5 days of rock bottomness

Gerard's POV

I woke up with the worst stomach ache I had ever had. I could hear the others moving around the bus but instead of getting up I curled into a ball and let out a small whimper. They must have heard because I heard foot steps walking toward me. I clenched my eyes shut. I groaned again.
"Are you okay Gee?" It was Ray.
I shook my head. "My stomach hurts so bad."
"You're probably hungry, you haven't eaten in like 3 days." He said. "We made waffles, if you want some..." He trailed off, expecting me to reject his offer.
"Umm... Okay" His face brightened up. I mostly said it to make them happy. I hope forcing my self to eat will make them happy.
I get out of bed and walk, hunched over to the table. Taking a seat next to Mikey, Ray places a waffle on a paper plate in front of me. I pick it up, not bothering to put butter or syrup on it. The moment I bite down on it, I realize how hungry I am and I keep eating until the waffle is gone. Then I ask for more.
They actually seemed hesitant, I thought they wanted me to eat. Mikey finally spoke up;
"You can have more if you want Gee but we made them with champagne instead of water. It makes them fluffier but, it has alcohol in it." He warned me. That instantly made my stomach churn. It's not that I didn't want alcohol but it disturbed me that they knew that I was struggling with it and they still have it to me. Worse, without telling me. How am I supposed to give up alcohol if they're the ones giving it to me?! I sighed and put my face in my hands.
"Why would you give that to me?" I asked quietly. "We're sorry Gerard, we should have told you." No shit.
"Why the fuck would you do that?!" I exploded. "I'm doing this for you guys and you're not helping by giving me the thing you don't want me to have." I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I would have run outside but the bus was already moving. I just wanted to get away from them. My eyes started to sting.

Mikey's POV

We stared after Gerard. He was right. What were we thinking? We could already hear crying coming from the bathroom.
"We shouldn't have done that guys. Now he's going to be upset and he already has enough to deal with. Ray, you didn't leave his pills in there did you?"
"Uh..." He ran to the door and started banging on it.
"GERARD! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Gerard's POV

I had tears running down my face, I felt betrayed. It's to confusing. I wouldn't be alive right now if the band hadn't been able to fix my depression the first time. The depression came back. I can't believe they would give me alcohol without telling me. That's what hurt the most. I was full out balling now. I was pretty sure they could hear it out there.
I still felt disgusting, like I wasn't worth anything. I felt something familiar propelling me to open the cabinet above the sink. I was pretty sure Ray had left my pills in here. He did. I found them on the top shelf. I started to reach out for the bottle when I heard banging on the door. It was Ray.
"GERARD! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Did you change your mind Ray?
"WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?!" I screamed back through my sobbing.
"PLEASE JUST OPEN THE DOOR GERARD!"
"We want to apologize Gee!" That was Frank's voice.
"HEY GERARD! MIKEY NEED'S YOU! HE'S HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AGAIN!" Bob screamed through the door.
I froze and felt my heart skip a beat, then flinging the door open, I ran out as fast as I could and spotted Mikey laying on the floor. He was hyperventilating.
"MIKEY, MIKEY! IM SO SORRY!" I pulled him into my chest. He opened his eyes and recognized me holding him. I clung to him tighter and he clung back. I had stopped crying by now. Mikey was breathing normal now so I took my attention away from him and turned my head to look at the guys. They looked away. Ray was holding my bottle of pills.
"We're sorry for what we did to you Gee. Can you forgive us?" Ray asked.
"Yes, I can forgive you. But I don't understand why you would think that was okay"
"It wasn't okay. We should have told you." Frank said with down cast eyes.
"You didn't take any of these did you Gee?" Ray asked, holding out the bottle of pills.
"No, I didn't" He looked satisfied with my answer and then put the bottle in his pocket, knowing he shouldn't have left it in the bathroom the first time.
I pulled Mikey up off the floor and walked him over to his bed. I helped him climb in and he was asleep in a few minutes.

Ray's POV

We are at a rest stop and everybody got off the bus to get some fresh air. We should be at our next destination in about 3 hours. We don't have a performance tonight so it will be a good rest for us. I start walking, just to stretch my legs. I hear something jingling around but I decide to ignore it and keep walking. It was pretty nice out today and a few children were playing games in the grass area of the rest stop. A few people were walking their dogs. I heard the jingling again and realized that it was Gerard's pills in my pocket. They were starting to annoy me so I pulled them out in an attempt to silence them. The label caught my eye and I started to read it. It said;
Prescription:
Gerard Arthur Way
Xanax
for severe depression
Directions:
Take one pill every 6 hours, do not take on an empty stomach
Well shit. He actually does need these. I don't think he has taken any in about 2 days. That kind of explains how emotional he has been. I didn't know he had actually been to a doctor for his depression. It's worse than we thought, if that's possible. A combination of alcohol and Xanax can't be good for anyone. Of course he had been taking way more than the assigned dose. On top of that, I was pretty sure he was on some other drug as well. It had to be something more controlling, he would have told us by now if it wasn't a big deal. I'm afraid to ask what it is. Hopefully he will tell us soon, before something goes horribly wrong.
I walk back to the bus just as the others are starting to walk back. I wait by the door and Gerard is the first to get back. Mikey, Frank, and Bob have stopped to pet a dog. Then I do something I really don't want to do.
"Hey Gerard." he stops and looks at me, i quickly look down. "um, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you actually needed these. I didn't know that you had medication for your depression. I sorry." I grabbed his hand and shook 2 pills into it. "Take it before Mikey sees" He looked conflicted. "hurry up, they're coming" he swallowed the pills without water, something I had seen him do many times before. I had given him 2 times the normal dose but his body was used to taking way more than that. I figured it was okay and we all got back on the bus. I watched as Gee took a seat on the couch, I sat next to him. In about 20 minutes he was asleep from the effects of the medication.
I pull out the Xanax bottle again and stare at it. This gets me a strange look from Frank and Bob. Mikey has gone to sleep in his bunk.
"What are you doing Ray?" asks Frank in a whisper. I sigh.
"I didn't realize that he actually needs these."
"What do you mean?"
"It's Xanax, man. Do you know what its for?"
"No, I guess I don't."
"The prescription on the side of the bottle says 'for severe depression'. I didn't know it was that bad."
"He's been taking those for years. I didn't realize it was like that either."
"Don't tell Mikey but, I gave him some. He hasn't taken any in the past 2 days and I think it has really taken a toll on him." Frank nodded.
"How do you plan on getting him off those permanently?" Asked Bob in a whisper. I considered that question carefully. I know he has the will to but it's just a matter of getting rid of his bodies dependency on them.
"Very slowly"

