Trigger warning- self harming

Shit,what am I doing? Am I really that bad? Fuck, I just drew his fucking wings without even being aware..I'm losing my sanity,he's not even real!I'm fucking nuts.. falling in love with ghosts and shit.. Whoa and all this time I thought that in spite of the fact that my body and life is shit I would still have my mind.. Well I need to relive myself for a while. I open the top drawer of my nightstand and get one of my blades. I push it through my skin and i can see the silver turn to red. I like to watch the blood on my hands, I find it relaxing. I cut a little more here and there. I'm numb. Now I can see a lot more blood draining on the floor. Before I could panic,my vision went black.
I'm there again. But this time everything seems darker. I look at him and he's scared , he's terrified.
"W-why" His voice breaks. "Why would you do this?"
He grabs my arm and starts kissing all my scars. I feel something hot on my arm. I realise he's crying. I don't want him to cry, I want him to be happy. I feel guilty. He looks me in the eyes and I can see that he's crying. He's not even trying to hide it. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. "Frankie, I know what you think, but belive me you mean so much more than this! You shouldn't have done that! Frankie ..."
I love the way he says my name. I want to make him feel better. "I'm sorry... But why am I here again,did I fell asleep?" "Sweetheart...you're in a coma.." "What????" "Baby.." he says and his voice starts to trade the fact that he's going to cry again "you've lost so much blood... i wanted to stop you, i really did! I wanted to die when I saw you doing that to yourself and I knew I couldn't do anything... I'm so sorry,darling, but I can't talk to you unless you're asleep..."

********

There has been silence for a while. It’s not awkward but it sure as hell is painful. I can’t really say anything. Gerard is still crying and I don’t know what to do.
”Gerard,it’s okay,maybe I will wake up.”
”Baby, this is not your choise..”


”Well,we’ll see... I wanna ask you some questions while I’m still here. How did you know the bullies were coming the other night? And how could you stop me from cutting if you’re only in my head?”
”Oh.. So that’s what you think..”
”I don’t understand”
”Frankie, I’m not only in your imagination. This is just the way I can talk to you , at least for a while. I’m real..”
Silence..
”And what are you? How can you get in head? Why would you get in my head?”
”One at a time,Frank.. Well, I’m not human, I think you’ve already realised this..are you sure you want to know my identity?”
”Mhm” I nod my head.
”Uhm..well.. ah..”
He hesitates
”Gerard,say it”
”I’m..uhm.. the first fallen angel”
I didn't expect that.
”You’re Lucifer?”
I'm tryin to play it cool,I guess it works.
I think he is surprised by the fact that I’m not scared or something. I don’t mind he’s Lucifer. I doubt the fact that the Bible’s right.He might be a good guy. And after all,he never hurt me in any way.
”Y-yes. Are you scared,do you want to get away from me?”
”No,not really. Does that mean we’re in Hell right now?”
”Yes,yes,we’re in Hell.”
”Oh,cool”
He seems more relaxed now.I take his hand and hold it in mine.He smiles
”I knew you were different.”
Our fingers are interlocked again.
”Gerard..if you don’t mind,can you tell me what’s happening with my body right now?”
”You’re in the hospital now,honey. Your mom found you on the bathroom floor(i really can't help myself but sing cemetery drive everytime i read this xD). She’s really worried,Frankie..”
”Mom...”
Shit,shit,shit.. Why am I making mom’s life harder? Well I should’ve thought about that before I... I feel like a piece of shit.
Gerard zones out for a minute.
”It’s okay,baby.. They say you’re gonna be alright”
My vision fades.. What’s happening?
”I think you’re waking up,Frank”
I see a white bright light..

Notes

I'm so so so sorry this chapter is so short and I will surely update tomorrow the 2nd part but I'm really sick and just feel the need to sleep. I love you guys! XOXOG
***updated***
Okay,so here's the second part. I feel a little bit better. I hope you like where the story is going.. I mean you don't really know yet but I think you'll like it. I love you guys! Comment or message me if you wanna tell me anything,like anything. Have a wonderful day! XOXOG