myself.
Placing my hand on the door-handle's cold surface, I only hear the click as the door opens before everything fades away to echoes.
His hair is still red, although styled differently and now cut shorter. Raindrops running down his immaculate skin reflect the flickering orange street-lamps and his alluring, burnt brown eyes are framed by water droplets hanging like pendants from his long eyelashes.
I open my mouth to speak, but no words find their way out of the mess I have been reduced to. A vociferating cacophony of emotions threaten to drown me in their struggle to drown each-other. Only one manages to swim higher, pushing up through my heart and threatening to overwhelm me wholly.
I will never stop loving this man.
"Frank..."
My breath catches in my throat, choking me, as his memorable voice cuts into me again.
"Frank, I can't do this anymore."
He runs his slender fingers through locks of his vivid hair, strands tumbling back down as his hand trails away.
"I..." He breaks off and looks sideways, out into the drenched night.
"All I can ever think about is you, Frankie. I'm done with pretending. I want to be with you and only you. I want every problem and every tear that comes with that. I came out here in the rain and made myself into the world's biggest movie cliché for you."
He laughs cautiously and my heart swells so high in my chest I can barely remember how to breathe, let alone answer him as he looks right back at me. Eye to eye.
"I love you Frankie."
Every fibre in my body is weak yet I still find the strength to smile. He looks at me with an element of fear in his eyes which is new to me, awaiting a response I am not calm enough to give.
"What?" A mixture of curiosity and alarm flash across his flawless features as a tiny chuckle passes my lips.
"I must be the rudest person in the world. Letting you stand there in the rain." I say finally, smiling a small but honest smile.
"Gerard Way..." My smile only grows as I step out into the angry torrents of wet crystals pouring from the clouds, my heart pounding so desperately my head aches. I tentatively take his hands in mine, struggling to retain any kind of regular breathing pattern as the world suddenly snaps back to how it should be. "I love you."
We are in our own whirlwind. A mass of swirling colours and heat as our lips lock into place against each-other and my skin is set alight. Nothing is more perfect than this moment. Beneath a rolling mass of grey clouds and crashing raindrops, in the pitiable light of the street-lamps, I am kissing Gerard Way and he is kissing me.
I run my hands up his arms and tangle them in his wet hair, closing my eyes as his arms snake around my waist and our lips linger tenderly.
If everything stays this way, I will always be okay.
There is no need to fall.
Everywhere I look, everything I hear, all that I am aware of is people are mourning the loss of My Chemical Romance. Their words of remembrance are scattered like the petals of a rotting rose across every internet medium I can think of and I catch those whispers on the wind too. Fans write the most beautifully emotional honours for the band or channel their hearts into vivid pieces of art. This bleeding hole they are trying to fill is the yearning legacy My Chemical Romance have left behind.
But no-one, not one of those weeping killjoys, not one of those paraders with no parade, not a single one misses it as much I.
That band, that music, that idea - it was my entire lifestyle. Yes, it brought me heartbreak, it brought me tears, it brought me burning agony, but it gave me joy. It gave me hope, it gave me laughter, it gave me a reason to get up every day... it gave me Gerard.
There is no expanse of words which could possibly be broad enough to cover the void left in my life nor a single word so concentrated and passionate it could ever reach the inferno of my emotions. I cannot find a way to express any of the beautiful shards cutting me from the inside. No music I write is powerful enough, no art I create is bright enough and no scream screams loud enough. Every reality is washed away by shades of loss, every aspect of a once wonderful world now seems grey and lacking in that propelling fire I know to exist somewhere. The most colour in my life exists in my memories. My memories of Gerard. When he would open his mouth, every other sound would fade into nothing. They were never prestigious enough to combat with anything which spilled from his lips. Then, when we touched, the world's colours exploded into an intense state of ultra definition.
I can't pinpoint that defining moment when I loved Gerard truly for the first time. It came on so slowly I didn't know that amount of raw feeling existed until it burst like a cosmic supernova, outshining every other emotion I have ever experienced. Our love was prepossessing in all its unique splendour. It lifted me up every moment of every day and gave me the power to soar, no falling involved.
But I must fall.
I need to fall out of this love. As much pain as it causes me to admit it, I have to get over Gee. I cannot, should not, continue to live my life in a daze - flying with those elated memories. I have to stop wishing that he will still call out my name like he used to and that I will turn around to see that sideways smile gracing the face of the man I -
The sharp ring of the doorbell shatters my love stained thoughts and I ease a sigh from my mouth, the first noise I have made today.
I pull away from the dampened gloss of the window pane and make my way downstairs grudgingly; my numb limbs are slow to respond to a reluctant mind's orders.
My living room is like a still shot from a post apocalyptic movie. Nothing moves but litter is scattered everywhere. I haven't felt the need to clean much lately. It is not filthy, only messy. Or so I keep telling myself.
Placing my hand on the door-handle's cold surface, I only hear the click as the door opens before everything fades away to echoes.
His hair is still red, although styled differently and now cut shorter. Raindrops running down his immaculate skin reflect the flickering orange street-lamps and his alluring, burnt brown eyes are framed by water droplets hanging like pendants from his long eyelashes.
I open my mouth to speak, but no words find their way out of the mess I have been reduced to. A vociferating cacophony of emotions threaten to drown me in their struggle to drown each-other. Only one manages to swim higher, pushing up through my heart and threatening to overwhelm me wholly.
I will never stop loving this man.
"Frank..."
My breath catches in my throat, choking me, as his memorable voice cuts into me again.
"Frank, I can't do this anymore."
He runs his slender fingers through locks of his vivid hair, strands tumbling back down as his hand trails away.
"I..." He breaks off and looks sideways, out into the drenched night.
"All I can ever think about is you, Frankie. I'm done with pretending. I want to be with you and only you. I want every problem and every tear that comes with that. I came out here in the rain and made myself into the world's biggest movie cliché for you."
He laughs cautiously and my heart swells so high in my chest I can barely remember how to breathe, let alone answer him as he looks right back at me. Eye to eye.
"I love you Frankie."
Every fibre in my body is weak yet I still find the strength to smile. He looks at me with an element of fear in his eyes which is new to me, awaiting a response I am not calm enough to give.
"What?" A mixture of curiosity and alarm flash across his flawless features as a tiny chuckle passes my lips.
"I must be the rudest person in the world. Letting you stand there in the rain." I say finally, smiling a small but honest smile.
"Gerard Way..." My smile only grows as I step out into the angry torrents of wet crystals pouring from the clouds, my heart pounding so desperately my head aches. I tentatively take his hands in mine, struggling to retain any kind of regular breathing pattern as the world suddenly snaps back to how it should be. "I love you."
We are in our own whirlwind. A mass of swirling colours and heat as our lips lock into place against each-other and my skin is set alight. Nothing is more perfect than this moment. Beneath a rolling mass of grey clouds and crashing raindrops, in the pitiable light of the street-lamps, I am kissing Gerard Way and he is kissing me.
I run my hands up his arms and tangle them in his wet hair, closing my eyes as his arms snake around my waist and our lips linger tenderly.
If everything stays this way, I will always be okay.
There is no need to fall.
@WildAndFallen
Anytime, babe!
9/3/15