You act as if you are blind
With your hand entwined with mine
One more nightmare, one last time

Since my mother died, there has been a raven outside my window. It would perch on the light pole across the street. But not today. Today was different. Something was going to happen today, and I would be the cause of it, and it the death of me. I felt as if the raven knew that. It ends today.

Every day has been the same since I was 11; I got up too late, my father abused me. I got dressed and my father would hit me. I would leave the house for school and my father would warn me never to come back, but there was nothing I could do. All that time the raven would be watching.

I walked through the streets of New Jersey which were, as per usual, filled with psychos and murderers on my way to get to school. I was a senior and it was almost graduation.

I had nightmares almost every night since my mother died, stuck living with my abusive, sexist, racist father. At school though, life was worse than the nightmares. The other students would beat me up and entertain themselves with colourful and creative names for me. Eventually, things like this will take over a person’s mind, and there is no more denying that life is worthless. There is no need to put up with the pain anymore. I’ve had my fair share of bullies and abusive parents. Enough is enough. It ends today.

I will take the pills to end the lonely nights. Only one thing holds me back. Gerard Way. He is also a senior with dyed black hair and hazel eyes, he dresses entirely in black, all day every day, and I loved the way he looked at me. I felt like he was the only one who cared and I like that feeling. But that didn’t matter because he could never feel towards me the way I feel towards him.

Today, the second I arrive at school, I head for the bathroom. I had to bypass the gym where they were hanging the banners for the 1996 Year 12 Graduation. Everyone had a speech, even me. I had decided that’s where I would do it, so that everyone would see. I had taken two of my antidepressants, my normal dosage, and I planned on taking 29 more. One month’s worth.

That’s when Gerard walked in.

I had already pulled out my pills in preparation and my sleeves had slipped down past my elbows. I yelped at the sight of him and scrambled backwards, trying desperately to cover my scars. I watched as his face turned from confusion to horror. He lunged after me and knocked the antidepressants out of my hands. They spilled carelessly over the floor.
“Frank, what the hell are you doing?!” He all but shrieked.
“I- uh, nothing! I’m not doing anything!” I stuttered and tried to turn away. Gerard grabbed my wrists.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” His voice was quiet, he sounded timid and scared.
“I just, I needed to escape, there is nothing I can do to change what’s happening around me, and I can’t pretend to be strong anymore. Everything anyone has ever said to me is true. I’m worthless, useless, a waste-“

“Frank! None of that is true! They are blind, blind to how beautiful you are. If you believe every negative thing anyone says about you, believe me now. I care about you, more than you know. I know my true feelings won’t be returned, but I want you to know that I love you, no matter what. I love you, I really, really do. I love you.”

I stood speechless. I couldn’t seem to understand what Gerard just said. His eyes were red and puffy, and he had wet splodges on his sleeves and he had tried to clear his tears.

I reached forward, slowly, hesitantly, and pulled him forward into a hug. He gripped the back of my shirt tightly, bunching up the material. He sniffled.

“Gerard…” I mumbled. I buried my face in his shoulder. “Gerard, I love you too. I have since forever. But how can I stay here?”

“You can. I’ll never let them hurt you, I promise.”

I’ll stay. I can do this. I can to this for Gerard.

It ends today.

Notes

I'm sorry I suck.