Even If Saving You Sends Me To Heaven
Celebrate.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The droplets were falling in a steady pace, flying through the air and crashing into the welcoming surface like a plane crashing into a mountain wall. There was something so calm about the sound, as soon as the annoyance ended.
Drip.
Even in the dark, there were visible markings on the roof, the streetlights shining through the window created mysterious shadows. The howling wind helped the shadows dance around and I could imagine them as indians dancing around a bonfire; the heat from the flames making their skin warm and slightly moist, shining in the orange light. Except there was no bonfire, and there was no heat. There was no singing or laughing like I imagined there would be by a bonfire either. Just dark, grey shadows from the streetlights shining through the window, moving around because of the howling wind.
Drip.
I sat up, stretched my arms over my head, and threw my legs over the side of the bed. The joints in my knees cracked slightly as I stood up. I went over to the sink in the corner and turned the knob to shut it off completely. The dripping ceased. The nightstand by my bed held an old, digital clock. The bright green numbers let me know that it was well passed four am, and I gave up sleeping for the night. If I hadn’t fallen asleep yet, I probably wouldn’t fall asleep at all. Not until it was too late anyways, and I’d have trouble getting up in the morning. I hastily turned the pre-set alarm off, and watched as the little picture of a bell disappeared from beneath the bright green numbers. Even though I had turned the faucet off completely, I could still hear the occasional droplet of water escape. Drip. The sound was getting annoying now that I didn’t take comfort in it anymore. Drip. I glanced over at the sink from where I was standing next to the bed. Drop. A slightly darker tone erupted from the last droplet, indicating that the sink was done spewing out unwanted drops. I stretched again, feeling my back crack a little as well. The floor felt cold under my bare feet, and I could feel the cold air surround my bare legs. I decided to take a shower.
By six am, I could hear nurses in the halls again. I was sitting in my bed, counting every second of every minute as I watched the indicator on the clock. The halls that were now lit let a beam of yellow lighting throw itself into my room through the little window in my door. Every now and then a nurse walking passed my door would interrupt the beam of light, the top of their head visible through the window. Some were rushing with stressed and worried eyebrows, others looked calm and collected. The expected knock hit my door and I sighed with relief of the sight. Even before she entered the room, I knew it was nurse Cara. I could se her pink tieback hat covering her dark hair from my bed. She opened the door slowly and peeked her head in. As soon as she saw that I was awake, she gave me a brilliant smile.
“Good morning, Mikey!” she said. I smiled back. Although Cara was my favorite nurse, I still wasn’t much of a talker. She opened the door enough to slip inside my room and wrinkled her nose at some smell I hadn’t noticed myself. I instantly felt self-conscious and took a deep whiff of air, trying to smell what she could smell. Nothing. “It’s kind of stuffy in here, isn’t it? Would you like me to turn up the air conditioner?” she asked, still smiling at me. I just shrugged, but she took it as a yes and that was good enough for me.
I quite liked having the air conditioner on. Sometimes it would get cold, but I had enough blankets to survive that. It was worth it for the white noise that would fill the room, keeping my mind occupied so I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my thoughts.
Cara came over to me and turned on the bedside lamp, making the bright green lights from the clock seem less dominant in the room. “Aren’t you up early! Are you excited to finally leave this place?” Cara was still beaming at me. It was way to early to be that happy, but I couldn’t help but grin back at her words. I was finally going to get out of the hospital today.
Cara left soon after, really just stopping by to add my daily schedule to the corkboard by my door. I sat up straight in my bed, using the tiny remote to raise the back as well. I kept counting the seconds until I expectedly heard another knock on my door. It was 7:30, time for breakfast. The new nurse, I had finally learned that her name was Rachel, came into the room carrying a tray with what looked like an actually decent breakfast. It held two slices of bread, some scrambled eggs, sausages and some bacon. “Good morning! Happy discharge-day!” Rachel smiled politely as she turned on the main lights in my room, before putting the tray on the mobile table by my bed. She never lost her smile, as she turned away and walked back out. She had finally learned not to ask a ton of questions I wouldn’t answer anyways.
