It's been almost thee months, but it seems much longer. I've gotten to the conclusion that everything reallywasmy fault. It's no wonder Gerard never came back, nor will he ever come back.

I used to be good in school, seeing it was my only escape, but no longer. I've failed every single test, and that doesn't exactly help my relationship with George. It didn't stop at one. Once he got the taste of what he did, he couldn't stop. It still hurts, and I still scream. He still hits and I still want to kill myself afterward, but during the act, I've learned to block it out. Save it for after. Think about something else. Someone else. And just because I've stopped fighting it, I've dealt with it. This is my life now.

I keep seing this guy around me, but never as close at that one time the day I skipped school. The dayithappened. It's as if he's avoiding me, but still following me. I usually see him across the street, leaning on a tree, a wall, a car or something else, with sunglasses on and dressed all in black. He actually frightens me, but I pretend not to see him.

As of right now, I'm sitting on the floor in my room in the attic. George's sleeping, and I have about two hours until he comes and gets me. I wonder what methods he's using today.

I closed my journal and looked at the ceiling. I was sitting, on the floor, my back leaned against the closed door. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes, begging me to let them out, and I did. I had allowed myself to cry after the night. I had already betrayed him in so many ways, why not keep doing it? I let out a loud sob, and wiped away the tears streaming down my cheeks. I banged my head in the door multiple times, before standing up and walking over to my worn out bed. I lifted the mattress and pulled out the two pieces of envelope from Gerard. I held the envelope pieces against my chest, to stop it exploding. It hurt so much, I couldn't bare it. I sat down on the floor again, and held my hands over my ears so I didn't have to listen to the rain outside. I closed my eyes and tried to dream myself away. Suddenly, I felt a sharp, intense pain in my ribs, and I looked up at a very angry-looking George. "Get your shoes on. Now." He said, before he took my arm and pulled me up, before shoving me out of my room, down the stairs and into the hallway, where my worn out flats were. Something told me this would be a lon night.

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