still hiding

I get to class and look miserable, its obvious i have been crying. i fall downinto my chair and i put my head down in my arms. I wish that looking upset didnt draw so much attention. I want to be left alone but yet i want someone to talk to. I am making a biger deal out of this than reality, no one is noticin me. its all in my mind, no one actually cares. Well i thisk gerard cares...he seems to be acting kinda worried. I tense up and stay hidden with my face burried in my arms. I want alex back, I at least want to talk to him. How could he be so rude and just walk out like that? After everything we had. Did he really not care about me? Probaly not, honestly who would care for someone like me? I imagine most of my frendships that i dont even have just so my life feels like it holds a meaning. I am depressed and i tend to make other people kinda saasd just by beng near them. I am just messed up but i cant help it. Who would want me? who would ever want me, i am just excpired. The milk in the back of the fridge alone with everything else. But the other things n the fridge are new and still useful. As for me i am gone and surrounded by living happy people who have so much potential. I have nothing...anymore. I used to have alex and that was enough, he was everything. Now I am lost and alone in this cold dark world? Will i ever find an escape besides suicide? I do want to live, i really do.... But its been getting so hard. Whats holding me back? What has kept me from pulling the trigger all these years? What will happen that i have to go through?

Notes

sorry its so short and that i haven’t posted much. I have been sooo busy. Hope you guys have a nice Easter!!! please subscribe, comment, rate it really helps!! love ya!