Say Goodbye

"I can't do this anymore Frank" he says, his voice sounding defeated and tired and I swallow hard as I roll over in bed to look at him. "What do you mean?" I ask as I stare up at him, his eyes looking vacant and uncaring as he stares down at me from his position standing beside the bed, so different to the look I'm used to seeing. "This" he says, sounding frustrated as he flails his hands out, gesturing towards me. "You used to be normal, happy and now you lay in bed all day and mope around. I get that you're depressed but I just can't do it anymore, you need help and I can't be the one to give it to you." I feel my heart stop as he sighs to himself and turns, picking up the bags he packed for himself while I was sleeping that I didn't notice before. "Get help Frank, for your family's sake." Gerard turns and leaves the room, the sound of the front door opening and closing deafeningly loud in the otherwise silent apartment. A few long seconds go by, which feel like an eternity, and I feel my heart slowly cracking, feeling it break apart completely and as the final pieces break off my whole body breaks and I curl up around his pillow, screaming and crying into the sweet smelling fabric, burying my face in it and trying to suffocate myself, the room slowly growing darker and darker until unconsciousness takes over.

When I wake up again the room is dark, Gerard's body not beside mine and I roll over and turn the lamp on, looking around and seeing all of his things missing and it hits me that it wasn't just a horrible dream. I climb out of bed and stumble through the apartment, ignoring the head spin from standing too quickly and the churning of my empty stomach but all of his things are gone from the other rooms too. I stumble my way back to the bedroom and grab my phone, dialling his number but he doesn't answer, the calls eventually going straight to voicemail without ringing and I realise after the twentieth call that he's really not going to answer. I feel everything left intact inside me break as I drop the phone and stumble into the bathroom, the agony I'm feeling overwhelming so I walk straight to the medicine cabinet over the sink, grabbing my anti depressants that I haven't taken in days, reaching for my sleeping pills as well along with a glass of water and I stumble back into the bedroom, sitting them on the bedside table and picking up my phone again, sending Gerard a one word message, 'Sorry.' Once it's sent I pop the cap on both bottles of pills, not many left in either bottle but I hope it's enough and I raise them one at a time to my mouth, tipping all the pills in together before grabbing the water and washing them all down. I sit for a minute, not feeling anything yet so i grab the framed picture of Gerard and I off the bedside table and stumble over to the balcony door, letting myself out and I climb up to sit on the railing, my legs hanging over and I glance down, seeing the ground six stories down. I sit for a few long minutes, feeling my pounding heart slow, my head starting to feel foggy and my eyes starting to droop. "I love you" I whisper to the photo, staring at Gerard's face as everything goes black and my body slumps forward, the wind rushing past me for a few brief seconds before I feel a sudden jolt of agonising pain and everything goes black, nothing hurting anymore.

Notes

I had to kill something.....trying to not let it be me