Gerard's POV
I woke up to a headache. I have been sleeping on the couch. I know the headache was from taking the pills Ray gave me. Sometimes they made me drowsy too so I was still kind of sleepy. Mikey was shaking me.
"Mikey... Stop it." I mumbled.
"No Gee, we're going grocery shopping. Do you want to come with?" He asked me.
"No, I want to sleep" I said. He sighed.
"Okay, are you sure?"
"Fine" he turned to the others, "should someone stay with him?" He asked them.
"I'll stay, I don't like shopping anyway" Bob said. The others said goodbye and left the bus. Bob sat down in a chair. I knew I wouldn't go back to sleep, I never did after being woken up. Bob probably realized that too so he turned the Xbox on and asked me to play with him. Of course I wanted to play. I love video games.
I pushed my self up off the couch and grabbed a controller. It was already 8 o'clock. Sitting on the ground, we started playing. It was nice to do something normal that I hadn't done in a while. Of course Bob beat me at everything. When we finished playing we just sat there in silence. I felt gross. I wanted more cocaine. It was getting to me. I had more stored under my mattress but I knew I would have to wait until nobody was around.

Bob's POV

Gerard was just sitting there, not doing anything. I don't really know what to do. I just stayed behind to make sure he's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing.
Gerard winces and clutches his stomach. Then he hurriedly gets up and runs to the garbage can behind the counter. I hear puking sounds, getting up, I walk around to the other side of the corner and open the refrigerator. I grab a bottle of water and hold it out to him. He takes it from me and swirls the water around in his mouth before spitting that in the trash too. Then he leans his back against the cabinets and closes his eyes, letting out a sigh.
"I know you hate me, I'm so pathetic" He tells me.
"Don't say that Gerard. We all care about you Gerard. We wouldn't put up with this bullshit if we didn't care about you." I immediately regretted calling his struggles 'bullshit', he winced when I did. I know how hard he is trying to get rid of his problems. "Hey, I didn't mean that Gee, I'm sorry." He looks down.
"It's okay, it should have never gotten this far. You're right, this is a bunch of bullshit. I just can't do it anymore, the alcohol, the Xanax, the-" the bus door slammed open and the others walked on. Gerard got up and walked off the bus. The guys looked confused and looked to me for an explanation.
"God dammit guys! He almost spilled!"
"Really, how'd you get him to do that?" Frank asked me.
"I don't really know, I think he just wants this all to be over, but something is holding him back. After he finished puking, he started talking about how we all hate him. I told him it wasn't true but I made the mistake of calling his problems 'bullshit'. I apologized but he agreed with me. And then he almost said it."
"We shouldn't push him, we already know it's something bad and he has already opened up so much." Ray said.

Gerard's POV

I couldn't sleep because I had already slept for so long today. I lay in my bed with music in my ears and my curtain closed. The bus was parked in the parking lot of the stadium we have to play tomorrow. I guess that means that we don't have travel until after the show tomorrow.
I can feel my body urging me to drink, take pills, do more cocaine, just do something. I knew I wouldn't be able to get any alcohol or pills. Ray had either gotten rid of it all of hidden it really well. I had my cocaine under my mattress, nobody had found that. Quietly, I get out of bed, making sure to grab the drug from under the mattress. It's 3AM. Moving quietly, I make my way to the door.
I find a picnic table outside the back door of the stadium, nobody is around. Feeling guilty the whole time, I start snorting the substance that makes me feel like crap. Because I need it. Addiction really suck's, y'know? I think it's time to fess up about the cocaine. Nothing can make me feel worse than the guilt of everything I've done. Not even telling the guys what I couldn't tell my self for the longest time. I am addicted to cocaine.
I feel the high taking over me and sure enough the voice starts talking. "There's nothing wrong with you Gerard. Everything is fine. You don't have a problem. How can something you love be a problem." I tried to block it out but the drugs always made me more submissive to the voice. "Just keep going Gerard, you love it. You know you do." I love it. I can't stop. It feels so good! "Let's try to get all these people who are trying to take it away, off your back. Call your manager, tell him you don't have a problem. Tell him your okay."

Notes

Please tell me if you like this story! I've wanted to write it for a long time but I'm not sure if it's any good!