I looked down at my meal, but didn’t start eating just yet. It pained me waiting for the numbers to hit 7:45. I had for the first time gotten a meal that could get cold during the wait, but I didn’t really mind. It was like magic; as soon as the clock reached the numbers, the door was pushed open by my brother’s short boyfriend. He was as always carrying the daily newspaper pinned between his arm and body, while holding a coffee cup in each hand. “Hey Mikes”, he grinned at me while putting the newspaper in the rather large stack by the window. I wondered how much money he’d spent on papers I didn’t read anyways. “Hi Frank,” I smiled back shyly. He put one of the coffee cups on the table next to my tray, and I could see his eyes slightly bulging at the sight of what my breakfast was today.
I had noticed a lot of details about Frank while spending so much time with him. One of them was that he liked to over exaggerate his facial expressions. He would always raise his eyebrows a little too far, or let his mouth fall open a little too much. Or bulge his eyes at something that really wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t seem natural, but I still found it rather sweet that he tried to be a little too interested in my life by being a little too dramatic.
“What happened since yesterday, have you turned into some famous person or something?” he asked while taking a small sip from his coffee. I grinned at him, playing along although I knew he already knew the answer. “I’m getting discharged today!” I couldn’t help but grin.
He went off with the dramatizing again, slamming his hand to his forehead in fake shock. “That was today? I totally forgot!” he stifled a little giggle. “Nah, that’s awesome dude! What will be the first thing you’ll do?”
“I’ll probably just want to sleep, didn’t get any last night.”
My answer was monotone and boring. I knew I was killing the mood a little, but the truth was that I had no clue how living with Gerard would be, and it kind of scared me. Frank ignored my little mood kill and continued. He talked about all the stuff we should do; how he would love it if I joined him and Gerard to a couple of concerts at his favorite venue in Bloomfield every now and then, and that the parks in Ramapo were great for skateboarding or just strolling if I wasn’t into the whole deathboard-on-wheels thing. I just nodded along while eating my, now cold and slightly soggy, breakfast. As soon as I finished my coffee, frank jumped to his feet.
“Cake! We should get cake to celebrate!” He skipped over to the corkboard, checking my schedule. “Yep, we have time for cake.” He said, before turning back to grin at me. He then walked out the door. I could hear him talking to someone on the outside, before I saw the top of his head bounce down the hall. There was a knock on the door, and Cara came in with a big smile. “That friend of yours sure has a lot of energy for this hour. It’s barely 8:30 and he’s jumping around like he’s taken something!” she chuckled and slightly shook her head, while collecting my breakfast tray and turning towards the door. However, she turned right back and grinned at me. “By the way, you’re already signed out. You’re free to go! Your clothes are in the drawer by the sink.” She rolled her eyes slightly before adding with a playful grin, “I hope I’ll never see you here again!” She chuckled a little at her own joke, before disappearing out the door, her pink tieback disappearing down the hall.
I was already signed out? I had to stifle a small laugh. Frank was such a great guy. He was going to get “cake” which apparently meant that he was signing me out early in codes. How on earth was I supposed to get that earlier? I got out of bed and retrieved my clothes from the drawer. As I pulled my jeans on, I was pleased to see that they fit me much better. They were actually staying on my hips without me having to use the improvised, home made hole in my belt. Maybe Frank was taking me to one of the parks he was talking about, I actually really wanted to get out and see people who weren’t dressed in scrubs. By glancing out of the window I determined that the weather was nice enough for a stroll. I pulled my t-shirt and hoodie over my head before slipping on the vans Frank had given me one day. Gerard had given them to him early in their relationship, but they were too big for him so they had been lying around for a while, until he found out what my shoe size was and brought them for me. They were a little tight, but I loved the feeling of actually wearing new shoes. I looked down at the checkered, black and white pattern with a smile.
“You ready, Mikey?”
I turned around to see Rachel back. I wish I could have just stuck with one nurse instead of switching between the two girls all the time, but it didn’t really matter so I just nodded with a slight smile. She grinned back, and opened the door further. It was caught from the outside, before she said something to Frank and disappeared. I walked over to the window and gathered the newspapers for recycling.
“’Ello, Michael.”
I froze. My eyes had immediately shut, the hairs in my neck rising and my breathing nearly died out. I didn’t move at all. I couldn’t. George was standing in the doorway. I could feel his eyes in the back of my head, I could hear his jiggered breath from all across the room. I shut my eyes tighter, wishing it all away.
But when I slowly turned around to look, I was looking into the face of evil.
