Living On My Own

Gerard didn't have any real reason to stay around at the park after that fiasco, so he made his way back home.

Wow, Gerard thought, imagine if Short Dude took up the offer. He’d be sitting next to me right now.

Gerard couldn't help but think about what might have happened if Short Dude decided to go with him. What time does he wake up at? How does he like his coffee? Does he even like coffee? What’s his fucking name?

Literally all his knows is that he likes Morrissey and smokes Marlboros. Oh shit, the Marlboros! Gerard could definitely go for one of them now.

As he rounded the corner for his neighbourhood while fumbling for his lighter, he saw Ray’s car parking outside his house. Gerard quickened his pace just in time to greet Ray while he was locking his door secure.

“Hey man,” Ray beamed at him. Fuckin’ ball of sunshine.

Gerard acknowledged him by nodding while inhaling the cigarette. Relief.

“You look… Disturbed. More so than you usually always do,” Ray noted.

“Mhm, come inside and I’ll fill you in with what happened in the thirty-five fucking minutes I was out.”

Gerard unlocked his front door and hung up his coat. Ray began staring down the living room, trying to find anything shady that the squatter left behind.

“The place is immaculate. It’s not even this tidy when you are here. It’s not even this tidy in general. Can you possibly find your squatter again and tell him he can stay over at mine for a while?”

Gerard smirked. “You wouldn't believe how fuckin’ ironic it is for you to say that. Coffee?” he asked.

Ray raised a curious eyebrow at Gerard and then nodded, taking up his offer for coffee.
Gerard told him, from start to finish, just what the actual fuckery happened at the park. From the Great Wall of Old Ladies, to Morrissey, Gerard mentioned everything. Even the fact that this all more or less happened under a cherry blossom tree. He likes cherry blossom trees.

“Wait, you fucking offered him a place here?”

“Well, yeah. Why not? He didn't do any damage last time…” Gerard drifted away, admitting it probably wasn't a very safe thing to do, “…but this is Short Dude we’re talking about here. Harmless.”

“You don't even fucking know that!”

“He likes Morrissey!”

“That's not a plausible reason!”

“It is so!” Gerard gets touchy when it comes to Morrissey.

“Gerard,” Ray groaned, bringing his hands up to his eyes and rubbing them harshly, trying to make sense of the situation, “… Does Mikey know about this?”

Not a fucking chance in hell is he letting Mikey know about this. He’ll tell their Mother, and even though Gerard is a thirty year old man, he doesn't want to hear what his Mom has to say about the matter.

“I’m taking this silence as a no then, right?”

Gerard nods slowly, defeated.

“I don't know what the fuck I’m doing,” Gerard sighs out.

“Yeah, I figured that. And you wanna know what I think? I think your just lonely. So how about me and you go out and get some pizza. Catch up. I haven't seen you in about two months, and I’m sure you have some more thrilling anecdotes about your dickhead of a boss, right?” Ray smirked knowingly. Gerard always bitched about Dickhead to him.

And yeah. Gerard like the thought of Ray’s idea.

“Let’s get going then,”

The two men decided to walk to the pizzeria. Well, Ray did.

“Come on, Gerard, it’s only down the street, you’ll survive!”

“No, fuck you, Raymond, I’m exhausted,”

“If you don't come, I’ll tell Mikey.”

That shut Gerard up efficiently.

They made it to the pizzeria without incident, and got two window seats. Gerard started fiddling with the salt shakers because he is actually a five a year child, and Ray ordered a large pizza for them to split.

“Hey,” Ray started, “look who’s over there,” and pointed to a girl glancing down at her phone sitting down at the table to Gerard’s left.

Shit, it’s Kristin.
As in Mikey’s girlfriend Kristin.
And if she’s here, then he probably is too.

Gerard thought that if he was in a shitty sitcom right now, he’d do the thing where the character looks directly into the camera with an exasperated look while it zooms gets a close up of his face. Gerard compares his life to a sitcom a lot.

And just like that, Mikey emerges from the wall with eyes honing onto Gerard like a missile. He just knows that something is up.

