Demoralized Prey

Song of the Chapter: Warship My Wreck -Marilyn Manson

I felt a tender soreness on my entire left side when I re awoke. Yet another newborn moment was killed, though I can not deny it's split second existence. My eyes barely had time to adjust before I felt a sting on the side of my cheek. Then there was a pause. I was just slapped. Ow! It stung like a bitch, but I probably deserved it.

I readjusted my head. I looked at Frank. He was kneeling in front of me. There were tears down his cheek and fresh ones in his eyes, but his face was uncomfortably stiff and I wasn't enjoying this. I tried to move around to get comfortable, but at the very slightest readjustment, Frank put his hand on me to keep me in place.

"Don't move, the binds aren't that strong. The skin will split and I am NOT doing this again so stay fucking STILL!" He grew angrier with every word.

"S-sorry." I choked out.

"Don't fucking give me that! You can't do that! It doesn't work like that Gerard. You looked at me dead center right before you did it and you knew that I would see it. So don't give me that apology bullshit. I don't want it." He spoke softer than before.

"What do you want then?" I looked up half dazed.

"Nothing from you."

"Okay, not from me, fine. But can I at least know what it is?" I bargained.

"A hug. I want a hug. Maybe even a squeeze hug and possibly a soul to vent to. A wall to hit. A shoulder to cry on, and definitely someone to cuddle up to and laugh with. I want something sweet, like a cake and something bitter, like a smoke. I really want a smoke. I want to watch RHPS with someone on the couch under a blanket and half asleep. But most of all...I want someone to actually give a shit about what's up with me and what's new in life after they've left me for so long. That's what I want!" The tears streamed silently as his voice cracked ever so softly. Then he paused. "...but you want to know something?"

"Okay."

"I may never get what I really want because the only person I could ever even remotely get it from left me, alone. He went away without me and he traveled really far. And that's okay! But now, he lives there! He isn't coming back. Right now he's there, he's happy and following his dream and I love that he can do that! But while he's there, he didn't send me any postcard or even birthday text, nope he sent me a shell. It looks like him and sounds and smells like him, a lot. But I can't do anything with that. I don't want his shell, or his soul, or even his heart. Nope! I don't want that, I thought I did but I don't!" We were both running rivers down our faces. "...I don't. I only want him...as my best friend, as my only friend." He chocked out.

The room was quiet. All that circulated the air were the muffled sounds of our shared sniffles and salty tears. We sat like that for minutes. Then he stopped. He looked down at the ground and he seemed to be deep in thought.

"You know, I could deal with just a shell. I could work with it, I was working with it for a little while. It's not that big of a deal. However..." His eyes never moved from his focus point. "I started to realize something that I didn't see before. The shell. Your shell, is cracking, tearing apart. And two shattering things don't make a fixed one, they just...break."

Notes

Final spin before the first fall
Here we go
All hands on deck
Are you excited?
Are you scared?
It's just beginning
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-AToxicKilljoy