I never told you what I do for a living.

“A vampire.” I heard Gerard say. For me that was unfortunately a long time ago and I tried to push the memories away. I started to trust Gerard and I wanted to tell him, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that even I didn’t want to remember how I became like… this.

To be honest, it’s not the killing that bothers me the most. No. I have been to war, I can shoot a man without feeling bad about it after it. The more you do it, the less it makes you feel bad afterwards. Of course I felt like a wreck the first time when I had to put someone else down for my own food, but hey, I need to eat too. The saying “one man’s misfortune is another man’s opportunity”, couldn’t have applied more. The thing that really bothered me the most, was the constant thirst. With every breath I took, the burning and aching got worse and worse. I have to be honest and say that I got it more under control now, but in the century I was transformed, I wanted to kill myself.

“Frank, are you alright?” Gerard snapped me out of my thoughts. He looked at me with a worried look in his eyes.

“You can tell me, I think my story is just as bad as yours so it’s safe with me.” he said.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer him. To be honest, his question caught me off guard. Badly. I wanted to answer him, I truly did, but I didn’t have a clue where to start. So much has happened in the last couple of centuries that I even ask myself if my memories were true or false. Sometimes I don’t even know if something I remembered even truly happened.

“I, ehm.. I…” I stammered.

“If you don’t want to tell me that is absolutely okay. I am here when you are ready.” He smiled at me. Even though his face was sunken in, I could still see his eyes were lit up, somehow.

Gerard has been through a lot. His pale face and bags under his eyes could tell enough. He was too skinny to say he was healthy. He reminded me of skeletons at Halloween, dancing through the darkness of the night. Halloween was supposed to be festive, but we, as creatures of darkness, knew the real meaning behind it was very different than the Americanized version.

Eventually, I started to speak to him. “Well, I want to tell you, but I don’t even know where to begin. I have been around for a couple of hundred years.”

“A couple of hundred years?!” Gerard repeated in shock. His eyes were open wide.

“Yes. I was born in 1403 in Rome as Francesco Iero da Firenze. I just introduce myself as “Frank” because Francesco brings up too many questions.” I said jokingly. But it was true. I stopped introducing myself as Francesco because people would immediately ask where I come from. I always have to lie and when I forget my own lies, people will ask more questions. No, I shall go forth as Frank.

“1403?” I heard Gerard say again. “And I thought I was old! I was only born in 1892.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard for me to remember sometimes. I have known so many people and I had also seen them die. Sometimes I just wished I couldn’t remember anything at all.” I told him. As I spoke, the sadness started to wash over me. Every friend I had was mortal, and would somehow die someday. That’s why I chose to be alone. A hermit.

And then the so much dreaded question came. I knew he had to ask me somehow. “Do you remember how you became like this?” he asked very carefully. Somehow, I like this part of being a vampire. I could see his every move and so I could see if he was sincere, or scared, or lying. He didn’t want to hurt me, so I decided to answer this truthfully.

“Yes, or actually, no. I was bitten as a baby. I sort of learnt to live like this.” I hesitantly said.

“But how? Vampire’s don’t age, do they?”

“Well, my transitioning took longer than usual. The venom wasn’t powerful enough so it took a bit longer than usual.”

Gerard looked surprised. He was leaning with his head on his hands just to listen to me.

“When my mother started to notice something different with me, she didn’t know what to do with me. My parents got so scared of me eventually, that they brought me to the most far away forest they could find to abandon me.”

I started playing with the hem of my shirt to avoid eye contact. He was the first person in a long time I opened up to. I somehow felt a bit ashamed because I pushed the feelings and memories away for so long.

“They did what?” he looked at me in shock.

“Yeah, you heard me.” I did a pathetic try to laugh it off, but my emotions started to show.

“She even told me that I was a demon and that I would ruin the family honour if I stayed. Afterwards I heard around the grapevine that my parents told everyone I ran away and drowned in a well.” Even though it was so long ago, it still hurts. If even my own parents didn’t want me, who would?

I felt the lump in my throat coming up. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of Gerard.

“Wow.. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.” He struggled with his words, I could see that.

“It’s okay, you get used to the feelings after a while.” I bowed my head down. The tears I was fighting so hard, started to swell up in my eyes.

“I am going to get some more coffee, would you also like a refill?” Gerard asked softly. It was like he knew I needed a minute to recover to act normal again.

“Yes, I’d like that very much.” I almost whispered. If I would use my voice, I would definitely turn into a sobbing mess.

“I’ll be right back.” He patted his hand on my back as he walked past our table.

Everything I pushed back so hard, came to the surface of my emotional wellbeing. I haven’t felt so much like shit in a few decades. As I looked up, I saw Gerard throwing a few glances at me. It made me feel good. As much as I could make out of it, he was checking if I was still alright. He worriedly looked at me, and I gave a weak smile through my tears. He smiled back and me and a warm wave of contentness I just couldn’t explain, washed over me. As soon as he turned away, I felt my cheeks flush, as far as that was even possible.

He returned with the strong brewed, black coffee I love so much. I rested my arms on the table and braced the cup in my hands. I inhaled the scent and it somehow comforted me even more. The cup was nice and warm.

“Are you okay?” I heard Gerard almost whisper.

I looked up and we stared at each other for a few seconds.

“Yeah, I think I am.” I heard myself stammer.

“Let’s move to another topic.” I suddenly heard him say. “What have you been up to after you’ve left your parents? Where have you been?”

“Well..” I started. “I have been to war.” I said, maybe a bit hesitant, again.

“After I got up on my own feet, I went to Spain. At the point I left Italy, I wanted to move as far as possible from my hometown. In that time we didn’t have proper transportation so I did everything by feet. After a month or so, I arrived in Spain. The Anglo-Spanish War was going on at the time, so I decided I would join the military forces. I had nowhere to go and nothing to lose. I wanted to see the world. Joining the army was the only choice I had right then.”

Gerard looked at me in awe.

“How did you even survive?!” he almost yelled at me.

“Are you even going to ask me this question?” I laughed at him. “We heal up pretty fast, you know. I got some scars, I was shot and stabbed, but I was healed within a day and I covered it up with tattoos, so there’s nothing visible anymore. Nothing that remembers me about my days in the army.”

As soon as I was done telling my story, I finished my coffee and Gerard did too. It felt good to finally let it out to someone. Somehow, I had the feeling that me opening up to him, had him trusting me more and I really liked that. It was a long time ago since I had even something close to a friendship with someone so I wanted to hold on to this as long as I can.

Notes