“So, Gee,” Mikey begins, pulling his seat up to Gerard and Ray’s table, “What happened and do I need to tell our sweet Mother?” Fuck you, Mikey.

“Um, what makes you think something happened?” Gerard tried his best to say this without his voice squeaking. But yeah, he failed.

“Because you didn't deny that something happened straight away.” Mikey’s a clever shit.

“I’m not even straight, how do you expect me to deny shit like that?”

“And now you’re trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not, I’m just stating a fact,”

“Tell me what happened or else I’ll call Mom and tell her to get down here. Don't think for one minute that I’m above that.”

Gerard let out a defeated sigh. His mother should no longer be a threat to him, but he knows Mikey isn’t kidding and if he lets it go too long, his Mom will give him the look. He just can’t win.
So he re-tells the whole situation he was in. What he saw when he came back from the business trip. Short Dude running out of his bedroom. Gerard walking to the park to clear his mind. Gerard finding Short Dude selling his drawings, Short Dude getting him to sign the pieces and ultimately, Short Dude running off when Gerard offered him a place to stay.

“Wait a second,” Ray cuts in, “you told me you found him sleeping on your couch!”

Shit

“Oh, um, yeah. No. That didn't happen. I may have lied about that…”

“You fucking idiot, how didn't you notice a fucking body in your bed?” Mikey said incredulously.

“This is why I lied in the first place, you’d all make fun of me!” Gerard hid his face behind his hands.

“You deserve it, you fucking moron!” Ray nudged him. This is going to haunt Gerard for a while.
“Yeah, well…” Gerard’s voice trailed off when the waitress came with Mikey’s and Kristin’s food.

“I can't believe you actually offered him a place to stay. Like, that’s humble of you and all, but you didn't even let Bob stay with you when he was evicted!” Mikey pointed out, slightly leaning over to Gerard.

Gerard lowered his voice, glanced at Kristin, and then fixed his eyes to the ground. “That’s because he was an asshole to you. I didn't want someone like that around…”

Mikey’s face softened, almost surprised that that was the reason Gerard denied allowing Bob to stay with him. But that was a very Gerard thing to do. Still after all of these years, Gerard has always been protective over his little brother. It was true, there was beef between Mikey and Bob, but Mikey didn't drag Gerard into it, and certainly didn't know that was why Gerard kept his spare room to himself.

Mikey straightened himself up, cleared his throat and just nodded slowly, backing away from a Gerard. He didn't need to say anymore. There was nothing left to be said. Just a mutual brotherly silence that they both understood, and Mikey took his seat back over to his table.
A silence took over the group, the occasional chattering and clattering of other customers reaching their earshot. Gerard resumed to playing with the salt shaker, tipping some over on the table and making shapes with it. Real mature, Gerard.

As the minutes went by, with Gerard and Ray still waiting for their food, Gerard heard Ray speak up.

“Holy shit, you heard that, right?” he exclaimed with wide eyes, looking out the window.

“Wha-” Gerard slowly came back to reality from his salt art adventures, glancing between Ray and Mikey, who was also alarmed by what was apparently going on.

“Was that a fucking gun shot?’ Mikey said with a slightly panicked tone.

Gerard started looking out the window, for any trace of this gun shot that he didn't actually hear.
“I think so, it sounded pretty close, too,” Ray replied, running his fingers through his hair. Gerard didn't understand why he sounded so god damned frightened, they live in New Jersey, what the fuck do you expect?

And then there it was again, another gun shot, which, holy fucking shit, was quite close. A few moments later, a couple of police sirens could be heard and then in the blink of an eye, were seen racing past the pizzeria, in the direction where Gerard and Ray came from.
Gerard tried to keep his mind out of it, not wanting to think of the possible outcomes of what happens when two gun shots are heard, and instead focuses more on the pizza the waitress just served.

“At fucking last.” Gerard murmured under his breath, stuffing the pizza into his mouth. He could feel Ray fidget, though. It made him feel slightly uneasy.
“Hey, man, don’t worry about it, we’re still alive and well, right?” Gerard tried to catch Ray’s eyes, but he was adamant on staring outside the window, absentmindedly nodding his head to what Gerard was saying. Things like this spooked Ray out, which Gerard thought it was unfair of the universe to do that to Ray. Ray has never done any harm to anybody. He is too pure for this world.