The droplets were falling in a steady pace, flying through the air and crashing into the welcoming surface like a plane crashing into a mountain wall. There was something so calm about the sound, as soon as the annoyance ended.
Drip.
Even in the dark, there were visible markings on the roof, the streetlights shining through the window created mysterious shadows. The howling wind helped the shadows dance around and I could imagine them as indians dancing around a bonfire; the heat from the flames making their skin warm and slightly moist, shining in the orange light. Except there was no bonfire, and there was no heat. There was no singing or laughing like I imagined there would be by a bonfire either. Just dark, grey shadows from the streetlights shining through the window, moving around because of the howling wind.
Drip.
I sat up, stretched my arms over my head, and threw my legs over the side of the bed. The joints in my knees cracked slightly as I stood up. I went over to the sink in the corner and turned the knob to shut it off completely. The dripping ceased. The nightstand by my bed held an old, digital clock. The bright green numbers let me know that it was well passed four am, and I gave up sleeping for the night. If I hadn’t fallen asleep yet, I probably wouldn’t fall asleep at all. Not until it was too late anyways, and I’d have trouble getting up in the morning. I hastily turned the pre-set alarm off, and watched as the little picture of a bell disappeared from beneath the bright green numbers. Even though I had turned the faucet off completely, I could still hear the occasional droplet of water escape. Drip. The sound was getting annoying now that I didn’t take comfort in it anymore. Drip. I glanced over at the sink from where I was standing next to the bed. Drop. A slightly darker tone erupted from the last droplet, indicating that the sink was done spewing out unwanted drops. I stretched again, feeling my back crack a little as well. The floor felt cold under my bare feet, and I could feel the cold air surround my bare legs. I decided to take a shower.
By six am, I could hear nurses in the halls again. I was sitting in my bed, counting every second of every minute as I watched the indicator on the clock. The halls that were now lit let a beam of yellow lighting throw itself into my room through the little window in my door. Every now and then a nurse walking passed my door would interrupt the beam of light, the top of their head visible through the window. Some were rushing with stressed and worried eyebrows, others looked calm and collected. The expected knock hit my door and I sighed with relief of the sight. Even before she entered the room, I knew it was nurse Cara. I could se her pink tieback hat covering her dark hair from my bed. She opened the door slowly and peeked her head in. As soon as she saw that I was awake, she gave me a brilliant smile.
“Good morning, Mikey!” she said. I smiled back. Although Cara was my favorite nurse, I still wasn’t much of a talker. She opened the door enough to slip inside my room and wrinkled her nose at some smell I hadn’t noticed myself. I instantly felt self-conscious and took a deep whiff of air, trying to smell what she could smell. Nothing. “It’s kind of stuffy in here, isn’t it? Would you like me to turn up the air conditioner?” she asked, still smiling at me. I just shrugged, but she took it as a yes and that was good enough for me.
I quite liked having the air conditioner on. Sometimes it would get cold, but I had enough blankets to survive that. It was worth it for the white noise that would fill the room, keeping my mind occupied so I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my thoughts.
Cara came over to me and turned on the bedside lamp, making the bright green lights from the clock seem less dominant in the room. “Aren’t you up early! Are you excited to finally leave this place?” Cara was still beaming at me. It was way to early to be that happy, but I couldn’t help but grin back at her words. I was finally going to get out of the hospital today.
Cara left soon after, really just stopping by to add my daily schedule to the corkboard by my door. I sat up straight in my bed, using the tiny remote to raise the back as well. I kept counting the seconds until I expectedly heard another knock on my door. It was 7:30, time for breakfast. The new nurse, I had finally learned that her name was Rachel, came into the room carrying a tray with what looked like an actually decent breakfast. It held two slices of bread, some scrambled eggs, sausages and some bacon. “Good morning! Happy discharge-day!” Rachel smiled politely as she turned on the main lights in my room, before putting the tray on the mobile table by my bed. She never lost her smile, as she turned away and walked back out. She had finally learned not to ask a ton of questions I wouldn’t answer anyways.
I looked down at my meal, but didn’t start eating just yet. It pained me waiting for the numbers to hit 7:45. I had for the first time gotten a meal that could get cold during the wait, but I didn’t really mind. It was like magic; as soon as the clock reached the numbers, the door was pushed open by my brother’s short boyfriend. He was as always carrying the daily newspaper pinned between his arm and body, while holding a coffee cup in each hand. “Hey Mikes”, he grinned at me while putting the newspaper in the rather large stack by the window. I wondered how much money he’d spent on papers I didn’t read anyways. “Hi Frank,” I smiled back shyly. He put one of the coffee cups on the table next to my tray, and I could see his eyes slightly bulging at the sight of what my breakfast was today.
