An Illumination Of The End

The thing about trust is that you have to completely let the person into your life. You let them soak up your time likea sponge, and all of your concentration is replaced with them. They make you feel special, make you feel like you're important, even when you're not. You have to let them have your full attention and focus, because that's what true trust is. There will always be that one person that you trust with all your heart. That is, until they leave you.

It's overwhelming, really, going from having someone right next to you, supporting you every step of the way, to having it pulled from your grasp and ripped to shreds. Knowing that everyone and everything that makes you happy can get taken away from you, like a flick of a light switch; it's eating at me. Breaking me down, until i'm hanging onto nothing but a piece of thread. All of the light in your eyes is replaced with depression and anxiety, knowing that that person is never coming back.

You feel like you're falling, but there's no one there to catch you when you reach the bottom--just like me right now, standing on the ledge of the train tracks just hours after i'd heard the news. Even though I was drunk and hyped up on so many pills that I could barely stand straight, I knew this was what I wanted. I couldn't stand the idea of being alone, having no one to catch you when you needed them most. There was no one to trust, and no one that could trust you. I needed to escape, and there was no other place that I could go. I, of course, had no friends, she was the only one who understood me. She was the only one I could trust, the only one I could tell my deepest secrets to.

I closed my eyes and took shaky breath as I heard the train pull up to the station. It was late at night and there wasn't many people here, only a few teenagers and a couple so engaged in their steamy make out session to even take note of my presence. But really, it's not like anyone would want to actually notice me. I'm a nobody, a disgusting loser. I would just simply be the boy who everyone vaguely remembered and pretended to cry for for a few days before going back to their daily lives.

I wanted to be gone, dead with the wind, so I let myself fall back, my body falling against the tracks and my lips curved into a true smile--one that hasn't appeared on my face in years.

Notes

Hey guys. So this will be triggering for some individuals, so please be careful. I love all of you guys, and thank you for reading. I promise to update soon :)