After about fifteen minutes or so, Ray started coming back down to earth, regaining his composure, but seemingly lost his appetite. Gerard gratefully took his half of the pizza, he was fucking starving, but kept on eye on Ray. He gets too lost in his mind for his own good, poor fella.

By the time Gerard had finished the pizza, and Mikey and Kristin had finished their meal, it was about 7:30pm. Both groups had decided that it was time to leave, and Mikey insisted on paying for Gerard’s pizza. Gerard wasn’t sure why, but when Mikey gave him a solemn look, Gerard figured it had something to do with denying Bob. He didn’t realise how grateful Mikey was about it, which makes Gerard feel like a good big brother.

After the brother’s said their goodbyes, with Mikey sneaking in a ‘I won’t tell Mom about this”, they departed their opposite ways, Mikey and Kristin walking hand in hand up the street, while Gerard and Ray made their way down the street, simply walking next to each other.
Ray didn’t seem as jittery as he was a while ago, but you could tell the gunshots were still filtering in his mind. “You sure you’re okay, man? You can stay over if you want?” Gerard offered.

Ray pursed his lips in though, actually considering it, but decided against it. “Nah, man, I’ll be fine. You’re probably gonna sleep for a millennium anyway, you’re no fun,” Ray stuck his tongue out a Gerard, and there we go, Ray was smiling again. The balance in the world has been restored.

Gerard grinned back, fumbling for his keys as they rounded the corner into Gerard’s neighbourhood, orange streetlights illuminating the cul-de-sac. Gerard could see his breath under the amber glow. Ah, yes, what a lovely winter we’re having this spring!
Gerard asked Ray if he wanted to come inside for coffee or whatever, but he took his car keys out and declared he best be getting home soon. He thanked Gerard for hanging out with him, and made his way over to his car, starting it up and beeping the horn as he left. Gerard waited until Ray’s car was out of sight before he went inside. Fuck, it was cold.
He pulled his jacket over him in a lame attempt to keep himself warm for another few seconds before he would be retreating to his duvet for the next seven hundred years. So fucking exhausted, Christ. How Gerard is still awake is beyond him, he’s pretty proud of himself for making it this far.

But, as Gerard stuck the key into the lock, he could hear the faint sounds of someone sobbing. Very muffled, as if they were crying into a pillow to try to stifle the sounds, but their attempt was futile.

Did I leave the God damned television on again? No wonder your energy bills were sky high last time, you fucking idiot.

However, when Gerard opened the door, he wasn’t greeted by the glow he was expecting to be emitted from the television. No, it was complete darkness, apart from the streetlights shining in through the window.

Instead, he was greeted by a figure, head buried in one of the couch cushions, knees curled up to his chest, trying to steady his breathing.

“Um, hello?” Gerard whispered to the crying figure. He was going to approach this delicately. Well, as delicately as what's possible for Gerard, anyway.

For a brief moment, the sobbing noises stopped, and the shaking ceased, as if the figure was contemplating answering Gerard back. Gerard wasn't expecting a ‘Hey, Gerard, how’re you?’, but any little contribution would have been nice.

Instead, the figure just held himself tighter, took a deep breath and shook his head. Gerard noticed the outline of a rucksack on the floor, leaning up against the coffee table opposite the couch, slightly open, but seemingly almost empty of contents.

“Um, is it okay if I turn on the light?” Gerard directed at the figure. Gerard made sure to look closely for their answer, for a slight shake or nod of the head, but they remained completely still. Gerard walked closer to the light switch, and there wasn't any protesting, so he guessed it was okay. “I’m going to turn it on, alright?” Gerard asked once more, searching the wall for the switch before locating it. Gerard mentally counted down from three in his head before flicking it on.

As the room slowly started to light up, (‘thanks to those god damned energy saver lights’) Gerard’s eyes were fixed on the man who appeared on his couch.
But not just any man.

Short Dude!

Notes