I had noticed a lot of details about Frank while spending so much time with him. One of them was that he liked to over exaggerate his facial expressions. He would always raise his eyebrows a little too far, or let his mouth fall open a little too much. Or bulge his eyes at something that really wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t seem natural, but I still found it rather sweet that he tried to be a little too interested in my life by being a little too dramatic.
“What happened since yesterday, have you turned into some famous person or something?” he asked while taking a small sip from his coffee. I grinned at him, playing along although I knew he already knew the answer. “I’m getting discharged today!” I couldn’t help but grin.
He went off with the dramatizing again, slamming his hand to his forehead in fake shock. “That was today? I totally forgot!” he stifled a little giggle. “Nah, that’s awesome dude! What will be the first thing you’ll do?”
“I’ll probably just want to sleep, didn’t get any last night.”
My answer was monotone and boring. I knew I was killing the mood a little, but the truth was that I had no clue how living with Gerard would be, and it kind of scared me. Frank ignored my little mood kill and continued. He talked about all the stuff we should do; how he would love it if I joined him and Gerard to a couple of concerts at his favorite venue in Bloomfield every now and then, and that the parks in Ramapo were great for skateboarding or just strolling if I wasn’t into the whole deathboard-on-wheels thing. I just nodded along while eating my, now cold and slightly soggy, breakfast. As soon as I finished my coffee, frank jumped to his feet.
“Cake! We should get cake to celebrate!” He skipped over to the corkboard, checking my schedule. “Yep, we have time for cake.” He said, before turning back to grin at me. He then walked out the door. I could hear him talking to someone on the outside, before I saw the top of his head bounce down the hall. There was a knock on the door, and Cara came in with a big smile. “That friend of yours sure has a lot of energy for this hour. It’s barely 8:30 and he’s jumping around like he’s taken something!” she chuckled and slightly shook her head, while collecting my breakfast tray and turning towards the door. However, she turned right back and grinned at me. “By the way, you’re already signed out. You’re free to go! Your clothes are in the drawer by the sink.” She rolled her eyes slightly before adding with a playful grin, “I hope I’ll never see you here again!” She chuckled a little at her own joke, before disappearing out the door, her pink tieback disappearing down the hall.
I was already signed out? I had to stifle a small laugh. Frank was such a great guy. He was going to get “cake” which apparently meant that he was signing me out early in codes. How on earth was I supposed to get that earlier? I got out of bed and retrieved my clothes from the drawer. As I pulled my jeans on, I was pleased to see that they fit me much better. They were actually staying on my hips without me having to use the improvised, home made hole in my belt. Maybe Frank was taking me to one of the parks he was talking about, I actually really wanted to get out and see people who weren’t dressed in scrubs. By glancing out of the window I determined that the weather was nice enough for a stroll. I pulled my t-shirt and hoodie over my head before slipping on the vans Frank had given me one day. Gerard had given them to him early in their relationship, but they were too big for him so they had been lying around for a while, until he found out what my shoe size was and brought them for me. They were a little tight, but I loved the feeling of actually wearing new shoes. I looked down at the checkered, black and white pattern with a smile.
“You ready, Mikey?”
I turned around to see Rachel back. I wish I could have just stuck with one nurse instead of switching between the two girls all the time, but it didn’t really matter so I just nodded with a slight smile. She grinned back, and opened the door further. It was caught from the outside, before she said something to Frank and disappeared. I walked over to the window and gathered the newspapers for recycling.
“’Ello, Michael.”
I froze. My eyes had immediately shut, the hairs in my neck rising and my breathing nearly died out. I didn’t move at all. I couldn’t. George was standing in the doorway. I could feel his eyes in the back of my head, I could hear his jiggered breath from all across the room. I shut my eyes tighter, wishing it all away.
But when I slowly turned around to look, I was looking into the face of evil.
Notes
Exams and all that jazz, nearly done with the next chapter so the wait won't be too long.
Word count: 1955
I kinda feel like cryinf since this hasn't been updated in so long, because it is SOOOOOO GOOD!
8/23/16