An Illumination Of The End

I was never really one to believe in the afterlife, so that's why I can safely say I was pretty confused when I woke up in a room. The bright light stung my eyes as I opened them, having to shield them with my hands. When my eyes finally adjusted, I noticed a white roof past the now dull lighting. A curtain was closing me off from the outside world. What was happening? I was scared to move at first. My body didn't feel right. My mind was clouded; more clouded than it ever was when I wake up in the morning. I felt fragile, like I should be in pain, but something was blocking it. I felt numb, like I could possibly break if someone even touched me. It wasn't a natural feeling.

I thought I had died. I was supposed to be, after all. That was the plan, wasn't it? That was my ticket out of here, but then I heard the regular beeping of a machine. I knew straight away it was a heart monitor. I was in a a hospital.

No, this wasn't right. This wasn't supposed to happen. I had fallen onto those tracks for a reason. I'd wanted to die, and like every aspect of my life, I had failed. What would it take for me to finally get some peace? I felt like crying, but I was too afraid to do anything because I didn't know how my body would react. i had to idea what happened. I jumped in front of a train, how could I have survived that?

I stayed still in the hospital bed. I wasn't willing to move, or maybe I was unable to. I didn't want to talk, to call out for somebody to tell me what was going on, no matter how much my body craved human interaction. I just wanted to stay still. I wanted to be as dead as I was supposed to be, alive or not. I just didn't want to exist.

I zoned out, so I didn't know for how long I was staring into space before I heard the door creak open. My heart race quickened. That could be anyone for all I knew. I didn't bother turning my head, though. It didn't matter.

"You're awake." A female voice that I didn't recognize said. My eyes flicked over to the woman standing in the doorway, her clipboard immediately catching my attention. The lab coat she was wearing let me guess she was a doctor.

"Mr. Way, do you know where you are?" She asked me in, what I figured, was the sweetest voice she could manage. Of course I did. It wasn't hard to put it all together. I tried nodding, but as soon as I did I felt a mixture of pain and dizziness. I quickly stopped all movement.

"Try not to move too much, you took a nasty fall." She told me. I did. It was maybe eight feet from the platform to the tracks. I didn't remember feeling the impact. I couldn't remember anything after the fall.

"Do you remember anything?" I didn't reply. The last thing I wanted to do was speak, do I didn't. I was closing myself off. I was shutting down.

"Are you unable to, or are you just not speaking?" She asked. I kept my mouth shut, not planning on saying anything, which gave the doctor my answer.

"Are you going to talk to me at all?" Silence.

"I'll take that as a no." She said after a few seconds and scribbled something down on her clipboard. "I guess i'll have to fill you in then. Last night a a couple saw you purposely fall in front of an oncoming train. They, thankfully, were quick to react and saved you just in time with help from a few teenagers. Your head took a hard hit and you were knocked out cold. Physically, you're okay. You do have a concussion, but the brain scans show no abnormalities. You'll just have a headache for a few days. We also had to pump your stomach because of the copious amount of sleeping pills you took and alcohol you drank beforehand."

The couple that were sucking each other's faces off just a few feet away from me. They were who I had to condemn for ruining my plan. Well, and the teenagers. I cursed myself for falling onto those tracks too soon. I shouldn't have given them enough time to save me. 'Save' wasn't a word I wanted to use. They didn't save me. They just made it harder.

"You attempted suicide last night." The doctor stated. She was trying to get a reaction out of me, but I simply felt nothing.

"You're not going to respond at all?" She asked, sighing when I, once again, said nothing. "Alright, i'm going to get your psychologist." She left the room.

I wasn't aware that I had a psychologist. Would I be forced to talk to them? I didn't need a psychologist. I needed to be gone. I was fearful of what would happen to me now, but I mostly didn't care what happened. I still wanted to die.

Notes

WOW. That took me like 2 to 3 hours to write, so I hope you liked it :D. I was literally thinking of ASOTM the whole time because i'm re-reading it for like the tenth time and it made tis fic even more depressing XD. Just warning you, all of the fanfiction I write will most likely be depressing XD. Anyways, I love you guys. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback :).